You know, I think it’s great when people wash their hands and use soap before exiting a washroom. Three cheers for those people!
Hip Hip, Hooray!
Sip Sip, Slur-ay!
Pip Pip, Purée!
What I can’t stand, however, is these scented hand soaps that are infiltrating washrooms all around the world.
Scented Hand Nope, I say!
Hi, my name is Paul, and this is a rant about scented hand soaps. Get comfy.
Scented hand soaps give me a headache. Their odour enters through my nose and navigates its way to my head, where it bangs pots and pans until I can feel everything shift around every time I move my head a quarter of an inch.
That is not an exaggeration.
I am talking about the hand soaps with three or more words in their title, that sound more like a drink at Starbucks, than something you rub between your hands.
Who’s idea was this?
“Oooh, I’d like an Extra Grande Spicy Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch My Lunch with a Caramel Bunch odour on my hands!
Come on now.
I’ve been using the same Jergens cream soap since I was knee high to a grasshopper. It does the job, without leaving an overpowering smell on my hands.
In my house, I have a soap dispenser just for me. Other people will use it sometimes if the scented soap is too much to tolerate.
Is this a ridiculous set-up? Probably.
If I wanted to walk around all day with an odour on my hands, I’d lather them in unscented sunscreen because everyone knows that stuff stinks. Don’t tell me it doesn’t.
My nose is strong. I can pick up furniture with it!
Actually, I mean it’s strong in the sense that it can sniff things from a
mile kilometre (Canada, eh) away. Going back to my university days, I knew exactly what they were serving in the cafeteria the moment I entered the residence building.
I’m fairly certain I was a dog in a previous life.
It’s hard for me to be in the same room of the house with someone who has recently used a scented hand soap. I can’t breathe. It’s too much.
There are many hand soaps that smell like cookie dough, for some reason. I can’t tolerate it. I will flap my arms 1673 times in order to clear a room of the smell.
Am I ridiculous? Absolutely not. Scented hand soaps are ridiculous. They are the bully.
Take your Autumn Pumpkin Patch Citrus away from my nose.
I’ve been known to sniff the channel changer (That is what I call a TV remote, deal with it) before picking it up, just to see if there is a hand soap odour on it. If there is, I pick it up with a Kleenex and go wipe it with a cloth.
I will not pick up a greasy, smelly, rubbed-up-against-a-hand-soap-infested-hand, channel changer. I don’t want that stuff on me. Then I’d have to go wash my hands.
I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy to be breathing in all the chemicals from these soaps. They’re probably getting caught in our lungs and will do damage to us eventually.
But no, “they’re fancy!” And they smell “so good!” And they “leave my hands smelling like the bottom of a Starbucks cup that doesn’t even have my proper name on it!”
I just want clean oxygen!
When there is a fire, hot air rises, so you should stay low to the ground.
When a scented hand soap is unleashed from its dispenser, what is the protocol? Someone help me out here. I can’t take it.
I understand that people want to smell nice and I fully support that, but these hand soaps from hell make my head hurt.
I’m pretty sure my future wife, whoever she is, is going to have a fight on her hands (Literally!) with me about this, where I’ll probably relent and just wear a clothespin on my nose all the time.
You want to use bath gels? Fine. Perfume? Okay. Hand creams? Eh, don’t get me started.
But scented hand soaps? I can’t. I just can’t. If they didn’t make me feel sick every time I smelled them, then this blog post wouldn’t even exist.
The odour is too strong. What happened to a nice air freshener like people hang in their cars? What happened to those? Just shove one of those in your washroom if you want to cover up what really went on in there.
I’m hoping that scented hand soaps are just a phase. I know they’re probably hit in haul videos on YouTube and are a real
talking texting point in conversations, but for the sake of my sniffer, I’m optimistically pessimistic.
Well, that’s it.
Does anyone agree with me, or am I on an island by myself with clean oxygen?
If you think I’m weird, great.
If you’re my future wife, I’m sorry.