A Letter To Claire

Dear Claire, 

Hello from the other side of the world! I’m unsure of the time difference between Canada and New Zealand, but I’m pretty sure you’re about three days ahead over there. Then again, my math might be wrong. I don’t even know what day it is here. 

You told me that you’ve been called “Claire-a-Bell” and “Claire Bear” before but don’t like either one, and would prefer something edgier. Well, you’ve asked the right guy. Here are some ideas.

Claire-a-Hammer: Bells are wimps. Hammers, though, are ferocious. 

Claire Glare: Perfect for the times when you don’t like what someone is saying.

Claire-Don’t-Care: CDC, for short. This nickname can be accompanied with a raising of the hand and a swift turn in the opposite direction. 

De-Claire: It’s a pun. Used in a sentence, “I do De-Claire, the sun will rise tomorrow.” It might not be edgy, but it could be very useful. 

Claire B. Ware: This is your professional wresting name. 

That’s all I could come up with. I hope you like one, if not at all, of them. At the very least, maybe you got a chuckle out of them. 

Names are a funny thing, aren’t they? Not in the sense that we laugh at them, but…uhh…in other senses. 

I’ve always found it funny how I can remember so many people’s first and last names, but can’t remember what I ate yesterday for lunch. What is it about us that makes us remember people’s names and not food? 

I digress.

There were a few topics you wanted me to address. I’ll get into those now. 

The first topic is: “What do cats do when they go outside and out of view?”

The answer is simple – nothing. They don’t want you to see that they’re doing nothing, though. That just plays into their stereotype. Instead, they want to do nothing while no one is looking. That way, you may think they are actually being productive, like pulling little children out of wells.

Alas, no.

And how do I know this to be true? Because when I was in Grade 9, my gym teacher made us run around the track outside at 8am. On most days, it was foggy. So when we got to the other side of the track, we would start walking because the fog acted as a shield. 

Cats do the same thing, essentially. 

Topic #2: “Are there really fairies at the bottom of my garden?”

Yes. And worms!

Topic #3: “What happens to book characters after we’ve finished reading them?”

They take a nap and then retell their story over and over and over again. It’s sad, really. It’s almost as if the last page of the book is the last day of their life, but it’s not. It just feels like it is. 

Eventually, they stop reliving the same story and live a different one. Then a few years later, they finally reveal that new story to the world. The character constantly develops after the pages have been written, but we don’t hear about their progress right away. It’s not Facebook. 

Moving on, you mentioned that synchronicity is something that interests you. I’ll be honest, I had to look up a definition of it, just to be completely sure I knew what you meant. 

A small part of me was thinking about synchronized swimming every time I looked at the word.

But no, synchronicity refers to events as “meaningful coincidences”. I think I’ve written about this before on my blog. How something happens to me, or is brought to my attention, and then later in the day or week, the topic appears out of nowhere again. 

It’s hard to explain without specifics. 

It’s like hearing a new word or thing for the first time, and then a few hours later, you hear it again. That’s happened to me before and I’ve always found it interesting. 

I think very few things happen randomly. There’s a meaning behind everything, no matter how small it is. 

What “meaningful coincidences” have happened in your life?

Lastly, you asked me if I could be a character in a book, who would I be. 

That’s easy. Hedwig from Harry Potter. He doesn’t talk, all he does is fly and look around is amazement. Plus, imagine all the letters he must read. He knows every secret there is to know. Let the wizards wave wands, I’ll read their secrets and then fly away. 

It’s a tough gig, but hoo else is going to do it?

Well, Claire B. Ware, this is the end of your letter. I apologize for it being late, but I do hope that it was worth the wait. 

Have a splendid Thursday (or is it Friday?) over there in New Zealand. All the best, and let me know what you think of your new nicknames!

With a faulty calendar,

Paul