1. Taking a t-shirt off after sweating in it is one of life’s most underrated difficulties.
2. What if aliens think we’re the aliens?
3. I recently realized that Diagon Alley from Harry Potter is basically the word “Diagonally”.
4. People need to stop using airport codes in their caption when they say they are travelling somewhere. I have no clue where they’re going.
5. I didn’t realize my personality was a “type” and could be categorized until about three years ago. I am an INFP.
6. When I was a kid I assumed Gryffindor was for good kids; Slytherin was for bad kids; Hufflepuff was for people who were always happy; Ravenclaw was for “Other”.
7. I recently realized I was wrong and that I would be in Ravenclaw.
8. Total Eclipse of the Heart and Blinded by the Light are the only two songs you should’ve been listening to during the solar eclipse. I wasn’t, but you should’ve.
8.5 I always knew that memorizing the lyrics to Total Eclipse of the Heart would come in handy some day.
9. Wrestling theme songs are so generic these days. A lot of them don’t even have lyrics.
9.5 Maven had a great theme song back in the day.
10. I just started Season 5 of Friends and Ross just married a girl he’s known for six weeks. I didn’t know this is where The Bachelor got the premise for their show.
11. The new 30 Seconds To Mars single comes out today. I really hope I like it immediately and it’s not one of those songs that has to grow on me.
12. If I put a laptop on a desk, does it become a desktop laptop?
13. When you sit down for a fancy dinner, it’s polite to put your napkin on your lap. I don’t like that. I don’t need it on my lap. I need it on the table, right next to my hand. I have been eating food my entire life. I don’t drop food on myself. I’m a professional.
14. I said a boom chicka boom.
15. Birthday cake smells different from regular cake.
16. I didn’t realize until today that my birthday is in less than two weeks.
17. Sitting under the parachute in kindergarten is everyone’s favourite childhood memory. Don’t lie.
18. At some point in the future, kids are going to have to be told what newspapers were.
19. There are two movies coming out later this year that I actually want to see. What is wrong with me? I think I’m sick.
19.5 Murder on the Orient Express & It.
20. I’m trying to figure out how many fingers I use to type with but they’re moving too fast for me to count.
20.5 I type with three fingers. Right index. Right middle. Left index. (Left thumb is used to press the shift key).
20.75 Since starting this blog I’ve slowly turned into a person who doesn’t look at the keyboard when I type. Why I couldn’t attain this level of sorcery while I was in school, I’ll never know.
21. The apple dessert pizza at Pizza Hut is indescribable. I make inaudible noises when I think about it.
22. Has anyone ever seen that show Monk? It was on TV about 10 years ago. Anyways, I am him. I am Monk.
23. I used to eat a big bag of potato chips every week. I haven’t craved chips at all this year. Again, what is wrong with me?
24. “Lamp shade” is an oxymoron, isn’t it?
25. Sometimes I get stuck in the 90s music video section of YouTube and can’t get out.
26. Madden NFL 07 had one of the best video game soundtracks ever. I still listen to a bunch of songs from it.
27. If I’m walking down the street and see a kid set up with a lemonade stand, the last thing I’m going to do is buy lemonade. Why do we tell kids this is a good way to make money?
27.5 Sell watches, or something.
28. I’ve worn the same running shoes since about Grade 6. Not the same pair, but the same style. Fortunately, they’re always available. I couldn’t imagine wearing any other running shoe.
29. I once dropped a spoon in a Kitchen Aid mixer. It rattled around a bit and then bounced out and hit the wall. I’m shocked the “mixer Gods” didn’t have it hit me instead.
30. A good caption adds 10-15 likes to your Instagram photo.
31. Nap now, procrastinate later.
32. It’s time to update the phrase, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” to “Don’t call me, I’ll text you.”
33. Jinder Mahal as WWE Champion is an experiment that needs to end. Please.
34. Someone was able to write a popular song based on a girl named Mary owning a lamb. Sorry, a little* lamb. Unreal.
35. I take pride in being able to do math in my head and not needing a calculator except for extreme circumstances.
36. When you make a joke via text message, it loses its level of hilarity every second the person doesn’t reply.
37. The present lasts for one second before it becomes the past.
38. A hotdog is not a sandwich because a sandwich is not a hotdog. Boom. Debate over.
39. Adding integers in Grade 9 Math felt like the most difficult thing ever. I wish I could go back and get 110% on each test.
40. “If you can’t draw, don’t” is one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received.
41. Can we just create a new word for the sole purpose of having something to rhyme with orange?
43. In Canada, we spell “Humour” with a ‘u” but we take it out when we spell “humorous”. I find that weird.
44. Do Americans really walk around their house with shoes on? I’m not talking about slippers. I’m talking about the shoes you wear outside.
45. How lazy do I have to be in order to have a rotating tray named after me? Perhaps I should ask Susan.
46. A cuckoo clock is one of those items that I’d want, but get tired of after three hours.
47. I like books, but they are so long.
48. Bunny, funny, honey, money, punny, runny, sunny.
49. The last thing I Googled was “What is each toe called?”
50. Sticks and stones may break my ice cream cones, but words will never hurt knee.