Viewing Notes: Halloweentown

As of today, I am starting a new segment on my blog called “Viewing Notes”. What is that, exactly?

Well, recently I watched two presidential debates, wrote down hilarious viewing notes, and posted them on my blog. They were a lot of fun and people seemed to like them. Unfortunately, the debates are over.

However, that doesn’t mean the idea has to die. So I’ve decided to continue making notes while watching TV shows, movies, or anything else on some sort of screen. Thus, the birth of “Viewing Notes”.

To kick things off, I’m starting with one of my favourite movies as a kid. It is always on TV this time of year.

Halloweentown!

• This movie came out in 1998. If that makes you feel old, you can cry on my shoulder while I cry on yours.

• Is the North Pole the Christmas equivalent for Halloweentown?

• Here we go, opening credits with kids running from house to house for candy. This is how you know it’s a 90s film. Nowadays, kids stop and text after each house.

• “I’m 13, I’m practically a grown-up.” – Marnie

• Marnie’s mom is a party pooper and won’t let her go trick-or-treating. Oh no! I wonder what her reasoning could be!?

• “She spends our whole math class drawing ghosts in her notebook.” – Marnie’s soon-to-be former friend

• The prototypical nerdy younger brother says candy causes cavities and gum disease.

• He also hates rainbows, movies with bad words like “stupid”, and the idea of Santa Claus coming down the chimney.

• Helicopter Parent Alert! This is a Helicopter Parent Alert! 

• Marnie is turning on the sass.

• Nerdy brother prefers nature documentaries over Halloween any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

• Mom and Dad met on Halloween. Their pet names for each other were “Pumpkin” and “Scarecrow”.

• Grandma just arrived in town and is making her way to the house! I love this woman. She has a magical luggage bag. Somewhere, Hermione Granger is jealous.

• The youngest sister, Sophie, is staring out the window.

• Helicopter mom won’t let Sophie eat a cookie before dinner, so Sophie thinks about it really hard and all of a sudden a cookie floats towards her. Lucky.

• How did Grandma get all the way to the kitchen and no one knew she was there?

• Grandma Aggie came with a bag full of candy and all of a sudden nerdy brother isn’t concerned about cavities.

• Grandma brought Marnie a rock with hieroglyphics. She loves it, of course.

• “No one around here really appreciate my taste in weird stuff.” – Marnie. Preach!

• Dinner discussion revolves around Aggie making ghost noises. She’s a hoot.

• Wait, it’s now time for bed? Don’t they have to digest their food?

• Mom wants grandma to go tell the kids a story and “get to know them”. Funny, they say the same thing on The Bachelor.

• Grandma: “My story is about a magical place. Where many different sorts of creatures live together in peace.”

• Nerdy Brother: “Cleveland?”

• Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHA. I need a minute. Hold on.

• Oh no! She’s telling them about Halloweentown, even though grumpy mum told her not to.

• Double oh no! She brought a book called, Halloweentown. Helicopter mom isn’t going to like this.

• Nerdy brother, Dylan (yeah, he has a name), calls it a “weirdo encyclopedia”. Marnie says that he could win an ugly contest. Oh snap! Such a 90s insult.

• Mom shows up and says grandma has to catch a bus back home.

• While mom and grandma argue in the kitchen, grandma snaps her fingers and a chicken appears on the counter. No gravy, though.

• “You know people today, they don’t like to get involved.” – Grandma. More proof this is a 90s film.

• Marnie is planning to run away and join the circus…errr I mean, go to Halloweentown.

• Little bro follows her because he’s “the man of the house”.

• Grandma boards the bus to HTown, while the kids sneak on through the back door. Shouldn’t it be locked? Why didn’t the emergency alarm go off?

• The vehicle flew them into town. Hmm…they did the same thing in the second Harry Potter movie. J.K. Rowling, do you have anything to say about this?

• “Mom said monsters were pretend.” – The Man of The House

• Oh no! Cute little sister, Sophie, followed them! Now who’s gonna cover for them back at the house?

• The mayor with too much hair hails the kids a taxi.

• Benny the taxi driver is a skeleton. Basically an Uber driver.

• They’ve arrived at grandma’s and find a big lock on the gate. Little Sophie opens it by pushing it.

• Child Genius Alert! This is a Child Genius Alert!

• Aggie put a cauldron in the microwave. She didn’t even cover it with Saran Wrap. Enjoy the splashes, Aggie!

• The kids arrive and grandma isn’t even mad they’re there! Marnie wants to be trained to be a witch. Some would argue she already is. 

• Two hours in the mortal world is about two weeks in HTown. I think Narnia had the same exchange rate.

• Marnie loves Halloween, but she needs to tone it down a bit. Or at least stop smiling every time she talks. How dare she be happy!

• After looking at a recipe, they decide to go grocery shopping. But ten minutes ago, they ate dinner and were ready for bed.

• Back in the mortal world, helicopter mom goes upstairs to find that her kids are missing. Again, how do people enter and exit this house and no one knows?

• After all these years, it never dawned on these kids to ask where grandma lives or why they had never been to her house?

• Mayor Hair keeps calling Sophie, Soapy.

• A sign at a store reads: “Try our pumpkin syrup”. What, no pumpkin spice latte? Thank goodness.

• Marnie has found the brooms and is looking for the Nimbus 2000.

• Never mind, she wants the Wind Sweeper 5000. Looks cheap. It’s bristles probably fall out quickly. How do you sweep up broom bristles after they all fall out?

• Again, J.K. Rowling has some explaining to do. #Nimbus2000

• Local greaser, Luke, shows up and says he’s a big cheese. He stinks.

• Ha! Marnie just called him stinky. I knew it!

• Grandma and Marnie get off her first broom ride and who’s there to greet them? Helicopter mom! Dun dun dun.

• “You are not a witch.” – Lyin’ Ted Mom

• “Yes, I am.” -Marnie, daring to be different

• Mom threatened to ground Marnie (more proof this is a 90s film) and that was enough for her to cave. They’re going home.

• Marnie is mad and tells her mom she’s not going to school ever again. Instead, she is going to run away and join a motorcycle gang.

• The next bus isn’t leaving anytime soon a.k.a the end of the movie.

• Mom and Mayor Hair are reunited. Cue the sexual tension. Guys, there are three kids in the room!

• He just presented her with a rose. Another sign this is actually The Bachelor.

• Luke is leaning against a wall and has a piece of straw between his teeth. Classic greaser. Where are his parents?

• Oh yeah, something evil is going on in HTown and grandma is trying to get to the bottom of it. People are disappearing. That’s what this movie is about.

• “Mom, you can go home if you want.” – Marnie, thinking her mom is going to leave her there

• “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” – Original script

• Marnie runs out of the room and helicopter mom doesn’t even put her propellor arm out to stop her. She just does an impression of a turnstile and let’s her go.

• Greaser Luke took Aggie to a movie theatre. Aggie, he is way too young for you!

• #MoreProofThisMovieIsActuallyTheBachelor.

• Aggie brought a candle for the romantic dinner. It’s not illuminating anything.

• Grandma Aggie meets this evil thing who likes to yell and laugh maniacally.

• Evil Thing asks her for her talisman (some magical stick with powers). She says no. He replies, “Then suffer the consequences.”

• “Leave my family aloooooone” – Grandma Aggie, being dramatic

• Evil Thing just cast a spell on Aggie and mom. They are frozen and now sit in the theatre like statues, with a bunch of prior victims.

• Well, it’s now up to 3 children with high-pitched voices to save the day!

• Time for that shopping trip to get ingredients for a witches brew.

• Marnie walks into a barber shop and asks for a part-time job with after school hours. YOU’RE 13, MARNIE. STOP MAKING THE REST OF US LOOK BAD.

• Nerdy brother cut some hair off a werewolf and it’s off to their next destination – the gym!

• To the steam room to get some ghost sweat!

• “Did you know there is no proper name for the back of the knee” – Brother.

• Child Genius Alert! This is a Child Genius Alert!

• They got some nose sweat. Off to the dentist they go!

• Dr. Big Nose just removed a fang from a vampire. Marnie steals it. Thief!

• Taxi driver Benny pulls up and demands the kids get in the car. Ah!

• Stranger Danger Alert! This is a Stranger Danger Alert!

• “Vampire fang, ghost sweat, werewolf hair a la mode.” Paul is coming over for dinner tonight!

• Marnie is trying to remember a spell, but can’t. All of a sudden, Sophie starts speaking parseltongue. It’s the spell!

• J.K. Rowling!

• “You guys did it. It’s lit.” – Brother nerd, way ahead of his time.

• Back to the theatre with the lit talisman.

• Greaser Luke pulls Marnie aside and warns her she’s in danger. He’s a good guy now.

• Mr. Evil aka Not Donald Trump is standing on top of City Hall and yelling things. #Election2016

• Oh no! The evil dictator is Mayor Hair! Well, obviously. They didn’t really introduce any other suspects.

• Luke knew all along, but now he wants to make up for it.

• Mayor Hair’s real name is Kalabar, by the way.

• Mayor Hair is hurling fireballs at Marnie as she tries to insert the talisman into a big pumpkin. Get your minds out of the gutter.

• She’s lit the pumpkin!

• Little Sophie lets the viewers know, “It’s working.”

• The frozen people in the theatre are back to normal.

• “Grandma, it was Mayor Hair!” -Marnie

• Why did he do it? Because Marnie’s mom chose to marry a mortal instead of him. Seriously, this is the real reason.

• #EvenMoreProofThisMovieIsActuallyTheBachelor

• Oh no! This movie had a false finish.

• Nerdy brother has lightning at the ends of his fingers. You’re a wizard, Harry!

• Marnie just called out to Mayor Hair, “Hey chocolate bar!” Hahaha why didn’t I think of that!?

• So we have the mayor yelling back and forth with this family, while everyone else in town watches. No one is recording anything on their camera phone. This is sooo 1990s.

• The family joined hands and Mayor Hair of Chocolate Bar is defeated.

• Marnie and mom reunite and exchange apologies. Aww.

• Marnie runs after Luke. He took some fireballs for her.

• Luke has a big nose! He’s gone back to being a Halloweentown freak. Mayor Hair gave him good looks because he was helping him.

• Now he whines that he doesn’t have a chance of a date with Marnie.

• SHE KISSES HIM, ANYWAY.

• #SubstantialEvidenceThisMovieIsActuallyTheBachelor

• “Never could’ve done it without you.” – Marnie recites a classic 90s line

• Mom just asked grandma to move in with them because she needs a babysitter on Thursday’s while she’s at PTA meetings.

• Mom, you have two witches and a warlock for children. You don’t need a babysitter. Just admit you miss your own mom!

• Greaser Luke is now Bus Driver Luke and is driving the bus back to the mortal world? Has he even finished his driving lessons, yet?

• The End.