Stanley Cup Playoffs Preview

Hello hockey fans in the United States and Newfoundland. Welcome to my unique preview of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I say “unique” because I know most of you are probably not hockey fans, nor are you from the United States or Newfoundland. So I have to make this entertaining.

Also, there are already a bunch of preview articles on the internet. I don’t need to copy them because, quite frankly, I can do it better.

So before you get crumbs in your playoff beard and refer to a stubbed toe as a “lower body injury”, let’s get started.

I’ll begin with the Western Conference matchups.

Chicago Blackhawks (1) vs. Nashville Predators (WC)

The Chicago Blackhawks not only have the best jersey in the NHL, but also the best goal song. That’s a deadly duo, if you ask me. They have won the Stanley Cup three times since 2010 and are due to win another.

They have too much experience, too many future hall of famers, and too much of a home ice advantage. Again, don’t discount how intimidating their goal song – Chelsea Dagger – is.

As for Nashville, their jerseys look like mustard and their goal song is unknown to me, which means it isn’t very good. They have never won the Stanley Cup and won’t win it this year. Sorry for being blunt.

They’ll put up a fight, but I can picture them sadly making their way off the ice at the end of the series. I can’t say the same for Chicago.

My Pick: Chicago Blackhawks

Minnesota Wild (2) vs. St. Louis Blues (3)

I’ve never quite understood why they are called the “Wild”. What do the members of their team say, “I’m a Wild”? If you’re on St. Louis, you say, “I’m a Blue” and no one blinks twice. “I’m a Wild” just sounds like an incomplete sentence. You’re a wild, what? Coyote?

No. That’s Arizona. The Arizona Coyotes.

Minnesota doesn’t really have a star player; they have a bunch of good players. Maybe they’re trying to be the 2011 Boston Bruins. That reference went over everyone’s head. I like their coach. I like their depth. I like their chances.

St. Louis seemingly gets their heart broken every year in the playoffs. Normally, it’s by the Chicago Blackhawks. I don’t trust their goaltending and I don’t think they have the right pieces to get through a tough Western Conference.

Some will win, some will lose, St. Louis was born to sing the blues. It writes itself.

My Pick: Minnesota Wild

Anaheim Ducks (1) vs. Calgary Flames (WC)

It still bothers me that Anaheim took the “Mighty” out of their name and changed their jerseys at the beginning of the 2006-2007 season. I’m sure they don’t mind. They won the Cup that year. But I mind, okay. I MIND.

Anaheim is a big, bad, bully when they want to be. Lately, they’ve been playing the victim and have lost some key players to injury. Don’t fret, Duck fans! Calgary hasn’t won a game in Anaheim in 13 years. That’s not an exaggeration.

13 years! I didn’t even know how to shave 13 years ago.

Calgary is young and feisty and will be willing combatants in multiple frays, skirmishes, and fracases, alike. That sentence was full of testosterone.

Two years from now, I’ll pick Calgary to win this series. For now, it’s all about the Quack Pack.

My Pick: Anaheim Mighty Ducks

Edmonton Oilers (2) vs. San Jose Sharks (3)

Connor McDavid is so good at hockey…How good is he?…he already has a goal and an assist before Johnny Nosebleed can make a stop at the concession stands to pick up another bag of peanuts.

The San Jose Sharks are free, free fallin’. They made the finals last year, and have more facial hair than ZZ Top, but something doesn’t feel right. They’ve been relying on the same five guys to produce all of their offence for a few years now. I don’t know if it finally catches up to them, or if their experience will trump all.

The Oilers are fun to watch. Their coach, Todd McLellan, was fired by San Jose two years ago. He won’t say it, so I will. He wants to beat them soooo badly. Especially considering the fact that they finally got over the hump and went to the finals, the season after he was canned.

Edmonton is young and inexperienced, outside of a few players. Normally I would give the advantage to the more experienced team, but I don’t think inexperience matters to Connor McDavid. And I don’t think there is a strategy that can stop him.

My Pick: Edmonton Oilers

Hop on a plane, we’re headed to the Eastern Conference!

Montreal Canadiens (1) vs. New York Rangers (WC)

The Carey Prices Montreal Canadiens are a one man team. That might be the Leaf fan in me talking, or it might be the truth. Maybe both. If it weren’t for Carey Price in net, this team probably doesn’t even make the playoffs. Yeah, I said it.

Their trade deadline acquisitions made me think they forgot that you need to score goals in order to win. The players they traded for are better at throwing their fists at faces, than shooting pucks into nets. I still don’t know who is supposed to score on this team.

The Rangers don’t really have a prototypical star player, but they have depth. They have scorers. They have Henrik Lundqvist in net, who better turn into King Henrik again, or else they might be in trouble.

My Pick: New York Rangers

Ottawa Senators (2) vs. Boston Bruins (3)

The Ottawa Senators have been through a lot this year, yet here they are. I’m worried they might be a bit small up front and their forwards will be too overwhelmed to be consistent scorers. Their goaltending can steal them a few games, though.

As for the Bruins, this is a team with players who know their role and play them perfectly. Brad Marchand may be the smallest player on the ice, but he may also be the best. And he’ll act as if he’s seven feet tall, just like their captain – Zdeno Chara.

What a menacing name. Zdeno Chara.

My Pick: Boston Bruins

Washington Capitals (1) vs. Toronto Maple Leafs (WC)

My team, the Toronto Maple Leafs, are in the playoffs. Do you believe in miracles? The Leafs finished in last place last season and I had never hated hockey more in my life. It was dreadful. Now, the Leafs are here….annnnnd they might just get run out of the building.

BUT, my hometown bias is kicking in and I’m thinking the Leafs have a chance because anything can happen in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Also, the Capitals have a reputation of choking in the playoffs.

The Leafs are so young…How young are they?…their bed time is the beginning of the third period. Ba dum shhh.

If I had a dime for the amount of times I’ve heard people ask, “Is this finally the Capitals’ year?” I’d have about $3.75. Maybe it is their year, or maybe it’s not. That’s why they play the games.

I think the Leafs could very well lose the first game by a score of 5-1 and then bounce back and make Game 2 “close”. Or they’ll shock the world and win Game 1. I can only hope.

For my pick, I’m going with my head instead of my heart. I hope I’m wrong.

My Pick: Washington Capitals.
*If the Leafs win the series, I’m editing this to say Toronto.

Pittsburgh Penguins (2) vs. Columbus Blue Jackets (3)

I like the Columbus Blue Jackets. I do. They are the little engine that could. I just don’t like little engines when they go up against penguins and Sidney Crosby. Sorry. Huff and puff your train out of the station, Columbus.

As long as Sidney Crosby is healthy and avoids food poisoning, the Penguins will always be a threat to win the Stanley Cup. They have more playoff experience and more talent than Columbus, though their defence looks like someone just spilled cranberry juice on a white tablecloth.

It ain’t pretty, or healthy. It’s a bloody mess. Do you get the cranberry juice on a white tablecloth reference, now?

It’ll be a close matchup because the Penguins have great jerseys and the Blue Jackets have a cannon inside their arena. So, get ready for a loud affair.

My Pick: Pittsburgh Penguins

That is it for my Stanley Cup Playoffs Preview! I won’t give you my predictions for future rounds right now because for all I know, all of my picks are incorrect.

I hope you enjoyed this, whether you like hockey or not. Maybe I even convinced some of you to watch.

So with that, remember to keep your stick on the ice and get pucks in deep, eh.

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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23 Responses to Stanley Cup Playoffs Preview

  1. LOL at the bed time being before 3rd period joke hahaha! ~Go Leafs Go~

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Barb Knowles says:

    All the sports teams at the high school where I teach are the PRIDE. That reminds me of the WILD. I’m a Pride? You’re a WILD what? I loved that. But I specifically want to say it’s odd that you posted this today because I was going to talk about the Rangers in my sports post today. Hockey is one of the games that is infinitely better in person. I was going to add hockey as my 4th favorite sport but it really isn’t at all, unless I get to go in person. Which almost never happens. But it is soooooooo much better in person and not on tv. And I’m a Ranger fan, since I live in NY. OBVIOUSLY. I will pretend not to notice if you edit your choices later.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Ha you’re a Pride. Shouldn’t you say, “I’m Proud”? I’ve been to quite a few hockey games and like having a birds eye view of the rink (rather than sitting close) because I can see everything. I almost enjoy it more on TV because then I don’t miss stuff. When I’m there in person, there’s too much to stare at and too many people going in and out of our row.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Barb Knowles says:

        On TV I get a neck ache because the play is going so fast they can’t keep up with it. Oh I hate that when people have to get up and get in the way. As to Pride….I get it but I’m a Pride makes me feel like a lioness. I like sports teams that end in a plural. The Bruins, Rangers, Yankees. Leaves?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        I think 99% of sports teams are plural. Another one that confuses me is Miami Heat. “I’m a Heat.” Sounds like a foreign way to say “I’m hot”. Hmm maybe it’s the way American TV networks broadcast hockey games. I’ve seen some and it’s like being on a roller coaster. The Canadian way seems much smoother and relaxing.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Barb Knowles says:

        I almost mentioned the Miami Heat! And there is a NY Women’s Basketball team the Liberty. The New York Liberty. That one I always stumble over. The Liberties?

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Squid says:

    YOU ENDED WITH “EH”! YOU’RE SO CANADIAN! 😂😂😂
    I have no idea how to pronouce Zdeno Chara… And at this point I’m too afraid to ask. *insert Chris Pratt/Parks and Rec meme*
    I actually have always wanted to go to a hockey game, and this post has brought back all those longings! Maybe someday…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree with all but the Penguins and Blue Jackets. I think Pittsburg has to many injuries and their goaltending is suspect. In the end I would love to see Blackhawks vs Capitals. That would be a great final, but not sure it will go that way. Will have to wait until after the first round and see who has the hottest goalie.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Blackhawks (cool jerseys indeed!), Blues, MIGHTY Ducks (sorry Canada), GO SHARKS (sorry Canada… not really on this one), Rangers (sorry again Canada), Bruins (sorry yet again Canada… OMG there appears to be a pattern developing here!), Caps (sorry Canadian PAUL! Well that stopped the pattern… ALMOST), Penguins (Argh), and sorry Golden Knights it’s not the 2017/2018 season yet. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      American Paul, it seems to me that you have no regard for Canadian teams! Then again, I’m Canadian Paul and I only picked 1 Canadian team to move on and it wasn’t even Toronto. Hmmm. Maybe I’m actually American Paul 2.0.

      Like

      • American Paul 2.0 (may I call you American Paul 2.0?) I admit it looks bad that I failed to select one single team from Canada to win an NHL playoff round. Especially when you consider that I, your identical twin brother, American Paul (related in name only) would normally be of the same mind—as identical twin brothers who look nothing alike usually are. However, I must applaud you (being that you’re from the country known as Toronto) for showing good judgement by only selecting ONE team from Canada to win a playoff round and thank goodness it wasn’t the Maple Leafs, as that would have suggested you were Canadian—because as everyone knows, Canadians only come from Montreal! So at least you didn’t blunder into making that mistake, as our Romanian parents (who are also not related, but who hail from Botswana) would never have forgiven you, as they have absolutely no interest in hockey at all. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Yes you may, or AP 2, will also suffice. It makes me sound like a robot. I’m impressed that you know the Canadian secret – that we only come from Montreal. We’ve been trying to keep that quiet for years. Also, it might be time for Romania to get a hockey team. We can coach.

        Like

      • Thank you AP 2, I too would like to sound like a real robot… “Danger, danger Will Robinson!” Ah if only! Just think, the joy of being able to sound like a chatterbot, a dalek, or even Stephen Hawking! But I digress, as what we were really talking about here, was how an artificial American (born—in a test tube—to Romanian parents from Botswana who never met, but who somehow managed to have coitus anyway and raised identical American and Canadian twin boys—who look nothing alike and who were also separated at birth) was ever able to get his hands on the ancient sacred Canadian secret (circa Octvember 2004), that all Canadians are actually from Montreal and not from other Canadian provinces as originally suspected. Well, it all began when Donald Trump demanded to see my birth certificate—how in the world he ever discovered that I (an obscure artificial American, born to Romanian parents from Botswana) might possibly be related to an identical twin (who doesn’t look anything like me) who hails from Canada (which is really the country of Montreal in disguise!), is a mystery to me. But, this sent me on a quest (while I was carrying a whip and trying on a Fedora at Macy’s—but don’t ask me how) for the holy grail of all secrets. Naturally, I can’t divulge anything else about the (behind the scenes true story) search I went on (but this binary code… 01010111 01101001 01101011 01101001 and another, Julian Assange, leak might give you a clue) until Warner Brothers picks up the option on my (New York Times Number #1 Best Seller) epic novel “An Artificial American Hockey Fan in Canada” and then turns it into an MGM movie musical for television. You understand, right? I mean, this is real hush, hush, stuff were talking about here. Imagine if it fell into the wrong hands? Why we might all be talking aboot it, eh? 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Another masterpiece of a comment, AP 1. I don’t even know what to say. For if I say something, this hush hush stuff might get out which could jeopardize your book and musical. We wouldn’t want that.

        Like

      • P.S. AP2, I agree. I think as quasi-Romanians, we should coach our imagined homelands expansion National Hockey League team (the Bucharest Bloodsuckers—a nod to Dracula) in their inaugural season quest for next years Stanley Cup. Why I even bet we could give the Las Vegas Golden Knights a good run for their money—if we took a truck-load of chips from their casino that is. ‘O)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        I like it! We’ll wait until everyone in Vegas goes to sleep and then we’ll strike. If we can’t get poker chips, I’ll settle for some BBQ chips instead.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: GO CAPS! – valerie bell's blog

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