I don’t really feel like writing a compelling introduction right now, so this is what you’re going to get. You’re going to get about three or four sentences of me just filling space until I feel like I can jump right in to what I want to talk about. Why? Because this is my blog, and this is sentence number four, which means this is the end of this introduction.
If you’re keeping score at ereome, the word “this” was obnoxiously used four times in that last sentence.
I like to believe that I think a bit differently than the average person. That being said, don’t ask me to define “differently” or “average person”. I’m just here to toot my own horn.
Let’s start there.
“Toot my own horn”. Where does this phrase come from and why does it mean, “to brag”? I’m sure I can look it up on the Internet and have the answer in seconds, but it’s a lot more fun asking a rhetorical question and never getting the answer.
Have you noticed that its meaning completely differs from “honk my horn”? You see, if you toot your horn, you’re a bragger. However, if you honk your horn, you’re an angry driver.
So be careful using the words “toot” and “honk”. They aren’t interchangeable.
Homework: Next time you want to brag, keep your mouth shut and just toot a horn at other people. They’ll know what you mean.
Speaking of toots, let’s talk about smells! Sorry. Or should I say scents? Fragrances? Odours? You get the point. Things you can identify with your sniffer. For you non-Canadians, your sniffer is your nose.
We don’t actually call our nose a “sniffer” here in Canada, but hey, feel free to believe me. Bloggers are trustworthy!
Back to aromas!
You know how it’s easy to send texts, pictures, and videos to people these days? Of course you do. Anyways, in the future, there better be a way to send smells to people.
For about two hours today, my house smelled like bacon and I thought it was a shame that no one else could smell what I was smelling. Of course, I could text someone and tell them how great the smell is (and I did) but then they would just have to imagine it and not smell it first-hand, or first-nose.
I just want people to have a first-nose experience. Imagine how great it would be to hold your phone up, or whatever device someone is currently creating, capture a smell, and send it off to others.
Forget retweets. Resniffs are the way of the future!
Speaking of food, let’s talk about drinks. Beverages. Liquids. Stuff in a cup. Fluids.
I feel like “fluids” is a medical term and is only used when you’re sick and can’t breathe through your sniffer. Can anyone confirm this?
People like to post pictures of what they’re drinking on social media. Who am I to stop them? I can’t. Yet.
But for now, the trend will continue. I would just like to suggest one rule that everyone follow. It’s simple.
If the name of the beverage you post on social media has more than three words in it, don’t post it, or don’t put the name in the caption.
See, told you it was simple.
I don’t need to hear about your Caramel Strawberry Twist Supreme Au Juice with Lime. Please, spare me.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been tempted to post a picture of a glass of milk and include the caption, “2% Milk From A Carton At The Store, Formerly A Cow’s Udder”, just to make a point, but I feel like no one would understand it.
Speaking of things that are hard to understand (I’m killin’ it with these segues, eh?), why do we call LeBron James, “LBJ”? Listen, I know “LBJ” is easy to say and all three letters are capitalized, but “B” isn’t his middle initial.
His middle initial is “R”. The letter “B” is the third letter of his first name. We can still call him “LBJ”, but can we all just be aware that the “B” represents the third letter of his first name?
Why has no one questioned this before?
Homework: Figure out your own three initials by taking the first letter of your first name, the third letter of your first name, and the first letter of your last name. Have fun.
Time for another segue in 3…2…1…
Did someone mention homework?
Seeing as how teenagers crave attention, let’s give it to them. Let’s give them a television show! One where we can get to know them, judge them, and support them. I’m being serious.
You all know what The Bachelor is? Famous dating show on television? Yeah that. Anyways, let’s have a similar concept but for high school students. Specifically, students in Grade 12 who are trying to decide where to go to College.
We can call it: “The Confused And Overwhelmed High School Student“. Or we can call it: “How Far Will They Move Away From Home?” Or we can just call it: “A Life And Debt Situation“.
Follow a high school student around as they tour different colleges and are forced to decide what to do with their life at a young age. What could be more fun? And it’s relatable!
Speaking of television shows, I can only hope that Donald Trump has a reality series to decide who his running mate will be. This has to happen, right? If someone on his campaign team hasn’t already thought of this, then they’re asleep at the wheel.
Call it: “The VP”. Simple. No funny business. No puns. Nothing. “The VP“. I’d watch. You would, too.
Still speaking of television…The Amazing Race Canada! For you American folk, it’s exactly what The Amazing Race is in your country, but with the word “Canada” on the end of the title to emphasize that it is Canadian. I know, it’s hard to understand.
And for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about: It’s a reality show where teams comprised of two people race around the world, complete tasks, and hope to win a grand prize at the end.
For the teams that get eliminated along the way, they go home with nothing. Well, I guess they get memories and experiences to look back on, but nothing tangible. Let’s give them something tangible!
Why not give the eliminated teams a gift card to Tim Horton’s? Or a gift card to the place of whichever sponsor decides to step up. Give them something. It’s the Canadian thing to do.
It could even be a $25 gift card. Nothing big. Just a, “Hey, thanks for playing. Here’s your gift card.” Nice consolation prize, no? Yes.
And that’s it.
From my head to yours, these have been my thoughts.