What’s Yummy In Your Tummy?

I tried Honeydew Melon the other day. It had been sitting on the kitchen counter for about two days. I kept looking at it. It looked like a head. It looked like a pale cantaloupe. It looked like disappointment, just waiting to be served.

Finally, it was cut open and I was told, “Hey Paul, come try this.”

I looked at it. I said, “No.” I left the kitchen. And then I went back!

Why did I go back? Because I thought it would make a good blog post. Seriously.

I took a small, little piece and brought it to my mouth. It touched my lips and top row of teeth, just long enough for me to get the flavour before I aborted the mission. Luckily, my hand with still holding onto the “small, little piece” and I didn’t have to spit anything out.

What did it taste like? It tasted like cantaloupe.

Here’s a fun story. I tried cantaloupe when I was a kid. It immediately made me feel like throwing up. Cantaloupe n’est past de cool. That’s French for, “Get out of my mouth.”

And I’ve never had cantaloupe since. There are some foods that I know I won’t like, as soon as I see them. Cantaloupe was one of those foods. I gave it the benefit of the doubt, and it betrayed me.

Don’t even try to call me a picky eater. What am I supposed to do? Eat things I don’t like? Come on. You only live once you only eat three or four times a day.

I gave Honeydew a try even though I knew, just by looking at it (because I have those kind of powers), that I wouldn’t like it.

Also, it reminded me of Honey Boo Boo, which I then turned into Honey Dew Dew, and I couldn’t stop laughing because I’m actually six-years-old.

So yeah, Honeydew Melon isn’t getting a positive Yelp review from me.

By the way, have you ever noticed that only really opinionated and attention-hungry (pun intended) people post Yelp reviews?

I feel like I just offended some people who are reading this.

Seriously though, the last thing I feel like doing after attending a restaurant is going on the internet to write a review and rate it out of five stars. Come on.

I’ll look up some of my favourite restaurants and read the reviews just for a laugh. If I look up a Chinese restaurant, I’m bound to find a bunch of “It’s not real Chinese food” comments. Same goes for Italian restaurants.

I don’t know what people want. Go somewhere you like, or stay home. That’s my motto. This whole, “trying new restaurants based on internet reviews” is just setting you up for disappointment.

Do I want to spend $30 to try “something new” or do I want to spend $30 on something I’m 100% sure will make my stomach smile. The answer is simple; don’t be a pimple.

Lately there has been a big debate regarding pineapple on pizza. At least where I live, there is.

The first time I had pineapple on pizza, I was about 12-years-old and was getting ready to play a softball game. The game before mine had just ended, and one of the teams had pizza as their post-game snack.

I knew the coach on the team from the previous year, so I made sure I “just so happened to walk by as the pizza was being distributed”. I’m no dummy.

I was offered a slice, gleefully accepted, and took it with me on the field as I went to play catch. I held the slice in my mouth when I had to throw the ball, and held it in my right hand when the ball was being thrown to me. It was a perfect system.

Anyway, that pizza slice had pineapple on it. I’d never had “Hawaiian Pizza” before. I liked it. It was refreshing. It was just what I needed. My tight fitting baseball pants argued otherwise.

The second time I ever had pineapple on a pizza was a few years later. I didn’t like it as much.

A few years ago, I tried it again, and didn’t like it at all. I was disappointed because the first time I ever had it was glorious.

So the debate around here lately is about whether or not pineapples belong on pizza. It’s gotten heated.

I don’t really want to pick a side because I’ve agreed with both sides at one point in my life. And honestly, I don’t really care. People have been putting pineapple on pizza for a long time. Why is it an issue now?

Trust me, I’m the first person to speak out on food faux pas. If I see someone spread ketchup on top of their fries, I cringe and then walk over to them and throw their fries out.

But this pineapple debate is just silly. Do what you want.

Speaking of doing what you want, I’m about to contradict myself, as that brings me to another thing that has been weighing on my stomach lately.

A few days ago, a thought popped into my head at random. It happens a lot, trust me. The thought was: dipping cookies into milk is disgusting. I thought nothing of this random thought in my head. I figured I’d throw it into a blog post at some point.

And then I’m watching a sports talk show today and the two hosts are arguing about dipping cookies into milk. Well, now I have to discuss it.

One host said that dipping cookies into milk was gross and his co-host reacted as if he was just told that water isn’t wet.

Listen, dunking cookies in milk was fun when I was four and liked to cause messes. But now, it’s just disgusting. You’re ruining the cookie. It’s as if you’re having someone else lick it until it’s moist, and then putting it in your mouth.

Not to mention the fact that the milk your dipping it in quickly turns into bath water. There is nothing more off-putting at the dinner table, than looking in your drink and seeing a bunch of crumbs floating around.

Disgusting. And then you drink the glass afterwards? Do you cut your toenails on the subway too? What is wrong with you?

I want a cookie in it’s purest form.

I also don’t want to sit there with an Oreo or Fudgee-O and pull it apart just to eat the middle first. I’ve done that. I’ve lived that phase of my life.

By the way, they’ve ruined Fudgee-Os. They are smaller. The chocolate inside is different. It’s just ruined. I haven’t had a Fudgee-O in at least 8 years because of this.

Speaking of foods that have been ruined, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you Hostess Cupcakes. You were amazing back when I was in Grade 5. Thank you. And then you changed the recipe and minimized the loops on top and it all went downhill. Yeah, I noticed. And yeah, I’m still bitter about it.

A good cookie is hard to find these days. I’m serious. Even my go-to oatmeal chocolate chip cookies are hit or miss sometimes. It all depends how much time they spent in the oven. I can tell those sort of things.

We all have our own tastes and likes and dietary concerns. It’s what separates us from primates. Screw opposable thumbs. Ever see a monkey turn down a banana in the wilderness? Neither have I. They aren’t selective.

This was a lot to get off my stomach (gotta keep with the theme), but I had to do it.

I can’t wait for the debate that’s about to start in the comments section.

Just remember, your opinion about food is the only one that matters, unless it’s wrong.

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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38 Responses to What’s Yummy In Your Tummy?

  1. Fun fact, in Australia you’ll never hear anyone call it a ‘cantaloupe’. It’s a rockmelon.
    I agree, people can choose to have pineapple on their pizza. If they want to watch the world burn. Ditto with drinking milk with cookie remnants floating around in it. It’s a no from me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      A rockmelon? I’ve never heard that before. Haha “if they want to watch the world burn”. So glad you agree with me on the cookie thing. Some people are just animals.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hira says:

    My son has the power that you have – reject a food just by looking at it. Are you sure you are not 4 years old?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      I’m actually four and a half. That extra half makes me mature.

      Like

      • Hira says:

        I will wait for few months for my son to mature. Wait. Nope, won’t help. You are still complaining of pineapple on pizza ..and there are so many in comments too !!!.
        When did I become a minority? I don’t mind pineapple on my pizza, rather… I pick up the slice that has it in lots.
        There, I said it.
        I hope I don’t have to look over my shoulder for anyone screaming “Stop that girl who likes pineapple on pizza!”.

        Am with you in the cookie, worst would be to dunk it in tea/coffee/milk especially when one is talking and forgets that one’s hand is in the position where the cookie has dipped into the tea and very soon will be drowned if one does not stop talking and focus on dip-lift-eat-cookie routine. That never happen to me(always).

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        I really don’t know why this pineapple debate is such a big thing. I may not like them on my pizza anymore, but I did at one point, which makes me indifferent.
        Glad we can agree on the cookie dunking. A soggy cookie just seems to be a waste of a perfectly good cookie.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Barb Knowles says:

    You.Are.Wrong. Cantaloupe and Honeydew taste completely different. Cantaloupe is good. Honeydew is less good (I won’t go as far as saying it’s bad). Pineapple on pizza is bad. Fruit on pizza is bad. Dunking cookies in milk is immature. Dunking cookies in coffee is mature. What are Fudgee-O’s?

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Did you get the green honeydew? There’s a weird orange honeydew that does taste like a sadder version of regular cantelope. Green honeydew is entirely different.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      It was green. Though I should say that the entire piece was never full in my mouth. It reminded me too much like cantaloupe and I gave up on it. I’m already just coming off the stomach flu – didn’t need it again. Maybe my assessment of honeydew was wrong.

      Liked by 1 person

    • commutingwithkristen says:

      LOL “sadder version of regular cantaloupe”

      Liked by 2 people

  5. micqu says:

    I am quite a picky eater even more so when it comes to fruits. (I like melon) And no – pineapple shouldn’t be on a pizza. What did pizza ever do wrong to be punished with pineapple? Who invented that torture?
    And once again, I also agree with the cookies and dipping them and everything you mentioned. Ew!

    Great post 🙂
    Enjoy your almost-weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. peckapalooza says:

    One of my favorite restaurant experiences happened when a friend of mine got a fruit salad on the side of his entree. It had some grapes, pineapple, cantaloupe, and honeydew. He jabbed a piece of honeydew and put it in his mouth, then, in righteous indignation shouted, “This honeydew tastes like cantaloupe!”

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m on and off on Honey Dew Dew and Cantaloupe, they have to be the right ripeness. Watermelon is where it’s at. You can even put a bottle of Vodka into a Watermelon, now that is something totally different. My favorite cookies, are my wife’s, one of the ways she grabbed my heart. She makes a mean Oatmeal, raisin, chocolate chip cookie and her Chocolate Chip ones are mighty good to. I always dunk mine in my coffee, and almost always loose it in my coffee, when will I ever learn. Never! Pizza, anything can go on pizza, I enjoy a piece of pineapple on my pizza occasionally. Now Twinkies were my thing when I was younger, not so much now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Watermelon is the best! So refreshing in the summer. Homemade cookies are always good. My favourite are homemade cinnamon cookies – I can never get enough of them. One time, you should tie a string to a cookie and dunk it in your coffee like it’s a fishing pole. Even if you still lose the cookie, it’ll make for a great comedy bit.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Quinn says:

    Hmm. Your opinion about food is the only one that matters, unless it’s wrong, and although you may not be wrong on your continent….. I think this is a cultural thing.

    Pineapple on pizza should never be allowed. In Europe there are biscuits specifically made for dunking in hot drinks (like biscotti, or Rich Tea, or , although never cookies. I mean, dunking has been around since the time of the Ancient Romans. It’s basically sacred tradition at this point. …Unless you’re mixing biscuits and cookies into the same category in which case there is no hope for you.

    Also how can you decide whether or not you like foods based on looking at them? Maybe you should have a blind taste test day where you have someone feed you different foods while you sit, blindfolded. It sounds like that would expand your palate.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Oh yes, people like dunking biscotti here too, though they seem more popular in the winter time (I think). Cookies are all an year thing and it doesn’t make sense to me.
      I like this idea of a blind taste test. Whenever I try a new food, I judge it with my eyes first and come to a decision whether I’m going to like it or not. The foods I think I’m not going to like, I’m normally proven right after trying it.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. -Eugenia says:

    This post and the comments are well worth the time to read. Very amusing.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ann Coleman says:

    I agree on the cookie dunking thing and your opinion of those who write Yelp reviews (especially when they are three paragraphs long and include personal information I couldn’t possibly want to know.) But I do like Honey Dew, when there isn’t any better fruit available.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      The best (or worst) is when the reviews say stuff like “My family only goes out for dinner once a month and we were really looking forward to this, but were disappointed with the food and service.” That one makes me laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Myka says:

    I giggled out loud, once again.
    First, you said Honey Dew Dew (I’m giggling again as I re-type this). That’s awesome. Also, you’re 100% right about the melons looking pale – nice choice of words.
    Secondly. “I’m no dummy.” bahah.
    I used to dip cookies in the tea that my Dad would drink before leaving to work (he worked nights). & I loved them. But, that is quite a funny description. “letting someone else lick your cookie until its moist.” (oh god, it’s just dawning on me now that this sounds so raunchy, teeheehee).
    Pineapple on pizza isn’t really a debate for me. I think fruit should be eaten cold, but I don’t like pineapple to begin with so I’m out of this one!
    I like the ramblings inside your head, Paul.
    I wish we could walk to get some food.
    Ps. What is a Fudgee-o?
    .xo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I’ll be honest, the words “lick” and “moist” really sent this comment somewhere I wasn’t expecting haha. Fudgee-Os are like Oreos but smaller and with chocolate/fudge in the middle. It’s a Canadian thing apparently.
      Honey Dew Dew hahaa

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Yea we actually don’t have Fudgee Os in America. Ugh thanks for tempting me Paul! You must dunk cookies. Especially if they are the super chewy kind. If it’s more of the “melt in your mouth” type, then I wouldn’t dunk because that would ruin the flavor. But other than that, dunk!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Laura says:

    “Honey Dew Dew” Bwahahahaha!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Pingback: what separates us from the primates (besides opposable thumbs) | Riddle from the Middle

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