Addressing The Elephant In The Room

Dear Mr. Elephant,

Why are you in the room?

Sorry, I’m jumping ahead. I should ask if I can call you Mr. Elephant. Can I call you Mr. Elephant? Or is Mr. Elephant your father?

Time out. I can’t stop laughing.

Would you like me to call you something else? I can call you by your DJ name – Grandmaster Trunk. No? You’re right, it’s too long. So is your DJ name.

What about Ellie? Right, you’re not a girl. Hmm. Have any nicknames as a baby elephant? Peanuts? Thunder thighs? Stomper? I’m not making any progress here. I’m just going to call you Mr. Elephant.

Mr. Elephant, are you aware that people are always wanting to address the elephant in the room, a.k.a you? Oh, you’re not? Well, that’s a plot twist. Am I saying it correctly? “Address the elephant”? People aren’t saying, “Dress the elephant” are they?

Now that I think of it, you are naked. Put on some pants. Or some socks, at least. There are children here!

No socks, huh? Do you have a big diaper we can put on you? Oh, you don’t wear diapers? You wear potato sacks? Makes sense.

By the way, sorry for all of the questions. Are you tired of them? I’m tired of them? Oh, that wasn’t a question.

Back to the reason I’m here.

People always want to address the elephant in the room. It’s like, “Oh, let’s finally talk to it.” I don’t get it. Addressing the elephant in the room should be the first thing that people do. Hello!? There’s an elephant in the room!

Your interpreter is telling me that people say it as a figure of speech. As if to say, “Let’s talk about what is clearly on everyone’s mind.”

No, that’s where you’re wrong. It is not a figure of speech and you are not on everyone’s mind. You are in the room. Probably off in the corner playing tic-tac-elephant-toe, or whatever game you burly animals play.

You don’t get the respect you deserve. You should be treated like the Queen of England. You should be treated like someone who just won the lottery. You should be treated like the only kid on the playground that has a soccer ball.

Everyone should be sucking up to you.

And yet they don’t. They ignore you, until someone finally speaks up and declares that they should address you. Isn’t that thoughtful?

I don’t know how you stand for it. I would sit down if I were you. Schedule a sit-in with your buddies. Make a Facebook event and invite everyone. If anyone replies “Maybe”, you can’t trust them.

Quickly, before I forget. One question…what you gon’ do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?

You’re going to eat it? Oh, well that’s nice to hear. I thought you were going to say something far worse, that would be repeated on radios everywhere for many years until it finally died down and retired to the weird part of YouTube.

Anyways, Sir E. (notice how I’ve given you a status upgrade), let me get back to why I’m addressing you.

Why are you in the room? How did you get in here? The door isn’t big enough. This is like when Hagrid showed up at Harry Potter’s house and then all of a sudden he’s inside the house. How did he get in the door? He was bigger than the door!

(My Harry Potter memory is fuzzy, so if you feel the need to correct anything I said in that last paragraph…DON’T DO IT. How dare you try to embarrass me on my own post.)

I mean, if I walked in a room and saw an elephant in there, I would have a lot of questions. I’d also be frightened. Elephants can be frightening.

Oh, but not you, King Elephant, not you. I wouldn’t call you frightening. No. Not at all. Nope. Why are my legs trembling? I’m going to fall. No I’m not. Yeah, I’m going down.

I fell.

I don’t mean to offend you, but you’re quite big. I can’t possibly picture any situation where you got in this room.

But while I have you here, I must ask, how come I found your footprints in the butter? How did that happen? Were you chilling in the fridge again?

I don’t want to see your footprints in my butter again, you hear me? Of course you hear me. Your ears are the size of hula-hoops.

Someone wants a plane that loops a loop. Me, I want a hula-hoop

Well, I guess I should let you go. Or in this case, let you stay. I don’t know how you got in this room, but I’m certain you can’t escape back to your home address. It must feel like prison to you. Maybe you can dig a hole through the wall with a toothbrush. Hint hint.


I went off topic a lot and asked about 47 questions today. Mr. Elephant didn’t want to talk. Who knew elephants were introverts?

All I wanted to do was address the elephant in the room and what did I get?

Peanuts.

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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52 Responses to Addressing The Elephant In The Room

  1. izza ifzaal says:

    Why you wanted to address elephant in the first place?
    Was is it all metaphorical or you remembered interacting with an introvert n made a post!? #wondering :p

    Liked by 1 person

  2. And you addressed him well. I am pretty sure Mr. E never got this much attention, ever. Good luck to him digging that whole up with a tooth brush. :p

    Liked by 1 person

  3. DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

    Hahaha! Most delightful! Thanks for the giggles Paul!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. rebbit7 says:

    Haha, I was definitely entertained with this post! And I do agree that it’s strange that people don’t get around to discussing the “elephant in the room” until later. Sometimes, much later…if at all. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  5. erinsedit says:

    This is pure gold

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Barb Knowles says:

    You actually made me jump. I was formulating a reply to the HArry Potter reference when I read DON’T DO IT!…and jumped. As I’m sitting here eating cheese and fruit and feeling decadent, it occurs to me that maybe I am the elephant in this room, at any rate. Being literal, and feeling fat, that is. More to the point, who is the Mr. Elephant in YOUR room, Paul?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. hmekeel says:

    I’ve never thought of actually addressing the elephant. How creative! Also, I love the song references. “My Humps” was definitely appropriate here. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I figured the elephant deserved some attention lol. Before I started writing this post I had no intention of mentioning that song but the word trunk was too tempting.

      Liked by 1 person

      • hmekeel says:

        Haha it’s true. It’s like Waldo. Nobody ever asks *how he is. To be honest, I could tell they were familiar song lyrics but googled them to remind myself and I couldn’t stop laughing that it was that song.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        I have never wondered how Waldo is! That’s a great question. Haha that song is hilarious. The lines after the ones I used are just way to repetitive and un-elephantlike.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Deeksha says:

    This is a GREAT post! I don’t think I’ve laughed as much in a long, long time! Good job, you! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Deeksha says:

    Reblogged this on The Biter Writer and commented:
    HAHAHAHAHA! This is such a great post! I don’t think I’ve laughed as much in the longest time! It is a bit strange, but its strangeness is what makes it hilarious in the end! Give it a read!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. BookwormwithOpinions says:

    I’m jealous. You got peanuts for asking around 47 questions. I don’t have the stamina to ask that many but I would kill for peanuts aha.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Once I shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in the shot I’ll never know, but the picture caused a sensation and went viral. I know, that still doesn’t explain how the elephant got in the room though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha “Shot an elephant”. I imagine that’s a great conversation starter everywhere you go. Especially in your attic!

      Like

      • It was, especially when the police arrived. Originally, I drew a chalk outline of a unicorn on the floor of my attic, but the elephant arrived and I shot it instead. Well, when it fell, it didn’t fit into my unicorn drawing on the floor. Worse, the elephant smudged the chalk drawing, you see it fell awkwardly. As you can imagine, this made for a lot of uncomfortable explanations to the police. However, while I was in the holding cell it made for a lively conversation with some other inmates when they asked me what I was in for? For example; why was I wearing pajamas in my attic? Why did I have a gun in the first place? Why did I draw a unicorn, cause’ its not a very manly looking animal? And how did the elephant get in my attic in the first place? But mostly, I’m feeling really uncomfortable around Herman, he says I have beautiful eyes and likes my pajamas!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Hahaha beware of Herman. He’s probably just trying to befriend you so he can see your attic some day.

        Like

  12. Little Rants says:

    Thunder thighs. Dear God.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Issa says:

    Peanuts are a nice consolation

    Liked by 1 person

  14. anxietybug88 says:

    I love how you can take the simplest thoughts and turn them into entire blog posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Lyndsi says:

    I will never be able to hear that phrase again without laughing hysterically… which may be an issue since when people talk about addressing the Elephant in the room it is normally the start of a very awkward conversation.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha laughing will be a nice ice breaker before they start talking about something awkward! Or, your laughing will prevent them from addressing the elephant in the room.

      Like

  16. …. Wow. X-D

    Phrases are interesting things! Just like my post on the phrase “You’re something else.” Makes you stop and think. And in your case ask a thousand questions.

    US Lifestyle Blog // rebekahkoontzsite.com

    Liked by 1 person

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