Hi everyone. My name is Paul. And I am a blogger.
(Hold for, “Hiiiiii Paauuulll”)
Is anyone reading this? No? Yes? It’s not like anyone will answer me, I just thought I’d ask that rhetorical question because it’s the norm with a new blog.
Speaking of new blog, this is not one.
But lately I’ve been reading some new blogs and their first posts put mine to shame, so this is a do-over.
108 blog posts later, this is my introduction. Reintroduction? Introduction. Who cares, just keep reading.
I started this blog because people told me I should. I really didn’t have any say in the matter. Well, I did. I made it. But the original idea was not mine. Other people said I should start a blog, and I folded like a lawn chair and started this blog.
As I said earlier, my name is Paul. You can call me Paul. Or you can call me Paul. Your choice.
I will be the voice inside your head as you read the words I write.
If at any time you don’t like my voice in your head, keep reading until you do. Or you can click to something else on the Internet, but why would you hurt me like that?
The name of this blog is: The Top of the Muffin. For no other reason than the top of a muffin is always the best part of a muffin. The bottom of the muffin is just there as the base. It never tastes as good and it just really….
What’s that? That’s not the name of this blog?
Darn, maybe it should be. I thought of that in two seconds and had a good reason for it.
The real name of this blog is: The Captain’s Speech.
That is derived from my love of sports, and history of being an intramural captain at school and giving pre-game speeches to my team.
There isn’t really a theme for this blog. But if I had to be narcissistic, I’d say the theme for this blog is, well, me.
I am the theme of this blog.
Just as you should be the theme of your blog. Even if you’re just talking about sports, or movies, or fashion, or TV shows, or school all the time, the theme of your blog is you. Don’t forget that.
Because after all, the words you write are coming from your head.
I will be writing about anything that comes to mind, that I think I can turn into a blog post. Specific, I know.
Those of you who have been following my blog for a while, know exactly what I’m talking about. I think I write about things that aren’t very common to write about, and that excites me.
I’ve never been one to steal ideas or do something that has already been done. Or at least I try not to.
My goal here is to cater to my strengths, while hopefully entertaining whoever reads this blog. If you can’t tell already, I like sarcasm. I like humour. I like making people laugh. I like putting a smile on your face. I don’t want to bore you. Even if it’s a serious post, I want you to be interested.
I want this blog to be easy to read. I don’t want you tuning out halfway through, and I realize part of that is my responsibility. I want to give you a reason to keep reading.
Start a conversation with me in the comments section! WordPress is just a big family with siblings we don’t know we have. Tell me you exist, is basically what I’m trying to say.
As for “interesting things” about me, I dread this part. I always hate being asked, “tell me something interesting about you.” Really? You really want to know? It’s worse when they ask for a specific number of things. You want to know eleven things about me? Why?
I’d rather have a conversation, and have you slowly learn things about me. That being said, ask me questions. The dumber, the better.
Every post on my blog reveals something new about me, rather than me telling you everything on the “About Me” page. I don’t even know what that page says anymore. All I know is, it’s been edited many times because I find it uncomfortable.
But since this is a reintroduction…introduction…no…this is a reintroduction. That’s what this is. No it’s not. It’s a do-over, which means the first introduction never happened. I don’t know.
That’s another thing, I banter with myself in my posts for comedic effect. See, even saying that, I feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel comfortable telling you I’m funny. You should be able to decide if I am, or not, on your own. We all have a different sense of humour.
But seriously, I’m funny. Take my word for it.
As I was saying, since this is a do-over of my first post, I’ll tell you 23 “interesting” things about me. One for each year I’ve been alive. See, I just subtly said how old I was.
1. My favourite food is pizza. Just give it to me any time of the day.
2. My favourite colour is blue. Just blue. I’m not egotistical and need a shade of blue.
3. I graduated with a Bachelor of Sport Management. Yes, I is smart.
4. I hate sports. That’s a lie.
5. I live in Canada. My family and I live in an igloo and, yes, we have dog sleds. Mush!
6. Two of the three things in #5 were a lie.
Be right back, gotta fix a crack in the igloo.
7. I lie a lot. That, too, is a lie.
8. I’ve never had sushi. Don’t freak out, it’s okay. I’m okay.
9. Ketchup on top of macaroni and cheese might be the nastiest combination I’ve ever seen.
10. I can’t draw. At all. I can draw sausage people. A house. Clouds. And a tree out front. Don’t push it.
11. I have a good memory. For instance, I was born on September 2nd. I remember the date. But seriously, I have a good memory.
12. I worked at a summer camp for three glorious years.
This is tough, 11 more to go.
13. I am six feet tall, but I haven’t been this height my entire life. I used to be six foot two. Laugh, that was a joke.
14. Sitting on the couch, watching TV, is one of my favourite things to do. Judge me.
15. I’ve never had a nose bleed. Knock on wood. DO IT. I don’t want a nose bleed.
16. Coke and Pepsi are the same thing, stop asking me what I prefer.
17. I like to humorously make a big deal out of small things, like lines at buffets.
18. I do a lot of these blog posts in the middle of the night. I find it peaceful.
Five…more…to…go. Guys, I’m labouring. This is tough. I should’ve lied and said I was 14.
19. I can’t stand slow walkers, or people that walk at me and expect me to dodge them. But I will dodge them because I don’t want to walk into them.
20. My favourite band is 30 Seconds To Mars. If you like them, let me know!
21. Lead pencils give me anxiety. THOSE THINGS ARE MOMENTS AWAY FROM DEATH ALL THE TIME.
22. The last time I thought the floor was hot lava was four years ago.
23. I don’t drink coffee.
Those last five took me about twenty minutes to think of.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this and decide to read more.
I’ve been told there are some good things on this site, but I’ll let you form that opinion. You have one day to form that opinion.
Okay, I’m done.