When The Phone Rings (Fiction)

It was Halloween night in the town of Hicklebury. The college students living there called it, The Bury – where good grades go to die. It was the kind of town where the weekend started on Thursday and the seat next to you on the bus was occupied by your backpack.

A group of friends, known as, “Five Alive” (because there are five of them and they are alive; they’re a creative bunch) planned to get together and go trick-or-treating because college kids like them never turn down free food, even if it’s candy. 

At Skippy’s House…

Skippy (on the phone): What do you mean you had bad shrimp? Why didn’t you just have the good ones? Well, this sucks. Now I’m going to look like a loser in a Buzz Lightyear costume without a Woody. I need a Woody! No! You are not allowed to laugh. You’re sick. Go empty your insides again.

There is a knock at the door…

Skippy: Yo, what’s up, Chauncey! Or should I say, Eminem? Nice costume!

Chauncey: Hey, thanks man! I hope you don’t get tired of me rapping song lyrics all night.

Skippy: Haha never.

Chauncey: Cool. So is everyone else on their way?

Skippy: Well, Chris can’t make it, all of a sudden. And the girls should be here soon.

Chauncey: What!? He was supposed to be your Woody, though!

Skippy: I know! He had some bad shrimp or something.

Chauncey: Bad shrimp? Why didn’t he just eat the good ones?

Skippy: That’s what I said!

There is a knock at the door…

Skippy: That must be them. It’s open!

Jess and Meghan enter the house wearing their costumes and carrying takeout containers. 

Jess: Hey guys! Wow, I never thought I’d see Buzz Lightyear and Eminem in the same room at the same time.

Meghan: Yeah, where’s Woody?

Chauncey: He’s sick.

Skippy: Bad shrimp.

Jess & Meghan (in unison): Well why didn’t he just eat the good ones?

Chauncey: That’s what we said! Man, we’ve been friends for too long. We all think the same.

Skippy: Whatever, forget Chris. Five Alive is gonna be Four Door tonight.

Jess: Yeah! Or Four Wheel Drive!

Meghan: Yeah! Or Four Square!

Chauncey: Meghan, that doesn’t even rhyme.

Meghan: Well neither does Four Wheel Drive!

Jess: Hey! I was just following the car theme that Skippy started.

Skippy: How about Four Poor?

Everyone agreed on Four Poor.

Skippy: Jess, I thought you were going to be something creative this year. At least Meghan is a tree. Not too many people are trees.

Jess: I did choose something creative!

Skippy: No, you didn’t! You know how many other cats you’re going to see tonight?

Jess: Say, “Boo!”

Skippy: Boo!

Jess: AHHH!!

Meghan: She’s a scaredy cat!

Chauncey: But why would she be scared?

Meghan: Jess, hop on.

Jess hopped on Meghan’s back, as if she was receiving a pigyback ride.

Skippy: I get it! You’re a tree. And she’s a scaredy cat, who is stuck in a tree!

Meghan: Yeah!

Skippy: Brillia—

All of a sudden, the power went out.

Meghan: Oh no, the power’s out!

Chauncey: Thanks, Captain Obvious!

Meghan: I’m a tree! Get it right!

Skippy’s cellphone starts ringing. It says, unknown caller, but Skippy answers it anyway.

Skippy: To infinity and beyond, how can I help you?

Unknown Caller: You can’t help me. And by the end of the night, you and your friends will never help anyone ever again. Get ready, Buzz. I’m coming.

Meghan: Who was that?

Skippy: Oh, no one. Just a prank call. It’s nothing. Hey, what food did you guys bring?

Jess: We stopped at the new Greek place around the corner. Got some the rice, lamb, and salad combo. You guys can start eating if you want, I just have to go to the washroom real quick.

Skippy: Alright, careful going down the stairs. We don’t need a dead cat in our basement.

Jess goes downstairs to the washroom, while Skippy, Chauncey, and Meghan each grab a fork and start eating.

Meghan: So I was thinking we should start trick-or-treating in about twenty minutes or so, before the….

Jess: AHHHHHH!!!

Jess comes running back upstairs.

Chauncey: We get it, Jess, you’re a scaredy cat.

Jess (voice shaking): Guys…there’s something…on the bathroom mirror…downstairs.

Skippy: Yeah, it’s called your reflection.

Jess: NO! This isn’t a joke. Come see…

Four Poor head down to the basement and shine the flashlight from their phones onto the mirror to see large red letters that say, “I’m coming 4 u”.

Meghan: Oh my God, we’re gonna die!

Meghan runs upstairs, while the other three stay in the washroom.

Chauncey: I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid) to take a stand (to take a stand) everybody (everybody) come take my hand….

Skippy: Dude, we get a horror film-like threat on the mirror and you’re reciting Eminem lyrics?

Chauncey: It’s a coping mechanism.

Jess: Guys, what does this mean? Who’s coming for us?

Skippy’s cellphone rings.

Skippy: You think you’re funny, huh!? Well, game on!

Unknown Caller: No, pal. Game over! From four down to three, it’s time to cut down a tree. T-T-Y-L, Buzz.

Jess: Who was that? What did you mean, “game on?”

Skippy: That was the same jerk that called earlier. I know I said it was a prank call, but he actually said something about us never being able to help people again after tonight and that’s he’s coming…

Jess: Oh my God, we are going to die.

Chauncey: So be careful what you wish for, ’cause just might get it, and if you get it then you just might not know what to do wit’ it…

Skippy: Ooo I like that song.

Chauncey: Yeah, me too!

Jess: Guys, focus! What did he say this time?

Skippy: He was talking in riddles, something about cutting down a tree.

Jess: A tree?

Chauncey: Meghan’s a tree…

Skippy: Oh no, Meghan!!

Skippy, Chauncey, and Jess run upstairs looking for Meghan. They can’t find her. She’s not in the house, the front yard, the backyard, or under the seat cushions (Chauncey checked). Meghan is gone.

Jess: Oh my God. Oh my God. This is just like the movies. We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die.

Skippy: Jess, calm down. We’re not gonna die.

Jess: Then where’s Meghan!

Skippy: I don’t know, call her phone!

A ringing noise is coming from the kitchen. They find Meghan’s phone buried beneath the rice. 

Jess: WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.

Skippy: Uhhh…uhhh…maybe her phone was wet and she put it in the rice to dry…yeah, that’s it…her phone was wet…

Chauncey: OH MY GOD, WE ARE ALL DEAD.

Skippy: I LOVE YOU, MAN!

Skippy gives Chauncey a goodbye hug. They had been friends since kindergarten. Jess looks on, not feeling the love.

Chauncey: We should call the cops.

Jess: Yeah!

Skippy: Okay, yeah. We’ll call the cops. They’ll find Meghan. And we’ll go trick-or-treating. Alright, yeah. Let’s call the cops.

Skippy grabs his phone and dials 9, but then his phone starts ringing. It’s the unknown caller.

Skippy: Hu..Hu..Hello??

Unknown Caller: Hi, I’d like to order a pizza?

Skippy: Sure, what can I get for you?

Skippy (whispering to his friends): It’s cool. He just wants pizza.

Jess and Chauncey: What!?!?

Skippy snaps out of his stupidity.

Skippy: Listen here, you pooperdoodle, we’re all out of cheese. And I’m not in the moooooo-d. Where’s Meghan!?

Unknown Caller: Did you just make a dairy joke? Oh, Buzz. Meghan is fine. Or maybe she’s dead. You’ll find out soon enough. As for your friend, he’s nervous, isn’t he?

Skippy: Yeah, but on the surface he looks calm and ready.

Unknown Caller: To drop bombs?

Skippy: To drop bombs.

Unknown Caller: Your words, not mine! See you soon. I’m coming. Oh, and don’t call the cops. Bad things will happen if you do.

Skippy gets off the phone.

Chauncey: Were you just spittin’ Eminem lyrics with a murderer?

Skippy: No! He was asking how you were. Quite nice of him..if you ask..me..Ahhh he tricked me!

Chauncey: I’m next, aren’t I?

Jess: Nobody is next! We’re all going to sit in a corner and wait for the cops to arrive.

Skippy: He said not to call the cops.

Jess: Of course he didn’t! He’s a killer!

Chauncey: Okay, maybe we don’t call the cops. Maybe we just sit and wait for him to call again. Maybe we ask him what he wants.

Skippy: Yeah, okay, let’s do that. Let’s wait.

Skippy, Chauncey, and Jess decided to hide under the kitchen table.

Chauncey: Knees weak arms arm heavy, there’s vomit on his sweater already.

Jess & Skippy: Mom’s spaghetti!

Chauncey: Knees weeks arms are heavy. Knee weak…knees weak…knees weak…knees weak…

Skippy: Dude, are you….?

Jess: Buffering?

Skippy: I was gonna ask him if he was okay, but yeah, are you buffering?

Chauncey: I’m terrified, guys.

Jess: We all are. I…uhh…have some mints in my purse if that would make you feel better?

Chauncey: Ooo I like mints! Okay.

Jess got out from under the table to get her purse, which she left in the washroom in the basement.

Skippy: She’s been gone for a long time, hasn’t she?

Chauncey: Yeah…Hey Jess!? Where are you!?!?

No answer.

Skippy: Should I go look for her? I don’t want to leave you by yourself, though.

Chauncey: Man, I’m fine. This guy ain’t gonna find me under this table. For all we know, he’s waiting downstairs for me.

Skippy: If he’s waiting downstairs, then that means he has Jess!

Chauncey: Then go get her! Shout if you need me.

Skippy heads down to the basement, slowly, and finds Jess in the washroom taking selfies in front of the writing on the mirror. She notices him just as the flash goes off.

Jess: What? If I get kidnapped and leave my phone in the house, at least the cops will have a picture of me and the threatening message.

Skippy: You’re nuts. Come on. Chauncey’s about to wet himself.

They head back upstairs and Chauncey is gone. The back door is wide open. 

Jess: CHAUNCEYYYYYYY!!!!

Skippy: Unbelievable. How does this keep happening!? That’s it, I’m calling the cops. I have to.

There is a knock at the door…

Jess: AHHH IT’S HIM!

Skippy: Stand behind me.

They slowly walk to the door.

Voice on other side of the door: Guys, it me, Chris! Let me in!

Skippy opens the door.

Skippy: It’s you, isn’t it! You think you’re so funny, pulling a big prank on Halloween.

Chris: What are you talking about?

Jess: Oh, come on. The mysterious phone calls. Luring Meghan and Chauncey out of the house.

Chris: What!? I came here because I’ve been getting weird calls all night and I thought it was you guys pranking me.

Skippy: You’ve…been…getting…calls?

Chris: Yeah, some unknown caller saying he’s coming for me. That wasn’t you?

Before Skippy could respond, Chris’ phone rings. He answers it and turns around to face the front door. Skippy watches from behind him. Jess is standing a few feet behind Skippy.

Chris: Hello?

Unknown Caller: Hey Woody! Nice of you to join the party. Listen, I’m busy but I heard you’re allergic to cats. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that problem for you.

Chris: What’s that supposed to mean? Hello!?

Skippy: What did he say?

Chris: Something about taking care of my cat allergy…Hey, where’s Jess?

Skippy: What!? Jess! She was right behind me. Oh no…Chris, she was a cat for Halloween!

Chris: Noooooo!

Skippy: Who is doing this to us? You don’t happen to know any killers, do you?

Chris: I wish. I mean, I wish I knew who was doing this, not that I wish I knew killers.

Skippy: It’s gotta be someone we know.

Chris: Or maybe it’s just somebody that we used to know.

Skippy: Stop quoting song lyrics! That’s what Chauncey was doing and now he’s gone.

There’s a knock at the door…

Skippy: Don’t answer that!

“TRICK OR TREAT!”

Chris: It’s just trick-or-treaters, man. No harm.

Skippy: Ugh, fine you break it to them that we don’t have candy. I’m going to get my phone so we can call the cops.

Chris opens the door.

“TRICK OR TREAT!”

Chris slams the door and Skippy turns around.

Skippy: What happened?

Chris: It’s for you, they want a trick, instead.

Skippy: What am I a magician?  There is a murderer roaming the streets and they want a trick? I’m gonna go tell them that. See how that like that trick! It’ll send them crying back to mommy and daddy.

Skippy opens the door.

“TRICK OR TREAT!”

Jess, Meghan, and Chauncey are at the door.

Skippy: Shhhhhh, keep your voices down, the murderer might…hear…you…wait, there is no murder, is there?

Jess: Got you!

Meghan: Ahaha you thought there was actually a murderer!

Chauncey: Oh man, we got you good, Skip. We got you good.

Chris: I only eat the good shrimp, you should know that!

Skippy: You stupid idiots. You are all terrible human beings! And you ruined my washroom mirror!

Chris: That was fun, we should do this every Halloween!

Skippy: I don’t even know how you guys pulled this off.

Meghan: Well, Chris made those creepy calls. Jess “had to go to the washroom”, but instead wrote that message on your mirror. I “got scared” and ran upstairs and out the door.

Jess: Then we all huddled under the table and you foolishly let me sneak away.

Chauncey: And then you foolishly left me under the table alone, to go after Jess. So then I walked out the back door.

Chris: Then I arrived and Chauncey gave me a call. That’s why I had to turn away from you to answer the phone, it said Chauncey was calling on my phone screen.

Jess: Then I snuck out the back while you were watching him talk to Chauncey.

Meghan: And then, voila! Here we are. Trick-or-treating, just like I said we would be doing in…

Skippy: …in twenty minutes. You did say that.

Skippy puts his head in his hands.

Skippy: You guys, I thought we were gonna be Five Dead by the end of the night.

Meghan’s cellphone rings.

Meghan: Ahh! It says, Unknown Caller!

Skippy: Don’t answer it!! Wait, isn’t your phone in the rice?

Meghan: Hahaha I’m kidding, it’s just Marley. And no! I got a new phone today! That was my old one.

Chauncey: I think we scarred him for life.

Skippy: I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid) to take a stand (to take a stand).

Chauncey: Coping mechanism?

Skippy: Yeah…I don’t think I’m ever going to answer another phone, ever again. Can you guys at least turn the power back on in here?

Meghan: That was Marley, apparently the power is out at her place too.

Skippy: Wait, that wasn’t you guys?

Jess: Nope! It was just a great coincidence!

Skippy: Oh God. I need comfort food. I need smarties.

Chris: No! You need M&Ms.

Chauncey: Did someone say, Eminem?

Advertisements

About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
This entry was posted in Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to When The Phone Rings (Fiction)

  1. rebbit7 says:

    Oh my gosh, YES. This post was amazing! I don’t even like Halloween, but the dialogue you wrote really brought the spirit of it alive and I found myself smiling throughout the whole thing. And the puns…they were brilliant…enjoy your Halloween!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Thanks for such great feedback! I’m glad the humour came thorough. And I’m also not that big on Halloween either, I just like the movies and stories (like this one) that go with it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Squid says:

    PAUL! THIS WAS BRILLIANT

    Liked by 1 person

  3. this was awesome and fun, my fave character was Chris

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Barb Knowles says:

    That’s great! Of course, I believed it. Not believed, believed, but believed it was going to be some scary, crazy neighbor. Not your friends. And I know the main culprit being named “Chris” was just a huge coincidence. Awesome play on Eminem, M &’s..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. heymeghan91 says:

    Thanks for “killing me off first”. I stand by the fact I would make it to the end of a horror movie. This was great!!! Happy (basically) Halloween .

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I have no doubt you would make it far in a real horror movie! The Meghan character was the first one out because it was the first character I could think of a creative line for that related to your costume lol that’s how deep my thinking got on this

      Liked by 1 person

  6. OMG. I had to stop half way through and skip to the end because I too, am a scaredy cat. Thankfully the story scare the pants off me, though I was on the edge of my seat. Happy Halloween Paul!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You need to write your own sitcom. This would make a great Halloween episode.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s