NFL Snapshots: Week 16 (2023)

Arizona Cardinals (3-12)
“…and Bears, oh my!” The Cardinals fell to the Bears on Christmas Eve and this season can’t end soon enough.

Atlanta Falcons (7-8)
Just when you think the next nail is the final one in the Falcons’ coffin, they pull out a win against the Colts and remind you that no team is ever out of it in the NFC South…except for the Panthers.

Baltimore Ravens (12-3)
Oh boy, the Ravens walked into San Francisco and bullied the 49ers. The defense walked away with five interceptions (four against Brock Purdy) and the game wasn’t even close. How do you stop the Ravens? I don’t think you can. Lamar Jackson is the MVP; I don’t care that he’s not putting up eye-popping numbers.

Buffalo Bills (9-6)
The Bills squeezed out a two-point victory over the Chargers and are likely to make the playoffs – maybe even win the division – unless they blow out all four tires in the final two weeks. Stefon Diggs has only eclipsed 50 receiving yards once in the last six games. This worries me, greatly.

Carolina Panthers (2-13)
The Panthers scored 30 points for the first time this season, but still lost.

Chicago Bears (6-9)
You play to win the game, but when you’ve been so dreadful for so long, winning games at this stage of the season feels a bit hollow because it means your first round pick slides further down the order. It’s a good thing the Bears have the Panthers pick.

Cincinnati Bengals (8-7)
Jake Browning’s regularly scheduled magic act was postponed as the Bengals were held to only 11 points against the Steelers.

Cleveland Browns (10-5)
Joe Flacco and Amari Cooper are Tom Brady and Randy Moss circa 2007. You cannot convince me otherwise.

Dallas Cowboys (10-5)
The Eagles were serving up the NFC East on a silver platter for the Cowboys, but then they had to face the Bills and Dolphins. Dallas is undefeated at home this season (7-0) which is where they will face the Detroit Lions on Saturday night.

Detroit Lions (11-4)
The winner and NEWWWWWW NFC North champion, the Detroit Lions! They deserve this. I feel like their ascension can be enjoyed by all NFL fans (except for their division rivals) in part because of their appearance on Hard Knocks last season. That’s what won me over, at least. How long until we hear about how much merchandise they sold since last Sunday?

Denver Broncos (7-8)
I said last week that there were too many teams for the Broncos to hurdle in the standings. Well, a lot of those teams lost on Sunday afternoon and the Broncos knew this before their Sunday night game. So, what do they do? They go out and lose to the lowly Patriots. Broncos Country, let’s ride to the offseason.

Green Bay Packers (7-8)
The Packers are on the outside looking in with three other teams. They face the Vikings and Bears to close out the season, so there is a chance? Kinda?

Houston Texans (8-7)
With C.J. Stroud missing his second consecutive game, Case Keenum was once again the starting quarterback. After throwing two interceptions, he was replaced by Davis Mills. I would hate to see the Texans falter at the end of what has been a really good season, but their playoff hopes could come down to a Week 18 matchup against the Colts.

Indianapolis Colts (8-7)
Just when you thought the Colts would make their path to the playoffs a little bit easier, they lost to the Falcons by 19 points.

Jacksonville Jaguars (8-7)
And I’m free…free fallin’. The Jaguars get the Panthers in Week 17 which is exactly what they need because they’ve gone from running away with the AFC South, to having the same record as the Colts and Texans.

Kansas City Chiefs (9-6)
The Chiefs looked like they ate a Christmas feast at 11am and then went to sleep by the time the game started at 1pm. Hey, it happens to the best of us. The Chiefs are two weeks away from launching their “our path to the Super Bowl is tougher this year…no one believes in us…we’ll prove the haters wrong” campaign. We may see a version of Patrick Mahomes we’ve never seen before and it could be amazing.

Las Vegas Raiders (7-8)
If Antonio Pierce isn’t named the Head Coach of the Raiders next season, every single player on that team should walk out. If I’m the NFL, I’m forcing the Raiders to be on Hard Knocks so they can officially reclaim their “Raider Way” in a very public manner. You’re welcome for the idea.

Los Angeles Chargers (5-10)
The Chargers played hard against the Bills. My favourite part of the broadcast was when they told the story of how the daughter of interim head coach Giff Smith said to him, “They’re going to let you hold the challenge flag?”

Los Angeles Rams (8-7)
The Rams have won five of their last six games and are showing no signs of slowing down. Would anyone be surprised if they forced their way into the NFC Championship game?

Miami Dolphins (11-4)
There we go – the Dolphins finally beat somebody. The Cowboys. Now, let’s see what they can do against the Ravens. I’m worried for them, though, especially with some of the injuries they’re dealing with on offence. Also, keep Tua safe. The playoffs are almost here. Lost in the hoopla of the “track team offence”, the Dolphins have had an elite defence since Week 8.

Minnesota Vikings (7-8)
The Vikings are limping to the finish line. They face the Packers this weekend and I feel like both teams are entering the game with the mindset of “well, if it’s not going to be us in the playoffs, it’s definitely not going to be you.”

New England Patriots (4-11)
The Patriots ambushed the Broncos with 20 points in the 3rd quarter and before anyone could catch their breath (the game was in Denver), the Patriots had won.

New Orleans Saints (7-8)
The Saints’ playoff aspirations will come down to their final two games against the Buccaneers and Falcons. One of those teams will win the NFC South. I promise.

New York Giants (5-10)
Tommy DeVito-mania ended in the shadow of Rocky Balboa Philadelphia. Tyrod Taylor took over and has been named the starter going forward.

New York Jets (6-9)
If only the Jets could’ve played the Commanders ten times this season, Aaron Rodgers would’ve returned on Christmas Eve.

Philadelphia Eagles (11-4)
The Eagles defeated the Giants, as they should. I’m just thinking out loud here: is it a bad thing that their final two games are against the Cardinals and Giants (again)? Yes, it gives them two opponents they should handle with ease and gain confidence from. But in the back of the Eagles’ collective mind, is there a lingering sense of doubt? Will they have some NFLPTSD (new term alert) from the losses to the Cowboys and 49ers and deal with inner turmoil? Will they wonder if they are good enough? I just want to know what the psyche is in the Eagles facility.

Pittsburgh Steelers (8-7)
Mason Rudolph led the Steelers to a victory and everyone shouted out with glee! He will go down in history.

San Francisco 49ers (11-4)
After throwing four interceptions against the Ravens, Brock Purdy has been eliminated from MVP contention. I don’t make the rules. Boy, that loss was alarming, wasn’t it? At least it happened now and not in the playoffs. The 49ers is still a powerhouse, don’t fret. However, the Ravens found the antidote. Every team in the NFC better hope the Ravens get taken out before reaching the Super Bowl.

Seattle Seahawks (8-7)
The Seahawks are in a two-horse race with the Steelers for the Michael Myers Trophy, which is awarded annually to the team that just will not die. Yes, I just created this trophy.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-7)
I never know what to say about the Buccaneers because all I ever want to say is that I’m happy for Baker Mayfield. Maybe it’s their lack of primetime games, but it feels like they’ve been playing in a league adjacent to the NFL this year.

Tennessee Titans (5-10)
Derrick Henry is 28 rushing yards away from reaching the 1,000 yard plateau for the fifth time in his career. This is likely his last season in Tennessee – he’s been there for eight years, which I was shocked to realize (time flies) – so I’ve been trying to think of where he might land next year. My best guess is the Baltimore Ravens. Wouldn’t it be perfect?

Washington Commanders (4-11)
The Commanders currently have five draft picks in the first three rounds, including what will likely be a top 3 pick. Time to find a starting quarterback and fill other holes. Oh, are they going to rename the team (again) too? It’s going to be a busy offseason.