Paulo’s Kitchen: Pancakes

Paulo’s Kitchen is recorded in front of a live studio audience. The people in the audience are real. However, their ooh’s and aah’s may be exaggerated. And no, the camera does not add ten pounds; Paulo’s cooking might, though. To be a member of our live studio audience, please call…  

Oh, hello! Didn’t see you there. Welcome back to another award-worthy edition of Paulo’s Kitchen. I’m Chef Paulo. Step inside my kitchen!

There are people who say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Personally, I think that is a slap in the face to lunch and dinner. But that’s a debate for another day.

We are making a classic today, kids.

Pancakes. 

Now, we’re not making the fancy kind. We’re making the delicious kind. Know the difference.

Step 1: Get a KitchenAid mixer. We’re going all out. A KitchenAid mixer gets the job done. If you don’t have one, borrow one from a neighbour. If they don’t have one, they’re lying. In that case, pull out a hand mixer. If you don’t have one of those, get out a spatula and get ready to whip it, whip it good.

Step 2: Crack an egg into your mixing bowl. Get an adult to assist you, if necessary. Do NOT get the shell in the bowl. You did, didn’t you. Alright, dig the shell out. I’ll wait. Got it out yet? Good. Your homework is to crack eggs until you get it right. Life skills 101.

Step 3: Turn on the mixer to beat the egg. Do this for 90 seconds, or so.

“Or so” can be defined as: A precise measurement of time that has no exact duration.

Step 4: Take the milk out of the fridge. I’m using 2% milk. Use other milk at your own discretion. Do not use milk directly from a cow. That takes too long.

Step 5: Measure 1 cup of milk in a measuring cup. Pour the milk into the mixing bowl.

I should note, do not turn off the mixer unless I say: TURN OFF THE MIXER. Capiche?

Step 6: Mix the milk with the egg for about as long as it takes you to take the sugar out of the cupboard and grab a tablespoon…and then add about 19 seconds, OR SO, to that time.

Step 7: Add 3 tablespoons of sugar to the mixing bowl. Other than turning on the mixer, this might be the easiest thing you do all day.

Don’t drop the spoon in the mixer. Young Paulo “may” have done so before. It rattles around for a few seconds and then the spoon shoots out of the bowl and may hit you in the forehead on the morning of picture day at school. Then you will have a welt and it won’t be pretty. Or the spoon will shoot out of the bowl and hit the wall, just like it did when I foolishly dropped it in. 

Step 8: Let the sugar mix with the egg and milk for about as long as it takes for you to grab the bag of flour and measure out 1 cup in a…you guessed it…measuring cup.

At this point you’ve been focussing on making pancakes for about five whole minutes. Kudos to you for not looking at your cellphone yet. This is the kind of stuff you brag about to your friends.

Step 9: Slowly pour the cup of flour into the mixing bowl. If you put too much in at once, there will be a large flour cloud. You don’t want that. You’re not wearing goggles. So do it slowly. I SAID SLOWLY. Thank you.

Step 10: Look in the mixing bowl and watch it mix. You don’t know what’s going on in there, but you’re pretty sure it’s magic. Where did the egg go?

Step 11: Locate the baking powder in your house and add 2 teaspoons to the mixing bowl. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is. Trust me. This, too, is magic.

Step 12: Let the mixer run for about 58 seconds on medium speed, or whichever one is the notch below the really fast one.

Step 13: TURN OFF THE MIXER.

Step 14: Grab your handy spatula and push down on the raw ingredients that have crept up the side of the bowl. They are trying to escape. Don’t let them.

Step 15: Release an evil laugh.

Step 16: Observe the pancake batter. If it is too watery, add some more flour. Just some, though. If it is too thick, add some more milk. Just some, though. Skip this step if the batter is perfect.

“Some” can be defined as: Not a lot, but not a little. Just, some. Got it?

Step 17: TURN ON THE MIXER and let the ingredients mix for about 63 more seconds, OR SO. You decide how long the “or so” should be.

Step 18: TURN OFF THE MIXER.

Step 19: Turn on the stove, grab a pan, put some oil in it, and cook the pancake batter.

You all know how to cook pancakes on a stove, right? Get an adult to do it for you, if you can’t. Let’s pull some TV magic and skip ahead to the part where all of your pancakes are cooked.

Step 20: Pour some maple syrup on top of your pancakes. Too little, and they’ll taste dry. Too much, and your pancakes will be drowning. Quick, grab a life preserver! A.K.A. your fork.

Step 21: Eat the pancakes.

Now, if you want to put other ingredients on top of your pancakes, I would suggest that you don’t. This is Paulo’s Kitchen. We do things the simple way around here.

I don’t have time for fresh fruit, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, butter, or whatever else you put on your pancakes.

Follow my 21 steps and you won’t be disappointed. Though if you are disappointed, that’s on you. Not me.

There, I’ve successfully shifted all blame while making some quality pancakes.

I’m Paulo, and this has been another award-worthy edition of Paulo’s Kitchen.

Next time on Paulo’s Kitchen: Paulo cooks up a storm, but will the precipitation rain on his parade? Also, tragedy strikes when Paulo drops a glass of milk on the floor, but a hero emerges when Paulo orders an audience member cleans it up for him. All this and more, next time, on Paulo’s Kitchen. 

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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70 Responses to Paulo’s Kitchen: Pancakes

  1. izza ifzaal says:

    haha! This was more good than a live streaming! Chef Paulo you did a fantastic job HI5 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I love this show! I had a little trouble with the shells, but I bought a dozen eggs and cracked all 13 of them… just for practice. And Paulo was right about number #10. I watched the mixing process and my eyes never left the bowl, not once, and still the eggs just vanished into thin…uh… flour! Paulo is simply amazing.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh boy. My mom and I are watching a movie right now and I burst out laughing over the spoon flying out of the bowl thing! Also, now I’m hungry for pancakes… Thanks a lot Paul 😛

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Haha your mom probably thought you were crazy. Just follow the recipe and you’ll have pancakes in 15 minutes!! Don’t drop the spoon though.

      Like

  4. haha! It was as intriguing and amusing as watching Julia Child’s show.
    58 secs and 63..hmmmm I am sure they gonna be hard to keep. :p
    Hope you enjoyed the pancakes. :p And I hope you did not burn them or ate raw. Although, I doubt that, with such precision…nothing can go wrong. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  5. grammyg53 says:

    Oh My Goodness Gracious… I am speechless & that rarely happens. RARELY.
    Thank Heavens you are like a million miles away from me today as I do the baking of the cake. THE. CAKE.
    Should I set up the video camera?
    13 eggs in a dozen. Amazing math.
    I need more sleep.
    Pizza. This post was lacking that word, y’all.
    No need to thank me. I added it for you totally for free. I’m that kind of a friend.
    But I KNOW you were eating it between Step 4 and Step 7.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      THE. CAKE.
      I was wondering if anyone would mention that I didn’t mention pizza in this post. Congratulations for pointing it out! Haha steps 4 to 7 had a lot of down time for pizza.

      Liked by 1 person

      • grammyg53 says:

        I’m still trying to figure out how to keep the HAND mixer turned on while doing other steps… more than spoons would be flying in my kitchen!

        Like

      • Paul says:

        I’m sure if you just let go of the hand mixer it would go on autopilot and do a great job until you can gain control over it again! (Don’t try this at home.)

        Like

  6. Liz says:

    Can I hire your to start writing my recipes? Yours are funnier than mine. Also, I ❤ pancakes. Two thumbs up.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. anxietybug88 says:

    Simple. I like simple. Like making macaroni noodles. Not mac and cheese, but just plain macaroni noodles. It’s the only thing I know how to cook. lol

    Liked by 2 people

  8. George says:

    Or you can buy the box mix where you just add water…:) then add in chocolate chips or blueberries. Everything tastes perfect with chocolate anyway…:)

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I still suck at cracking eggs open- I’m just bad at it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ahhhh…. Pancakes.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. James says:

    Wow you make pancakes in exactly the same way that I do, except I never tried step 15, But it seems so obvious now that you’ve said it. I guess that’s why you’re the chef…

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Melinda Young says:

    Oh, great! Now I’m hungry!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Mindy says:

    NOT THE SPILLED MILK!!! Pancakes were a wonderful choice! Who doesn’t love them?

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Barb Knowles says:

    This was completely awesome. Your new career has been born…..

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Little Rants says:

    Happy Blogiversary Paul! Keep being AWESOME-est!! *🐼 bear hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

  16. hmekeel says:

    I’ve never heard of adding sugar to pancakes! No wonder I need so much syrup to coddle my sweet tooth. Also, I’m still laughing about the hand mixer picture. Ps. I’m impressed that these pancakes are from scratch! I usually start with a mix.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Suri says:

    Step 15: Release an evil laugh.
    Of course, the most important step of all. You just can NOT ignore it!
    Great receipe. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  18. amorefado says:

    GOOD JOB CHEF PAULO!!!! I’m deeply impressed! They turned out amah-zeeng! Can I be your assistant next time?! Please? Ooooo please, can I? I can crack an egg, I promise! *flails arms*

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Pingback: Paulo – Coming Soon | The Captain's Speech

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