1. Sometimes, when people post a picture of their tattoo on social media, I can’t tell where it is located on their body.
2. If people in their twenties refer to themselves as, “twenty-something”, do 20-year-olds call themselves, “twenty-nothing”?
3. New Idea: Shoes with built-in socks. We’ll call them, Shocks.
4. I always thought a “t-shirt” automatically referred to a shirt with short sleeves. Didn’t know until recently that a long sleeve shirt is also called a t-shirt. Still not 100% sold on it.
5. If a foodie is someone who likes food, then a cookie is someone who likes to cook. No?
6. I realized today that my blog has been read in 165 countries. That’s too many.
7. I really want to know why they stopped giving me a balloon when I go to the dentist. It’s because they don’t trust me with a helium balloon, isn’t it?
8. A cash bar should be a place where you order money.
9. People need to stop calling themselves a super fan when they go on these reality competition shows, mainly Big Brother and Survivor.
9.5 The guy who won Big Brother last year thought he revealed the secret of the century on finale night when he said he was super fan.
9.75 I want to hit myself in the face, just writing that.
11. I want to know what goes on inside a garbage truck and why the waste and recycling is put in the same one. Are there dividers in the truck, or is this whole recycling thing a sham?
12. Food places should open at 10:45am instead of 11am. That way, they’re actually ready to go by 11am. Boom roasted.
13. There’s at least one self-employed person out there who has, “Tweets don’t express views of employer” in their bio. I can sense it.
14. Randy Orton has been boring since 2010.
15. Doubles luge only scratched the surface at these Winter Games.
15.5 I should’ve worded that better.
16. This “Don’t @ me” stuff on Twitter needed to stop three years ago.
17. Crispy bacon is basically a fried ruler. Don’t @ me, bro. Don’t @ me.
18. If we think birds chirp, what do they think we do?
18.5 Pollute their habitat. Boom roasted.
19. Saturday Night Live should let Kate McKinnon do an entire show by herself. It would be great.
20. If you were given a blank keyboard and told to put the letters on it, would you know where they go?
21. Where do ice cream trucks go in the winter? Where do they come from to begin with?
22. Go watch, Derren Brown: The Push on Netflix. Also, Flint Town. Also, Seven Seconds.
23. When I listen to my music on iTunes and don’t randomize the order, I know which song is coming next, 95% of the time.
24. Imagine if a popcorn machine was seen as an essential home appliance, like the stove.
25. Total Eclipse of the Heart is one of those songs you either know completely, or not at all. There is no middle ground.
25.5 TURN AROUND BRIGHT EYES.
26. I don’t like ketchup on hotdogs or burgers. I only like ketchup next to a stack of fries.
27. I’m still furious that the Hostess Cupcakes recipe seemingly changed (for the worse) around 2007.
28. The other day, I needed to look at a calendar of March so I Googled “March 2017”. It took me 4 hours to realize what I had done.
29. I’m under the impression that no one on The Walking Dead has changed their underwear in eight seasons.
30. Stop building robots if you don’t want robots to replace us.
31. Water has no shape. I thinks it’s beautiful the way it is.
32. There is nothing normal about watching celebrities accept awards for doing their job better than everyone else.
33. The first date card on The Bachelorette is going to say, “Let’s do the damn thing” isn’t it? My head already hurts.
34. You can always tell how old a person is depending on how they react to the words, “Windows 95”.
35. If the vowels ever fight the consonants, which side does the letter “Y” take?
36. I’m still waiting on a Family Matters reboot. Top 5 TV show theme song of all-time.
37. I don’t know what Vero is.
38. I don’t know what Venmo is.
39. I can never remember what “hmu” stands for.
39.5 I say it in my head as, “Hmm you?”
40. You know a mall is legit when it has a fountain with coins in it.
41. I’ve never understood the appeal of streetcars. It’s an above ground subway, that doesn’t travel as fast. Whoops, I just described a bus.
42. Why would you ever want to grow up and be a politician?
43. I could stand in a bakery all day and just inhale through my nose the whole time.
44. Imagine if every baseball field had to be the same dimensions?
45. “Bracketology” is a made-up word.
46. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a sequel to Bananas in Pyjamas called, “Oranges in Shorts”.
47. Less than two weeks until the Formula One season starts. Red Bull unveiled their car with a black and blue camo livery (colour scheme) and it looked great! Then they pulled a bait and switch and went back to their old colours. I’ll never get over this.
48. Bloggers are a different breed than the rest of the world.
49. It saddens me that the Toronto Rock (lacrosse team) get no attention in Toronto.
50. “I adore you because you don’t care where I came from.”