Monthly Archives: August 2017

Scented Hand Nope

You know, I think it’s great when people wash their hands and use soap before exiting a washroom. Three cheers for those people! Hip Hip, Hooray! Sip Sip, Slur-ay! Pip Pip, Purée! What I can’t stand, however, is these scented … Continue reading

Posted in Humour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

When An Arena Gets A New Name

In Grade 4, I gave a speech on the Air Canada Centre. However, I forgot to mention there was a chance that Air Canada would lose the naming rights after their 20-year contract was up. My apologies. Yesterday, Maple Leaf … Continue reading

Posted in Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Broken, Useless Stuff

Nothing sticks to the wall anymore I look for tape, but the roll comes up empty My boat, well, it has another hole in it And my bucket is looking to adopt a few of its own I found my … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Write Something Smart

I try not to go back and read my old blog posts. When I do, I find myself struggling to find the posts that make me feel smart. I see a bunch of posts where I’m cracking jokes and saying … Continue reading

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 61 Comments

I Don’t Know What Title To Give This Post About Music

I once made the mistake of asking for song recommendations on Twitter. All I got were replies and messages from people I had never heard of, who were trying to promote their own music. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate … Continue reading

Posted in Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

50 Thoughts XIII

1. Taking a t-shirt off after sweating in it is one of life’s most underrated difficulties. 2. What if aliens think we’re the aliens? 3. I recently realized that Diagon Alley from Harry Potter is basically the word “Diagonally”. 4. … Continue reading

Posted in 50 Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 87 Comments

You Gonna Eat That?

Let’s start this post off with a food fight, shall we? We shall. I don’t like onion rings. I don’t like sweet potato fries. I don’t like cantaloupe. I don’t like poutine. I’ve never had sushi. I’ve never had chocolate … Continue reading

Posted in Food | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 65 Comments

A Letter To Suchie

Dear Suchie, Where do I even start with you?  You didn’t give me an outline of what to write to you about and I think that’s a good thing. If I didn’t know you well enough by now, then you’d … Continue reading

Posted in Letters | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

A Letter To Squid

Dear Calamari, Oh man, I’ve wanted to say that since the second you requested your letter. I’m sorry my infatuation with calamari got in the way of this. I’ll start over. Dear Squid, Do you like calamari? Do they have … Continue reading

Posted in Letters | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Know You Then

I miss the things I do not say wouldn’t make a difference either way it used to be today it used to be today Brought on by fate and prayer we took a moment to breathe in the summer air … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments