A Letter To T

Dear T,

Right off the top, let’s clear the air. Are you, or are you not, related to Mr. T? 

I’ll wait.

Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo DOO, doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, da, da da da, da, da da, dum dum.

That was the Jeopardy music, for those of you playing along at home.

Reveal your answer, T!

“What is no?”

Good question. What is no? 

So I take it, you’re not related to Mr. T. It’s fine. 

Perhaps you want to be referred to as T because you’re from Toronto? You’re not really from Toronto though, right? I say I’m from Toronto too, and so do some other bloggers, but we don’t literally mean Toronto. 

We live around there, the greater area of Toronto, if you will. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Unless you do actually live in Toronto, them I’m winking at and nudging strangers. Wouldn’t be the first time! Ha! Actually, I think it would be the first time.

Except maybe once on the subway. I once had this older man fall asleep on my shoulder. I let him stay there until I had to get off then I sort of nudged him to wake up.

Hey, we all need a pillow and no one likes to be woken up mid-sleep. I did my good deed of the day.

I guess he likes firm pillows because my shoulders are rock hard. Ba dum shhh.

Walking around downtown Toronto is quite the experience. Mainly because there are a lot of people and narrow sidewalks, especially when the Blue Jays play. However, no matter how busy the sidewalks are, strangers always seem to seek me out when they need directions.

I cannot explain it. Maybe I just have a welcoming, non-threatening disposition that people feel comfortable approaching? Might as well call me Paul E. Directions because if it weren’t for me, at least a dozen people would still be lost in Toronto.

Transitioning away from things that start with the letter T, let’s talk about the letter H. You know where this is going.

House warming presents!

Just kidding.

Hippos! 

I might not be the biggest animal person in the world, but I can appreciate other’s affection towards them. Such as yours with Hippos. 

It always brings a smile to my face when you mention Hippos on your blog because I can tell you were probably smiling as you wrote about them. It makes me want to go find a penguin and hug it. 

Are penguins slippery? Should I only hug the penguins that are wearing clothes? What’s the proper etiquette?

Speaking of penguins…funny how this letter transitions into new things so seamlessly eh?

Speaking of penguins, the other day I tweeted about how I was watching an episode of Pingu on YouTube. I thought, “Ah, this tweet will go untouched and sail over everyone’s head, and then in 7 hours I’ll feel embarrassed about it and delete it when no one’s watching.”

But no! You commented on it and restored my faith in Pingu fans worldwide. Or maybe just locally. 

Seriously though, why was Pingu using the stove without parental supervision? And why did he think it was okay to give the townspeople (townspenguins?) popcorn that had been on the ground?

Very questionable life lessons, but hella entertaining.

I just used the word “hella” for the first time on this blog. How’d I do? 

Speaking of doing things…another seamless transition.

Speaking of doing things, you wanted me to tell you about that time I met a pirate queen. Well, okay.

It was a dark and stormy night because that’s when pirates come out to play. I was at Queen Station – you know the place, probably.

All of a sudden the subway stalled and the lights went out and onto the train walked a person in a pirate outfit. They had Polly the Parrot propped on the left shoulder. If it weren’t Halloween, it would’ve been weird.

So the pirate got a phone call and I’m assuming the person they were talking to asked them where they were because the pirate replied with, “I’m in a subway y’ar.”

Get it? Like “Subway car” but they’re a pirate so….ah, you get it.

Then they sat next to me and asked me my name. I said it was Polly, just to mess with them. Their eyes widened and then they said, “Golly, I got a Polly on my left and right shoulder.”

And then the pirate took out some cashews to feed Polly. Do parrots eat cashews? Because the pirate was feeding them to me. Ha!

I named it the Pirate Queen because it was a pirate at Queen station.

End scene.

Well, that was fun.

Fun…happy things…things outside…garden gnomes. Garden Gnomes!

I am killing it with these transitions, let me tell ya!

You told me that garden gnomes are of interest to you. There used to be a garden gnome in my neighbourhood. I always thought it was a year-round version of the scarecrow. I mean, would you trust a garden gnome in front of someone’s house?

Methinks it moves at night like the toys in Toy Story. You don’t just have a silent “G” in your name and not cause mischief.

Speaking of names….you asked me how I got the name Paul.

My parents gave it to me. Apparently, “Thomas” was also in the running but they liked Paul more.

Could you imagine if my name were Thomas? I would be a runaway train with the Thomas the Tank Engine puns. See!

As it is, my name offers up many puns for my disposal. I like my name. In Grade 2, we went around the class and had to clap out the number of syllables in our name.

Everyone had anywhere between 2-4 claps. Then it was my turn to shine.

Paul. One clap. Everyone laughed. It was great.

Well, I must be going now. It’s a cloudy, rainy day and it would be a waste if I don’t go stare out the window and listen to slow music. I’m only half kidding. 

Thank you for reading my blog and being a supporter of all things ridiculous that I write about. It really means a lot.

With one clap,

P

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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10 Responses to A Letter To T

  1. m4gical says:

    UGH I LOVE GNOMES. I’ve always wondered what the whole thing about them moving in the night was about. Also I want a gnome, they’re so cool.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry for the late reply, I was having a nap! Apparently, Family Day is the perfect day to have a sore throat and a semi-fever. Go me. BUT this letter is the best and the highlight of my day! So I’m going to try to reply to everything in a comment just to give you something horrendously long to read.

    First of all, no I’m not related to Mr. T. You were right. Great job guessing that! I’m not *really* from Toronto. I grew up mostly in Kitchener, but now I live in North York so I just say that I’m in Toronto to make it easier on people who don’t really know the area, like myself.

    This one time, I was on the bus in KW and some lady sat down beside me talking to her friend, only she was sitting sideways and just leaned on me THE WHOLE TIME! And did I say anything? No. I did not. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m Canadian and too nice to say anything, OR if I’m just a coward and didn’t say anything. Probably the second.

    I’m glad all the hippo references make you smile. Hippos are just SOOOO cute. Every time I look down at the one tattooed on my wrist, my first thought is “wow, kind of forgot you were there” and then “omg you are so freaking cute I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH”. I don’t think Penguins are slippery. And the ones that are wearing clothes are the ones that are in danger of getting too cold so maybe don’t hug them?

    And that Pengu tweet was the highlight of THAT day for me. Dude, you’re on a roll with brightening up my days. And he was using the stove without supervision because it was the 90’s and it was a simpler time back then. Also, use this as the reason for giving the popcorn to everyone.

    AWESOME pirate queen story! And you totally rocked the hella outta using hella for the first time. Snaps for you!

    Garden Gnomes just rock. But no, I wouldn’t trust a house with a garden gnome in front. There is a book “how to survive a garden gnome attack” that you should read. It explains them coming inside at night like the previous comment mentioned. Read it. Pass it along. Save a life.

    Thanks for the letter Paul with one clap! And I’m sorry for this super long comment in reply. Only not really.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Oh nooo, sorry you’re not feeling good today! I like how we both started our comments with an apology haha so Canadian.

      As for the person leaning on you on the bus, I don’t think you had any other option but to sit there and not move. If you had made a scene about it, that would be uncanadian. You did the right thing.

      Haha how many times a day do you surprise yourself with the Hippo on your wrist? Over or under 6? I’m picturing you sitting in a quiet waiting room, noticing the Hippo and laughing. Right?

      Pingu was da man! The writers probably didn’t even think twice about him using the stove since it was the 90s, you’re right.

      How to survive a garden gnome attack…….I’m intrigued!

      I’m glad you liked the letter and I hope it helped made you feel a little bit better (I know you said its the highlight of your day, but I need to reiterate it because I’m Canadian). Ok bye!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lol don’t be sorry. I’m sure the nap and the clove of raw garlic I ate will make it all better. Its a disgusting trick but it seems to work.

        And maybe just a few times. I just forget its there…like all my other tattoos but its the most visible so you’d think that wouldn’t be the case.

        The book is by Chuck Sambuchino. 2nd time today for me to bring it up haha. Its amazing.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: A Letter To T | No Love for Fatties

  4. Tanushka says:

    Ok. I really thought this was an ode the actual letter T. And I was very excited! I mean, it’s not often when T gets the appreciation it deserves. All the calligraphy styles make S so special, while T and F get merged. Sure, the fancy THE in fancy journals is fancy, but isn’t even t all the time. And everytime I would look for those keychains with your initials, T WILL ALWAYS BE THE UGLIEST. I’m sorry, maybe I should write about this someday.
    So, clearly, I was quite disappointed after reading the first paragraph, but as read on, not so much, because it’s difficult to stay mad at you for long.
    Anyway, I am again jealous of these friends of yours, because they get to read such beautiful letters from you!
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

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