Once again, I’m asking you to ignore the fact that Week 12 has already started.
Here is how each team in the NFL is looking after Week 11.
Arizona Cardinals (2-9)
The defence came up with three interceptions against C.J. Stroud, but it wasn’t enough to beat the Texans.
Atlanta Falcons (4-6)
The Falcons are coming out of their bye week and have decided to go back to Desmond Ridder as their starting quarterback, after Taylor Heinicke went winless in his two starts. It feels like they’re trying to fix a broken pipe with a post-it note.
Baltimore Ravens (8-3)
The Ravens rolled to victory over the Bengals after Joe Burrow left the game in the second quarter with a wrist injury.
Buffalo Bills (6-5)
Their first game under new offensive coordinator Joe Brady went as well as they could’ve hoped, with 32 points against a good Jets defence. However, for the second time in three games, Gabe Davis was held without a catch.
Carolina Panthers (1-9)
What’s there to say about the worst team in the league? The players are playing for future jobs in the NFL, getting as much tape as they can.
Chicago Bears (3-8)
The Bears scored more than 20 points (26) last week for the first time in a month, but it wasn’t enough to beat the Lions.
Cincinnati Bengals (5-5)
Any hope of making a second half playoff push went out the window when Joe Burrow left the game in the second quarter with torn ligaments in his right wrist.
Cleveland Browns (7-3)
The Browns defence is keeping this team alive.
Dallas Cowboys (7-3)
The Cowboys haven’t defeated anyone of note this season, but at least they aren’t playing down to their competition.
Detroit Lions (8-2)
It doesn’t matter who you root for, you have to be happy for the Lions.
Denver Broncos (5-5)
Don’t look now, but here come the Broncos?? Je suis confuse. Yes, I have resorted to French because I am that confused. This can’t last, right?
Green Bay Packers (4-6)
The Packers should’ve lost at home to the Chargers, but when your opponent can’t catch the ball, they can’t score. Packers win.
Houston Texans (6-4)
C.J. Stroud entered the game against the Cardinals with only two interceptions to his name, but left with five. The Texans got the win, so it’s fine.
Indianapolis Colts (5-5)
Week 12 will be their first game since coming back from Germany.
Jacksonville Jaguars (7-3)
After being pummelled by the 49ers, the Jaguars bounced back with a win over the lowly Titans.
Kansas City Chiefs (7-3)
The Chiefs lost the Super Bowl rematch to the Eagles. Their lacklustre receiving corps was once again on full display, with several drops in key moments. I hate to keep saying I pointed out this issue before the season started, but…
Las Vegas Raiders (5-6)
The Raiders only managed 36 rushing yards against the Dolphins.
Los Angeles Chargers (4-6)
When you pair a weak defence with an offence that can’t close out games, you get this Chargers team. I don’t like saying anyone should be fired. I just think it’s hard to imagine that Brandon Staley will be back next season.
Los Angeles Rams (4-6)
The Rams eked out a come-from-behind 1-point victory over the Seahawks.
Miami Dolphins (7-3)
Rookie running back sensation De’Von Achane returned from a knee injury and only lasted three snaps before re-aggravating his injury. The good news is he should be back in a week or two.
Minnesota Vikings (6-5)
Josh Dobbs-mania came to a halt as the Broncos defeated the Vikings by one point.
New England Patriots (2-8)
Who’s starting at quarterback in Week 12? No one knows. Bill Belichick told all of his quarterbacks to be ready. That’s like when a teacher heavily hints to the class that there is going to be a pop quiz tomorrow.
New Orleans Saints (5-5)
The Saints sit atop the NFC South, also known as, the division no one wants to win for the second year in a row.
New York Giants (3-8)
Tommy DeVito threw for three touchdowns as the Giants defeated the Commanders.
New York Jets (4-6)
Zach Wilson threw for 81 yards and the Jets managed only six points against the Bills. There’s no point in Aaron Rodgers rushing back now.
Philadelphia Eagles (9-1)
The Eagles are a very good football team. The word that came to mind after their game with the Chiefs was “connected”. Their entire team, all three phrases, just felt connected. In unison. As one. Together. It’s one of those intangibles winning teams have.
Pittsburgh Steelers (6-4)
It’s not the Steelers unless a wide receiver is involved in some sort of locker room hoopla. It’s being reported that after last week’s game, Diontae Johnson got into a heated argument with Minkah Fitzpatrick before the two were separated.
San Francisco 49ers (7-3)
Despite their best efforts down the stretch, Christian McCaffrey’s touchdown streak ended at 17 games.
Seattle Seahawks (6-4)
The Seahawks have a tough schedule the rest of the way, which makes their loss to the Rams feel like the first nail in the coffin that is their playoff hopes.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-6)
There is no shame in losing to the 49ers on the road.
Tennessee Titans (3-7)
Derrick Henry has disappeared for the last couple of games. We’ll see what he can do against a Panthers defence who hasn’t been good stopping the run. Can you tell he’s on my fantasy team?
Washington Commanders (4-7)
You wouldn’t think the Commanders would lose to the Giants based on how the two teams have played this season, but divisional matchups are unpredictable and throw logic out the window.
The Captain's Speech 