Adios, Chris

It was the best lasagna I’ve ever had in my life. I wanted to eat more of it, but in order to do that I would’ve had to pave paradise and put up a parking lot. In simpler terms, my stomach would’ve needed a trailer in which to store things. In normal terms, I was full. 

I’m getting ahead of myself.

For those of you who don’t know, myself and the blogger at THIS blog – Chris – have been friends since Grade 4, best friends since Grade 5, and mistaken for each other since Grade 6. Shoutout to our softball coach!

Last Friday night (isn’t that a Katy Perry lyric?), a surprise party was thrown at his house in his honour (as well as someone else’s, but I don’t want to reveal names without permission).

The reason? Chris left for the U.K. today to chase his dream of playing international basketball.

Just kidding, he’s going there for school, but if their basketball team comes knocking, you can be sure Chris will answer the door…after looking through the peephole.

It was a going away surprise party, which his mom (my blog’s #1 super fan) graciously hosted.

I arrived at the house just before 6pm and my biggest fear when I took my winter boots off was, “I hope no one puts my boots on accidentally and goes home with them.” Something similar had happened to me before, though I caught the culprit before they could leave.

There is a time and place to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, but it should never be literally.

That is one of those fears you don’t know you have, until you think about going home with only socks and a brave face.

His mom greeted me at the door and the night of meeting strangers who already knew who I was – by first and last name – had begun.

That’s the thing with Chris. He always calls me by my first and last name. Even when he’s talking to people I’ve never met. If I ever get famous, he’s going to be my hype man. The whole world will know my name within three days and be tired of it by the fourth.

If he calls me just “Paul”, it’s weird. I’m like a puppy that’s trained to go to the washroom outside. Only in this case, I’m trained to hear my last name.

Chris arrived at the house and was greeted by a large group of friends and family, who didn’t realize he had walked in the front door. It was perfect.

At 7pm, dinner arrived, and so did the lasagna of my dreams.

I didn’t tell anyone this, but earlier that day at lunch, I attended an Italian buffet with some old friends from school. I had already had enough food to last me until 2pm on Saturday.

Trust me when I tell you that I was walking laps around my house from the time I got home from the buffet, to the time I went to the surprise party, in order to expedite the process of digestion. I knew there would be food to be had that evening, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist.

Fast forward to 7pm, the two huge trays of lasagna were unveiled, as were two trays of salad. And if you have a good memory of my old blog posts, you’ll remember that I used to go to Chris’ house after school when I was a kid, and his mom would order pizza and caesar salad from the best pizza place in town.

I always thought the salad was homemade, though. It wasn’t. It was from the restaurant. Well, here it was again! Just like old times. Julia (Chris’ mom) and I had this exact conversation last Friday and laughed.

ANYWAYS, food.

I had one piece of lasagna and knew I was in heaven. I went back for a second piece just to make sure.

It was the best lasagna I’ve ever had in my life. I wanted to eat more of it, but in order to do that I would’ve had to pave paradise and put up a parking lot. In simpler terms, my stomach would’ve needed a trailer in which to store things. In normal terms, I was full.

All the while, I was trying to forget about my heavy lunch and the fact that I was starting to cut into my Sunday calorie intake.

I don’t count calories – that was just a clever line I thought of, which was probably true. 

I felt like a huge propane tank. Not in the sense that I was gassy…man, where am I going with this…back track Paul, back track.

I felt like the shape of a huge propane tank. Nailed it.

You know those signs on the back window of cars that says, “Baby on Board”? I needed one of those on my stomach, except it would say: “Food Baby On Board”.

Am I a genius? Or am I a genius? Discuss amongst yourselves.

This post has gone from “a goodbye to Chris”, to “this is how much food Paul ate on Friday”. Sorry. I’ll try to connect the dots somehow.

After the food was in our collective stomachs, myself and a few others headed to the basement to play video games. I felt like I was 11 years old again. From the video game battles and the sleepovers, to the nerf gun fights and hockey games, this basement held a lot of happy memories from my childhood.

It also held a turtle named Franklin.

We played video games the rest of the night. There was an 8 year old among us, so I made sure to beat him by 40 points in a game of NBA 2k16. I was in full camp counsellor mode, so I did it in a respectful way.

It was an accident, okay! The kid even said, “It’s boys night.” He was fine with it.

He was one of us – 25 year olds who needed glasses to see a TV, ten feet away.

I was about to leave and Chris mentioned there were a bunch of leftovers so I offered to take some home, which I realized after was probably rude of me to do. Or maybe it wasn’t. I don’t know the protocol of asking to bring leftovers home, but I offered because I thought I was helping.

Julia, I’m sorry if it was rude of me to take leftover lasagna!

Thank you for it, though. I took good care of it.

Now I just sound creepy. Or like a babysitter. Lasagna sitter? No, that sounds like I sat on it. Ugh.

Chris and I then took some awkward pictures in his kitchen because we only seem to be able to take a good photo together once every three years. We then gave each other a high five because that’s our new way of saying “bye” (as of that day) and I went home.

blooper

There was a nicer photo, but this one sums up the 7 minute struggle for a photo that didn’t look like we had to go to the washroom.

And then we saw each other again this past Monday for a last hurrah at Pizza Hut lunch buffet.

Now that he’s on the other side of the world, it’s up to me to keep Pizza Hut in business until he comes back. I’ve already been there before, by myself, so that won’t be a problem.

But much like in between the couch cushions is the “place” for coins, Pizza Hut is our “place”. Many conversations with pizza in our mouths are held there.

It’ll be weird without Chris around. We didn’t see each other often, but I’m already wondering who is gonna retrieve the baseballs I hit this summer.

Now hiring: best friend/ball collector.

Maybe I’ll just get a dog. Same thing.

I’ll end with this:

At Chris’s house there were discussion topic cards. One of them said, “What do you look for in a friend?”

Chris replied: “Geographical Convenience.” He was quoting The Simpsons, relax.

Isn’t it ironic? (Now I’m quoting an Alanis Morrisette song, aren’t I?)

Well, Chris, by the time you read this you’ll be in the U.K. and probably acting awkward. Enjoy your time over there, good luck, don’t offend anyone, and be sure to name drop me as many times as you can. If I ever go over there, I don’t want to go through the hassle of introducing myself.

As you can tell, I’ve gotten a really big head ever since that surprise party where everyone knew who I was before I could tell them. I was a local celebrity. 

Seriously though, good luck on the basketball team at school and don’t bang your head on any doorways on the first day.

Tut tut cheerio.

Or as they say in the U.K…. adios, for now!

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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54 Responses to Adios, Chris

  1. Miriam says:

    Sounds like you’ll miss him … and the lasagne nights. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Angela says:

    Aww this brought back so many memories for me. My High School friend moved to the US to go to School/play basketball, we had a surprise party for him too, there wasn’t any earth moving lasagne though!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Val says:

    Dear First Name Last Name (aka FNLN, aka Paul), you should visit Chris, we have pizza hut in the U.K., too…. and you can sit on lasagne here, also (whatever floats your boat, or rather, your lasagne. Does lasagne float?)
    So… I’m not the only one who eats til too full? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. lolol I am here, everything is weird–that lasagna was sooooo good

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Julia McGeown says:

    Glad you enjoyed the lasagna, Paul, and the party! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “There is a time and place to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, but it should never be literally.” A great line…and sound advice. I mistakenly did that once…was not the perfect fit. Ligament damage was avoided. Shoe was intact. Everyone involved walked away.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. This was a really great post. Sounds like you will miss him quite a lot. Plus, it’s always good to know an extra tall person to reach things high up. Either way, you will probably Skype and everything. Plus he will miss home so he will probably turn up any time soon. Oh and we suck at basketball too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I might have over exaggerated some parts lol but I’m sure we’ll keep in contact just fine. Chris is tall, he can help your basketball team out! Or at least provide some slight intimidation.

      Like

  8. Barb Knowles says:

    I thought this had the makings of a post that would make me cry. But it is shoulder-shaking funny. “Food Baby on Board” haha. The best….”This post has gone from “a goodbye to Chris”, to “this is how much food Paul ate on Friday”. I laughed out loud again copying that line, lol. At least part of being in a new country will be easy for Chris……he won’t be weird randomly writing “u” in the middle of words. But at least, Paul, we both spell lasagna the same.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Barb Knowles says:

    Oh and the picture is awesome. You can tell how much fun you guys had. Always.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. idontknowcookbook says:

    It amazes me how your take so many different turns. They are fun to read. Maybe you should get a food baby on board sign for all the extra pizza you are sure to eat 😉until he gets back

    Liked by 1 person

  11. idontknowcookbook says:

    Let’s try this again story. There I got it. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Tenacity T says:

    That’s awesome having a childhood friend like that! I loved this story 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Hilarious. I’m sorry that Chris is leaving you Paul. I’ll still be here. And I think this is creepy. I was listening to Last Friday Night! Seriously! Whenever I reunite with my friends from back home- I play that song, release my inner Katy Perry, and go cray.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Pingback: How To Lose Weight Over The Holidays | The Captain's Speech

  15. Ariel Lynn says:

    D’awww…. most adorable bro-mance story ever! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  16. ~M says:

    I just finally realized who the Chris you’re referring to actually is. I hadn’t clicked on the link to his blog the first time I read this. So you’re friends with the “short poems” guy! Just a weird sort of revelation for me. There’s something about each of you that does seem familiar. Maybe your quirky sense of humor? Anyway, I can see the connection now. It’s easy to see how the two of you are friends. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha surprise! Chris and I are very much alike personality-wise. I can’t stop laughing over “short poems guy” lol I won’t be able to get that out of my head.

      Liked by 1 person

      • ~M says:

        Lol…. that’s what we refer to him here at home… my husband and I both read his blog and yours. My husband was trying to convince me that you two knew each other, so I had to come back and investigate for myself. Btw…. we refer to you as the sports guy from Canada. I think I came up with that early on, after reading some of your older posts. Maybe I should change your title to the letter writing guy. Or I could just call you Paul…. what a thought!Hmmmm…. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Well I guess it’s a good thing I recently changed the tagline of this blog to “Something to discuss at the dinner table”! You can still call me the sports guy, that’s why this blog was made in the first place. Calling me Paul is too cliche haha

        Liked by 1 person

      • ~M says:

        I noticed that today and wondered if you had changed it, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember what you had before. And we do discuss you at the dinner table, so the subtitle is perfect. Yeah, I think you’ll always be the sports guy. You can’t just stop calling a person by the nickname that you initially gave them.

        Liked by 1 person

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