And then there were four. Welcome to the hometown date episode. This should be interesting.
CHRIS TALKS WITH THE FINAL FOUR
- Chris says all of the hometown dates have been moved into the resort, due to you know what in the outside world.
- He wants the guys to plan a date that “takes Tayshia to your hometown”. If they were smart, they’d pull up Google Maps Street View.
- He announces that their families are coming, and will be going through testing and quarantine.
- Darn, I didn’t even get the chance to say, DID THEY QUARANTINE?
BRENDAN’S HOMETOWN DATE
- His brother, sister-in-law, as well as his niece are going to be there later on, but first Brendan has to “take Tayshia to his hometown” without leaving the resort.
- What if they got into a hot air balloon and he could just point in the general direction?
ProductionBrendan has set up a bunch of carnival games, which are a huge part of his town. His niece is joining them.- The first game is ring toss and I’m having flashbacks to my 4th birthday party.
- Brendan and his niece show off their cool handshake, so now they make a new one that includes Tayshia.
- There are streamers hanging from trees. I repeat, there are streamers hanging from trees.
- BOUNCY CASTLE.
- Imagine if one room in every house were designed like a bouncy castle and you could just jump off the floor, walls, and ceiling?
- Day has turned to night and it’s time for Tayshia to meet Brendan’s brother and sister-in-law.
- They immediately get into the lie detector test he took a few episodes ago and the inconclusive results.
- Brendan goes off to talk with his brother. Not too much to report here.
- Now, his brother tells Tayshia that Brendan is ready for marriage.
- And it’s over. Not the most eventful hometown date, but Brendan’s family did well.
ZAC’S HOMETOWN DATE
- So far, both guys have worn a black golf shirt. Is this a mandatory dress code? Did they stumble across a staff change room?
- Zac says they are “going to do some New York things”.
- Are they going to get pizza and then talk loudly about the Yankees bullpen?
- Zac is teaching her how to hail a taxi. I feel like this is a bad omen to be doing with someone you potentially want to marry.
- A wooden taxi has appeared on the road, straight out of your high school drama department.
- They pick it up and start walking, as if they’re the Flintstones.
- There’s a bagel stand! Tayshia likes cream cheese and blueberries on her bagel. Blueberries??? On a bagel???
- Zac doesn’t know if he can trust a girl who eats blueberries on a bagel. I don’t know if I could either.
- They take their taxi to a pizza stand for a “true New York slice”.
- And now they’re sitting on a park bench. Very New York.
- Zac is raining in sweat and I feel bad for him.
- They’re now hopping in the fountain they made a wish at on the first night.
- This is basically a quasi-bath. That poor fountain was just minding its own business.
MEETING THE FAMILY
- Zac’s parents and brother are there. Everyone is sweating. Someone needs to turn on the air conditioning NOW.
- My least favourite thing about hometown dates is when one family member says to the bachelor/bachelorette, “_____ can we go talk?” It’s very staged.
- Zac’s brother steals Tayshia away and asks her where she is with Zac compared to the other three.
- She says she’s falling in love with Zac, and the brother says, “YOU DIDN’T ANSWER THE QUESTION.”
- No one ever answers questions directly on TV, ever notice that?
- Zac’s Dad hasn’t seen his son smile this much in a long time. He says it’s a different smile than before he left for the show.
- Twitter says Zac’s Dad looks like Jimmy Carter. I can confirm that he does look presidential.
- It’s over. It went well. Tayshia loved his family.
IVAN’S HOMETOWN DATE
- Ivan breaks the golf shirt trend. Instead, he’s WEARING LONG SLEEVES and is already sweating. It’s a light grey shirt. Oh no.
- It’s clearly a heat wave out there in Palm Springs and no one is dressed appropriately.
- They’re going to be cooking, but first he shows a video of one of the top Filipino chefs in the world. It’s his 4-year-old niece.
- They are going to replicate her dish. This is straight out of Hell’s Kitchen.
- I’m not sure what they’re making, but standing over a stove in this heat is giving me second-hand perspiration.
MEETING THE FAMILY
- Ivan’s parents are there. They are adorable. I’m ready to put them in the Top 10 list of parents to have ever appeared on this show.
- I just realized all of these hometown dates are happening in the same house, and the one-on-one conversation between the family member and Tayshia are happening on the same couch.
- Ivan’s Dad shares with Tayshia that, like her, he was also previously married. They have a good chat about being ready for marriage.
- Ivan’s Mom tells him that if he’s happy, that makes her happy.
- They’re all sitting in the living room when all of a sudden, Ivan’s brother comes out of the back room and surprises them.
- How long was he in there? Was there a fan? Did he have food?
- They set this up earlier when Ivan said his brother has been the most influential person in his life and he wished he was here.
- Ivan’s Brother: “Loyalty — that’s an action word.”
- That might be the most intellectual quote in this show’s history.
- The visit went well. Tayshia really likes his family.
BEN’S HOMETOWN DATE
- Ben says he was born and raised in Indiana, but believes that home is where you feel most yourself, so they’re “going to Venice Beach.”
- What, they couldn’t sit down and watch the 30 for 30 of Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. the New York Knicks? That is peak Indiana.
- If I’m in Indiana and watching this on TV, I’m a bit peeved.
- They’re going rollerblading on the “boardwalk” and stop at a juice bar for a “wellness shot”.
- They continue on to find a boardwalk shop, where they try on hats they would never actually buy.
- It’s time to ditch the rollerblades and head to the beach, which is just a pool, with no sand in sight.
MEETING THE FAMILY
- Ben’s family friend, who reminds him of Tayshia, is there, as is his sister. His parents weren’t able to make it. His dad is a doctor.
- Ben’s friend is Antonia Lofaso who is a famous chef, says the internet.
- Antonia sits down with Ben and helps him realize that he’s in love with Tayshia.
- Ben says his brain is exploding. He did not know that what he was feeling was love.
- At the end of the night, Ben sits down with Tayshia and can’t spit out the L word. He says his brain couldn’t work.
- Maybe because it exploded earlier?
- Tayshia walks away and he knows he blew it by not telling her he’s in love with her.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
- One by one the guys arrive and are greeted by Chris P. Harrison.
- Ben tells Chris that he’s in love with Tayshia. YOU’RE TELLING THE WRONG PERSON.
- By the sounds of it, Ben plans to get the rose and then tell Tayshia he loves her.
- The way they’re editing this is making it seem like he’s going home. We’ll see.
- Ivan gets the first rose.
- Zac gets the second rose.
- Brendan gets the final rose.
- Oh man, Benjamin blew it.
- Tayshia walks him out and says she didn’t know if their pages were aligned at this time.
- Ben says he doesn’t know what to say, but he’ll be alright…he’s always alright.
- You can tell he wants to say he loves her, but the words can’t come out. This is hard to watch. He was a good guy.
- Ben leaves and Tayshia tells us she was disappointed that he couldn’t give her any emotion on his way out, so at least she’d know the last few weeks meant something.
- Ben is in the back of the car and I don’t think he knows what happened or where he is. He’s shocked. He says he wanted to marry her and have kids.
- Cut to Tayshia who says she considered Ben as someone she could end up with.
- Someone needs to enact The Parent Trap clause, or whatever it’s called.
- Ben: “Maybe she loved me and thought I didn’t love her back. And if that’s the case, I blew it.”
- NOW HE UNDERSTANDS.
Anyway, that’s all for tonight. The fantasy suites are next week. See you then.
The Captain's Speech 