50 Thoughts XXIV (Holiday Edition)

1. When I was 5, I was coming out of a store at the mall with my mom, and Santa’s throne was straight ahead. We made eye contact and he waved at me. I waved back. If I remember correctly, everyone around us stopped and stared.

2. Back in the 90s, there used to be a show on TV where kids would call in and tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas. I never called in, but I enjoyed watching.

3. Every December, I almost get run over by a stroller at the mall. It’s a tradition like no other.

4. I have this theory that most people prefer to shop at the mall that is third closest to their house because the two malls that are closer are smaller and not as impressive.

4.5 Comment below to prove or disprove my theory.

5. If you’re going to be walking around a mall for four hours, does it really make sense to wear a parka, especially if it’s not snowing, and it’s not as cold as it could be?

6. Dress for the situation, not the calendar.

7. Eating breadsticks makes me hungrier.

8. I normally lose weight around this time of year, which I don’t really understand, but I’m not going to question it.

9. Is anyone ever dashing through the snow?

10. I had intended on doing a blog post called, “Lesser-Known Christmas Commercials” where I’d make up items and create commercials for them.

10.5 There was going to be a lottery scratch card called, “Cash 4 Wife”, where every card is a winner.

10.75 The tandem gift would’ve been called, “Wind 4 Husband”, which is just “fresh air” in a bottle.

11. Include batteries. Enough of this nonsense.

12. Tim Allen hasn’t aged since 1993. Maybe those Santa Clause movies were his way of admitting that he is Santa Claus, which is why he never ages.

13. There’s always one person at every holiday party who goes around taking pictures on an iPad.

14. In Grade 1, we made Christmas ornaments at school. I still have them. They’re a symbol of my peak as an artist.

15. My best friend has never seen Home Alone from start to finish. You think you know someone…

16. The Christmas stocking became popular when people realized it would serve the same purpose as a Halloween bucket, except you wouldn’t have to go to anyone’s house.

16.5 This may, or may not, be true.

17. Ribbon always gives me problems.

18. I need more details on what reindeer games are. Do they divide into teams and play European Handball?

19. Movies about Boxing Day should be sequels to Hallmark Christmas movies. Let’s see what these cheery people turn into when there’s a 52-inch TV on sale.

20. You’ve heard of online shopping? Well get ready for the next big thing – online Christmas parties! It’s basically The Sims but each person is someone you know.

20.5 This may, or may not, be true.

21. “What do you get someone who has everything?” is a question that needs to be retired.

22. Do you even lift, snow?

23. I have a theory that the kids who drink glue are the same ones who eat a handful of snow off the ground.

24. I once came across a job posting to be a mall Santa. They prefer natural facial hair.

25. Candy canes are too good to be seasonal.

26. The days between Christmas and New Year’s are always some of the strangest of the year.

27. Hey, remember when January felt like it was 70 days? How did we get to this point?

28. I peak at noon on Christmas before I need an afternoon nap.

29. Christmas songs are very repetitive. Flash your red nose when you notice a pattern in the next three thoughts.

30. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock…

31. We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year…

32. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…

33. Charlie Brown and his pals are about 8-years-old and already have a Friendmas celebration. Where are their parents?

34. Every Canadian kid should experience a backyard/outdoor rink at some point in their childhood.

35. Shovelling snow is fun, unless it’s wet snow and ice boulders block the end of the driveway. Could turn shovelling into an Olympic sport, at that point.

36. Turkey is overrated. I’m sorry.

37. “I’m not apologizing to Buzz, I’d rather kiss a toilet seat.” – Kevin McCallister

38. Dasher – Sounds like a runner.

39. Dancer – Sounds like a dancer.

40. Prancer – Sounds like they have to use the bathroom.

41. Vixen – Sounds like trouble.

42. Comet – Sounds like double trouble.

43. Cupid – Sounds hopeless.

44. Donner – Sounds like a hockey player named, Don.

45. Blitzen – Sounds like they’re rushing the quarterback.

46. I miss the Iron Chef marathon that would be on the Food Network on Boxing Day.

47. Does anyone else specialize in sneaking treats home from a Christmas party via napkins, or just my family?

48. If you don’t have an Advent calendar, just open the cupboards in your kitchen until you find something. (I stole this from Instagram).

49. One of the best Christmas gifts I ever got was a Formula 1 toy racetrack. It had two cars and each had a controller, so we could race them. It didn’t last a long time before the cars built up too much fiction underneath them and had problems running on the track.

50. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my readers! You’re the best.

Unrelated to this post, I just want to give a shoutout to one of my original blog friends from 2013, Jenna, who hadn’t blogged in a few years but is now back. Give her a follow, check out her latest posts, and tell her Paul sent you. Thanks!

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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27 Responses to 50 Thoughts XXIV (Holiday Edition)

  1. Excessive & Composed says:

    Love this!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lmao! Number 13! I always yell at my uncle for this. He has a professional cannon rebel and walks around with his damn iPad taking photos. WHY OWN AN EXPENSIVE PROFESSIONAL CAMERA TO THEN TAKE PHOTOS ON YOUR IPAD LIKE A 7 YEAR OLD?! Ugh! Lol also, thank you for the shoutout 🙂 you are such an amazing blogger companion! Loyal and supportive! What more could a follower ask for?! Glad you could come up with 50 thoughts when I barely have 2 in my head other then “that’s a lot of calamari dad”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha the iPad photo is the modern day fanny pack, I feel. It’s serviceable, but annoying. Ohhh don’t be fooled, I struggled to get to 50. Listing off the reindeer was my way of cheating. Also, you can never have too much calamari. The more, the mari-er. You’re welcome for the shoutout!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. peckapalooza says:

    4. Malls near me are unimpressive. Even the third closest one.
    9. Seems the safe, responsible thing would be to slow down in the snow.
    13. That’d be my grandmother. She has a flip phone, but is super proud of that iPad.
    15. I half expected a strikethrough of the word best.
    17. Then you send that ribbon to its room so it can think about what it’s done!
    20. I would prefer these online Christmas parties to the IRL ones I’m obligated to attend.
    25. Truth.
    33. They’re off somewhere comparing muffled trumpets and trombones.
    47. My family’s the opposite. They insist that you take something… more than you can handle… and if you don’t, it’s like a personal insult to their cooking abilities.
    50. And also to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      4. Theory busted. How many malls away is the best one?
      15. Haha thanks for the idea, I’m gonna go do that.
      17. Yeah!
      20. Me too. And if I “disappear” I could just blame it on a poor internet connection.
      47. Oh mine always sends us home with stuff too, but we sneakily grab stuff before everything is divided so we end up with more lol

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen Home Alone all the way through either and I hate candy canes. I hope our friendship can withstand those two things.

    One of your items was also a tweet – I feel like you cheated.

    I never drank glue but I admit up until I was about 7 or 8 I enjoyed a handful of snow off the ground here or there lol

    Merry Christmas Paul!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. No one dashes through snow in West Texas, because there isn’t any snow to dash through. There’s sand hills, lots and lots of sand/dirt, and you can’t dash through sand, you get stuck in it. This list is great! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  6. lindasschaub says:

    Paul – I’ve never even seen the opening credits to Home Alone and the other day there was some Google ad showing the Home Alone kid grown up and reprising his former role – of course I didn’t “get it” … oh well. I love the definitions of the reindeer names. If you’re not already a comedian in real life, then I think you’ve missed your calling. Merry Christmas!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I’ve seen Home Alone so many times I take lines from it and use it in every day life. The Google ad was great! Thanks for your kind words, though I think I failed to pick up the phone when the call came in to be a comedian. Merry Christmas!

      Liked by 1 person

      • lindasschaub says:

        Ha ha – Years ago when I worked on the school newspaper, a couple of the guys on the staff knew every line of every Marx Brothers movie – if someone happened to say something that triggered a memory of a line in a movie, and the both of them were in the room, they would instantly begin a dialogue reciting all these lines verbatim. I’ll look at the Google ad, I am sure it is still around. I still think you missed your calling and Merry Christmas to you too Paul.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Ariel Lynn says:

    4. I have this theory that most people prefer to shop at the mall that is third closest to their house because the two malls that are closer are smaller and not as impressive.

    4.5 Comment below to prove or disprove my theory.

    I’m kinda gonna do both (“prove” and “disprove”). See, where I live, there are at least 4 malls within the same approximate driving time. I guess if I did it by mileage they would be different, but I don’t care about the mileage – 7 miles on back roads is worse than 8 miles on a 50mph road any day.

    So, I don’t go to the third closest mall to my house when I go to a mall (which, to be fair, isn’t very often). I usually choose the mall closest to me. Which is one of those 4. 🙂

    (Although, what I consider the 4th is a mall I wouldn’t go to. Unless it was to eat only, & only if I had a lot of money to spend on one meal. That place is too expensive for me to go window-shopping.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha so what I learned from this is that Ariel doesn’t like going to malls but will go to the closest one or the furthest one if it’s for food, but the furthest one isn’t even that far. Lol thanks for this data

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Rea says:

    #11 for real though!
    #15 I feel they need to be given a *tiny* bit of grace since I hadn’t ever seen It’s A Wonderful Life until last night so I can relate
    #25 non-Christmas candy canes are caked breath mints😂
    #33 you address the fact that his parents aren’t around, but fail to comment on the fact that this CHILD is bald!🤔😂
    #47 you’re not alone here!🙋‍♀️

    Merry Christmas, Paul! 🎄🎁

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      10. It’s probably not gonna happen but I appreciate the enthusiasm
      15. I don’t think I’ve seen A Wonderful life either
      25. WOAH
      33. Maybe he has a health problem??

      Merry Christmas!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Laura says:

    So much of the truth in this, Paul. SO MUCH TRUTH.

    4. I do not prefer to shop at any malls anywhere because the sensory overload is ridiculous and I’m shot for the rest of the day.
    6. I do indeed dress for the situation. I almost always end up regretting it as I stand shivering somewhere thinking “dammit, it’s December, why don’t I have a scarf?”
    8. I do not enjoy weight loss at this time of year. You’re a freak of nature. Own it.

    Merry Christmas!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      6. Yeah we seem like the smart ones for the first hour, where lighter clothes work to out benefit. But in the long run, it might work against us

      Merry Christmas! Hope you and your family had a wonderful day!


  10. onebigstressball says:

    OH MY GOD YES! I have MISSED these!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Ely says:

    4- your theory is correct! Plus when you go to the mall you wanna make it as adventurous as possible so let’s make it a road trip too!

    7- that is the law of nature! Those kinds of carbs only make your appetite bigger! I should know, suddenly I’m a fitness and nutrition guru in 3 weeks time. Insert eye roll.

    9. Yes! But only because grandpa got ran over by a reindeer and someone’s gotta go get help!!

    13- off with their heads!!! Most annoying thing ever!!!! Like we all know you have a phone! Show off!!!

    17- what did ribbon ever do to YOU??! Lol!

    19. Ok that’s it. What is BOXING day??!

    21- Regis, the answer is GIFT CARDS, final answer.

    36. AGREED. But that’s a thanksgiving thing! Do you all have turkey on Christmas too?

    46- I still don’t know what Boxing Day is. SOS

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      7. Whaaa? Bread has been tricking me all along. I think I just hired you as my unofficial nutritionist.

      13. Hahaha “off with their heads”.

      17. Ribbons is so hard to break through if the person wraps it too tight around the gift. UGH.

      19. Boxing Day is the day after Christmas where stores put everything on sale! I just realized this year that Americans don’t know what it is. It’s basically Black Friday Part 2 and makes you regret spending money on Christmas gifts when you can wait an extra day and get everything cheap.

      36. We don’t eat turkey at Christmas anymore, but it used to be part of the feast. Glad it’s gone tbh

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ely says:

        LOL unofficial is the key word there! And I learn something new everyday! Boxing Day! That’s insane. Right after purchasing everything at full if not higher prices?! Whoa! I’d plan
        My Christmas party 2 days later that way I can do last minute shopping on Boxing Day! I mean come onnnnn!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Right!? It’s sad that no one waits an extra day or two just to save money. Also, I have no clue why it’s called Boxing Day in case you were wondering. Maybe because of fights in parking lots?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ely says:

        Ha!! That’s appropriate! 🤔

        Liked by 1 person

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