The Exc!amation Mark!

Let’s be serious for a moment and talk about the exclamation mark! This won’t take long!

The exclamation mark is the most exciting form of punctuation there is!

It’s not dull, like the period!

It’s not pessimistic, like a question mark!

It’s not a speed bump, like a comma!

It’s not cocky, like a colon! For a colon stacks two periods on top of each other! As if to show it is superior! I see your period, and raise you a second period! Touché!

It’s not indecisive, like a semi-colon! Seriously, semi-colon, make up your mind! Are you a comma, or a period!? You can’t bake the cake and eat it too! Well, I guess you can! But pick one!

For the record, I’d eat the cake!

When people send me texts or talk to me on social media and use exclamation marks, I find it fascinating!

Depending on how many exclamation marks are used, here are my thoughts!

One exclamation mark: Oh, they’re talking louder at me! This must be important!

Two exclamation marks: Wow, they are excited!! Not sure if what they said was all that exciting, but the two exclamation marks give it that extra oomph to convince me that it was!!

Three exclamation marks: This person had made the conscious decision to press the exclamation button, three exact times!!! They are very sure of their level of excitement!!! They are on the verge of over-doing it, but don’t!!! They are on the verge!!! The verge!!!

Four exclamation marks: Now this is getting out of hand!!!! You are putting too much emphasis on something that only needs two exclamation marks!!!! You are over the limit!!!! You have more than ten items in your shopping cart, you can’t go to the express line!!!!

Five exclamation marks: Now this is getting awkward!!!!! The space between your sentences is getting larger and larger!!!!! I mean, really, five exclamation marks!!!!!

Six exclamation marks, or more: Stop leaning on the button!!!!!! You’re going to break it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I excited, am I yelling, or am I crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????? I don’t know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Probably all of the above!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STOP LEANING ON YOUR HORN!!!!!!!

Fascinating, isn’t it!?

The exclamation mark, and question mark, are the only two that can be added several times to the end of a sentence! Ever notice that!?

For some reason, the more question marks you add at the end of a sentence, the more confused you are! But, why!? Isn’t one question mark supposed to make that abundantly clear! That’s why it’s called a question mark!

And if you’ve noticed throughout this post, when I use the exclamation mark and question mark at the end of the same sentence, I have to use the same number of each!

Otherwise, what would it look like, you ask!??? That! It looks like that! Uneven and weird!

If I put three periods after a sentence, that doesn’t emphasize the end of the sentence! It gives it an entirely different meaning! It means you have an unfinished thought! The official word for this is: ellipsis! Ellipsis!!!

Well, this post was exhausting! I don’t think I’ve ever conveyed so much excitement about such a serious topic!

And hopefully you found this post a tad annoying! Because that’s what I was going for! The overuse of exclamation marks can be annoying!

I’m sure when you realized that each sentence would end with an exclamation mark, you started tuning it out halfway through and just read it as if every sentence ended with a period!

I could’ve said something extremely, legitimately, exciting somewhere in this blog post, and it wouldn’t have come across that way because every other sentence is punctuated with the same tone!

I’ve watered down the effect of the exclamation mark!

The exclamation mark controls how we think! It has too much power over us! So much power, that if we say something like “I just won the lottery.” and end it with a period, or even no punctuation, it seems like we don’t care!

Isn’t it inherent that we do care!? We just said we won the lottery! That’s never enough though! A statement like that is expected to have six or more exclamation marks! Am I wrong!?

I guess it depends how much you win! Anything under $200 probably falls within the one, or two, exclamation mark threshold! A million dollars allows you to lean on the exclamation key for about 4 seconds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s what it would look like!

All of this is mind-blowing, no!?

Anyways, thanks for allowing me to be serious for once!!!!!

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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13 Responses to The Exc!amation Mark!

  1. What a wonderful post! I use exclamation marks all the time! Thank you! 🙂

    Like

  2. Very funny, very true, and for people like me, very convicting! You’ve inspired me to reevaluate the way I convey emotion in my writing. Thank you, sir! 🙂

    Like

  3. Reblogged this on saneteachers and commented:
    As someone who overuses the exclamation mark, and has tried not to use it when I blog, I love this blog post! For real!! Enjoy!!!

    Like

  4. Glazed says:

    I really, really enjoyed this. I’m very excited, now that I know I don’t have to use exclamation marks so much anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Just to keep my exclamation mark skills from getting rusty, you’ll find a liberal dose of them in my latest blog ” Miniature golf and ensuing horrors.” Yes, I’m shamelessly marketing. But it helps us both out.

    Liked by 1 person

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