1000 Followers, 22 Pizzas, 2 Christmas Songs, 1 Captain

The other day I woke up with the song: “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” penetrating my brain. My initial thought was, “Yeah, I guess it is starting to look a lot like Christmas. Wooooo Santa!”

By the afternoon, “Run Run Rudolph” had taken over. Help me. I’m having Christmas songs run through my head. I don’t even like Christmas songs.

They’re fine. But I’m completely opposite from the people who announce via social media on November 1st that it’s finally socially acceptable to listen to Christmas music. And if you dare disagree with them, they will unfriend you. How “Christmas spirity” of them.

We now interrupt regularly scheduled blogging for a special announcement.

Breaking news music.

Hi there, thanks for tuning in. My name is Paul, some of you know me as Paul, most of you don’t know me at all. I am the captain/writer/pizza lover of this blog, The Captain’s Speech. Hello, and Bonjour.

We are gathered here today, not for a wedding, but for a celebration far greater than that. My future wife, who I haven’t met yet, must never read that last sentence…until she knows I like to make jokes.

Yesterday my blog reached 1000 followers, or as I like to call you, my devoted minions teammates.

Hold for applause.

Keep holding for applause.

Raise your right hand to give a half-waving gesture.

I SAID YOUR RIGHT HAND, IDIOT.

Say thank you.

Say thank you.

You said “say” didn’t you.

I never imagined I’d reach 1000 followers. In fact, I didn’t even know followers were a thing when I started this blog. I thought I would just write about sports and somehow, someway, people would find me. I didn’t know how they would find me. But it’s the Internet; people are stalkers.

The first comment I ever got on this blog caught me off guard. I almost didn’t believe it was real. Was the person commenting really who their profile picture portrayed them as? Was their name an alias? How did they find me?

So many questions. I thought I was being stalked.

Pray someone laughed.

I remember having 22 followers and thought it was cool. Then I got Freshly Pressed and two weeks later I was at 113 followers. I felt overwhelmed. I felt like a celebrity. I felt like I was about to get my Twitter account verified because people would soon try to steal my identity.

I felt so overwhelmed with 113 followers that I felt the need to address the situation. I wrote a post about what it was like writing for a larger audience. I wrote about how many countries had viewed my blog and how I couldn’t possibly meet everyone’s expectations. 113 people is a lot!

And now I’m sitting at 1004 followers and have no clue how I got here. I don’t even remember the steady climb up to this number. I just remember looking at my follower count about five or six weeks ago and saw it at about 920. That’s when I realized I was eventually going to reach 1000.

Take a sip of water.

I said a sip! Not half the glass. Don’t spill anything, we’re live.

I started this blog 2 months and 2 weeks before I was 22. I’ve been blogging for 22 months. My 22nd post got Freshly Pressed. I was born on the 2nd. I’ve been Freshly Pressed twice.

Is the number 2 following me around in its various forms? Perhaps.

I’m about to go all sentimental and philosophical, so grab a tissue and a dash of skepticism.

I always try to put others first, which might explain the number 2 following me around.

BOOM. I’m a genius. That better have pulled at some heart strings.

Pause for effect.

No one’s buying it.

Alright, where was I?

On a serious note, thank you to everyone who follows this blog. Thank you to the people that visit this blog because they have it bookmarked. I know you exist.

The WordPress community has been nothing but kind to me. You are the friends that I will never be seen in public with because it’s too difficult to get everyone in one place at the same time. Just kidding, I’m embarrassed to be seen in public with all of you.

Pray they laughed. Pray they laughed. Pray they laughed.

If you’re a new blogger who is trying to carve out your own path, keep at it. I didn’t know what I was doing on here, until I was forced to.

Comment on other blogs, like posts, follow blogs, look at how other bloggers write or how they organize their site. In life, who we are is just a combination of all the experiences we’ve had, as well as the people we’ve been around. Your blog should be the same. Take a small piece from everyone to create your own identity.

To the bloggers who have been here a while, help out the new bloggers. Give them confidence. It took me two months of blogging to realize that someone actually cared.

In closing, I just want to thank you all again. I’m amazed you put up with me and my antics. Just so you know, I’ve been to all of your blogs and done a thorough search of your “About Me” pages and various posts. Don’t be alarmed. That’s my way of saying thank you. Also, I want to make sure you’re not a criminal.

The 22 party size pizzas I ordered should be arriving shortly, so feel free to hang around for that. And if you don’t like pizza, I don’t like you your opinion.

Thank you, and goodnight.

We now return you to regularly scheduled blogging.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING! CHRISTMAS IS COMING! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

It’s April.