Abandoned Blog Topics

I was all gung-ho to write a blog post this afternoon, but couldn’t. I was too tired. I decided to nap instead. These are some topics that I thought about turning into a blog post, but none of them felt like they had the legs to be their own post. So here they are, together.

1. Pizza in the Microwave
Pizza is my favourite food. I wouldn’t say leftover pizza is as good as when you get it hot from the box, but it is still a delicacy. Heating it up in the microwave is a skill, though. Over the years I have come to realize there is a right way of heating up pizza in the microwave and a wrong way.

The right way is to do one slice at a time. Length of time may vary depending on your microwave or your preference of how hot you want your pizza. Normally, somewhere between 24-29 seconds will do the trick for one slice of pizza, unless it is a small slice. In that case, somewhere in the 17-21 second range is right.

The wrong way is by putting two or more slices in the microwave at the same time. They won’t heat up properly. Maybe it’s just my microwave. But if I put two or three slices on a plate, and heat them up for 29 seconds, they will come out cold.

It’s as if the heat in the microwave has to divide its efforts for three slices, instead of giving the same amount to all three. Darn microwave, preaching fairness and all that stuff.

How do I test if the pizza slice is still cold, or heated to my liking? I use my tongue. I lick the top of each slice. My tongue is basically a thermometer. Also, you can tell by looking at the pizza. A cold slice will look dead.

S0, if you care about properly heating up each pizza slice to their maximum potential, you should do one at a time. This may involve the use of multiple plates.

At this point you would have to decide what’s more important to you. An extra dirty dish, or a really good slice of pizza. I don’t think it’s a tough decision. In fact, I don’t even think it is decision. The only thing better than pizza is money. Why? Because you can use money to buy pizza. You can’t use an unused dish to buy pizza.

2. Broken Cookie
I went to have a cookie today. When I opened the package, I found it. It was dead before I got there. Its remains were spread everywhere. The cookie was broken in half, like a wrestler thrown off the top of a cage. I set up some police tape.

Who did this to you? Were there any witnesses? It was unresponsive. I found half of the cookie lying about 3 centimetres away from its other half. And then a stray limb further down.

Needless to say, I disposed of it’s remains. It was delicious.

3. The Dentist
I went to the dentist yesterday and my face got a workout. Holy cannoli, it was a full facial exercise. It got stretched this way. It got stretched that way. Pretty sure my tongue was licking my ear at one point.

The workout was finally over and I got to close my mouth. It hurt. I felt like my face needed to lie down. It had been through a lot.

By the way, shoutout to dentists. Putting your hands in another person’s mouth every single day deserves some recognition. I’m sure they’ve seen some gnarly things. The mouth is a disgusting place and they clean it up for all of us.

A round of gauze applause to dentists!

And there you have it, three blog posts for the price of one. Now if you excuse me, I have some pizza to go heat up in the microwave. One. Slice. At. A. Time.