Food Findings with Chef Paulo

Bonjour and hello! This is Chef Paulo coming to you live from my kitchen for the first time since this day, last year. They shut down my Paulo’s Kitchen studio, fired my staff, took away my sponsors, and said we were on “hate us” which they incorrectly spell as “hiatus”.

But here Paulo is – back on his feet, walking to the kitchen, ready to open the fridge and every cabinet just to see if anything moved. You can never be too sure. Toy Story was an eyeopener.

Today, Chef Paulo will become Professor Paulo. There will be no cooking, only teaching. Because, you see, Paulo has a gift of knowledge and if Paulo doesn’t share this knowledge, it goes stale.

Do you know what happens when knowledge goes stale? It starts to smell. That is where body odour comes from. So, here I am, Professor Paulo, deodorizing my brain.

I will list some foods and tell you about them. Okay? Is that okay? Okay. Think of it as a closer look, but not too close. If you get too close to food, you’ll get your nose in it.

We don’t want risotto up the nostro, now do we?

Okay, here we go. I have done some research in order to understand food better. Here are my food findings. Notice how I put them in alphabet soup order. So clever.

Apple
Some of you may have a Macintosh computer. Did you know they were going to call it Granny Smith, but someone said that would be agist? True story. Paulo wouldn’t lie.

Banana
The food of the goats. The baaaaaaaanana ooh nana. There are multiple songs about it, too. Goats sing it at karaoke.

Coffee
Have a case of the coughs? Have some coffee and you’ll be cleared up before you get to the letter “E” in the alphabet soup. Trust Dr. Professor Chef Paulo.

Donut
The best type of nut. Some people say almond. Not Paulo! Almond is just short for Almonday. It’s a trick. No one likes Mondays!

Egg Rolls
Ah yes, egg rolls are very popular at Easter. Beware the ones that are painted, though. It means a child did it at school. Therefore, they are counterfeit. Don’t trust it, Paulo knows.

Figgy Pudding
It’s in that Christmas song. People always say I sing the song wrong, but I think it’s just right. “So bring us our figgy pudding, we won’t leave ’till we get some!” Must’ve been a potluck!

Gingerbread Man
You didn’t hear this from Paulo, but when you lose your appetite, the gingerbread man puts a cookie under your pillow when you’re asleep. I think he’s in cahoots with the tooth fairy.

Halibut
Always a “but” with this one. It’s time they take some accountability, just for the halibut.

Ice Cream
I scream. You scream. I scream again. You ask me why I’m screaming. I say it’s because you screamed. You say you screamed because I screamed. It just melts my brain.

Jimmies
They’re not mine. They’re not yours. They’re Jimmy’s! Trust Paulo, I know.

Ketchup
My friend said, “Do you want to catch up?” I said, “No, I don’t have any french fries.”

Lobster
Never trust them. Chef Paulo has heard about The Sopranos. You don’t want to get caught with your hand in the tomato sauce pot when it comes to that lobster family. Too much crime.

Mozzarella
This is a good word to say if you need to exercise your tongue. Try it at home. Mozzarella. Mozzarella. Mozzarella. Very good. Further research needs to be done when it comes to the phrase, “You can stand under my mozzarella ella ella eh.” Uh no. You can’t. My cheese.

Nuggets
Don’t pick your nose, kids. It’s not a happy meal.

Once Baked Potato
You put it in the oven. You bake it. You take it out. You eat it. We don’t double dip this potato in the oven. We do it once.

Pound Cake
In some parts of the world, it’s known as a Kilogram Cake.

Quarter Pounder
In some parts of the world, it’s known as a Quarter Kilogrammer. McDonald’s knows how to cater to each market.

Rainbow Trout
You know what you find at the end of a rainbow trout? Not gold. Trust Paulo on this one. Don’t touch it.

Scallop
You know how a horse gallops? Well, when fishes swim really fast, they’re scalloping. I may or may not have interviewed Nemo about this before he scalloped away.

Twice Baked Potato
You put it in the oven. You bake it. You take it out. You do the okie dokie and turn yourself around. You put it back in the oven. You take it out. All done! So undercooked, you baked it twice! Good for you.

Unsalted Cashews
These things are a trick and a treat. I must not say more. The scaresquirrels are listening.

Vinegar
The older you get, the more you use vinegar to clean. It’s a scientific fact. You start waking up with aches and pains and a desire to use vinegar on the floors. Trust Paulo, he knows.

Wheat
No one ever tells you why you should never eat shredded wheat. They just say it and then start pointing in different directions to cause a distraction. Paulo is onto them. No more direction distractions until we get to the bottom of this!

Xtra Bread For The Table?
Who says no? Nobody says no.

Yolk
When you tell a joke that involves eggs, the punchline is: “Yolk’s on the pan!” Immediate laughs. It’s what the kids in 2003 called, “Funny because it’s true.” You’ll see.

Zucchini
Let me give you a tip, okay? When you go to the zoo, wear cargo shorts. That way, you will have somewhere to put your keys. They’ll always be by your knee. All you have to remember is the word, “Zucchini”. Zoo. Key. Knee. Never fails.

Well, would you look at that, we’ve finished our alphabet soup!

This has been a treat, as opposed to a trick. Again, let’s keep our voices down. Those darn scaresquirrels are always eavestroughing.

I hope you learned a thing or two today about food. My knowledge is now your knowledge and it’s as they always say, “Knowledge is our.” We both own it now.

I have been Chef Paulo and you have been my captive audience. Hopefully, we can do this again in the future – maybe even whip up a meal.

Paulo misses his live studio audience and freebies from sponsors. I need another another keychain.

But for now, I say thank you, goodnight, and remember – the bread is not going to butter itself!

First Time Watching: Pitch Perfect 2

The phrase, “First is the worst, second is the best” doesn’t always hold true when it comes to movie sequels. I think about the Harry Potter series and how I always liked the “voyage to Hogwarts” aspect of the early movies, as well as the sorting hat tradition.

As the series went on, those two things weren’t really a big deal anymore. I understand why. However, you never forget the reason why you first fell in love with something. And when those reasons are no longer visible, what do you have?

Sorry, this is getting deep.

What I’m getting at is the first Pitch Perfect movie felt like gaining a new best friend and Pitch Perfect 2 felt like watching that friend get famous and, as a result, forget about you.

Synopsis

It’s three years later and the Barden Bellas – an all-girls a cappella group – are three-time champions, but Patricia (Fat Amy) rips her pants during a performance, exposing herself to the crowd. In the audience is Barack Obama, with his wife Michelle.

This accident is made out to be the worst thing in the history of things. Therefore, the Bellas are suspended from competing. But wait, they can still compete at the World Championships in Denmark, representing the United States. If they win, they’ll be reinstated.

As you’d expect, they win the World Championship and defeat their rival, Germany.

I’ll get into that, and many more plot points, as we go. Stay tuned.

A Hop, Skip, and a Time Jump?

Teen drama shows will start with their characters as freshmen in high school, just to extend the runway of the show. They’re terrified of the “college years”, so four years of high school equating to four seasons of television, is good enough for them.

In this case, we had a movie starting on the first day of college. Alright, they still gave themselves a four-year runway for four movies. NOPE. They went and did a three-year time jump, so the characters are ready to graduate at the end of this movie.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I understand it was released three years after the first one and if they were trying to stay on a graduation timeline – so it synced with a real life calendar – then they had to do it. I think. The math is weird.

There was a “Welcome Class of 2018” banner in this movie, so does that mean it was 2014 in the movie? And does that mean it was 2010 when the first one came out in 2012?

Je suis lost.

Stay In Your Own World

The whole montage of real-life television personalities reacting to Amy ripping her pants in front of the President, is not something I cared for. This is probably just a me thing.

I don’t like movies blending their world with the real world. Even the Robin Roberts cameo with the Barden Bella alumni was a bit much.

It just felt like the movie was saying, “We’re popular now. Check out all of our cool celebrity friends!” Any shot at a wholesome film is instantly lost. Give me Kimmy Jin over the celebrity cameos.

Iceland vs. Mighty Ducks

As I mentioned earlier, the Barden Bellas are representing the United States at the A Cappella World Championships. Their main rival is a group from Germany called, Das Sound Machine.

They are good. They are expected to win. They wear black. They are intimidating. There are many of them.

They are basically Team Iceland from D2: The Mighty Ducks.

All of the similarities are there. It’s a blatant rip-off. I guess they didn’t expect the viewers of that movie to watch this movie, but I caught them red-handed, six years later.

The Plot?

I’ll preface this section by saying: I don’t know anything.

However, it was odd to me that after the popularity of the first movie, they came back for a sequel and within the first ten minutes, took away everything people like about the first film.

Oh, you like this group of actors singing a cappella mashups? Too bad! They’re suspended! Enjoy the other storylines we are putting in to kill time, until they finally perform at the end!

I think the “scandal” and “suspension” of the Barden Bellas was done because if it wasn’t, they’d basically be re-telling the first film. We don’t need to see them go to different events, trying to qualify for the Finals.

So, in a way, I get it.

At the same time, you pull the rug out from under your audience by immediately telling them that there aren’t going to be as many a cappella performances as they were expecting.

Again, I don’t know anything. Maybe this was the way to go. From a behind-the-scenes perspective, they only have so much time to film, and memorize choreography, and sing.

Legacy & Benji

A new girl joins the Barden Bellas, even though they aren’t allowed to accept new recruits. But because she went to them, it’s fine. Her name is Emily, which I had to look up on Wikipedia because they called her “Legacy” most of the time.

Her mom used to be a Barden Bella. Hence, she’s continuing a legacy. Hence, Legacy.

Anyway, her and awkward Benji become a couple, I think. It felt like they were recreating how Beca and Jesse became a couple in the first movie, but without any conflict because Benji can’t put enough coherent words together in a row for there to ever be a conflict.

Speaking of Beca and Jesse, there was very little interaction between them in this movie. This doesn’t look good for their future. I can see it now.

I’m expecting them to be “on a break” due to “different career paths” and agreeing to “see other people” in the next movie.

Beca’s Internship

Beca received an internship at a recording studio and only told Jesse about it. Amy eventually found out, too.

Soooo are the Barden Bellas not a close-knit group of friends? After all these years together? You mean to tell me that Beca didn’t feel comfortable telling them she had an internship?

Come on.

This came to a “boiling point” when Beca claimed the other girls weren’t thinking about their futures. And then she got stuck in a bear trap and apologized for being harsh.

In an alternate universe, maybe Beca tells the other Bellas right away about her internship and they’re excited for her. But wait! As we get closer to the World Championships, the Bellas realize that the internship is distracting Beca from putting together the best performance possible.

“You only care about your future and not OUR present. Harrumph!” – Someone

The Bellas walk out on her at practice. There’s a full-fledged mutiny. Amy kicks a bucket. Someone says, “What’s the point of going to Denmark if we’re just going to embarrass ourselves?

It’s over. The Bellas are done.

And then Beca wins them back by singing outside their house, or something cheesy.

That was my audition to write the fourth film, if anyone cares.

The whole internship thing felt like a movie within a movie. Don’t you dare say “inception”.

Beca’s boss isn’t really impressed by anything she does, so Beca decides to produce one of Legacy’s original songs. That wins him over.

Sure, fine. I like my version a bit better.

Green Bay Packers

Some players from the Green Bay Packers were in the movie as an a cappella group participating in a competition in some guy’s basement.

I recognized two of them.

It was incredibly random.

The Obamas Did Nothing?

As I said before, the movie started out with a performance in front of the Obamas. As a result of Amy ripping her pants during that performance, the team was suspended for the season.

It was deemed to be a huge scandal that everyone knew about.

Well, did anyone tell the Obamas? Did Barack or Michelle see it on Twitter?

Surely, if they had, they would’ve said something like, “No no, don’t suspend these hard-working students from their passion. It was an accident. It’s not a big deal.”

NOPE.

Any Way You Want It

At the A Cappella World Championships in Copenhagen, Denmark, it was obviously all about Germany vs. United States. But to show that other countries were there, they showed a montage of all of them singing THE SAME SONG.

Every other country sang, “Any Way You Want It” by Journey. Did they plan that? Were they in, dare I say, CAHOOTS?

From a movie-making perspective, it was the easiest way to showcase every country in a montage. However, you may realize that I don’t really analyze movies in that way.

I want the fiction on the screen to be real.

When it was time for the German team to perform, I was almost expecting them to sing “Any Way You Want It” because maybe it was a requirement? I don’t know the rules; you never know.

They didn’t sing it and neither did Team USA.

What a journey.

Final Verdict

I don’t like poking holes in movies. A lot of people work really hard and do the best they can to provide entertainment for millions of people around the world. I don’t want to be critical.

That being said, this is a blog where I like to overanalyze small details with the accompaniment of a witty tone because exposing the lack of logic in a fictional story is fun to me, I guess.

Just know, I’m not taking this too seriously and you shouldn’t either.

At the end of the day, I preferred the first movie. That’s all.

I don’t know where they go with the third film, since they already time-jumped their way through college, but I guess that’s for me to find out (don’t spoil it for me).

Thanks for reading!

Have you seen Pitch Perfect 2? What did you think of it?

First Time Watching: Pitch Perfect

Whenever I hear about Pitch Perfect or Fever Pitch, it takes me a second to decipher which movie has Drew Barrymore illegally running across the field at Fenway Park to Jimmy Fallon, and which one is about singing.

This post is not about Fever Pitch, though I’m sure I’ll mention it again at some point, out of confusion.

The other day, I watched Pitch Perfect for the first time. Here is how that viewing experience went.

Before I Watched

I knew Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson were in the movie and that singing was involved, as opposed to running across a baseball field. See: Perfect Fever. Nope. See: Perfect Pitch. AH. See: Fever Pitch.

As far as I can tell, Rebel Wilson is hilarious.

I’m also a fan of Anna Kendrick. For some reason, she seems more like a “real person” than a “celebrity”, which is cool. Plus, I remember going to the movies with some friends in 2010, but the movie we (they) wanted to see was sold out, so we watched Up in the Air, instead.

Kendrick was really good in that, so I pat myself on the back for “discovering” her before she was a major star.

What can I say? I have two eyes for talent.

Synopsis

Anna Kendrick (Beca) goes to college with a “too cool for school” attitude and ultimately finds herself in an all-girls a cappella group, where she helps them evolve from their traditional, boring style, into something that actually entertains the crowd. The group ends up winning the A Cappella Championship.

There is also a lot of vomiting.

Instead of me writing out every detail of the plot, I’ll pick out some moments to talk about.

Oh, It’s 2012 Again!

Pitch Perfect came out in 2012 and holy cannoli, does it ever show. As regular humans (muggles), I don’t think we realize the subtle changes in fashion that gradually add up over the course of nine years.

This movie was full of the classic college looks. Guys with checkerboard shorts and American Eagle t-shirts, as well as a t-shirt and zip-up hoodie – that is always 60% zipped up – for every occasion.

There were also a lot of jeans. I think there was a dark jeans phase back then, but I’m not the one to ask about that.

The word “aesthetic” is grossly overused, so forgive me, but the whole aesthetic of the movie screamed 2012. It was a fun reminder of a time when our collective “worry” was that the world might end on December 21. Now, the world ends every day.

Move-In Day

I have a soft spot for college move-in days. If you just sit back and watch the chaos unfold, they are unintentionally hilarious. Where else can you watch someone carry a mini-fridge up a flight of stairs? Where else can you watch someone drop a case of toilet paper in a parking lot and not notice?

Where else can you see someone’s younger sibling carry light items into residence, only for a random adult to go up to them and jokingly assume that they are the one moving in.

The whole thing is comical.

The move-in day moment in this movie that had me laughing was when Beca (Anna Kendrick) arrived and was greeted by an upbeat helper, wearing a bright t-shirt – that’s how you know they are there to assist.

The upbeat helper said, “What you’re gonna do is…” and then turned around to point in a bunch of directions.

Man, if I had a chocolate cake for every time I’ve seen that interaction play out.

It probably wasn’t a moment that anyone else watching the movie laughed at, but it cracked me up.

Kimmy Jin is my friend. No.

Ever notice how college students in TV shows and movies rarely, if ever, have a single room? They always have a roommate and it’s normally someone with whom they have nothing in common. And the roommate is normally fully moved in, as if they’ve been there for weeks.

Beca’s roommate is Kimmy Jin, whose main character trait is, “giving the cold shoulder to Beca”, I guess. I figured they were setting the viewer up for a moment where Kimmy Jin “saves the day”, or has a real conversation with Beca.

But that never happened. Her character stayed at 35 Fahrenheit the entire movie. I kind of enjoyed it. I just expected there to be some sort of payoff.

Maybe I’ve been programmed into expecting quiet characters to all of a sudden burst into dialogue in the back half of a movie. Perhaps, they don’t need a character arc.

You be you, Kimmy Jin.

The Vomit

If vomit isn’t your thing, you can skip this part. This is your only warning.

The movie begins with last year’s all-girl a cappella group, the Barden Bellas, performing on stage at the a cappella Finals. Things go south when one member, Aubrey, starts vomiting so so so SO violently. She looked like a broken fire hydrant.

Later in the movie, she did it again during rehearsals. This time, intentionally. Again, broken fire hydrant. AND THEN, one girl – the quiet one – fell in it and did snow angels. SNOW ANGELS. Vomit Angels?

The whole thing was disgusting.

One thing about Aubrey, though. Whenever she did this, she immediately recovered. You’d think that throwing up your last 8 meals – I’m estimating – would have you pretty knocked out and feeling weak, right? I mean, I’d want to go lie down.

Not Aubrey, though! She was fine. Didn’t even have to clean any chunks off her face.

Rebel Wilson Stole The Show

Playing the role of “Fat Amy”, whose real name is actually Patricia(?), Rebel Wilson was hilarious. I understand all the memes from 2013 now.

For me, the funniest part of the movie was when Amy (I’m not calling her Fat) stopped at a gas station to fill up the bus and when she got out, the boys bus was driving by. At which time, Bumper threw a burrito out the window at her. It was a direct hit.

It looked like a broken fire hydrant (Aubrey’s vomit) exploded on her.

And the way she reacted was perfect.

“i’ve been shot…I’VE BEEN SHOT!”

What a moment.

Then she said, “I’m gonna finish him like a cheesecake”.

Too good.

The Guys Look Alike?

The leader of the Treblemakers (boys a cappella group; as if it could be the name of anything else) was a guy named, Bumper. He looks exactly like Jimmy Neutron, minus the exaggerated hair swoop.

Then there was Jesse. He pulled up on move-in day, singing out the window of the car. Yes, because all Freshmen have that kind of confidence before receiving their room key? I genuinely thought they were setting him up to be the villain.

Jesse’s roommate was Benji, who had a whole Star Wars thing set up in their room before Jesse even arrived. He also did a magic trick and I’m pretty sure he was wearing a cape. Again, to my earlier point. How did he have all of this unpacked already?

Jesse said he was okay with all of it, but I didn’t believe him. I was expecting him to “accidentally” burn the whole thing down.

But, no. Jesse wasn’t the villain.

However, you could’ve told me that him and Benji were twins and I wouldn’t have asked any questions.

Maybe it was the matching sideburns? Or the fact they had the same haircut? Was it a two-for-one deal? Or was it a three-for-one deal? Because Bumper had the same haircut.

Sorry. My point of this is the casting of these three characters was the antithesis of diverse.

Audio Mixing

Beca doesn’t want to be in college and is only there because her father is a professor at the university. He made his grand appearance into the film with a Dad joke, claiming he was campus security. Beca would much rather be in Los Angeles, pursuing a career as a music producer.

Beca likes to mix songs. What’s the correct term for this? She likes to create mashups? Song mixes? Song mixing? I don’t know. It’s like a Venn Diagram of songs for your ears. You know what I mean.

Her background knowledge of that inspired the new direction for the Barden Bellas.

Anyway, I’m only writing this section about “Audio Mixing” because in real life it felt like everyone in 2012 was trying to become a DJ, or was playing around with audio editing programs.

By “everyone”, I mean maybe two people I knew at the time. They are who I thought of when I saw Beca doing it.

The Timeline

I think I was about 12 minutes into the movie and all of a sudden, Beca had been in college for a month. The plot moved quickly and I can understand why – there was a lot of story to tell.

However, at times, it felt like we were just jumping into something because it was time to do it, and not because there had been a proper build to it.

For example, when Beca went to jail for accidentally smashing a window with a trophy. Jesse bailed her out, except wait, he didn’t. Beca’s dad bailed her out because Jesse called him. Beca gets mad at Jesse and doesn’t talk to him for a while.

Uhhh, okay?

I know it was time for some conflict in the movie, but it felt weird.

That whole trophy/jail/dad being really mad thing was all a giant misunderstanding and could’ve been cleared up in two seconds.

“Yeah, the trophy broke and flung itself through a window. I was arrested because I was holding a piece of the trophy and Amy had run away.”

That’s all Beca had to say and, surely, her dad would understand?

And how was Jesse supposed to know that bailing Beca out of jail, with her dad’s assistance, would’ve been the wrong thing to do? Did she want to stay in jail all night?

There just seemed to be a lot of misguided and unnecessary anger, when the whole situation called for just a little bit – like a teensy weensy bit – of understanding.

Alas, no.

You just have to put a wedge between Jesse and Beca, so they can reconcile with a kiss at the end. Never seen that before.

Musicals & Me

If you’re wondering what I think of musicals, my answer is: I don’t know. I can’t say I’ve watched a bunch of musicals. In fact, I can only think of High School Musical and The Lion King.

By the way, it wasn’t until about 3 years ago that I realized The Lion King was a musical. I had no idea. Yes, I watched it many times as a kid. I even had the backpack. It just never registered in my brain that I was watching a musical.

When they do the musical episodes of Riverdale, I take that as my cue to fast-forward until they’re done singing.

So, as I said before, I don’t know how to feel about musicals. They’re just there, I guess. And I’m just here. We both exist.

Final Verdict

Personally, I didn’t hate the amount of times they sang, “The Sign” by Ace of Base. Darn right, they saw the sign!

The a cappella song mashups threw my brain into a bit of a tizzy. I found myself failing at trying to follow one set of lyrics, while someone else was singing a different set. Both sides of my brain were playing tug-of-war.

That must be so hard to do in real life. Singing your lyrics while hearing someone else sing theirs. At some point you just scream, “Be quiet for a second!”, right?

Anyway, I liked the movie. It was fun. I’ll watch the sequels and probably blog about them, too.

Thanks for reading!

Have you seen Pitch Perfect? What are your thoughts on it?

The Captain’s Quiz 2: Lost in the Quiz (RESULTS)

Seven were lost, but only one can be found. Who will it be? Find out this time on, The Captain’s Quiz 2: Lost in the Quiz!

Dim the lights, here we go!

But first! Let’s see who is playing today.

THE COMPETITORS

Blogging out of Not-so-teenage Witch, Sabrina!

Blogging out of The Confusing Middle, Aaron!

Blogging out of Creatively Sustainable, Krista!

Blogging out of Crazy Talks…., Hira!

Blogging out of No Love for Fatties, the reigning, defending, Captain’s Quiz Champion, T!

Blogging out of The Finicky Cynic, rebbit7!

Blogging out of Uniquely Cass, Cass!

SCORING

All of these are at my discretion, but here is my general thought process:

5 Points: If you provide me with a full answer

3 Points: If your answer is wishy-washy/not definitive, doesn’t completely follow instructions

1 Point: If your answer doesn’t fit the question

Bonus Points will be announced for the questions in which they are available.

In case of a Tie, Bonus Points will be the tiebreaker.

Just know that when I take points away because I’m a stickler, it pains me. I feel awful. But it must be done!

FINAL WORDS

Under each question, you’ll see your name and a few numbers next to it. The first number will be a 5, 3, or 1. The additional numbers are the Bonus Points.

I also provided a bit of commentary in some spots, so others had an idea of what your answers were.

THE 10 QUESTIONS

1. What is the best hiding spot in your current place of residence?

Only looking for one answer here. Hence, the BEST hiding spot.

2 Bonus Points if the hiding spot is behind a door

Sabrina: 3 + 0; Coy about hiding spot, probably smart
Aaron: 5 + 2; Fishy answer, but the correct one
Krista: 3 + 2; You gave two answers and one of them was the closet
Hira: 3 + 0; Was going to give a 1 since there wasn’t an answer, but your son thinking he’s invisible by covering his face salvaged it
T: 5 + 0; I’m assuming there is no door under the stairs, unlike Harry Potter
rebbit7: 5 + 2; A cupboard under the stairs, LIKE HARRY POTTER
Cass: 3 + 2; You said three things and one of them was the closet. Also, your balcony is not a hiding spot, clearly. Ahem.

2. The person walking in front of you drops $20 on the ground and doesn’t notice. What do you do?

The key to this question is you saw who dropped it.

Sabrina: 5
Aaron: 5
Krista: 3
Hira: 5
T: 5
rebbit7: 5
Cass: 5

3. In elementary school, I read a book called, Lost in the Barrens. What is a book you read in school and what do you remember about it?

Full disclosure: I can’t remember what that book was about. Just that they were lost. In the barrens.

2 Bonus Points if I recognize the book you mentioned

Sabrina: 5 + 0; Never heard of Maniac Magee
Aaron: 5 + 0; I’ve technically heard of Maniac Magee since Sabrina said it…but no bonus points for you
Krista: 5 + 2; I have heard of Lord of the Flies
Hira: 5 + 0; Never heard of The Gift of the Magi
T: 5 + 0: Never heard of Where the Red Fern Grows
rebbit7: 5 + 2; I have heard of To Kill a Mockingbird
Cass: 1 + 0; No recollection??

4. In Eminem’s song, “Lose Yourself”, he says: “There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.” Describe, in detail, your ideal pasta meal.

I just want to say that a lot of you gave me sass over including “vomit” and “spaghetti” in the question. Blame Eminem! I’m just a blogger coming up with these ridiculous questions.

2 Bonus Points if you added a side dish

Sabrina: 5 + 0; Mmm Lasagna
Aaron: 5 + 0; Penne is a smart substitute for fettuccine
Krista: 5 + 2; Side dish: Sautéed greens and mushrooms
Hira: 1 + 0; I’m so sorry. I didn’t take into account that pasta isn’t a staple in some parts of the world.
T: 5 + 0; Mmm the restaurants
rebbit7: 5 + 0; Wish I could give bonus points for al dente
Cass: 5 + 2; Finally, someone said garlic bread

5. If you and a partner went on The Amazing Race, would you be the driver, or the navigator in the backseat with a map? Explain your choice.

Sabrina: 5; Navigator
Aaron: 5; Navigator, but yelling
Krista: 5; Navigator
Hira: 5; Navigator
T: 5; Our first Driver!
rebbit7: 5; Navigator
Cass: 1; Staring out the window was not an option, sadly

6. In Home Alone 2, Kevin (a 10-year-old boy) ended up in New York by himself, while his entire family was in Florida. What is something you did when you were 10-years-old, that “kids these days” wouldn’t understand?

2 Bonus Points if it’s technology-related
2 Bonus Points if it’s something I did as a kid

Sabrina: 5 + 2 + 0; What kind of internet were you on?
Aaron: 5 + 2 + 0; My phone cord wasn’t long enough to get tangled up in, sorry
Krista: 5 + 0 + 2; Spending the day with neighbour kids – yup, I remember that
Hira: 5 + 2 + 2; Cassettes. Yes, I know what they are!
T: 5 + 2 + 2; I absolutely recorded songs from the radio
rebbit7: 5 + 2 + 0; Can’t say I ever power walked on a treadmill with a Walkman
Cass: 5 + 0 + 2; I played outside and read books but did not play with Barbies

7. Is Tic-Tac-Toe a fair game?

The correct answer is No. All answers of Yes will be given 1 point.

Sabrina: 5
Aaron: 5
Krista: 3; “Not in one session…but if you take turns, it evens out.” Ahhhhhhhhhhh
Hira: 3; I did not expect to give any 3s here, but now I’ve given out two
T: 5
rebbit7: 5
Cass: 5

8. Velma, from the Scooby-Doo series, is known for losing her glasses. If you were a character in a TV show, what would you be known for?

The wardrobe department would force me to wear a very worn baseball cap, that looks like it hasn’t been washed. The writers would make me say things like, “Wanna come over and watch the game?”

It’s all a stereotype, I say. A stereotype! They don’t know me.

But yeah, I’d be known for liking sports…in a stereotypical way.

Sabrina: 5; Wrapped in blankets/wearing sweaters all the time (cold)
Aaron: 5; Quick one-liners and extreme sarcasm
Krista: 5; Petting all furry animals
Hira: 5; Freezing or laughing
T: 5; Her nails
rebbit7: 5; Very dry, very sarcastic humour
Cass: 5: Being really sassy

9. What causes you to lose your temper?

The answers to this one made me laugh.

2 Bonus Points if “other people” are involved in your answer

Sabrina: 5 + 2
Aaron: 5 + 2
Krista: 5 + 2
Hira: 5 + 2
T: 5 + 2; Everyone has included people, so far. This is getting hilarious.
rebbit7: 5 + 2; The streak continues!
Cass: 5 + 2; “Everything these days” includes “People”, I’m assuming

10. How many contacts in your phone have you not communicated with in the last three years?

I ask this because I have a ton of contacts that I haven’t communicated with in years, but I’m afraid to delete them because what if one of them randomly texts me? I’d like to know who it is without saying, “Who’s this?”

2 Bonus Points if you give an exact number

Sabrina: 5 + 2; Thank you for counting
Aaron: 5 + 2; Thank you for counting
Krista: 5 + 2; Thank you for counting
Hira: 5 + 1; You started counting, but then concluded with “loads”
T: 5 + 2; Thank you for counting…to 1. Well done.
rebbit7: 5 + 1; 1 Bonus Point for giving a percentage
Cass: 5 + 1; 1 Bonus Point for giving a percentage

THE BONUS QUESTIONS

1. Think about items you might find in a Lost & Found. Now, draw as many of those items as you can in 60 seconds. Share your picture.

5 Points for sharing your drawing
3 Points for each item you drew

Sabrina: 23 (6 items)
Aaron: 29 (8 items)
Krista: 17 (4 items)
Hira: 0
T: 29 (8 items)
rebbit7: 23 (6 items)
Cass: 26 (7 items)

2. Text someone, “I can’t find my phone.” What is their reply?

The purpose of this was to see if the person on the other end would fail to realize that you’re texting them via a phone that is supposedly lost. I am just trying to stir things up. Don’t mind me.

5 Points for making me think you did it
5 Points if the person replied
5 Points if they didn’t reply with a variation of “How are you texting?”

Sabrina: 10; I hope that person knows they cost you 5 points
Aaron: 15; I accept the reply being a phone call
Krista: 15; I like that you texted 3 people and 2 were concerned
Hira: 15
T: 15; Quite possibly the greatest response in Captain’s Quiz history
rebbit7: 5; Maybe the person you texted lost their phone? What a twist.
Cass: 10; I hope that person knows they cost you 5 points

3. You are alone in a city you’ve never been to, and have $500 to spend. What city are you in? What places do you go to? What do you spend your money on?

5 Points for naming a city
3 Points for every place you go/everything you’d spend money on

Sabrina: 23 (6 things)
Aaron: 14 (3 things); Sneaky. Trying to pocket the money you don’t spend, eh?
Krista: 29 (8 things); All the fruit!
Hira: 29 (8 things)
T: 17 (4 things); The “bribe myself out of a kidnap situation” earned you 3 points!
rebbit7: 17 (4 things); Smart for picking an inexpensive place
Cass: 15 (5 things); “I have always wanted to go to the northern part of Italy or Spain. So probably a city there.” Ahhhhhhh you didn’t name a city. 

FINAL STANDINGS

Your Bonus Points have been added to your final score.


1. T: 119 (8 Bonus Points)
2. Krista: 117: (12 Bonus Points)
3. Aaron: 116 (8 Bonus Points)
4. Sabrina: 110 (6 Bonus Points)
5. rebbit7: 104 (9 Bonus Points)
6. Cass: 100 (9 Bonus Points)
7. Hira: 93 (7 Bonus Points)

The winner…AND STILL Captain’s Quiz Champion…T!!!!!!

THANK YOU

Thank you T, Krista, Aaron, Sabrina, rebbit7, Cass, and Hira for participating! This was a lot closer than I thought it would be. I hope you all had fun and will consider doing this again in the future!

II already have the name picked out for the third instalment of The Captain’s Quiz, so be on the lookout for that in a month or two, or sooner.

Until then, a big congratulations to T for successfully defending her title! I am kind of shocked, though I love the storyline that’s developing.

Who will dethrone T? Can it be done? Will it be YOU?

See you next time.

Recently Played (March 2021)

At the beginning of the month, we experienced a high music system sweeping across our ears, from left to right, which peaked around the Ides of March, before slowly dissipating into a mere pitter patter as we headed toward April.

And this has been your Music Minute.

I am too proud of that introduction. If you didn’t understand it, I was trying to say that most of the “new” songs I discovered this month were found within the first two weeks. I just felt compelled to tell you that by sounding like a weatherman.

Stay tuned for our overnight forecast, or take me with you by downloading our app – APPaul.

APPaul: Everything you don’t need to know, when you need to know it!

Okay, I’m done.

Here are some songs I added to my Liked Songs list on Spotify this month.

I Know The End – Phoebe Bridgers

After including a Phoebe Bridgers song from her SNL appearance in this post last month, I was told to go back and listen to the second song she performed that night because it didn’t stand out to me the first time.

It was this one.

And what do you know? I like it now.

Phoebe really likes the skeleton onesie. That’s my takeaway.

Tell Your Girlfriend – Rebecca Levy

I found this song on Discover Weekly on Spotify and I’m a bit surprised it’s not more well-known. It sounds like a song that would’ve come out in 2011 and been really popular, even though the artist was relatively unknown.

See: Gotye and Rebecca Black.

I like being able to understand song lyrics without having to look them up. This song checks that box for me.

Big enunciation fan over here.

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) – Eurythmics

I’ve heard this song for almost my whole life but, lately, I’ve discovered a couple of new things about it.

A few minutes ago, I found out that Eurythmics is a British pop duo consisting of Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart.

I guess this explains why Lennox and Stewart are also listed as artists, but then why have a group name if you’re just going to put all three names? Je suis confus.

This is like the time I found out Billy Talent was a band and not a person. Complete shock.

Anyway, of course I know who Annie Lennox is. Shoutout to “Walking on Broken Glass”. I have no idea who Dave Stewart is. Sorry, Dave. He played for the Blue Jays at some point, that’s all I know.

My other “discovery” came a few weeks ago when I realized the lyrics is, “Sweet dreams are made of this” and not “Sweet dreams are made of these.”

I’m still in denial about that one, actually.

The song is addictive, but my ears deceive me.

Fluxland – XL

Don’t get me started with this one. I was on a wild goose chase trying to track down another song and stumbled upon this one, which I was also on a wild goose chase for many months ago.

Get that?

I caught a goose, while looking for another goose. So, one goose is still out there and I don’t think I’ll ever find it.

This song plays at the start of Toronto Raptors home games. I like it. It’s a toe tapper.

I found it while trying to look for a song that plays at Leafs games. That’s the missing goose. It’s an instrumental song that plays at the start of the second period, or whenever they feel like it. I think it has trumpets, but do I look like I know what instruments are used in songs?

No. I do not.

Rock Me Amadeus – Falco

Time out, this song is about Mozart? THE Mozart? Mr. Instrument, himself? It’s almost as if these songs know they’re in a post together and are mocking me by connecting themselves to things I previously wrote.

Amadeus is his middle name.

You know you’ve made it when people make a song about your middle name. I look forward to mine someday.

This is another song I’ve known for a long time, but just made it Spotify official recently.

It is also very addictive. I may or may not be listening to it while I write this post.

I forgot to mention: Sometimes I sing, “Hot potatoes, hot potatoes” in my head instead of, “Amadeus, Amadeus.” Try it at home!

Does Somebody Love You – Hardcastle

Just heard this song today on my newest Discover Weekly playlist. I normally click to the next song once I realize I don’t like it, but that didn’t happen with this one.

Still not entirely sure what all, or even some, of the lyrics are. Probably couldn’t remember the tune if it wasn’t playing. That’s how brand new it is to me, but I figured I’d throw it in here.

This song sounds like 2007, or whenever Snow Patrol was breaking out.

You know the time period.

Well, that’s my list!

Unfortunately, there is no time for our much anticipated overnight forecast. Maybe next month.

Until then, bundle up with a warm cup of music.

Do you like any of these songs? Any other commentary you’d like to add?

Are You Messy?

One of the worst things about high school was the mess left on the tables in the cafeteria by students who were “too cool” to throw out their garbage. It is something I still can’t comprehend.

How do you just get up from a table, leave your pop can, paper plate, and bits of pizza crust scattered everywhere? How do you then walk out the door, knowing other people saw what you just did?

There was a garbage bin at the end of every long set of tables. Why was it so hard? Why did it feel like they “lost” whenever a teacher stopped them from escaping, and told them to go back and throw their garbage out?

Please, someone explain this to me.

Oh, and you can insert a rant <here> about how this behaviour is only exacerbated during a global pandemic. It should’ve been no surprise that there would be a large group of people not following simple instructions that benefit the well-being of others.

I remember one summer when I was working at camp, I had returned to the main room – where everyone kept their backpack and had snack – to pick something up and there was juice all over the floor from a juice box.

Without hesitation, I went to get paper towels to clean it up. I’m not a fan of the “put a paper towel on the spill and move it around with your foot” technique. I think it’s useless. Now, if you can’t bend over – fine. Have at it.

But me, I get in there with a wad of paper towels on my hands.

It should be noted that paper towels in school settings are ineffective unless you use half the roll. They just multiply the mess.

Sorcerers, all of them.

Now, it wasn’t my mess – it wasn’t even near my area – but that didn’t matter. Kids ran in that room all the time. If I left the spill and acted like I didn’t see it, I can guarantee you someone would’ve run in there and fallen.

As I was cleaning it up, someone walked by and asked what I was doing. When I explained the situation, they said, “Why don’t you just call the janitor?”

The thought never crossed my mind, honestly.

I saw a juice spill, I cleaned it up. It’s not like I stumbled upon a flood. Although, the paper towels were doing their best “liquid multiplication magic” at the time.

But I guess that just shows how we all react differently to certain situations.

And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t me trying to be all self-righteous. I’m just telling a story.

There’s a picture of me vacuuming the house at the age of 2. My mom recently told me that most babies are scared of the sound of a vacuum.

I’ve stared at that picture a million times and not once did I ever consider what it must’ve sounded like to a 2-year-old.

Maybe because I was smiling in the photo? I don’t know.

As an adult – am I an adult? – dust is my enemy. Mainly because I hate how it reappears right after you get rid of it. What are you? A boomerang?

Go play outside, dust. Always so stuck to the computer. Literally. That is where this tirade against dust comes from. Every day when I open my laptop for the first time, there is magically new dust on the screen and keyboard.

Why is it there? Stop getting stuck in the tiny speaker holes!

Scram. Beat it. Pick on someone your own size.

In university, my room was connected to my roommate’s room via a bathroom. Whenever people came over and saw our bathroom, they asked us how two guys could have a bathroom so clean.

We didn’t understand the question. And it’s not like we were actively cleaning it. There was no schedule. We just weren’t leaving a mess.

It felt like when someone compliments you on a nice shirt, and your reply is, “Pfft, this old thing? Nothing special.”

They wanted to know why our countertop wasn’t covered with all of our belongings. Still didn’t understand what they meant. We had soap. What else did we need?

“You guys keep your toothbrushes in your own room?”

Yeah, don’t you?

Girls were baffled by this. And then I saw their bathroom. You couldn’t even tell there was a counter – every square inch of it was covered.

They would leave passive-aggressive post-it notes on the mirror, telling their roommate it was their “turn” to clean. Or it was their “turn” to empty the garbage bin out in the big bin at the end of the hall.

My roommate and I found these methods to be both, hilarious and unfathomable.

Because if we made a mess, we cleaned it. If the garbage bin was too full, we emptied it. If the toilet roll was finished, we replaced it.

There was never a passive-aggressive back-and-forth, waiting for the other person to do something. We never went whispering to someone else, “I’ve cleaned the bathroom two weeks in a row.”

To us, it was just an unspoken understanding of, “Oh, we’re sharing a bathroom with another person. Let’s be cognizant of that and try not to make it awful for them.”

I lived in residence for four years. People always told me about how they didn’t get along with their “bathroommate” and 90% of the time, it had to do with cleaning the bathroom.

I’m not willing to believe that people are messy/have no regard for others because they weren’t taught to clean up after themselves when they were a kid. Every Kindergarten class had a “Clean Up” song, don’t give me that excuse.

We’re all wired differently, I guess.

Some people make a mess and clean it up, and some people take off and let someone else deal with it.

Oh, I almost forgot.

What’s the deal with throwing clothes on the floor? I used to think this was something exclusively done in television shows, as an over-exaggeration, to push the point that a character was untidy.

But then I realized it’s a real life thing.

Alright, now we can end this post.

No, wait.

What you do in your own house is your own business and cannot be disputed without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.

Just had to get that disclaimer in there before I read the comments.

End.

Are you messy? Why are people messy? Feel free to share your stories of anything “mess” related, whether it was at school, with roommates, family members, in public, or elsewhere. I want to hear it!

5 Things I’m Looking Forward To This F1 Season

The 2021 Formula 1 season is here, with the Bahrain Grand Prix kicking things off this weekend. I must admit, it’s weird not having the Australian Grand Prix as the first race of the season. Staying up until 2AM to watch it live was just starting to become a tradition.

But, we’re in a weird world, so the F1 schedule is weird too.

These are 5 things I’m looking forward to this season.

1. Mick Schumacher Is Here

My F1 fandom began when Michael Schumacher was driving for Ferrari, right before he won his five-consecutive World Championships. So, yes, for the last couple of years I have been tracking the progress of his son, Mick, knowing he’d eventually end up in Formula 1.

I was watching the second practice session yesterday and noticed on the timing screen that Mick’s name was abbreviated to, “MSC”. Every other driver’s abbreviation is the first three letters of their last name.

So, I looked up the meaning behind this and found out that Michael had gone by “SCH” until his brother, Ralf, entered Formula 1. At which point, Michael’s name on the timing screen changed to, “MSC”, to tell them apart.

Mick is doing this to continue his dad’s legacy. I might cry.

As you may or may not know, Michael was in a skiing accident in 2013 and hasn’t been seen in public since. Information about his health has been kept pretty quiet.

Mick was Formula 2 Champion last year and earned a seat with Haas this year. That means he’ll likely be at the back of the pack most of the time, but I can guarantee that every fan will be cheering for him.

It’s only a matter of time until he’s driving for Ferrari.

2. Sebastian Vettel Is Free

The four-time World Champion went to Ferrari in 2015, thinking he’d be destined for more championships. It didn’t happen. He won 14 races in six years with Ferrari. To put that in perspective, Vettel won 13 races with Red Bull in 2013.

This season he has a fresh start with a new team.

Vettel will be racing for Aston Martin, formerly known as Racing Point, formerly known as Force India.

The Aston Martin rebrand means there will no longer be two bright pink cars on the track. Honestly, I liked them. They had big, “Move it or lose it” energy. It was like a Pepto-Bismal bottle on wheels. Imagine seeing that in your side mirrors.

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea – indeed! Sorry.

Vettel’s car is a weird shade of green this year, so at least he’ll stop seeing red – hopefully.

I think fans have this weird thing where they just want to see Vettel happy. Or maybe that’s just me.

He gets mumbly in his post-race interviews when things aren’t going well. So, that’s how I’ll be tracking his happiness this season.

3. Is Ferrari Fast Again?

If you ask a non-F1 fan to name a race car, they’ll probably say Ferrari. With that kind of recognition, you can’t be slower than half the field, like last year.

Mercedes has been running away with championships since 2014, but at least Ferrari was putting up a fight…until they weren’t.

Charles Leclerc is locked in long-term with the team. The Golden Boy from Monaco isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Carlos Sainz is his teammate this year. Whether it’s by coincidence, or not, his career has sort of mimicked Fernando Alonso’s. At least in the sense that he’s driven for the same teams.

Honestly, I think Sainz needs to come out of the gates with some big results. To me, I think it’s inevitable that Mick Schumacher is driving for Ferrari within the next 3-4 years.

If Sainz wants to be his teammate, and still drive for Ferrari, then he has to outperform Leclerc over the next few years. Even then, it might not be enough.

So, we’ll see if Ferrari has got some speed back this season. For the sake of competition, I hope they do.

4. Is The Field Tight?

Based on the results from the second practice session yesterday, 16 cars were within 1 second of each other. Yes, I know it was practice and the lap times don’t tell the whole story, but I feel like 16 cars being that close in practice is rare.

If this information is to be trusted, it could mean we’re in for a season where Qualifying isn’t so predictable. It could mean that the cars are closer during the race, which means more opportunities for overtaking.

We might see mayhem and who doesn’t love MAYHEM?

This is what I want. I want as many cars travelling at the same speed as possible. I don’t want tiers, where Mercedes is out front, with two teams behind them, four teams behind them, and the rest getting lapped.

Let’s have some funky results on the race track.

5. Fernando Alonso Is Back

Formula 1 is better with Fernando Alonso in it. He is back this year, racing with Alpine, formerly known as Renault.

To be honest, I don’t like the rebrand. The blue, red, and white car isn’t doing it for me.

I just want a yellow Renault on the track, is that too much to ask for? Actually, just go back to the 2005 Renault – light blue and yellow. That’s the car Alonso won two championships in.

Way off topic, but since I’m talking about the colour scheme on cars – the green on the Ferrari this year is a bit odd.

Anyway, a starting grid with the names, Alonso, Raikkonen, and Schumacher, is like a time machine to 2004. I am not complaining. I’ll probably tweet that, so no one steal it.

I will end this post with a rapid fire edition of things I’m looking forward to/hoping for:

• Lando Norris and Daniel Ricciardo making each other laugh
• Fans in the stands?
• The inevitable return of Nico Hulkenberg
• Yuki Tsunoda – 5’2, 20 years old, lightning-quick
• Seeing something and thinking, “That’ll be great on Drive to Survive“
• Red Bull and their two legitimate drivers pushing Mercedes
• Less predictability
• New feuds and rivalries

If you’re not a Formula 1 fan, I suggest checking out Drive to Survive on Netflix. It is phenomenal and may just turn you into a fan.

Uh, I guess I should’ve said that at the beginning. Because if you’re not a Formula 1 fan, you probably didn’t make it to this part of the post.

Oh well.

Here’s hoping for a great season!

What are you looking forward to this season?

The Captain’s Quiz 2: Lost in the Quiz

And we’re back.

Welcome to The Captain’s Quiz 2: Lost in the Quiz. Yes, the title was inspired by the second Home Alone movie. Going forward, each quiz might have its own theme. We’ll see.

If you’re new here, the most important thing to know is this isn’t a “tag” or a “challenge”. It is a quiz. You answer the questions. I give you a mark. The person with the highest score is the champion.

Our reigning, defending champion is T! Let’s see if she can defend her title!

Here are the rules:

• Answer the questions below in a blog post of your own. You may skip any questions you don’t want to answer.
  
  
• There are no right or wrong answers, but there are always answers. Feel free to add details if you want. (I’m not tricking you into giving one word answers this time around).
  
  
• You will receive a score of 1, 3, or 5 for your answers to The 10 Questions. I am not telling you how I am scoring The Bonus Questions.
  
  
• There are also hidden bonus points that you may unlock with your responses.
  
  
• Post your answers by Noon of Tuesday, March 30. I will be posting the results on Wednesday, March 31.
  
  
• Link this post to your post, so I can see it.

THE 10 QUESTIONS

1. What is the best hiding spot in your current place of residence?
   
   
2. The person walking in front of you drops $20 on the ground and doesn’t notice. What do you do?
   
   
3. In elementary school, I read a book called, Lost in the Barrens. What is a book you read in school and what do you remember about it?
   
   
4. In Eminem’s song, “Lose Yourself”, he says: “There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.” Describe, in detail, your ideal pasta meal.
   
   
5. If you and a partner went on The Amazing Race, would you be the driver, or the navigator in the backseat with a map? Explain your choice.
   
   
6. In Home Alone 2, Kevin (a 10-year-old boy) ended up in New York by himself, while his entire family was in Florida. What is something you did when you were 10-years-old, that “kids these days” wouldn’t understand?
   
   
7. Is Tic-Tac-Toe a fair game?
   
   
8. Velma, from the Scooby-Doo series, is known for losing her glasses. If you were a character in a TV show, what would you be known for?
   
   
9. What causes you to lose your temper?
   
   
10. How many contacts in your phone have you not communicated with in the last three years?

THE BONUS QUESTIONS

1. Think about items you might find in a Lost & Found. Now, draw as many of those items as you can in 60 seconds. Share your picture.
   
   
2. Text someone, “I can’t find my phone.” What is their reply?
   
   
3. You are alone in a city you’ve never been to, and have $500 to spend. What city are you in? What places do you go to? What do you spend your money on?

There’s No Tato Like Potato

I like potato chips. They have always been a satisfying snack. However, it is a bit disappointing to reach the bottom of the bag and be met with crumbs.

If only I had gotten there sooner, maybe the chips would’ve still been intact. I don’t know. I try not to blame myself.

Maybe it’s a potato thing.

I find that french fries also break. In an order from McDonald’s, the long fries are at the top of the carton and as you make your way to the bottom, you find all the broken fries.

When do they break? Maybe when they’re placed in a bag and frozen? Do potato chips break when they’re being shipped? Is it from all those boxes on delivery trucks getting tossed around?

Can we do a behind-the-scenes exposé on how french fries and potato chips break? How come most fries and chips come out unscathed? Is it an inside job?

Will we have to do a Netflix documentary and alter the voices of fries and chips, in order to hide their identity?

Why are the fries at Wendy’s, for the most part, the same length? Why don’t they break?

I want answers!

These are the things I think about and then half-jokingly write about, just to see what other people think.

I don’t mind broken chips, but once they get too small at the bottom of the bag, I call it quits. I’m not the person to lick my fingers, or tilt the bag and pour the remains into my mouth. I’m not knocking the people who do do that – it’s just not me.

So, what do I think about Pringles? They have a can that keeps their chips in as close to perfect condition as you can get.

Personally, I’m not a Pringles guy. They taste good, but I don’t go looking for them. To me, they are the ultimate, “Ask someone if you can have one” snack. Why? Because you know that whoever grabs the chip is probably only going touch that one chip and won’t contaminate the rest.

This is where I insert a flashback to the time I went to the movies with friends (we were kids) and we shared a couple of bags of popcorn. One kid also had red licorice and the smell lingered on their hands.

Eventually, the smell of red licorice was all over the popcorn in the bag and I couldn’t handle it anymore. It was too disgusting for me. I stopped eating the popcorn.

To this day, I’ve never had red licorice. Not because of that incident, though. It just doesn’t look appetizing to me. Okay, and the smell of it in that popcorn bag is forever engrained in my nose brain.

Moral of the story: kids have messy hands and your nose brain never forgets.

Anyway, back to Pringles.

In a way, they are the rich kid of potato chips. They have tennis lessons on the tennis court on their property, and they own two cars before they even have their license.

I’m not mad at it. Good for them.

I prefer Lay’s. Yes, it has an apostrophe in it. I just checked.

You can never go wrong with a bag of Classic Lay’s. I call them, Plain Lay’s. All right, this apostrophe is bothering me now.

I also like Barbecue and Salt & Vinegar.

Sour Cream and Onion is also good, but they’re always off the proverbial Lay’s podium for me.

I like pickles, but have no interest in Dill Pickle chips.

This is where I insert another flashback concerning popcorn. Again, I was a kid. I was at the mall, and the popcorn place had samples on the counter in little cups. I picked one up thinking it was just regular popcorn. NOPE. It was Pickle Popcorn.

WHO IN THE WORLD WANTS A PICKLE POPCORN FLAVOUR?

I spit it out at the first garbage can I saw.

Moral of the story: stop creating pickle flavoured things.

In Canada, we have Lay’s Ketchup chips, which a lot of people love. I think I had them once and wasn’t a fan. I love ketchup, but only with fries*. I won’t even put ketchup on a burger or hotdog. It just tastes out of place to me.

*Don’t start with the “but chips and fries are both potatoes” nonsense.

I also like Ruffles chips. Plain, BBQ, and All Dressed.

All Dressed chips is another Canadian thing. It took me almost my whole life to realize that “All Dressed” means it’s every flavour mixed into one chip. That explains a lot, mainly the taste.

If you’re ever in Canada, All Dressed chips are a must-try. Forget the poutine, eat the chips.

I never really got into Miss Vickie’s chips. I can’t really critique them, all I know is I’m not big on kettle chips.

Insert story from my university days. In one cafeteria, they would make the best ciabatta sandwiches (before putting them on a panini press) and then add Plain Lay’s chips as the side dish.

Well, the following year, they replaced the Lay’s chips with kettle chips that they made themselves. I didn’t like them at all.

Double insert story alert: In that same cafeteria, I once ordered a burger and fries but they had run out, so they offered me sweet potato fries instead. I said yes. When they turned around with my plate, I wondered why there were carrots on it.

They weren’t carrots. They were sweet potato fries. I had never had them before, so I had no clue what to expect.

Didn’t like them.

Hey, don’t get mad at me.

Moral of the story: I prefer the original product – plain chips and french fries.

I think I like potatoes in almost all of their forms. Mashed potatoes are great, obviously. Baked Potatoes are good, but a hassle.

Oh, scalloped potatoes are the absolute pits. Just horrible. Even typing “scalloped potatoes” has me muttering under my breath like Harry in Home Alone.

The only two foods that I can remember making me gag are cantaloupe and scalloped potatoes.

I’d like to apologize to the cantaloupe community for unnecessarily dragging them into this blog post.

We’ve all seen someone try a new food and they’re sniffing it out and making faces before putting it in their mouth. And then they gag and spit it right out.

When I tried scalloped potatoes for the first time, I didn’t have any reservations about it. All of a sudden I’m gagging. It was like my stomach was closed for construction and it yelled all the way up to my mouth that the food had to take a last-second detour.

That’s what causes us to gag, by the way. Unscheduled closures due to construction.

Well, I think I’ve said everything I wanted to say.

I really hope you don’t know the song, “There’s No Business Like Show Business”, so you’re not singing, “There’s No Tato Like Potato” in your head for the rest of the day. Or, if you’re like me, it’ll be stuck in your head for a week.

Have fun with that!

What are your favourite chip flavours? What foods make you gag? What else do you want to talk about?

Viewing Notes: The Bachelor (Matt) – Finale

We have reached the end of the line for this season of The Bachelor. There were a lot of spa dates, trips to the woods, and drama that had nothing to do with getting married. But we made it.

Will Matt choose Michelle or Rachael?

EVERYONE IS STARING INTO THE DISTANCE

• It’s not a Bachelor finale unless there are a dozen scenes of people staring off into the distance, looking concerned.
  

• Michelle is staring out the window at nothing in particular.
  
  
• Rachael is writing in a journal, but looks up to stare at…nothing in particular.

MATT’S FAMILY

• Matt’s mom, Patty, and brother, John, are there. Matt preps them for the women they are going to meet.

MICHELLE MEETS THE FAMILY

• Michelle has arrived with a bouquet of flowers. It is snowing outside.
  
  
• John tells Michelle that Matt looks like he’s in a good place right now.
  
  
• Michelle tells Matt’s mom that she’s in love with Matt.
  
  
• The decor in this room is straight out of a furniture store catalogue. There’s a couch and then a million different things around it, like a random vase that serves no practical purpose.
  
  
• That’s the end of the meet and greet. We haven’t even hit the first commercial break yet.
  
  
• Michelle and Matt throw snowballs at each other.

RACHAEL MEETS THE FAMILY

• Rachael has arrived with precisely four (maybe five, but it looks like four) sunflowers. It is not snowing outside.
  
  
• She is smiling through her nervousness.
  
  
• Matt’s brother asks Rachael if she’s ever experienced true love before. She said no, but Matt feels like the other half of her that she’s needed.
  
  
• “Every time I see him, I can’t breathe.” – Rachael
  
  
• Rachael tells Matt’s mom that this show was God’s way of putting them together. They’re both crying.
  
  
• Matt and Rachael have transported to a forest. Rachael isn’t wearing a jacket.
  
  
• Matt and Rachael have transported, again, to the car out front. Rachael is wearing a jacket.
  
  
• Where did the jacket come from, where did it go, where did it come from, I don’t know.

MATT SITS DOWN WITH HIS FAMILY

• Matt’s mom says she has nothing but warmth in her heart for the two girls.
  
  
• Matt has no idea what he’s going to do, but says he has to make a life-changing decision.
  
  
• Well, he doesn’t have to.
  
  
• “People fall in and out of love and love isn’t the end-all be-all.” – Matt’s mom
  
  
• “Whatever you decide to do, I’m on board.” – Matt’s brother
  
  
• The way the edit of this episode is going, they’re sort of buttering us up for the possibility that Matt doesn’t propose to either girl.

MORE STARING

• Matt is deep in thought, sitting on a counter top, staring at…not a tea pot. Sorry, I wanted that whole thing to rhyme.
  
  
• Now, he is staring out the window.
  
  
• MATT, THERE IS NOTHING OUT THERE. IT’S A PANDEMIC. THE RESORT IS CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC. I THINK.
  
  
• There’s a knock at the door and it’s Chris Harrison. Matt needs to talk.
  
  
• I’m skipping ahead. He’s just recounting his chat with his family.
  
  
• The chat ends and Matt is back to staring at stuff.

MICHELLE’S FINAL DATE

• Matt and Michelle look like they have matching His & Her jackets.
  
  
• He has taken her to the top of the resort and points to where they are going to go. To get there, they have to repel down the side of the building.
  
  
• Hey, this is what they normally do during the final leg of The Amazing Race.
  
  
• Matt immediately goes over the edge and gets stuck. They aren’t wearing helmets.
  
  
• Matt fell again.
  
  
• I’m fast-forwarding until they’ve reached the ground.
  
  
• They have reached their destination: a couch on a landing strip.

THE EVENING

• Michelle says that Matt is her person and they’re going to spend their lives together.
  
  
• I don’t know what to think of the producers/editors putting that line in there. Optimistic comments are normally followed by a negative action.
  
  
• Michelle says she came into this looking for a teammate and couldn’t picture leaving there without him.
  
  
• She got him a present. It’s a basketball jersey that says Mr. James on it.
  
  
• She also has a jersey that says Mrs. James.
  
  
• Matt looks like he just got socks for Christmas.
  
  
• OH NO, he’s about to break up with her.
  
  
• Matt says he’s having doubts and he shouldn’t be having any right now, since they’re two days away from a proposal.
  
  
• This is completely out of left-centre field.
  
  
• Matt says this is the first time he’s felt this.
  
  
• He’s been trying to push through it today, but he doesn’t want to tell her what she wants to hear.
  
  
• Michelle wants clarity.
  
  
• “Am I supposed to fight for you? Am I not supposed to fight for you? Tell me where you’re at, actually.” – Michelle
  
  
• “I don’t think I can get there with you.” – Matt
  
  
• And BOOM goes the dynamite.
  
  
• Matt hugs her, says he’s sorry, and leaves.
  
  
• What a blindside of a breakup. Who saw that coming?
  
  
• All of a sudden she pulled out matching basketball jerseys and that was his cue to bail, without much discussion?

SITTING ON A CURB

• Matt is pacing around outside with tears streaming down his face.
  
  
• Chris Harrison shows up to talk and they sit on a curb.
  
  
• Matt says he loved her but he wasn’t “in love” with her.
  
  
• Matt is shook by what his mom said about feelings fading.
  
  
• He doesn’t know what he’s going to tell Rachael because he’s not ready for an engagement right now.

RACHAEL’S FINAL DATE

• It’s cancelled. Chris Harrison shows up to tell her the news.
  
  
• He says that Matt feels lost and needs some time.
  
  
• Rachael sits on the couch and is sad. She doesn’t know what went on with Michelle, so she thinks Matt is doubting her.
  
  
• Matt is on a balcony, staring off into the distance again.
  
  
• Just once, the cameraman should pan to the side so we can see what is so mesmerizing.

NEIL LANE IS THERE

• Matt just wants to be by himself, but Neil Lane is there to help him pick out an engagement ring.
  
  
• This show has a schedule and they are sticking to it!
  
  
• “I’m not here to make you get a ring. We can look at rings if you want and we’ll take it from there.” – Neil Lane
  
  
• And out come the rings. What a salesman.
  
  
• Matt asks if he can touch the ring.
  
  
• Neil pulls out a pear-shaped ring and says it’s his favourite. Matt says it’s his favourite as well. He’s going to keep that one.

THE NEXT DAY

• Rachael wakes up and stares out her window, before going to sit on the couch. There’s a knock at the door.
  
  
• A letter is slid under the door. How mysterious.
  
  
• It’s from “Matt”. I put that in quotations because it’s clearly an intern, or a producer, who writes it. The handwriting is the same every season. He apologizes for making her wait and says, “Meet me at the lake.”
  
  
• Well, that’s not ominous.

THE FINAL ROSE CEREMONY??

• Matt has arrived at the lake in a suit, as has Chris Harrison.
  
  
• I’m getting a very Twins Peaks vibe from all of this and I don’t like it.
  
  
• They have set up a walkway leading up to a small stage, under a canopy, with a fireplace, and a back wall.
  
  
• It looks like it was inspired by the Tribal Council set on Survivor.
  
  
• Rachael was told that Matt needed some time, which is why they didn’t have their final date. And then they skip right to the final rose ceremony? No conversation before this??
  
  
• Rachael goes into her speech and says she loves him and will choose him every day if he lets her.
  
  
• No expression appears on his face.
  
  
• Matt says he can’t propose to her today because he’s seen what rushing into a proposal can do to a family.
  
  
• Matt says he doesn’t want to lose her and sees her as his wife one day.
  
  
• Rachael says he is the most amazing person she’s ever met in her life.
  
  
• All right, so no proposal, but they’re going to remain a couple.
  
  
• Rachael accepts the final rose.
  
  
• A one horse open sleigh is there to pick them up and take them away through the forest.
  
  
• The End.

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE

I normally don’t talk about the After Show, but there are some newsworthy items to mention this time.

Emmanuel Acho is hosting, instead of Chris Harrison.

Matt came out to talk to Michelle. She says she asked him for a conversation after he broke up with her and he said no. She was looking to find some inner peace because the break-up blindsided her.

Since filming, some racially insensitive images from Rachael’s past (2018) emerged. Chris Harrison defended her. He has since apologized and so has Rachael. Chris Harrison is on a temporary hiatus from the show and will not host next season. Matt and Rachael have broken up.

Katie is the new bachelorette. Her season will come out this summer.

Michelle will also have her own season of The Bachelorette, later this year.

THANK YOU

If you’ve been reading my recaps every week, or even just once, thank you! I really appreciate it.

What are your thoughts on how this season turned out? Are you excited for the new bachelorettes? Let me know!