What’s Wrong With Vanilla?

I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream.

You know, I’ve never understood that. Why do we have to scream for ice cream? Are we chasing an ice cream truck? If that’s the case, screaming “Ice Cream” won’t make the driver stop. No. Perhaps we should chase after it with our tongue hanging out of our mouth.

We would look like dogs chasing garbage trucks! That would send the right message.

That’s another thing. Do dogs really chase garbage trucks? Or is that some made up thing in movies that we all just believe and never question? I’m serious. The garbage trucks around here stop at every house on the street. If a dog wants to chase it, it doesn’t have to do much. As I said, THE TRUCK STOPS AT EVERY HOUSE. It stops. There isn’t some “great chase” going on like Woody in Toy Story 1 when the moving truck…

I’m not myself when I’m hungry. Back to ice cream.

I like vanilla ice cream. There, I said it. Who wants to fight about it?

Apparently vanilla ice cream is considered “plain”. Sorry? I thought it was another flavour. An option. Something on the menu. A dessert I could order.

Why does it have to be the oddball? What did vanilla ice cream ever do to you?

I’ve been to restaurants with friends where ice cream is apart of our meal. They ask if we want vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry. Almost every time, I’m the only one at the table who asks for vanilla!

And almost every time, people scoff at me. I’ve even had the waiter scoff at me! What did I do wrong? I’m just answering your multiple choice question! Don’t judge my likes and dislikes. We’ll be here all day if you want to judge those.

One time, a waiter brought out our bowls of ice cream. I got twice as much ice cream in my bowl than everyone else. I guess they had a lot of vanilla ice cream in stock and had to get rid of it? I don’t know. Probably. I benefitted greatly. That’s what you get for scoffing at vanilla!

I don’t particularly like chocolate ice cream, though if it’s mixed with vanilla or mint, I’ll have it. But by itself, meh.

More on mint ice cream in a minute.

As for strawberry ice cream, I’m not a fan of that either. As in, when the strawberry ice cream enters my mouth, I wish it hadn’t. I’m not even a fan of having vanilla ice cream with strawberries chopped up on top. I don’t need strawberries infiltrating my vanilla ice cream and messing with the taste.

And I say that as someone who doesn’t care when two different foods mingle on a plate. Though in this situation, no mingling! Leave space for the fork, or however that phrase goes.

Mint ice cream. I love mint ice cream. I love mint chocolate, in general. I don’t know many people that do and I don’t know why. I always thought mint was a universal flavour that everyone liked. Your toothpaste tastes like mint, why not your ice cream?

But back to vanilla…

We’re just flavour hoppin’ now.

If I want vanilla ice cream, I’ll have vanilla ice cream. Don’t tell me it’s plain. As if that’s going to make me feel bad and order something more complicated. I don’t see it as, “well why are you having vanilla when you could have (insert really great ice cream)” because, to me, vanilla is that really great ice cream.

Pause for laughs.

So what if it is plain? What’s wrong with liking foods that are considered plain? Why do people scoff at it?

I love the word “scoff” so much.

At school when I went to the cafeteria to buy a sub sandwich, sometimes I only felt like getting cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, sub sauce, and the meats on the bun. I didn’t feel like toppings. And yet, every time, I felt like I had to get toppings so I wouldn’t look like a fool to everyone else in line, or the person making my sandwich.

As if there was something wrong with me if I didn’t want to load up my sandwich with onions, pickles, hot peppers, olives, and mushrooms, just so they could all fall out when I pick up the sandwich.

It was bad enough when all they had left was whole wheat bread and I had to reluctantly accept that as my meal. Whole wheat bread tastes like socks. It just does. Don’t tell me it doesn’t. Don’t tell me it’s healthy. Don’t tell me other lies you tell yourself. It tastes like socks. Don’t even ask me how I know what socks taste like. I just know, alright.

I digress. We can argue in the comments sections.

So I rhetorically ask, what’s wrong with vanilla?

It’s a flavour just like the rest, yet it gets no respect. And neither do the people that eat it! (I’m just trying to rally the troops with that last line.)

Who knows what the real scoop is.

Ha, an ice cream pun. Laugh.

Nothing is wrong with vanilla.

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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53 Responses to What’s Wrong With Vanilla?

  1. Little Rants says:

    I totally agree. There’s nothing wrong with it at all! But then I’ll eat any flavor ice cream. You made me hungry and cheat on my diet. So thank you. Not.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Bhramori says:

    Absolutely nothing wrong with it, it’s my favourite flavour! I don’t care if it’s considered plain or scoffed at, (I don’t like that word too much, btw. Reminds me of a grumpy old man. Don’t ask.) it’s what I like best and what I’m gonna have!
    By the way, I really love that you dedicated an entire post to ice-creams. Go, you! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  3. datingflops says:

    Nothing is wrong with Vanilla. I order vanilla milkshakes, vanilla thickshakes and have vanilla icecream at home. (i love rum n raisin when im sad).

    Liked by 2 people

  4. rebbit7 says:

    Vanilla’s one of my favorite ice cream flavors! Whoever said that vanilla was boring, then they certainly haven’t tried vanilla bean before: sooo good! 😛

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Squid says:

    I used to always choose Neapolitan because then I could choose which flavor I wanted to each first, as I love Strawberry, Chocolate, and Vanilla, with my preference being Strawberry. But if you only like vanilla, then that works!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      That’s smart! I know some people who buy Neopolitan in containers where the flavours are separated, yet they only like 2 of the three flavours! So they throw it out once they finish two of them haha.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Jessie Reyna says:

    This post is hysterical. First of all, my boyfriend is the same way. He almost always orders vanilla and never strays from it. I always make fun of him because I know there a million flavors he would like and he just says, “Well I already know I like vanilla.”
    Secondly, I’m a Plain Jane myself when it comes to food. I once ordered a cheeseburger with just cheese because I hate all the healthy crap on it, and they literally gave me a bun with a slice of cheese in the middle. No burger. I learned my lesson.
    Also, here’s a tip if you don’t want to feel like an idiot when it comes to ordering plain. Just say you’re allergic. When I went to Philly and got a cheesesteak, last thing I wanted was to be gawked at because I don’t like peppers and onions. So I said I was allergic. They can’t make fun of me now!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      He sounds like a keeper haha. I’m the same way with cheeseburgers! I’ve been meaning to write a post about plain cheeseburgers so I won’t spill the story here. But yeah, the people taking the order don’t always know what a plain cheeseburger is.
      Mmmmmm I love philly cheesesteak! I do like peppers and onions but the allergy excuse is a good one I might have to try for other things.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Just tried to write my post about plain cheeseburgers but it wasn’t turning out how I expected so I’ll just tell you the story here! I went to McDonald’s a few months ago and ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier didn’t understand what that was so I said it’s a burger with just cheese on it. Her reply? “DO YOU STILL WANT SEASONING ON YOUR BURGER, OR NO?” Whaaaaaaaaaat. It’s a miracle I even got a hamburger bun that day.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jessie Reyna says:

        Hahaha I could never understand why that’s so weird for some people! My mom would get so annoyed because she’d have to spell it out for some people when I was a kid and they still were utterly confused. And then when they put ketchup on it, she went nuts because she knew I wouldn’t eat it haha

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        My mom was the same way! Sometimes we’d go through the drive-thru and then get home and realize they messed up the order so she would call and complain and then they’d offer us a free burger the next time

        Liked by 1 person

  7. heymeghan91 says:

    Vanilla is a great flavor. Mint chocolate chip might be my favorite though. Now I really want ice cream. Or food in general. Paul! Why do you do this. Lunch isn’t for another hour.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. amorefado says:

    I actually really like vanilla ice cream, but it is not my first choice. I hate all that is mint chocolate EXCEPT for the ice cream because I’m a damn psycho! I know this. My 5 year old actually only ever asks for vanilla so maybe you’re ice cream soul mates. She loves mint chocolate chip as well but it isn’t her first choice. You probably got more ice cream from that waitress because she was hitting on you, not because there was too much. She figured…The only way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! hahaha! Although your questions is rhetorical…There is nothing wrong with Vanilla. There’s absolutely something wrong with anyone who scoffs at vanilla…They’re boring. Maybe vanilla is soooooo basic that it’s magical. Or maybe the fact that no one likes vanilla anymore no longer makes it basic. My head is spinning, I can’t think straight….Too many possibilities! aaaahhhhh!!!!!!!! STOP YELLING AT ME!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. blackcat345 says:

    I totally agree with you! Vanilla is may favorite! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Melanie (DoesItEvenMatterWhoIReallyAm?) says:

    PAUL!!! YOU’RE BACK! IF I COULD DO A BACK FLIP I WOULD DO TEN RIGHT NOW!!!
    I’ve missed you! 💋 💋 ❤ ❤ 👍 💝

    Liked by 1 person

  11. peekintomylife085 says:

    I love vanilla ice cream! Chocolate ice cream is nasty! And I love my chocolate, just not in ice cream form. And damn you for making me hungry for ice cream and I don’t have any..grrr! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Frederick says:

    This post is balls of fun to read!! Well done, Paul!!! But do you not have the unexplainable urge to try out everything on the ice cream menu just for the sake of trying them out? Like, if there was a flavor named Apricots Vanilla and Green Tea which is honestly very unique, I would definitely try that. I may just discover the greatest flavor ever invented!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Honestly, not really! haha. Could I be missing out on a great flavour? Perhaps. But I’d rather try them for free than order it at a restaurant, not like it, then be disappointed that I could’ve just got what I knew I liked. If that makes sense.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Frederick says:

        I totally get you! I experienced that when o ordered some famous spicy food a year back. It was renowned in the region and a must-try. But I couldn’t eat very spicy food. In the end, I suffered more than I enjoyed the bowl of laksa 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Ah I’m with you on that one. I can’t handle spicy food at all. Thought I could as long as I had a cold glass of water…nope. Tears come out of my eyes it’s that spicy.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. hmekeel says:

    Plain vanilla soft serve yum! Also, I’ve been scoffed at my whole life for not liking condiments, so I feel your pain. Let em scoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Mindy says:

    VANILLA FOR THE WIN! I don’t know why people don’t like vanilla. If you wanted you could whatever toppings you wanted on it and it would still taste amazing. I’m the same with you on chocolate too. It’s too rich for me, but strawberry… that’s where I draw the line. Strawberry needs its time in the limelight – it’s about time.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Barb Knowles says:

    1. Vanilla ice cream is my favorite. It is virtually the only ice cream I ever eat, except mint (with vanilla….not chocolate). And once a decade, peach ice cream.
    2. If I was stranded on a desert ice cream and the only food was strawberry ice cream I’d starve to death.
    3. I thought I was the only one that at a restaurant everyone would look at me and say “is that all?” That’s all folks…..

    Liked by 1 person

  16. JM Stories says:

    “whole wheat tastes like socks” thank you for the belly laugh. And vanilla? At a new place I always get vanilla, if they can’t get vanilla right, why bother with anything else. Same logic behind my penchant for pepperoni pizza. PS Hagen daaz vanilla bean moves me to tears every time.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. “What did vanilla ice cream ever do to you?”
    Lol. Good question.

    I like vanilla. But sadly, as it is labeled as plain, I always try some other freakish flavor. Then I get disappointed and wish I would’ve stuck with vanilla. . . Or coffee ice cream. . With a lot of fudge. . And whipped cream. . . and a scoop of chocolate peanut butter. . . and cookie dough on the side.
    No nuts.

    Yep.

    US Lifestyle/Humor Blog // http://www.rebekahkoontzsite.com

    Liked by 1 person

  18. musingsandreveries says:

    Vanilla is a good flavor every now and again. Especially when it is topped with delicious caramel and nuts. Rarely I will eat it without toppings. Peanut butter is by far the best. Yet again, to each their. Let there be ice cream and by golly there best be a variety. =)

    Liked by 1 person

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