Clowns Aren’t Scary

It is said that if you don’t think clowns are scary, then you probably are a clown. Harsh, maybe. But don’t get mad at me, I don’t make the rules. Except in this case. I made up that line for the sake of an introduction.

The other night as I went to sleep, the sudden thought of, “Clowns aren’t scary” crossed my mind. I’m not sure why it did, but it did.

Better than a flock of geese crossing my mind, they take forever. Just put a conveyor belt on the road at designated “Geese Crossings”. That’ll speed things up.

Bam, fixed the world.

It made me think about all the times I’ve heard people freak out over clowns and how petrifying they are.

I don’t get it. I don’t think clowns are scary.

If you’re afraid of clowns, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be. I can’t tell you what to fear, especially when the lights go out and you hear a creak in the distance.

Don’t worry, it was probably just a potato chip….*creak*….two potato chips under your pillow.

I just don’t share the fear of clowns with you.

Truthfully, I’m more afraid of dogs than I am clowns.

*Pause for all the gasps*

I don’t trust dogs. From a distance, and via pictures, they’re cool. And outside of a select 1-2 dogs, I’ve never really wanted them near me. That is weird, yes, but it’s normal for me.

Are there evil clowns? I don’t know, are there?

Or are we just judging them based on their face?

To me, they’ve always looked like their little sister put makeup on them while they were taking a nap, they didn’t notice, and left the house to go twist balloons into shapes.

That’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for their appearance.

Watching the IT movie was like watching a comedy. There were points when I felt the clown was trying to be scary and I asked myself, “Am I supposed to be scared right now? Is that what they want me to feel in this moment?”

I was unfazed.

Even as a kid, I remember going to the Doctor’s and in some of the rooms there was a clown doll hanging from the ceiling above the examination table. I guess it was something for kids to stare at? A distraction? Decoration? An out of place ornament?

I never looked at it and thought, “Ahh a scary clown hanging from the ceiling!” It was just, “Oh, a clown. Can you give me my needle now?”

I’m also unfazed by needles. Always just stared at them and went about my day.

Is there a correlation between those who aren’t afraid of clowns, and those who aren’t afraid of needles? Or did I just create my own category?

Always hated the eye doctor, though. Dogs and eye doctors – blah.

Back to clowns.

Feeling in the minority on this whole issue, I put it to a Twitter poll.

Are clowns scary? Yes or no.

63% said yes. 37% said no.

I was expecting 80% to say yes, so I consider this a win for the No side.

If you’re wondering how many people voted, it was 1,782,243. That’s a fairly good sample size, if I say so myself.

Okay, it was 27 people. 27 people voted. Are you happy now!?

Three bloggers replied to the poll.

Christine said: “As if this even needs to be asked. Horrifying smiley jackwads.”

Reid said: “Yes, clowns are most definitely scary.”

T said: “As if you even need to ask!”

Upon telling T that I was writing a blog post about this, she said, “Please tell me the title in advance so I can avoid reading it.”

Now she has to read it, since I linked her blog. Ha! I get the last (and first) laugh here.

Notice a theme with the responses, though?

Where are the people who voted, “No”? Why didn’t they say anything? I think I know why. They know they’re in the minority.

It’s no different than when you’re in high school and are polling your friends to see who is going to something. One person says they aren’t going and then another says they aren’t, and then that turns into, “No one is going”.

When really, there were people who wanted to go but they realized they were in the minority, so they stayed silent.

I don’t know if that reference fits here, but it’s all I have.

So here I am, speaking up for those of us who are not afraid of clowns. Why did I just feel a cold shiver? Will I regret saying those words?

Ah, it was just the air conditioner turning on behind me.

Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I saw a clown in person. It’s not like they’re walking down the street, playing music, and ringing a bell.

They aren’t an ice cream truck. Why aren’t people afraid of ice cream trucks? They lure you out of your house. Clowns don’t. Clowns would never.

Clowns just need a new PR representative. Maybe film a few commercials of them helping people cross the street, or trying on shoes for back to school season.

Again, I’m not telling you what you should, or shouldn’t be afraid of. I’m just trying to understand.

I’m not afraid of clowns, are you?

Let me know in the comments below.