Scented Hand Nope

You know, I think it’s great when people wash their hands and use soap before exiting a washroom. Three cheers for those people!

Hip Hip, Hooray!

Sip Sip, Slur-ay!

Pip Pip, Purée!

What I can’t stand, however, is these scented hand soaps that are infiltrating washrooms all around the world.

Scented Hand Nope, I say!

Hi, my name is Paul, and this is a rant about scented hand soaps. Get comfy.

Scented hand soaps give me a headache. Their odour enters through my nose and navigates its way to my head, where it bangs pots and pans until I can feel everything shift around every time I move my head a quarter of an inch.

That is not an exaggeration.

I am talking about the hand soaps with three or more words in their title, that sound more like a drink at Starbucks, than something you rub between your hands.

Who’s idea was this?

“Oooh, I’d like an Extra Grande Spicy Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch My Lunch with a Caramel Bunch odour on my hands!

Come on now.

I’ve been using the same Jergens cream soap since I was knee high to a grasshopper. It does the job, without leaving an overpowering smell on my hands.

In my house, I have a soap dispenser just for me. Other people will use it sometimes if the scented soap is too much to tolerate.

Is this a ridiculous set-up? Probably.

If I wanted to walk around all day with an odour on my hands, I’d lather them in unscented sunscreen because everyone knows that stuff stinks. Don’t tell me it doesn’t.

My nose is strong. I can pick up furniture with it!

Actually, I mean it’s strong in the sense that it can sniff things from a mile kilometre (Canada, eh) away. Going back to my university days, I knew exactly what they were serving in the cafeteria the moment I entered the residence building.

I’m fairly certain I was a dog in a previous life.

It’s hard for me to be in the same room of the house with someone who has recently used a scented hand soap. I can’t breathe. It’s too much.

There are many hand soaps that smell like cookie dough, for some reason. I can’t tolerate it. I will flap my arms 1673 times in order to clear a room of the smell.

Am I ridiculous? Absolutely not. Scented hand soaps are ridiculous. They are the bully.

Take your Autumn Pumpkin Patch Citrus away from my nose.

I’ve been known to sniff the channel changer (That is what I call a TV remote, deal with it) before picking it up, just to see if there is a hand soap odour on it. If there is, I pick it up with a Kleenex and go wipe it with a cloth.

I will not pick up a greasy, smelly, rubbed-up-against-a-hand-soap-infested-hand, channel changer. I don’t want that stuff on me. Then I’d have to go wash my hands.

I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy to be breathing in all the chemicals from these soaps. They’re probably getting caught in our lungs and will do damage to us eventually.

But no, “they’re fancy!” And they smell “so good!” And they “leave my hands smelling like the bottom of a Starbucks cup that doesn’t even have my proper name on it!”

Enough already!

I just want clean oxygen!

When there is a fire, hot air rises, so you should stay low to the ground.

When a scented hand soap is unleashed from its dispenser, what is the protocol? Someone help me out here. I can’t take it.

I understand that people want to smell nice and I fully support that, but these hand soaps from hell make my head hurt.

I’m pretty sure my future wife, whoever she is, is going to have a fight on her hands (Literally!) with me about this, where I’ll probably relent and just wear a clothespin on my nose all the time.

You want to use bath gels? Fine. Perfume? Okay. Hand creams? Eh, don’t get me started.

But scented hand soaps? I can’t. I just can’t. If they didn’t make me feel sick every time I smelled them, then this blog post wouldn’t even exist.

The odour is too strong. What happened to a nice air freshener like people hang in their cars? What happened to those? Just shove one of those in your washroom if you want to cover up what really went on in there.

I’m hoping that scented hand soaps are just a phase. I know they’re probably hit in haul videos on YouTube and are a real talking texting point in conversations, but for the sake of my sniffer, I’m optimistically pessimistic.

Well, that’s it.

Does anyone agree with me, or am I on an island by myself with clean oxygen?

If you think I’m weird, great.

If you’re my future wife, I’m sorry.

Rant over.

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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40 Responses to Scented Hand Nope

  1. Barb Knowles says:

    This is funny (both humorous and strange) because I also have the nose of a beagle. I can smell anything from a mile away. It drives my husband crazy because he can’t, therefore it annoys him when I say “Ewwwww it smells in here.” Years ago we were at a play my stepson was in at school when he was young. I kept saying I smelled smoke. My husband got mad at me until the smoke alarms went off.
    I, too, hate smelly hand soaps, and can I add smelly deodorant to that? Yuck. And deodorant you’re stuck with all day.
    LOVE the gross Starbucks flavors reference.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      You should’ve gotten up and started spinning around and screaming. When people ask what you’re doing, just say you’re a fire alarm haha.

      I don’t know if I’ve come across smelly deodorant…oh wait! I have. That Axe body spray that people my age felt the need to spray all over the boys change room at school. It was awful.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, I do agree that some and maybe even a good amount of soaps have too much of a smell, but I don’t mind softer ones or those all-natural ones where you can see whatever they put there, even feel the oats if they used any? Those ones usually have a more natural and subtle scent, at least to me, so those aren’t as bad… I usually just have an issue with air fresheners. I understand that things might have been… unpleasant… but I don’t think that means that one should spray that stuff in every corner of the bathroom. Just a personal opinion. –Julia

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Oh yes, I’m not really a fan of those air freshener bottles that people just spray all over. That makes it worse in some cases. I was alluding to those air freshener leaves that people hang in their car haha.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Squid says:

    My mom is extremely allergic to any type of scented ANYTHING, so we always use “Free and Clear” or “Unscented” everything. So, I sympathize with you, because my nose has gotten very sensitive to scents so I get overpowered easily. However, that also means that I love scented stuff because I’ve been deprived. (??) I like a scented hand soap that smells like the ones I remember from my church when I was little, like Coconut Ginger. Not too strong, but nostalgic-y. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Nostalgic smells are cool. Sometimes I’ll just smell the air outside and be reminded of something. Ugh coconut. There is a coconut hand cream that I can’t handle at all. I don’t know if all people smell things as strongly as I do, or if just a few do.

      Like

  4. My problem with scented hand soaps is that I like to think grand and wonderful thoughts during the day. These harsh scents drive all grand and creative thoughts out of head just long enough to be lost forever while the odor forces me to think of some smelly association.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Tanushka says:

    I like dettol liquid soaps.(do they have them in Canada?) They all smell like soap, like a soap is supposed to, with virtually no variations. I kinda agree with you, but I would not go to your extent to eradicate every hint of soaps from the room.
    Must be a hard life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I can’t say I’ve seen dettol, though we may have it. Not sure. Haha I just like making a show for the smallest things aka clearing a room of a smell. Keeps life entertaining.

      Like

  6. Kristen Moreno says:

    As usual, great post. It was pretty funny. While I don’t share the hatred of scented hand soaps, I definitely don’t like them. Not the chemical type ones. But I do like the ones that are scented naturally, like essential oil ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ely says:

    ok ok ok ok ok ok. Hold the phone. (Let’s make sure whoever is holding that phone is NOT wearing anything scented on them hands though) So you mean to tell me (from the information that I’ve gathered off this post in bits and piece) that you DO NOT like scented hand soaps? Is that right? Did I get that part?

    LMFAO. Oh dear scented Gods of the Nopes!!

    How you managed an entire post out of your pure hatred of scented handnope is BEYOND even my extra-ness!

    Here’s my favorite part: “Oooh, I’d like an Extra Grande Spicy Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch My Lunch with a Caramel Bunch odour on my hands!

    Do you say COLOUR as well? And Armour? or Labour? Just curious lol. Potatoes, Po-TAH-toes.

    And the fact that you mentioned Starbucks more than once in there. Yes. I’m convinced I almost have you about ready to start drinking overpriced coffee. I’m gettin’ there. LOL

    Hats off to you sir for this one, LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha you’ve underestimated me. I can write blog posts about absolutely anything, especially small things that don’t matter.

      Colour. Armour. Labour. Yes to all of them. We put a U in everything.

      NO! I will not be getting Starbucks anytime soon. I don’t even drink coffee to begin with so there is no need for me to go there.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ret MP says:

    At least they wash their hands?? I know. I know. The bar has been set so low…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You are speaking my language with this. I can’t stand scented soaps, air fresheners, etc. (allergic & it gives me a headache.) This is a funny post about a daily nuisance, thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. At first I thought I was going to learn from this rant that you weren’t a hand-washer and I was so, so nervous to read! But this post was actually just something I hadn’t thought about since I worked in a preschool, where none of the soaps were scented and we (employees) were all asked not to wear perfume since it irritated a lot of the young kids. (Sorry if you feel like I’m comparing you to a baby… I guess it’s because I am comparing you to a baby, but I’m getting to a point.)

    My dad and brother have asthma that’d bad enough that we never lit candles or had an air freshener at home. They get sick in rooms that do have these. I think it’s important for us to be smarter about some of the just-for-fun scented things we do that actually really bother a lot of people. I just never knew hand soap was one of them?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha! That would make for a good April Fools blog post – telling people I don’t wash my hands upon leaving the bathroom.

      Hand soap definitely bothers people…or at least it bothers me. Same with scented hand creams. Out in public, I won’t notice it. But in a house or a closed room, it’s awful.

      And I actually didn’t mind at all that you compared me to a baby. I thought it was nice.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. For me, it’s the hand lotions, well, all the lotions, from Bath and Body Works. They give me headaches.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Lee says:

    Hah! Well done! This hits home because it reminds me of my daughter, who used to hang two or three of those Christmas trees in her car, then graduated to powered air “fresheners”. Never mind what her home smells like. She does have a good heart, and bought me a diffuser for aromatherapy. I gave it back sheepishly.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Myka says:

    Here we go, another note just for Paul:

    “unscented sunscreen because everyone knows that stuff stinks. Don’t tell me it doesn’t.” HAHAH.

    I’ve been known to sniff the channel changer (That is what I call a TV remote, deal with it) before picking it up, just to see if there is a hand soap odour on it.
    WHAT? You might be more quirky than me! Hurry, move to the States.

    “..that doesn’t even have my proper name on it!”
    Hahaha. nice touch.

    “Just shove one of those in your washroom if you want to cover up what really went on in there.”
    LOL I love that you relate scented hand soap to covering up dodo scents.

    “and are a real talking texting point in conversations.”
    OOP! Preeeeach.

    *How do you feel about scented hadn’t sanitizer? Hm?
    .xo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Smelly, greasy channel changers are the worst. It’s like eating potato chips and then grabbing your phone.

      Scented hand sanitizer is just as bad. It’s like a layer of gooey, smelly substance people put on their hands. I’d still feel the need to wash my hands just to get the sanitizer off.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh my🙊You would hate me brother. Everything of mine is scented! Although for hand soap, I recently bought Softsoap’s Wild Basil and Lime it sounds weird I know but it is the most natural scented soap I’ve owned!!! Will have to look into the Jergens one you use🤔

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Laura says:

    WORD UP, my friend. I am *for real* struggling with scents these days. The girl got Bath & Body Works stuff for last Christmas and I basically had to threaten her life if she came within a ten foot radius of me after showering. Even some of the commercial soaps have some sort of overwhelming scent to them, and don’t get me started on those commercial air fresheners companies mount in their restrooms. wtf. There’ve been times I’ve had to turn around and walk right back out of a bathroom because the risk of a burst bladder was preferable to the migraine I’d end up with after inhaling that stuff.

    You. Are. Not. Alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      You summed up my life with this comment. I don’t know how people walk around with that stuff on them all day! I’d be dead by lunch. I’ll cover my nose with my shirt if someone in my family comes near me with the scent on their hands. Then I’ll fan the area with a pillow or something to make the air clean again. It’s a daily struggle.

      Like

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