UNSANITARY

We know what is going. We know about the COVID-19 (Coronavirus) pandemic. We know about the cancellation of events, in order to limit social gatherings. We know some people are not taking it seriously. We know others are hoarding toilet paper.

We do not know when this will end.

I am not going to sit here and write about the origins of Coronavirus, or get into numbers, or discuss scientific lingo, or anything I do not know. There are thousands of other people more qualified than I, to provide you with that information.

I am just here to share my thoughts and observations, ever since COVID-19 became a reality in our lives.

First off, I have no time or patience for people who do not want to take this pandemic seriously. If you do not think it is a big deal, fine. Keep it to yourself. Why? Because you have no clue, especially when we have professionals telling us otherwise.

Even if you are right, and this whole situation is somehow overblown, it is imperative to proceed with an abundance of caution at this point in time.

We do not need your “Tough Guy” act flooding social media, but if you cannot control yourself, by all means, look like a fool.

Conversely, people are freaking out and emptying the shelves at grocery stores, as if they expect to be in their home for the next six months. There are people buying toilet paper just because everyone else is buying toilet paper. They do not know why.

“For in the end…they did not know what they were laughing about and why they had stopped thinking.” – Neil Postman

Are they all afraid of death by diarrhea, are they stocking up just in case they are quarantined, or are they afraid that the “crazy people” will take everything and there will be nothing left for when they go shopping on their regular day?

It is a domino effect that includes people of different thought processes, but at the root of their action is a sense of urgency and preparation for the unknown.

Maybe Y2K was a dress-rehearsal for this. Maybe now is the time.

When Coronavirus started to spread and public officials instructed us to wash our hands, sneeze into our sleeve, and take other precautionary measures, as to not spread any germs, it felt like this was a brand new concept to some people.

I really want to say I am surprised there are people who do not know how to properly wash their hands, but I am not.

People are disgusting. They just are.

Do I have some germaphobic habits? Absolutely. I can’t even tell you the last time I held a handrail, with my bare hand, while navigating a staircase in public.

Have I held the pole on the subway with my bare hand? Yes. In the summer, when I have no choice but to stand, and don’t have winter gloves. I hate every second of it because I just know what’s being transferred to my hand.

Sports leagues in North America have shut down, completely, to prevent the public from gathering. Honestly, I was wondering what took them so long.

As soon as an athlete was confirmed to have contracted Coronavirus, everyone moved quickly.

That athlete was Rudy Gobert, basketball player for the Utah Jazz. And you know what Rudy thought of the Coronavirus? He thought it was a joke, as evidenced by the video of him “jokingly” touching all the microphones and recording devices in front of him at a press conference two days before his positive test.

There are times when we can act like a jovial idiot and get away with it; this is not that time.

I was at a Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game, fourteen days ago. Unless you’re in a private suite, there is no such thing as comfort at a sporting event. I do not care how soft the seat is, you will not be comfortable.

You are packed in there like school supplies in a pencil case. Everything must fit because everything has its own spot.

You are sharing an arm rest with at least one stranger, maybe two (like I was). What they breathe out, you breathe in, and vice versa. Unless you are shorter, or have an aisle seat, leg space is hard to come by.

On top of that, you have to stand up at least ten times over the course of two and a half hours, just so Johnny Nachos & Associates can peruse the concession stands. As they pass by, you try and be as small as possible, while they step on your feet.

It is like opening a pickle jar, grabbing a pickle at the very bottom, and pulling it to the top.

But wait, there’s more! The people in the row behind you also like to go to the concession stands, so they are kicking your jacket, and sometimes spilling things in your direction.

At its best, it is organized chaos. But what can you do, other than wonder why you would ever leave the comfort of your own couch, for this.

I have never been in a washroom at a sporting event and seen everyone follow proper hygienic etiquette. It is a thing that does not happen.

Whether you want to talk about the stalls – where it looks like the person before you had never used a toilet in their life – or the “You can’t tell me what to do” man, who does his business and exits without ever even looking at a sink, let alone using one.

That person is unsanitary.

In a perfect world, we might all carry a map that tracks the people who haven’t washed their hands, so we know to avoid them. Think, the Maurader’s Map in Harry Potter.

He may touch a railing. He may exchange cash with a cashier. He may share a bag of popcorn with someone and put his hands in the bag every eight seconds. He may hand his phone over to an usher to take a picture. He may open the door as he leaves. He may hold the pole on the subway. He may shake the hand of the friend he went to the game with.

Now, multiply that one person’s stupidity by a few hundred.

It should not matter if Coronavirus exists, or not, washing your hands before leaving the washroom should be a thing that everyone automatically does.

It is not.

For some reason, I keep expecting other people to be as smart, and cognizant, as I think they should be, and they never are. Because if they do not have a problem with it, they do not care.

Some people get to an age where they think they know everything. They do not want to change because why should they? Their way has gotten them this far.

Carelessness will kill us. It already has.

I do not know when all of this will end. In many ways, this feels like just the beginning.

During the SARS epidemic in 2003, I found myself in a hospital, waiting to see if two of my fingers were broken, or if they were just green and purple for some other reason. It was for some other reason – torn ligaments.

My Mom and I were given a mask, gloves, and gown, and sat there for about three hours before anyone called us in. It was scary, but on the wall in front of us was a picture, though it wasn’t a picture. It was a word.

It said, “Saskatoon”. Don’t ask me why the name of a city in Saskatchewan was in a picture frame in a hospital in Ontario, but it was.

Staring at “Saskatoon” got us through those three hours and we still talk about it to this day.

I am not sure if I am qualified to provide hope during a situation as serious as the one we find ourselves in, but I will try.

Find your Saskatoon – whatever that may be – and perhaps it will give you some peace as we all try and get through this together, while maintaining a safe distance apart.

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Viewing Notes: The Bachelor (Peter) – Ep. 12

Welcome to Part 2 of The Bachelor Finale. This episode is absolutely insane. It has everything you can think of, as well as everything you could never even imagine. I’ve never seen two hours of television quite like this.

In Part 1, Madison sent herself home. That left only Hannah Ann in the running to be America’s next top model (because she is a model) and Peter’s fiancé.

We also found out that Peter’s mom, Barb, really likes Hannah Ann and can’t stand Madison, even though Madison is a fan favourite.

LET’S BEGIN

~ Chris Harrison welcomes us inside a studio and tells us no one knows what’s going to happen tonight.

~ Is this Election Night or The Bachelor Finale?

~ For the final time this season, it’s time to play the world’s fastest growing game show, Spot The Men In The Audience!

SPOT THE MEN IN THE AUDIENCE – EP. 3

~ I see one, two, three men. Do I see four? Do I see four? Why don’t I see four? I see four! The fourth man in the audience is Neil Lane with a briefcase. What is this, Deal or no Deal? I see five! The fifth man is Peter’s Dad.

~ Our final tally is five, thanks for playing.

KELLEY?

~ Why is Kelley in the audience? Is she a red herring? SHE’S WEARING RED.

BACK TO AUSTRALIA

~ Peter is wandering around empty fields, contemplating what he’s gotten himself into.

~ Neil Lane has shown up at his hotel room, so he can pick out a ring that he may or may not give to Hannah Ann.

~ Peter is FaceTiming Hannah Ann’s Dad, asking for his permission to marry her. He grants it.

~ Meanwhile, Hannah Ann is staring off her balcony, thinking about how Peter might not pick her.

FINAL ROSE CEREMONY?

~ Peter is set up in the middle of the wilderness, when all of a sudden, here comes Chris Harrison!

~ Chris: “There’s just something I found out about Hannah Ann. To be honest, I’m not positive that she’s coming.”

~ OH HOT DOG, WHAT IS GOING ON?

~ And then there were none. Dun dun dun.

~ Peter: “Does she know Madison’s not here?”

SHE DOESN’T BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T TELL HER.

~ Peter goes to lay down on a bed, which is what we’ve seen in previews all season.

~ We’re seeing footage of Hannah Ann being transported by car, down an empty dirt road.

~ Chris Harrison informs Peter that she is on her way.

FINAL ROSE CEREMONY, TAKE 2

~ “Hi, Chris Harrison.” – Hannah Ann

~ Now she begins her journey down 14,503 steps to get to Peter.

~ She looks sad.

~ “A little bit of a hike to get here.”

~ Yeah, they dropped her off somewhere in New Zealand it felt like.

~ Peter begins his speech about their journey and says he has to follow his heart.

~ HE FINALLY TOLD HER THAT MADISON LEFT TWO DAYS AGO.

~ Now he’s complimenting her a lot and says his heart chooses her forever. Wait, what?

~ My heart is telling me something else.

~ Here comes the ring, all dressed in bling.

~ Peter proposes and Hannah Ann says yes.

~ Something isn’t right about this. There is still an hour and forty minutes left.

~ I SMELL A SWERVE.

BACK IN LOS ANGELES

~ Peter is going to see his family to tell them he’s engaged.

~ Barb is crying her eyes out, telling him they missed him. Did they not take the same flight home from Australia?

~ His parents look so scared that he’s going to say he’s engaged to Madison.

~ “WHO IS IT?” – Barb

~ “I asked Hannah Ann to marry me.” – Peter

~ “AHHHHHHHHHH” – Barb, crying uncontrollably

~ “We love her so much! We love her! We love her!” – Barb

~ AH, it all makes sense now!

~ At the beginning of the season, I referred to Hannah Ann as “Han Han Han Han Hannah Ann”, which was a play on the lyrics from The Beach Boys song that went, “Ba Ba Ba Ba Barbara Ann.”

~ It was right there in front of us this whole time. If only the rest of the world read my blog, so they’d be aware of how my wit cracked the case before there even was a case.

~ They’re FaceTiming Hannah Ann now.

BACK IN STUDIO

~ Out comes Peter to talk to Chris Harrison. I can skip this part, right?

~ Hannah Ann is watching on a monitor backstage, like she’s a wrestler scouting an opponent.

BACK TO LA, HANNAH ANN VISITS PETER 

~ WE HAVE A BARB CAM IN THE BOTTOM LEFT CORNER OF THE SCREEN.

~ We need an entire channel devoted to Barb’s reactions to this episode, honestly.

~ This is the greatest TV innovation since the first down line was introduced on football broadcasts by ESPN, which is under the same Disney umbrella as ABC.

~ #Connections

~ It’s been one month since they’ve seen each other.

~ Hannah Ann and Peter sit on the couch together and I’m not understanding anything they’re saying, but it doesn’t seem good.

~ PRONUNCIATE.

~ OR ENUNCIATE.

~ Peter says he badly wants to give her everything, but he can’t do that. “I’m so sorry.”

~ Somehow, they’ve already grown apart, but we don’t really know why.

~ Is this what happens when you propose to someone because they’re the only option, rather than your first option? Allegedly. Only Peter knows what Peter knows.

~ Peter says he is torn and conflicted. Does this mean Madison reached out to him?

~ “You took away from me my first engagement.” – Hannah Ann

~ Hannah Ann asks if he’s sorry for not being true to his words. He says yes and that he never envisioned being in this situation.

~ Hannah Ann seems more upset that he took her engagement “moment” away from her, than she is about their relationship ending.

~ Is it because she can’t post engagement photos on social media now?

~ I really wish they’d answer my questions.

~ “You’ve done enough damage.” – Hannah Ann

~ She gave him his ring back, said some dramatic final words, and left.

~ BARB IS CLAPPING ON THE BARB CAM! THIS IS SO WEIRD.

~ As a parent, teacher, or protector of children in any official capacity, your role is to support your kids no matter what. You don’t get to cheer for the other team from your own bench.

BACK IN STUDIO

~ Peter looks like he got run over by a Fisher Price lawn mower.

~ He says it was his feelings for Madison that caused him to be conflicted. Barb is shaking her head!

HANNAH ANN COMES OUT TO TALK TO PETER

~ She says she was blindsided that Peter told her he couldn’t give her his whole heart.

~ Barb is applauding everything Hannah Ann is saying. Oh man.

~ She’s going to adopt Hannah Ann at this rate.

~ Peter swears to God he would’ve never proposed to her if he didn’t feel that love in his heart.

~ Hannah Ann says he should’ve told her the extent of the final week in Australia, rather than just springing the whole “Madison is gone” thing on her two seconds before proposing.

~ He had two days to tell her and didn’t.

~ Fair point by Hannah Ann.

~ Personally, I think he decided not to tell her in advance because he didn’t want her having two days to think about what it means to be chosen by default. Additionally, if he decided not to propose to her, he probably didn’t want her to know that he sent home the only girl who stayed until the end, which would make her think he strung her along the whole time.

~ So I can understand why he didn’t tell her ahead of time and I can also understand why she deserved to know, too.

~ Sometimes the coin lands on its side.

~ Hannah Ann came to play tonight. She hasn’t been this articulate all season.

~ Hannah Ann says she should’ve picked up on the first red flag when Peter said he wanted to reach out to Hannah Brown for closure.

~ WAIT, WHAT?

~ “So, word of advice, if you want to be with a woman, you need to become a real man.”

~ BOOM. OVEN ROASTED.

~ BARB IS CLAPPING. I CAN’T WITH HER.

~ Hannah Ann exits, stage left.

AFTER HANNAH ANN LEAVES

~ Chris says Peter doesn’t know this, but he went to Auburn, Alabama. Roll the footage!

MADISON

~ Chris is sitting down with Madison.

~ Is this a parent swap? Is Chris turning into Peter’s Dad? We already know that Peter’s mom has basically jumped ship to Hannah Ann.

~ Madison regrets what she did and asks what happened after she left.

~ “He got engaged.” – Chris

~ Madison doesn’t look happy about it.

~ “Peter doesn’t know I’m here. He gave me news – Peter is single. He ended his engagement.” – Chris

~ “Is he okay?” – Madison

~ AND THOSE THREE WORDS ARE EXACTLY WHY PETER SHOULD’VE SENT EVERYONE ELSE HOME AT FINAL 3 AND PICKED MADISON.

~ “Are you in love with Peter?” – Chris

~ She says she fell in love with Peter but doesn’t know where his head is at.

~ BARB DOES NOT LOOK HAPPY ON THE BARB CAM.

~ Hannah Ann is also watching this unfold.

~ Madison asks Chris what Peter wants.

~ “I think in his dream, he would be with you.” – Chris

~ CHRIS HARRISON PUTTING IN THE WORK.

~ Madison says she’d take a second chance in a heartbeat.

~ “Guess we’re heading to LA.” – Madison

~ “Go pack a bag.” – Chris

~ SOMEONE GIVE CHRIS A RAISE AND ABOUT 8000 PATS ON THE BACK.

MADISON IS IN LA TO SEE PETER

~ Peter is standing by a backyard pool, as she walks up behind him. He looks stunned. She wants to talk.

BACK IN STUDIO WITH CHRIS AND PETER

~ Peter was expecting Chris to show up that day, but Madison did, instead.

BACK TO THE FOOTAGE OF MADISON AND PETER TALKING

~ It’s been three months since they’ve seen each other.

~ Madison tells Peter that her feelings for him haven’t gone away.

~ This Barb Cam in the bottom corner is going in the television hall of fame one day.

~ Peter: “I made a million mistakes, but I know I fell in love with you.”

~ He apologizes and asks what they should do, as they hold each other like a couple.

BACK TO THE STUDIO, I’M GETTING WHIPLASH

~ Peter hasn’t seen Madison since that day, but reveals he’s in love with her. Barb doesn’t look pleased.

HERE COMES MADISON

~ Wow, they didn’t even wait until after a commercial to do this.

~ Peter calls this a pleasant surprise.

~ Okay, they always have the final two on the final show, this should not be a surprise.

~ Madison says she loves Peter.

~ Chris Harrison asks them how this is going to end.

~ Peter says the smartest way to go with this is take it one day at a time because they both have a lot of healing to do.

~ In other words, they want the media storm to die down a bit, before they jump into a relationship.

BARB’S THOUGHTS

~ Chris asks Barb how she feels about everything.

~ Barb says last night’s show didn’t show everything. That’s code for, “I know people hate me, but the edit wasn’t fair.”

~ Barb says she went for Hannah Ann because she embraced her with love. The next day, Madison made them wait three hours because she didn’t want to meet them.

~ SHE MET YOU ON THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE SEASON, REMEMBER?

~ “When she did come in, we didn’t get an apology from her.” – Barb

~ Gosh, it must’ve been so hard to be flown to Australia and treated like royalty for a few days.

~ Barb says Madison told her she wasn’t madly in love and would not accept a proposal in four days.

~ Therefore, she endorsed Hannah Ann.

~ This all seems really petty.

~ Madison responds by saying you can’t change the past and that she came into this being unashamed of who she is and undeniably herself.

~ Ohhhh, Madison came to fight. You almost expected her to say, “I’m sorry I gave you that impression” but NOPE. She’s not giving an inch.

~ Madison: “I have love and respect for Peter, therefore I have love and respect for Peter’s family.”

~ SHE IS SO GOOD WITH WORDS.

~ Barb looks perturbed.

~ Peter is asking his parents to trust him.

~ We are now getting a back and forth spat between Madison and Barb.

~ “He’s gonna have to fail to succeed.” – Barb

~ “All his friends, all his family, everyone that knows him knows it’s not going to work.” – Barb

~ OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. SHE DID NOT.

~ Barb just wrecked her son’s face on Live TV.

~ Welcome to the Barb Tell All episode, kids.

~ “I love Madison and that should be enough.” – Peter

~ THIS IS JERRY SPRINGER.

~ Peter’s Dad finally chimes in and says there have been so many obstacles just to get to this point and you don’t start a relationship this way.

~ He says there are so many differences to overcome.

~ THIS IS AN UNMITIGATED DISASTER.

~ God bless Chris Harrison for trying to quickly wrap this up with an optimistic outlook, but it’s too late – the reindeer have left the North Pole and they’re running wild.

OH YEAH, HERE IS THE NEW BACHELORETTE, CLARE CRAWLEY!

~ Clare is such a nice breath of fresh air. She was my favourite on Juan Pablo’s season, which was also an unmitigated disaster.

~ She’s the first person on the show tonight to smile and mean it.

~ I’m expecting her to set a new standard for this show and take a “no nonsense” approach to all the yahoos who think they can get away with creating unnecessary conflict.

~ I’m really looking forward to her season and hope this works for her.

~ THE CREDITS ARE ROLLING AND CLARE AND BARB ARE HUGGING.

~ This is bizarro world. This is The Bachelor.

MY FINAL THOUGHTS

~ The whole season was fumbled the second Hannah Brown showed up on the first night and then, again, on the first date. So unnecessary.

~ The maturity level of the participants was at an all-time low.

~ Peter was confused in every single episode and had no clue what he was doing.

~ Madison is too good for this show and doesn’t need to be associated with it.

~ Peter barely stuck up for Madison while his mother ripped her apart on Live TV, so that’s an issue.

~ Peter’s parents have to learn to let Peter make his own decisions, especially when it comes to deciding who he wants to spend his life with.

~ This show does not survive without Chris Harrison as the host. They should give him a blank cheque after tonight’s proceedings.

~ The decision to send Sarah home in Episode 3 bothered me. I’m still not over it. I will never be over it.

Thank you to everyone who read my Viewing Notes this season. I know they can be lengthy and I know a lot of you don’t care, but to the ones who do care, I really appreciate your support! See you soon.

Tell me all of your thoughts on the finale. Go.

Posted in TV | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Viewing Notes: The Bachelor (Peter) – Ep. 11

Welcome to finale night, part one! This season has flown by. Get it? Because Peter is a pilot. That was an unintentional joke, so if you didn’t laugh, I’m not at fault.

Anywho, Peter has narrowed the field down to two.

Hannah Ann, the 23-year-old model from the South. And Madison, the 23-year-old foster parent recruiter from the South.

This comes after Peter was rejected by Hannah – the 24-year-old from the South – last season.

I’m no artist, so y’all can connect those dots on your own.

~ The show starts with Chris Harrison in front of a live studio audience, which means it’s time for Episode 2 of everyone’s favourite new game show: Spot The Men In The Audience!

SPOT THE MEN IN THE AUDIENCE – EP. 2

~ I see one, two, three, four men. Do I see five? I see five! Five men. Are there six? Six going once. Since going twice. Cold. There are only five.

~ This is down from the eleven men I spotted in the audience last week.

~ There may or may not be a third instalment of this game show tomorrow night.

BACK TO THE OTHER SHOW

~ They are at Alice Springs, which is in Northern Territory, Australia.

~ Who’s Alice?

~ This is the outback. Oh! They filmed Survivor here at one point.

~ Peter and his pink shirt, white pants, and luggage, check into his hotel room. Of course there’s a balcony and OF COURSE he has to stare into the distance, with a disposition that says, “I knew I should’ve packed my kite.”

~ Peter goes to meet up with his family, who flew all the way around the world for this.

~ He breaks down the situation to them and wow, his parents are active listeners. They have stage presence, as opposed to staged presents…though they might have those too. We’ll see.

HANNAH ANN MEETS THE FAMILY

~ Hannah Ann is already crying and she hasn’t even entered the house.

~ This calls for some impromptu vocal exercises. Shall we?

~ Me me me me. You you you you. Hannah Hannah Hannah. Boo hoo hoo hoo.

~ That concludes our vocal exercises. Proceed.

~ And we’re in. Let the questioning begin.

~ Peter’s mom, Barbara, compares Peter and Hannah Ann to her and her husband.

~ Barbara pulls Hannah Ann aside for a chat. She wants H.A. and Peter to grow each other and make each other better. What a sweet woman.

~ Hannah Ann starts crying and says how hard this process has been for her.

~ Barb says to not say negative things. If only she could’ve said that on EVERY EPISODE.

~ Time for H.A. to talk to Dad. Will she also cry in front of him?

~ She says it was love at first sight. Someone sign her up for Married At First Sight if this doesn’t work out!

~ Papa P. (no relation to Papa Poutine) asks Peter if there is anything lacking in his relationship with Hannah Ann. He says no.

~ Peter mentions that both women have his heart and he doesn’t know how he’s going to do this. Now he’s crying.

~ And that’s the end of the family visit. A lot of abstract art on the walls…or are those just circle mazes?

MADISON ARRIVES

~ Chris Harrison prepares us by saying that what we’re about to see “is so different, so emotional, you really have to see it to believe it.”

~ Really? That’s his tease for this date?

~ Madison has arrived and sits with Peter outside before going in to meet his family.

~ She is “not good”.

~ Madison feels like he puts his needs and wants ahead of hers, after she told him how she felt about him being in the fantasy suite with the other women.

~ Peter says it sounded like an ultimatum and like she was letting other relationships affect them.

~ They talk a lot about how unfair and difficult this is.

~ Madison says she feels like she’s holding on by a thread and doesn’t know what to do.

~ I think she’s gotta hold on to what she’s got, but then again, it doesn’t make a difference if he picks her or not. Bam, Livin’ on a Prayer.

~ Peter doesn’t want her to go and hopes she can meet him halfway.

~ HALFWAY THERE, OHHHHH.

~ If this were the musical version of The Bachelor, they’d break into a Bon Jovi song RIGHT NOW.

~ It’s eerie how I started singing that song before Peter even made the “halfway” comment. I just know.

~ Madison says love isn’t the issue here. “All the other crap” is the issue. Peter says they’ll find a way to get through this.

~ Peter compares this to the time Madison had a tooth knocked out while playing basketball and her Dad said, “I need you back” and she said, “Ok.”

~ If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Madison is Canadian.

~ They’ve been talking to each other while resting their noses on each other. The Coronavirus won’t like this.

~ They seem to have turned a corner, and that corner is leading them inside to meet the family.

MADISON MEETS THE FAMILY…AGAIN

~ Madison first met his family on the first episode of the season. She was the chosen one.

~ Papa P. asks them what the roadblock in their relationship was.

~ Madison says she told Peter it would be hard for her if he slept with someone else, but she loves him and sees a future with him.

~ The Dad’s name is Peter Sr. I wish I knew this sooner.

~ Papa P. asks Madison if they are compatible. She says they have many differences.

PETER TALKS TO HIS BROTHER

~ Peter’s brother looks more like Peter than Peter looks like Peter.

~ His brother’s name is Jack. 

~ Jack says he sees a perfect girl on one side with no issues, and then he sees Madison raising a lot of red flags.

~ WHAT? Have you not watched this season, Jack? I guess not since it was still filming, but you’re wrong.

MOM AND MADISON

~ Barbara asks Madison about how Peter isn’t on the same level of faith as her. “He socializes, he parties.”

~ Peter’s brother mentioned this too. He said Peter comes back from trips and goes line dancing and clubbing.

~ Is this a scare tactic? How primitive do they think Madison is? She came on THE BACHELOR for crying out loud.

~ Obviously, if they got married, Peter’s not going to be out clubbing, right?

~ Peter’s family is basically saying to Madison, “Sorry, I can’t hang out, I have family stuff.”

~ The visit is over and Madison leaves.

MOM IS CRYING

~ Is this the moment they’ve been teasing in previews since the beginning?

~ “She’s not there for you, but bud, you know what, I have to tell you something. I said a prayer last night. I said, Lord, please guide Peter today and guide Madison to see where they’re at in this relationship because you have a gem waiting for you who is madly, head-over heels in love with you and God put her there for you.” – Peter’s Mom

~ SHE’S TALKING ABOUT HANNAH ANN. WHAT?

~ Woah! This is a heel turn I was not expecting.

~ This whole season, I thought she was talking about Madison. NOPE! What a swerve.

~ I am floored. As I sit on this couch, I am floored. Couched?

~ Barb calling her son, “Bud” is such a heelish (villainous) tactic too. I’ve never liked, “Bud”.

CHRIS HARRISON IN STUDIO

~ He asks the crowd if Barb should’ve kept her opinion to herself. Half the crowd applauds quietly.

~ Is Chris Harrison being passive aggressive toward the mother of the bachelor? Yes, yes he is. I didn’t know he had it in him. Earn that paycheque, Chris!

BACK TO AUSTRALIA

~ Peter’s parents ask Peter where he is at.

~ He says he’s crazy for Madison.

~ Peter Sr. asks if he’s willing to risk something so perfect (Hannah Ann), for something he hopes might materialize (Madison).

~ How dare his parents try and rewrite the narrative of this entire season!

~ Barb brings up Hannah Brown and how she picked the wrong person last season.

~ His family is so forceful in saying he should pick Hannah Ann. Can they just let him make up his own mind?

~ We need to stage a retroactive intervention. Who’s got a time machine?

~ “Don’t let her go. Bring her home, bring her home to us.” – Barb, crying

~ And there’s the quote from all the previews. It’s about Hannah Ann.

~ I’m still stunned.

~ Peter tells her she has to stop doing this. That’s right, Peter! Tell her!

~ Peter’s mom is a cryer. I’m no Psychologist (I just play one on the internet), but this may explain why Peter favoured the girls who cried a lot.

ULURU – NORTHERN TERRITORY, AUSTRALIA

Chris warns us that this will be brutal. I’m ready.

DATE WITH MADISON

~ They’re going to take a helicopter to Uluru, which is a sacred rock.

~ Peter lists off some facts of Uluru while in the helicopter because you can take the pilot out of the bachelor, but you can’t take the….I thought this quote would go differently.

~ In a voiceover, Madison says she’s realizing they are two different people and it’s time to surrender.

~ The women in the studio audience are shocked. SHOCKED.

~ They’re sitting down for a picnic(?) and Madison gives a speech about wanting something so badly, but not seeing clearly.

~ “I’M WILLING TO WALK AWAY SO YOU CAN GET WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO FIND.” – MADISON

~ BOOM.

~ Peter asks her why she thinks she isn’t that person.

~ Madison says they see things so differently. God, she’s so smart.

~ This chat is going on for a while. Peter is trying to get her to stay, but she’s not giving in. She wants out.

~ They just gave each other a break-up hug.

~ Peter wouldn’t be this sad if he knew he wanted to be with Hannah Ann.

~ Madison is in the car and that’s it. She was going, going, going, and now she’s gone.

~ Surely, Peter is now realizing HE SHOULD’VE KEPT SARAH AND NOT SENT HER HOME IN WEEK 3 BECAUSE SHE WAS AN ANGEL.

~ Never forget.

BACK IN ALICE SPRINGS

~ It’s the next day and Peter wakes up sad. He says he was head over heels in love with Madison.

~ When it was down to the Final 3, he should’ve sent Victoria and Hannah Ann home. He definitely knew by then that he wanted Madison, but he took it for granted.

PETER AND CHRIS HARRISON CHAT

~ Chris asks if he can get over this heartbreak, or is this over.

~ I forgot to listen to his answer, but he has a date with Hannah Ann now, so…

DATE WITH HANNAH ANN

~ She is completely in the dark about what’s going on, which is why she looks so cheerful today.

~ Will Peter tell her what happened, or no?

~ An Australian man picks them up in his vehicle. DON’T GET IN THE CAR WITH STRANGERS.

~ You know things are serious on this show, when the only background noise is nature noises. When they don’t add in any music, things are BAD.

~ They are feeding baby kangaroos, before going to watch animals in the wild.

~ Peter sits her down and says he’s appreciated her being there for him the entire time.

~ He just verbally subtweeted Madison on a taped TV show. The gall.

~ Hannah Ann tells us she can tell something is off with Peter.

NIGHT PORTION

~ Peter meets her in her hotel room, wearing a zip up hoodie. She’s wearing a fancy dress. Which one of them didn’t get the memo?

~ Hannah Ann says she hopes she’s the person who makes him the happiest.

~ Peter reveals that this has been the hardest week of his life.

~ He says his heart has been pulled in two different directions, but won’t tell her that Madison is gone.

~ Hannah Ann is starting to cry. This has been a recording.

~ The evening ends and Hannah Ann says her heart is already breaking.

~ She says everything in her wants to cry and beg and ask him what will happen tomorrow.

~ Aha! So she admits to using tears as a tactic!

BACK IN STUDIO

~ Chris Harrison says we haven’t see the last of Madison or Barb. Are they fighting inside a steel cage?

~ He says Peter doesn’t know how this will end, but it will end tomorrow night. How ominous.

TOMORROW – PART TWO

It looks like Madison regrets her decision and returns, so get’cha popcorn ready.

How do you think this season will end? What was the most surprising part of this episode? 

Posted in TV | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Love Is Blind

Have you seen the show on Netflix called, Love Is Blind? Huh, have you? Have you seen it? Have you seen the show? On Netflix? The show on Netflix? Have you seen it? Have you seen the show? No? Okay, I’ll tell you about it.

DISCLAIMER: SPOILERS AHEAD. THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING.

Love Is Blind is basically the middle-ground between The Bachelor and Married At First Sight, except the participants don’t see each other until they are engaged.

Fifteen men and fifteen women have ten days to get to know each other. They sit in pods, where they can talk to someone on the other side of the wall, but never see them.

Hence, the show is called, Love Is Blind. The whole purpose is to make a connection with someone, that is so strong, that their appearance does not matter.

By the end of the ten days, they have to get engaged or go home. If they get engaged, their wedding is in thirty days.

I think I was a few days late to the party on this show. It seemed to have taken off on social media before I even pressed play, so I had to forget how to read whenever I saw a tweet mentioning the show.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone, and marry them, based off of only conversations? Sure, I guess. I was skeptical, just because I didn’t know how many people would actually follow through with the engagement.

It turns out that eight couples got engaged. EIGHT. The show only had the resources to follow six couples because they didn’t think the process would work, so the other two couples got sent home.

Yay, lack of money!

Anyway, the participants had ten days, or less, to get engaged. After only five or six days, we were already seeing engagements happen and people meeting each other in person for the first time.

So wild.

The thing I kept wondering was, why couldn’t they let the ten days expire, go back to their normal lives, and then track down the person they were interested in on social media and continue some sort of relationship with them outside the show, without having to commit to an engagement?

Did they all just want Netflix fame?

The six couples who got engaged were shipped off to Mexico for a couples retreat. Nothing like vacationing with a person you’ve never shared a room with!

One couple lasted a day, before splitting up, which I’m sure the show appreciated because it was one less couple on which to spend money.

After the trip to Mexico, they were forced to move into an apartment together.

Each episode was around fifty minutes to an hour, and there was no reason for it. There was so much filler in every episode. They could’ve edited out at least 18 minutes from every one and you wouldn’t have missed a thing.

I felt like I was constantly clicking the “Skip 10 seconds ahead” button because there was a lot of empty space. The transitions from one couple to the next, that included shots of scenery and buildings, was at least 12 seconds. Come on!

And whenever a couple was getting ready to meet for the first time, they’d spend two minutes showing both of them standing behind a door, waiting for it to open.

There was so much extra content they could’ve cut out of each episode that would’ve made it a lot smoother. I found myself bored at times and wondered if all the hype around the show was worth it.

Personally, I found it hard to root for any of the participants on the show. They weren’t bad people – I just couldn’t pick any favourites.

When I watch The Bachelor, I always complain that we never see any real conversations. It’s just the usual, “This process is hard” and “I had a good date” stuff that never tells us anything about the people we’re watching every week.

On Love Is Blind, there were plenty of conversations. That was the premise of the show, so I guess it makes sense. But it got to a point where there was just SO MUCH talking. It felt like conversations weren’t edited at all.

Imagine being the third person in a room where the other two people are talking to each other, and you have nothing to contribute. That’s what this show felt like at times.

Like, “Are you guys done talking yet? We have places to go.”

If you plan on watching, feel free to skip the entire Bachelor/Bachelorette Party episode. I skipped through most of it because it was boring and I was too excited for the wedding episode, which was next.

The wedding episode deserves an award.

The first wedding ended when the groom said, “I do not” instead of “I do”, and oh man, did that moment ever give me life. Not because I want to see weddings fail, but because it was just so shocking and we don’t really get moments like that on TV anymore.

What followed was a distraught bride who ran down the street, before slipping and falling in mud.

I loved every second of it. I can say that because the couple is back together, though not married.

Only two of the five couples ended up getting married. Their weddings took place at the end of 2018 and both couples are still together.

The other three couples broke up at the altar and I pumped my fist each time. It was wonderful television. Terrible for real life emotions, but incredible for the viewer.

Someone should create a fictional TV show where the first scene is a wedding where one person says, “I do not.” That would pull the audience in for sure.

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Lachey were the hosts of the show. I’m pretty sure they were robots, though. Every time they appeared, they couldn’t help but reiterate the theme of the show and say stuff like, “You guys fell in love without ever seeing each other” and “Is love truly blind?”

Enough already. We get it. We know the title of the show. We know how they met. Enough!

Oh, but it wasn’t enough.

The minister at each wedding had to read from a script and end with, “It’s time to see if love is blind.” It was just too redundant for me.

All in all, it was a good show with a lot of talking points. You’re going to have a lot of opinions on a lot of the participants.

I just felt like the show constantly used 28 words to say something that only needed 11. You know what I mean? Just give me a concise show. I don’t want the Director’s Cut.

Rating: 3.4/5

Oh, one last thing. I’m bothered by how many people enjoyed this show, yet will never watch The Bachelor and shame those who do. Guys, it’s the same show.

Have you seen Love Is Blind? What are your thoughts on the show? If you haven’t seen it yet, will you? Would you ever go on this show?

Posted in TV | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

FED Talk: Foods I Like

Welcome back to another FED Talk, my name is still Paul. Last week, I shared a list of foods I’ve never had. As expected, most (all?) of you were shocked by some of the things I’ve never eaten. That is okay. 

I will say this, though: At some point in my life, I know I’ll eventually try all of those foods on my list. Just not right now. You can call it stubbornness, opportunity cost, not the right time, or “waiting on the world to change”.

We keep on waiting (waiting), waiting on the world to change. 

Sorry, I had to finish the lyric or it was going to be stuck in my head. Now it’s your problem.

This time, I figured I’d share a list of foods I like. I tried to pick ones that aren’t as simple as pizza and chips, but are a bit more advanced/”out there”/less popular.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know if any of these foods actually qualify as “out there”, but just go with it. 

Sardines
For some reason, I always struggle getting them out of the can. More than once, I’ve had the oil attack me. Other times, the little tab breaks off. Nevertheless, I keep going back.

If you’ve ever seen an Italian use bread to scrape the pasta sauce off their plate, that’s pretty much how I eat sardines. 

Dump them on a plate, break them into smaller bits, rip off small pieces of bread or a bagel, and pick up the fish. Shockingly, four small sardines are incredibly filling.

Tuna
I always used to have my dad make tuna fish (from a can) for me. He had the magic touch and knew how to mix it together perfectly. And then I gave it a try and accidentally dumped too much garlic powder in it. 

Since then, I’ve become pretty good at making it for myself. I also eat it by breaking off small pieces of a bagel and making mini sandwiches out of it. 

Mushrooms
I like mushrooms on pizza, in pasta, on the side of a steak, or mixed with veggies in a pan. 

Sauerkraut
Das good. As a kid, I always found it to be too sour, yet that didn’t stop me from adding some to my plate whenever we had it, which wasn’t often. In recent years, my Nonna has sent me leftover sauerkraut with small bits of sausage, and that inspired me to start making it for myself. 

I haven’t had it in a while – we’re on a break – but I still love it.

Orange Juice w/Pulp
That’s right, fight me. I won’t drink chocolate milk, but I’ll have orange juice with the pulp. That sentence really sums me up in a nutshell. 

However, for some reason, orange juice makes my throat hurt, so I don’t really drink it anymore. It’s always in our fridge, but I resist temptation. 

Bagels
I’m only including this on the list because I want to bring attention to the fact that there aren’t many good bread options out there these days. I’ve always loved crusty buns that make a crunch when you bite into them, but the problem with them is they don’t taste good after Day 1. If you buy five buns and freeze them, it’s impossible to get them back to their natural self. 

Outside of a few types of buns, I’ve moved away from bread, and into the loving arms of bagels. Bagels are like a pool tube.

Anyway, I’ll put the bagel in the toaster and then fill it with: turkey, lettuce, tomato, onion, and then have provolone cheese or a deli meat like mortadella, make a cameo on top.

German Potatoes
They served these in the cafeteria at school, maybe once every two months, and they were delicious. I’ve been meaning to make them at home, but have never committed to the process of finding a recipe and actually doing it.

Maybe I’m subconsciously preventing myself from disappointment.

Lamb
Lamb is good. 

Fried Rice/Risotto
I never used to like rice, but now I love it, which is proof that I can evolve.

I attended a wedding when I was about 10 years old and there was just a heaping amount of rice on my plate. It was grey and wet and instead of eating it, I made it into a really tall pile, but it kept collapsing. Unstable base.

Fast-forward to five years ago and I find myself at a Japanese restaurant for a friend’s birthday. They made the food right in front of us – THE CHEF THREW A SMALL PIECE OF EGG INTO MY MOUTH FROM ABOUT 15 FEET AWAY; IT WAS AWESOME – and that is where I was forced to eat fried rice.

Lo and behold, I loved it. 

Also at that dinner, I had to drink tea with my meal because it was free and I was too embarrassed to ask for something else. You may remember that I don’t like hot drinks. The whole time I was thinking, “If only I had something cold to wash down this hot drink with.”

There were also no utensils. I don’t know how to (properly) hold chopsticks. It was rough.

And this is why I don’t consider myself a picky eater. Because if I’m forced into a situation where I don’t have a choice, I’ll eat and drink what’s in front of me. But when I have choices, I’m going to go with what I like because you can never have too much of a good thing, right? 

My friend saw me struggling and asked the waiter to bring me utensils. The waiter chuckled at me. CHUCKLED.

Meatloaf
When my family makes meatloaf, it looks like a giant brain sitting in a glass pan. But then you bite into it and it tastes like the child of a Meatball and Burger.

Greens
I can’t recall ever having a problem with greens. Most kids don’t like broccoli, it seems. I didn’t fall under that group. Whenever we went to restaurants as a kid, my dad would tell me and my sister in the car that he wanted to see greens on our plate.

Feed me the broccoli, spinach, rapini, salad, coleslaw, peas, brussels sprouts, peppers – I’m good. 

Green beans, however, I’m only lukewarm on. They smell so bad when you cook them and don’t really taste like much.

Olives
I love green olives on pizza. Black olives are no bueno, though. I don’t understand them.

I also like the dark purple olives that have pits in the middle.

Mint Chocolate
The mint chocolate bars from Laura Secord are my favourite. Laura Secord is a chocolate company in Canada.

I also prefer Mint Aero bars to the regular ones. 

Back in 2004, there was an ice cream flavour that combined chocolate ice cream with mint ice cream, and had small rectangular chocolate chips (they weren’t crunchy) dispersed throughout. It was my favourite and I can’t find it anywhere anymore.

Now, there’s just mint ice cream with tiny chocolate chips in it and the chocolate chips are too hard and, therefore, annoying.

Cauliflower
Love it, especially when you can add some tomato sauce to it. Maybe that’s just an Italian thing.

Pickles
The key is to never pick a pickle from the top of the jar. Dig to the middle – that’s where the good ones are. From my experience, the pickles near the top of the jar are too soft.

Curly Fries
I’m only putting this in here because I think we can all unite over them. 

Fruits & Vegetables
Gala Apples
Corn
Bananas (this includes Banana Pudding and Banana Bread)
Red Grapes > Green Grapes
Radishes
Carrots
Celery
Watermelon
Oranges
Peaches
Strawberries

And More. 

On Burgers
Lettuce, Tomato, Onions, Mayonaisse, Hot Peppers (if I’m feeling alive). 

On Hot Dogs
Mustard. That’s it. One stripe down the middle. As a kid, I’d put mustard, relish, and hot peppers, but a few years ago I realized I don’t like relish that much anymore. 

Shoutout to hot pepper relish. That’s good stuff.

I like ketchup, but I don’t put it anywhere other than on the side of my fries. It just doesn’t taste the same for me with burgers or hot dogs.

On Pizza
Combo #1: Pepperoni
Combo #2: Pepperoni & Green Olives
Combo #3: Pepperoni, Green Olives, and Sausage
Combo #4: Pepperoni, Green Peppers, and Sausage
Combo #5: Mushrooms & Green Peppers

A Word Regarding Pineapple on Pizza
It was good the first time I had it, which was in 2004 or 2005. Every time since then, I haven’t enjoyed it. So I’m confused why I liked it the first time, but never again.

Therefore, I won’t shame you for liking pineapple on pizza because that was one of the most memorable slices of pizza I’ve ever had. There’s a whole story and everything.

END

I’ll end this here, before I get into the fact that bacon is good, except when it’s crispy. I rank bacon as a C-list celebrity in the food world. I like it, but it can go away for two years and I won’t notice.

Anyway, thank you for listening to my FED Talk. Hopefully, it helped you learn a bit more about me and why I yam the way that I yam.

Yes, that was an intentional yam pun, do you even need to ask? I’ve never had yam. It kills microwaves. That’s a story for another time never.

Do we like the same foods? Do you dislike some of the foods I listed? What “out there” foods do you like, that a lot of people don’t? What do you put on a burger?

Posted in Food | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Viewing Notes: The Bachelor (Peter) – Ep. 10

We are down to the Final 3. Rock, paper, scissors. Eenie, meenie, miney. Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. This, That, and The Other. No matter which way you spin it, no matter how many trios I list, the fact of the matter remains that there are three (3) women left.

In twenty minutes, there will only be two. Cue the dramatic violins.

Tonight’s episode features a Rose Ceremony, followed by the Women Tell All reunion where Chris Harrison will welcome back all the women Peter sent home, and ask them questions that will lead to them yelling at each other.

I am not watching the Women Tell All part because I don’t want to, even though Sarah will be there and she was my favourite.

Here we go.

~ Chris Harrison welcomes us in to a studio that has way too many candles. They’re probably fake.

~ Chahooooogadingdingsplat. Oh, you know what that sound means!

~ It is time to play everyone’s favourite game show: Spot The Men In The Audience!

SPOT THE MEN IN THE AUDIENCE

~ I see one, I see two, I see three. Do we have four? Do we have four men? Four! Do we have five? Five! Do we have…we have six!

~ Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven men. Are there twelve? Do we have twelve? Going once. Twice. Cold.

~ There are 11 men in the audience. That means there are about 103 women.

~ And that’s it for this edition of: Spot The Men In The Audience.

BACK TO AUSTRALIA

~ It’s time for the Rose Ceremony in Gold Coast, Australia. It is being held in the middle of a field, so if they need to borrow an egg from a neighbour, it might be a while.

~ Peter tells Chris Harrison that he was honest with Madison last night and it went horribly.

~ Peter is crying under a tree.

~ Hannah Ann has arrived for the Rose Ceremony and is greeted by Chris H.

~ Victoria arrives next.

WHERE IS MADISON?

Madison is either fashionably late, or not coming at all. There seems to be a hold up.

~ Peter is standing on the hill, waiting for Madison to arrive, while the other two girls are standing in position at the Rose Ceremony, shivering in the wind.

~ Oh, the pathetic fallacy.

~ And here comes Madison in a red dress. She talks to Chris for a bit.

~ The edit makes it seem like Madison made them wait because she wasn’t sure if she wanted to show up. They probably just drove around the block, so she was late.

~ Meanwhile, in the distance, Peter looks like his boat just sunk and he has to swim to shore.

~ Hey, I’m just reading his facial expressions for what they are.

ROSE CEREMONY

~ It’s time to start handing out roses!

~ None of them look like they want to be there. Is this what love is? Why is this show all about pain and suffering?

~ Peter says the thought of having to hurt one of them is “absolutely destroying”.

~ Hannah Ann gets the first rose.

~ Peter picks up the next rose and two petals fall off and blow away!

~ He calls Madison’s name and she doesn’t walk forward immediately. Finally, she does, and Peter asks if she will accept the rose.

~ Madison reluctantly accepts the rose.

~ Oh man, if she didn’t, does he try and give it to Victoria? Or is Hannah Ann the only one with a rose and the finale is just him looking in a mirror for two hours, wondering what he should do?

~ WHY IS HANNAH ANN CRYING? SHE GOT THE FIRST ROSE. AND NOW SHE’S DISTRAUGHT?

~ Is she crying because she knows she can’t beat Madison in the finals?

~ Anyway, Victoria doesn’t have to go home, but she can’t stay here.

~ Peter walks her out and says he was falling in love with her.

~ Victoria: “I feel stupid.”

~ Peter goes back to see Madison and Hannah Ann and informs them his family is in Australia to meet them.

~ Madison gives a toast: “Here’s to seeing if love can conquer all.” Dun dun dun.

~ Hannah Ann still has tears in her eyes.

BACK IN THE STUDIO

~ Chris Harrison says next week’s finale is so unexpected and unprecedented that no one knows how Peter’s journey will end, not even Peter.

~ Okay, Chris.

~ It is time for the Women Tell All portion of the show.

~ I’m not watching this part, but Sarah will be there, so I will fast-forward through it and if I see Sarah talk, I’ll stop and listen.

~ By my account, they didn’t show her say a single word. That’s ridiculous.

~ While everyone else was bickering, she sat there like an angelic, peacemaker, not wanting to get in on the drama.

~ Alright, I’m pushing it now.

~ Bottom Line: Sarah’s lack of screen time this entire season has been baffling to me and I will never let it go. I’ll still be bitter about it five years from now.

Next week is the two-night season finale, so order your takeout food, put on a hoodie, and get ready for four hours of your life you will never get back.

Or you can just read my recap.

See you then!

Posted in TV | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Foods I’ve Never Had

Hello, my name is Paul, and welcome to my FED Talk. Please take a seat. Wait, why are you walking out with your chairs? That’s not what I meant! Come back! Sit. Stay. Good humans.

Anyway, this is a judgment-free zone, which means you can judge me for free. There are no hidden fees – don’t bother looking under your chair – so don’t worry.

When it comes to food, I don’t consider myself a picky eater. That being said, I’m not out in the world, trying everything I can put a fork on. I’m calculated.

I tend to eat with my eyes. If my eyes are sending red flags to my stomach, I don’t want it. I guess you can say my hidden talent is knowing how I feel about a food before even tasting it.

If I don’t desire a food, I won’t eat it. I’m not curious to know what everything tastes like.

On an unrelated note, if I walk through a furniture store, I will touch everything. So my curiosity is channeled toward different things, I guess.

Before I get into my list, just know that I’m not a big candy person and I stay away from foods that are really spicy, or have a lot of black pepper. I just can’t handle them. The spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy’s is my spice limit.

Now that I’ve whet your appetite, here are some foods (and drinks) I’ve never had before.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Let’s just rip the bandage off, shall we? Most people seem to rave about them. I couldn’t care less about them. Are they aesthetically appealing? Yes. They look like what beavers would use for hockey pucks.

However, I don’t like the combination of peanut butter and chocolate, so eating a peanut butter cup is not something I’m interested in doing.

Skittles
Remember, I’m not a candy person. I shared a picture to my Instagram story and mentioned that I’ve never had Skittles. WELL, might as well have said I no longer love pizza. I received immediate backlash from multiple people. Oh well. I don’t really care to try Skittles.

Chocolate Milk
What is the purpose of chocolate milk? I grew up on white milk and other than water and sometimes juice, that’s mainly what I drink with every meal. Lately, I’ve been asking for white milk at fast-food restaurants (I’ve only had pop once in the last 60 days, or so), and I feel like I’m being judged. Like, “Why aren’t you getting chocolate milk instead?”

Some restaurants don’t even have white milk – they only carry chocolate milk. How does that make sense? That’s like saying a pizza place doesn’t make cheese pizza. It should be the default option.

My goal in life is to sit in on every focus group related to food.

Gum
Does this qualify as food? I’ve never had it. One of my teachers used to hand out gum, but I always turned it down, so she offered me mints. So much better! Some other kids caught on and then they were asking for mints, in addition to gum.

Tacos
Don’t rush the stage all at once, please. Let’s be civil.

I will say this, I might have had a taco back on a Grade 7 overnight trip, but I’m not sure. It was meal time and there were about eight of us at the table. They passed wraps and condiments in bowls (lettuce, meat, cheese) around. Well, the first kid who got them, took as much as he wanted and didn’t care who else was there. I was one of the last people to receive the condiment bowls and there was barely anything left. I’m still bitter about it.

Was that a taco? Or was it a flimsy wrap with condiments? Was it a burrito? Is there even a difference? I really don’t care.

Bottom line: I don’t think I’ve ever looked at a taco and thought, “Wow, I’d like to put that in my mouth!”

Sorry, but not really.

Your Favourite Cereal
Unless your favourite cereal is Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies, or Shreddies, I’ve never had your favourite cereal. As for the three I listed, Corn Flakes are far and away my favourite. Shreddies only taste good on their own, without milk. Rice Krispies have no taste.

Liquorice
Also known as, Twizzlers? There’s just something so unappealing about them. On top of that, I can’t stand the smell. When I was a kid, I went to the movies with some friends and we shared a few bags of popcorn. One kid was eating liquorice too, and then put his hand in the popcorn bag. Before you knew it, all of the popcorn smelled like liquorice.

WHY?

You may be reading this and thinking, “Between this and the taco story, he clearly doesn’t like these foods just because he attaches them to bad experiences.” Maybe. But also maybe not. But maybe.

Nutella
It looks like high-end mud.

Lollipops, Sour Keys, Jaw Breakers, Gummies
Basically any candy you saw a kid in elementary school light up over. I never had any interest in eating any of these items and still don’t.

Poutine
This might be considered a sin in Canada, but so be it. Fries with gravy? I’m with you. Add cheese to the mix? I’m out. What for? Why are we doing this to ourselves?

Life is all about avoiding the need to vomit. Tell me I’m wrong. Eating poutine seems like a one-way ticket to Pukeville.

Beaver Tails
This is another Canadian delicacy that I have never had. Might as well ship me off to America. Please don’t.

Ice Cream Cake
I guess I never attended a birthday party that had ice cream cake. Do I wish to try it? Not really.

Drinks From Starbucks
I’m very simple when it comes to beverages. I don’t care for all the blended options. As far as I’m concerned, they’re a different language.

THE ONE AND DONE CLUB: These are foods that I’ve tried, but don’t like.

Sushi: Didn’t enjoy it. And if you’re even thinking of saying, “Well there are so many different types, maybe you’ll like one of them!” don’t bother.

Ketchup Chips: This is another Canadian thing. I think they’re awful. And yet, Canadians make it sound like a big selling point for living in this country. I like ketchup, but not this.

Vegan Sausage: I tried this about two weeks ago. It was the most foul smell and taste that I’ve ever encountered. The whole house stunk. I was waving my arms like I was fending off a swarm of bees, just to get some air flow.

Hot Chocolate: I burned my tongue on it at the Rest Station during Winter Play Day at school when I was in kindergarten. Haven’t had it since. I didn’t understand the point of it. If being bundled up in a snowsuit and sitting inside a room with heat wasn’t enough to warm me up, then I had bigger problems.

Pickle Popcorn: Was at the mall and the popcorn place had free samples out. I grabbed one without checking the flavour. It was pickle popcorn. I spit it out at the nearest garbage can. I like pickles, but that was awful.

Coffee: I’m not a hot drink person. It could be -20 Celsius outside and I’d still prefer cold water.

Onion Rings: I’ve tried these on more than one occasion, mainly out of necessity. I once ordered fries with my burger at a fast-food place at school. They had run out of fries and asked if I wanted onion rings. I reluctantly said yes, knowing I didn’t like them.

I took one bite out of an onion ring and that taste stayed in my mouth the entire meal. I couldn’t even taste my burger after that. I threw the onion rings out.

Sweet Potato Fries: This is along the same lines as onion rings. They were forced upon me as a substitute for fries at school. I didn’t really know what they were and wondered why the lady was putting carrots on my plate.

Yes, I thought sweet potato fries were carrots, until she handed me my plate.

Alright, let’s end this here. If I haven’t listed a food, you can assume I… A) like it; B) have tried it at least once; C) completely forgot to mention it; D) have never had it; or E) didn’t think it was worth mentioning.

That wasn’t a multiple choice question, by the way.

Thank you for attending my FED Talk. I’m sure a lot of feathers have been ruffled, but it’s okay – we’re all Big Birds here.

You may now take your seat…home with you. They’re a collector’s item.

I look forward to hearing from you in the comments section below! What foods have you never had before? Why? 

Posted in Food | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

Viewing Notes: The Bachelor (Peter) – Ep. 9

After weeks of tears, useless drama, and plane rides, we are down to the Final 3, where we are sure to see even more tears, useless drama, and plane rides. Peter Pilot, the country boy klutz from LA, has narrowed the field of women down to Hannah Ann, Madison, and Victoria.

Who will he pick? Who will he send home? Why do we care? These questions will eventually have answers. For now, though, enjoy my recap.

BUT FIRST

~ We start with Madison pulling Peter aside after the last Rose Ceremony to tell him that if he sleeps with someone else next week, it would be really hard for her to move forward with this.

~ She’s trying not to present this as an ultimatum but, rather, something she wants him to know. He seems confused.

~ Side note: Peter’s Harry Potter scar is coming in nicely. He’ll be going wand shopping any day now.

~ He puts his head against hers and says he’s crazy about her. She looks like she’s somewhere else.

~ Peter tells us this is a tough situation for him because he’s in a relationship with two other people.

GOLD COAST, AUSTRALIA

~ There’s a kangaroo! Good establishing shot.

~ “It’s a beautiful day, down UNDA.” – Peter

~ Peter says he couldn’t think of a more romantic place to fall in love. Oh, you don’t say?

~ Peter looks so sad in his blue flamingo shirt.

~ Madison arrives to her private suite. She also looks sad.

~ But wait! Hannah Ann is also staying in this suite!

~ And so is Victoria.

~ They normally keep the contestants separated at this point because it is fantasy suite week, BUT NOT THIS SEASON because they want to exploit Madison and show how uncomfortable she is for the sake of TV.

~ This show has a way of being, “What, who, us? We had NO IDEA what we were doing. It’s just the way it unfolded. NOW WATCH THESE PEOPLE GET TORMENTED.”

~ Madison asks how their hometown dates went and they both nod their heads.

~ In walks Peter with his Australian accent again. “G’day sheilas.”

~ WHO’S SHEILA?

~ Google says “Sheila” means “Women” in Australia.

~ And here I am thinking they spoke English in Australia. Nope.

~ Hannah Ann is getting the first date. I’ll bet you anything, they give Madison the final overnight date.

HANNAH ANN’S DATE

~ Peter tells her they have to speak in Australian accents for the rest of the day. Oh, joy.

~ They are hopping on some jet skis to explore the Gold Coast.

~ Hannah Ann abandons her jet ski and hops on his. Last week, she abandoned her umbrella on a sidewalk. Does she eventually leave Peter and this is foreshadowing?

~ “Whatever happens this week, I will still be here.” – Hannah Ann

~ Okay, but not if he sends you home.

~ Has she never listened to “Closing Time” by Semisonic?

~ They have been kissing on the beach for what seems like three hours because they started before the sun went down and now it’s nearly set.

DINNER TIME

~ Peter says he’s falling in love with her and says her dad didn’t want him to say that to her unless he was 100% sure.

~ Tears are starting to form in her eyes because Peter favours the girls who cry.

~ She’s not crying though. Her eyes are just wet. Is she allergic to the plants on the table?

~ Peter pulls out the fantasy suite card, written by Chris Harrison.

~ “So, what do you think?” – Peter

~ “Clearly, I’m in love with you.” – Hannah Ann

~ When did that happen? On the plane ride over to Australia? They don’t seem any different from last week.

~ Now she’s talking about wanting a future with him.

~ They are in the fantasy suite now, behaving as if a camera crew isn’t five feet away from them.

NEXT DAY

~ Hannah Ann returns from her date and the girls ask how it went.

~ “It went really well, you know.” – Hannah Ann

~ THEY DON’T KNOW, HANNAH ANN. THEY DON’T KNOW.

~ Silence fills the room like oxygen.

Victoria goes to get ready for her date.

~ Madison is slowly dying inside.

~ I don’t know if it’s editing, or a reflection of the world today, but no one on this show can have a conversation longer than a minute, with proper sentence structure.

VICTORIA’S DATE

~ They meet up in front of a fountain and Peter says he trusts her and they have a clean slate now, after last week ended in them almost breaking up.

~ Oh look, they’re going for a helicopter ride.

~ Dates on this show rarely happen on land anymore.

~ They’ve landed in the Gondwana Rainforest, far away from civilization. Good, we don’t want random people interrupting their deep conversations.

~ Peter says he’s not someone who gives up easily. Victoria says that describes her too.

~ Cut to the footage of her walking away from him, multiple times, this season.

~ Oh, we don’t have that footage on stand-by? What do you mean this is a blog post?

~ They kiss until the cows come home. Nope, wrong phrase. They kiss until the sun goes down.

BACK AT THE SUITE

~ Madison tells Hannah Ann that she doesn’t know if she can move forward if Peter sleeps with the other girls.

~ Hannah Ann tells the camera that this is madness and Madison knew what she signed up for.

Great, so Hannah Ann thinks Madison is nuts for sticking to her morals.

~ This show has a way of making the person who has morals, standards, and common sense, seem like the crazy person.

DINNER TIME

~ Peter is talking too fast for me type what he’s saying.

~ He’s asking Victoria questions and she gives a non-answer and asks if it makes sense before saying she doesn’t know what he wants.

~ HE WANTS A CONVERSATION.

~ Victoria says she hasn’t felt this way about someone in a long time and knows he’s good for her, and she wants to be good for him.

~ They agree that this “talk” is exactly what they both needed.

~ I’m assuming they edited out the parts where they were on the same page.

~ Off to the fantasy suite they go.

~ I like how the fantasy suite card still says, “Should you choose to forego your individual rooms…” as if Victoria isn’t staying with the other two girls.

~ Victoria tells the camera: “I love him so much. I put him through so much.”

BACK AT THE SUITE

~ Madison is pacing back and forth on the balcony. She is sad, discouraged, and uncomfortable by the situation she’s in.

THE NEXT DAY

~ Peter says he’s in love with three women and doesn’t know how he’s going to do this.

~ May I propose saying, “You are the weakest link, goodbye!” in a British accent, to one of them?

~ I hope you all got that reference.

~ Victoria gets back and tells the girls what they did and says their date was “productive” when Madison asks if she got any clarity.

~ SILENCE FILLS THE ROOM AGAIN.

~ Madison exits because this is awkward.

~ Madison is pacing the corner of the other room now.

MADISON’S DATE

~ Madison and Peter meet on the beach. Did they film this in Virginia Beach? Do I need to match up footage like I did last week?

~ Never mind, they’re going to the top of the tallest building in Gold Coast to get a better view. The elevator in this building only goes so far, so they’ll have to climb the rest.

~ Nothing says “I love you” like climbing stairs until you can’t feel your quads.

~ Could they not take a helicopter to the top of the building?

~ Woah, there’s a live stream on the ceiling of the elevator that shows the elevator shaft. This is like a horror film from the year 2035.

~ They’ve gone as far as the elevator will go.

~ OH, they’re hopping out the window to take an outdoor staircase to the top. This is bananas.

~ They’re tethered and won’t plunge to their death, but if they’re eating a strawberry and it slips from their fingers, it’ll probably kill someone on the ground.

~ Peter said they were going here to get a better view, but all they’re doing is kissing. Liar.

BACK AT THE SUITE

Hannah Ann tells Victoria that Madison’s conversation with Peter after the Rose Ceremony was about her expectations this week for him.

~ “What?” – Victoria

~ Is this a Stone Cold Steve Austin promo and I wasn’t aware?

~ “What?”

~ I suppose so.

~ This new information does not sit well with Victoria. She doesn’t think it’s fair to put that expectation on a guy who is trying to find his wife.

~ Oh, are we still hanging on to the “he’s trying to find his wife” trope? They do know the success rate of The Bachelor, right?

DINNER TIME

~ Peter is dressed like a substitute teacher who couldn’t decide what to wear, so he wore everything. Could’ve stopped at the collared shirt. Nope. Added the sweater. Could’ve stopped there. Nope. Added the jacket.

~ I’d be sweating like a furnace.

~ Madison tells him she made a commitment to herself that she wanted to save herself for marriage.

~ Peter respects her for making that commitment. He says, “That’s not me; we’re different in that regard.”

~ She says she wouldn’t be able to accept an engagement if he has slept with the other women. She doesn’t want to be judgmental about it.

~ Madison can’t wrap her head around accepting an engagement in one week, if Peter was sleeping with other women this week.

~ Peter doesn’t seem to understand.

~ Madison sees through the ridiculousness of this show.

~ I don’t think anyone grows up wanting to get engaged to someone who was just with someone else seven days prior. But then people go on this show and that whole concept feels perfectly normal, which is weird.

~ It’s just, we’ve been going along with this since the early 2000s, so when Madison points out how uncomfortable the whole thing is, the show makes her look like the weird one.

~ Like, “How dare you not want to marry the guy who admits to being in love with two other people?”

~ Peter: “I have been intimate and I can’t lie to you about that.”

~ Peter says he can see them together at the end, but he could see that with other people too.

~ Madison excuses herself from the table.

~ She feels really hurt and let down. This is why they made her go on her date last.

~ “I’m so frustrated with him. I’m so mad at him.”

~ Peter gets up to go talk to her.

~ He opens the door and it squeaks so loudly. Not now, door! Bad door! Bad! Impeccable comedic timing, though.

~ Madison is crying in his arms tonight.

~ The microphones are picking up all the sniffles, heavy breaths, and everything other than what Peter is saying to her.

~ Madison says she felt hurt and can’t change who she is and what she believes.

~ “I don’t want to feel bad for being that.” – Madison

~ Peter is telling her not to walk away from this. She’s unresponsive.

~ After some hugging, she walks away. That doesn’t mean she’s going home, though.

~ Next week, we’re having the Rose Ceremony, where it appears that Madison doesn’t show up, or is just fashionably late because her limo driver was instructed to drive around the block for an hour.

~ After the Rose Ceremony is the Women Tell All episode. I’m not making notes on that. I might just show up to give the results of the Rose Ceremony and end the post there.

As always, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think of the alleged “love connections” on the show, and who you think is going home next week.

Posted in TV | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

30 Questions

Happy Wednesday, to those who celebrate!

As the title of this post suggests, there will be thirty questions that will be posed. Hopefully, my answers to them will give you a deeper insight into who I am. If not, this will have been a tragic waste of time.

I’d like to thank Bill from A Silly Place for starting this whole thing and nominating me to continue it. I had a lot of fun answering these questions and only had three existential crises in the process, so thank you for that. The over/under was 3.5.

1. What was your favourite childhood book?

I liked the Winnie The Pooh Halloween book because it had pop-up pictures, but the correct answer to this question is probably one of the books from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

2. What was your favorite TV show as a child?

There were so many. Mr. Dressup was really good. It was basically the Canadian version of Mr. Rogers. I also liked: Recess, Smart Guy, Boy Meets World, Polka Dot Shorts, and Scooby-Doo.

3. What book did you read in secret as a kid?

I don’t think it was in secret, but I remember sitting behind the rocking chair in my room and reading a Jacob Two-Two book. It was a nice, comfortable corner, that I’m sad I grew out of.

4. What album and CD do you love and know by heart?

This is tough because I only own four CDs. It’s a tie between the Soundtrack from Rocky (never seen any of the movies) and The Goo Goo Dolls Greatest Hits.

If we’re going off of albums/CDs that I don’t own a physical copy of, then it’s the This Is War album by 30 Seconds To Mars.

5. What book did you hate as a student?

I don’t remember all the books I had to read, but I don’t know if I hated any. I definitely found a few boring, though. That being said, I didn’t enjoy decoding every line of Shakespeare’s plays.

6. What is your all-time favorite movie?

I normally say it’s a tie between Home Alone and Mrs. Doubtfire, but Angels In The Outfield is right up there as well.

7. What song always lifts your mood?

Running Up That Hill. Doesn’t matter if it’s the Placebo or Kate Bush version.

8. What is the last book you read?

The Mamba Mentality by Kobe Bryant.

9. Which TV shows have you binge-watched? Why?

Atypical, Ozark, The OC, and Veronica Mars, to name a few. The OC and Veronica Mars were from the library, so I only had a week. As for the other two, it’s because I felt like it.

10. If you were an animal, which animal would you be?

A dog. I would want to play fetch for hours. As a human being, I just want to find someone I can play catch with for hours. The desire is transferrable.

11. What was your most embarrassing moment?

I’m not prepared to share some of them yet, but here’s one I will. When I was in Grade 12, I got a sunburn on my face from playing basketball outside for a few hours. We were in the shade the whole time, so I was betrayed by the sun.

The next day, my face was quite red and I had to do a 20-minute presentation in front of my English class. To make matters worse, a kid in Grade 9 passed me in the hall and laughed at my sunburn. Again, I was in Grade 12.

Moral of the story: Stay inside.

12. What famous author would you most like to meet?

I’ve never had the urge to meet any of them, honestly.

13. What in your past would you most like to change?

There was this cashier at school who was like my mom away from mom. I wish I would’ve gotten her a present, or a card, on my final day.

14. Describe your most profound musical experience.

I don’t think I have one. The closest thing would be when I discovered the band 30 Seconds To Mars in April 2011. Before then, I never really had a favourite band because I never liked more than a couple songs from any band.

But then I found this group and went from song to song on YouTube and liked all of them.

15. What important classic book have you never read?

I’ve barely read any of them. I don’t remember what books are about after I’m done reading them, so I’d rather read non-fiction and learn something real about someone or something.

16. What is your least favourite food?

Cantaloupe. I’ve gagged every time I’ve tried it.

17. What movie, book, or music always makes you cry?

At first I didn’t think I had an answer to this question and then I remembered how I had to stop listening to the song, Dark Blue by Jack’s Mannequin because it always sent me. That was many years ago, though, and I should be fine if I listen to it now.

I just listened to the song and my right eye is a bit wet. I don’t understand.

18. What actor or actress do you have a crush on?

This question has always been hard for me because “actress” isn’t the profession from which I get my celebrity crushes. That being said, my answer is Anna Kendrick.

19. Would you rather be a vampire or a zombie? Why?

Vampire. I vant to suck your blood. But also, they make time for sleep. Zombies are always on the move and don’t nap.

20. What book at home would you use to squash a bug?

The Scrabble Dictionary. It has a smooth cover.

21. Which character would you like to be in Harry Potter?

I thought about this one a lot and have narrowed it down to Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hagrid, and Dobby. I’ll figure this out as I type.

Harry is at the centre of everything, but that’s because people want him dead, so that’s a no.

I love Dobby, but he’s CGI and I’m more of a KFC, so I guess we can cancel him out.

Ron is funny, has a great mom, and a tight friend circle, but I already have all that in real life.

Therefore, I would want to be Hagrid. I like that he has his own hut.

22. What song would you most like to sing on stage?

A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. There better be a piano. I can’t play the piano.

Total Eclipse of the Heart would also be fun, but it’d have to be a duet. Sign up below, if you’re interested!

23. Do you like your name? What name would you prefer? 

Yes I do.

24. What do most people not know about you?

I’ve never had chocolate milk.

25. If you could live anywhere, where would you live?

Somewhere in Canada.

26. If you could go back in time, where would you go?

Back to university.

27. What poems have you memorized? Recite one of them?

“Timothy Winters goes to school with eyes as wide as a football pool. Ears like bombs and teeth like splinters, a blitz of a boy is Timothy Winters.”

We had to read two poems to the class in Grade 7 and that was the first stanza of one of mine, which I found on the internet.

28. Who in your life has made a strong impression on you?

My high school English teacher.

29. Do you have a recurring dream? Describe it.

Not really. But I do have what I call “false finishes” to dreams. I’ll exit a dream and transition into another dream where I’m waking up in the morning. It feels so real, right down to the scrolling through social media part. But then harsh realities present themselves and I finally wake up for real.

It’s like I wake up twice, but the first time is a false finish.

30. What epitaph would you like on your tombstone?

“My blog friends think I’m on hiatus.”

Let me know what you thought of my answers and feel free to answer these questions in a post of your own. So who’s my duet partner going to be?

Posted in Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Viewing Notes: The Bachelor (Peter) – Ep. 8

We are down to the Final Four on this season of The Bachelor, which means it’s time for Peter to meet the families of the individuals who applied to be on a dating show.

Still hoping to be picked in the end are: Hannah Ann, Kelsey, Madison, and Victoria F.

HANNAH ANN’S HOMETOWN DATE (Knoxville, Tennessee)

~ Hannah Ann is holding an umbrella as she waits for Peter, but as soon as he arrives, she drops it on the sidewalk and jumps in his arms.

~ They’re walking away. She left the umbrella on the ground! So did Peter! Is this considered littering? Those umbrellas had a family!

~ Hannah Ann’s dad is known as Ranger Rick. He’s always said that she needs a “tough man” so before Peter meets him, they’re going axe throwing.

~ Can’t wait until Peter tells Ranger Rick that he banged his head on a golf cart.

~ Peter and Hannah Ann aren’t having much luck with axe throwing, until Peter hits a bullseye and she jumps in his arms.

~ Peter wrote her a letter called, “Things I Love About You!”

~ Peter, this isn’t a letter. It’s a list. IT’S A LIST. Oh my goodness.

~ One of the things he loves about her is that she has a name for every dress she’s worn. She does?

MEETING THE FAMILY

~ Ranger Rick (Dad) refers to her as Hannah (TWICE!), which is proof she’s going by Hannah Ann on the show just to differentiate from Hannah Brown.

~ Ranger Rick is giving off “I’m ready to get this camera crew out of my house” vibes and I love it.

~ Hannah Ann and her sister have a chat. They both cry.

~ Her mom warns Peter that her husband is very guarded and won’t just give Hannah Ann away to anybody. I certainly hope not.

~ Ranger Rick is rocking a fleece vest over a button up shirt. It’s a look that says, “I want to be warm, but not too warm.” I respect it.

~ Peter tells him he’s falling in love with his daughter and Rick says he wasn’t expecting that. Poor guy, he’s never watched the show. Probably for the best.

~ “Do not say that word to her unless you wholeheartedly…that’s what you mean and that’s what you’re gonna do.” – Ranger Rick, referring to the word “love”

~ The night is over and Peter and Hannah Ann convene on the front porch. Or is this more of a veranda?

Either way, Hannah Ann is wearing a jacket (on camera) for the first time today.

KELSEY’S HOMETOWN DATE (Des Moines, Iowa)

~ “I really like him.”

~ Why does it feel like they’re always going to Iowa on this show?

~ They’re off to stomp grapes with their bare feet and I just realized why cheese is normally paired with wine.

~ Time to make their own brand of wine at the winery and Peter is attempting to describe their relationship, as if it were a wine.

~ Their bottle is called, “The Wine” because creativity is not their thing.

~ Kelsey tells Peter that she’s in love with him.

MEETING THE FAMILY

~ The family is serving crab rangoon and Peter is freaking out because he’s never had them before.

~ He tries one and says, “I’m a fan.”

~ That means he hates them. If you really like a food, you say they’re delicious. You don’t say, “I’m a fan.”

~ Kelsey’s sister says it’s a big deal that she brought a boy home. I feel like it would be a bigger deal if it wasn’t a mandatory thing that happens when you make it to the Final Four.

~ Peter’s mom says he walked through the door and he “entered easily”.

“I’m good at walking through doors.” – Peter should’ve said this

~ She tells him not to break Kelsey’s heart. “Do you understand?”

~ Oh, how I wish she would’ve thrown a “Comprender?” at him, instead.

~ Kelsey’s mom tells Kelsey she’ll love her “forever and always”. Somebody’s been listening to T. Swift lately.

~ Me. It’s me.

~ Peter and Kelsey now sit on the front porch (or is it a veranda?) and talk and kiss and all that stuff.

MADISON’S HOMETOWN DATE (Auburn, Alabama)

~ Just like Iowa, this show is always in Alabama.

~ Madison’s dad coaches basketball at Auburn University. There’s a statue of Sir Charles Barkley outside, as there should be.

~ She teaches him a War Eagles cheer.

~ Peter and Madison walk onto the court at Auburn and a video of CHARLES BARKLEY plays on the video board.

That is one crossover I never expected. Get it, “crossover”? It’s a basketball term. Ugh.

~ Out comes the Head Coach of Auburn’s Men’s Basketball Team, Bruce Pearl, and he watches as Madison walks Peter through some dribbling drills.

~ I like how there’s black tape on the balls to block off a logo. Probably the NCAA.

~ Time for a one-on-one game and Madison is going to win because we’ve seen Peter play basketball with Victoria F. and he wasn’t very good.

~ Madison wins, 5-3.

MEETING THE FAMILY

~ The front walkway has been watered. I didn’t know they were Italian! (This is a layered joke).

~ Before they eat, everyone has to say something nice about Madison.

~ I want to be a fly on the wall person on the couch, when the producers tell each family to give a toast before eating. I want to see the panic on their faces like, “We don’t do that here. What do we say?”

~ The food is a prop! They don’t even pick up a fork and Madison’s mom is already stealing her away to talk.

~ #Justice4BachelorFood

~ Madison’s mom says it takes time with her and that’s one thing she hasn’t had.

~ This conversation has appeared on every hometown date episode since 1934.

~ Madison says she hasn’t fully told Peter how she views intimacy.

~ I like Madison, but feel bad that she’s on this show. She doesn’t need it.

~ Peter tells her dad that he’s falling in love with Madison. He wonders if they’re compatible.

~ Peter says he’s willing to “put the work in”. He’s using sports talk. The dad is too smart and isn’t buying it.

~ Her dad is being very honest with Peter Pilot. You can hear the skepticism in his voice, but he’s not completely shutting the door on this whole thing because he knows how Madison feels.

~ What a good dad. If Auburn is on my March Madness bracket this year, I might just have to pencil them in to win a round or two.

~ Just looked it up – Auburn has a 22-3 record. They’re going to the Sweet Sixteen, calling it now.

~ Peter and Madison meet up on the front porch (OR IS IT A VERANDA?).

~ It’s amazing that each family has had a bench outside their front door.

~ Side note: Some of the hometown dates are filmed at a house that the show rents, rather than the actual home the family lives in.

VICTORIA’S HOMETOWN DATE (Virginia Beach, Virginia)

~ “Our dates just haven’t been easy.” – Victoria F.

~ No, they have not.

~ They’re going for a walk on the beach with Victoria’s dog.

~ Now they pull up to an “Old Time Photos” place where they put on clothes from yesteryear. Are dogs allowed in there or are they breaking the rules?

~ Peter: “We’re in the state of love, so hopefully today could be a big day for us.”

IT’S THE SAME PLACE

~ They’re sitting on a pier by the beach and it’s reminding me of Lauren’s hometown date with Arie. I have no clue how or why this memory is in my head. No chance it’s the same place, right?

~ I’m looking this up.

~ LAUREN IS FROM VIRGINIA BEACH.

~ AHHH.

~ There’s a YouTube video of Lauren and Arie’s date and it looks like Peter and Victoria are sitting at the exact same table, on the exact same pier, as they did.

~ Seriously, the EXACT TABLE.

I’m a genius for noticing this! A GENIUS.

~ And no one cares. Blogging really is a lonely hobby.

BACK TO THE SHOW

~ Victoria surprises him with a Hunter Hayes concert. Everyone at the concert films them because why enjoy the music?

~ Peter and Victoria go separate ways to prepare for the evening, when a woman calls out to Peter.

CONTROVERSY

~ Peter recognizes her as a woman named, Merissa. Her face is blurred out. They seem to know each other.

~ She warns him to “be careful” and says he doesn’t deserve what he’s on a date with right now.

~ SHE KNOWS VICTORIA.

~ “There’s been many relationships broken off because of her.” – Merissa

~ Sounds like Merissa used to date Peter.

~ This brief conversation by an ATM machine is going to light up the internet.

MEETING THE FAMILY, MAYBE

~ Peter is now meeting Victoria at her house, but he looks like someone just knocked a pizza slice out of his hands.

~ Victoria senses something is wrong. They take a seat on the steps outside her house. No bench this time.

~ He says she had an ex at their first concert and today he had an ex at their second concert.

~ These two need to stop attending concerts together. It’s like when Jessica Fletcher leaves the house. Bad things happen.

~ Peter says, Merissa said Victoria causes a lot of relationships to end. Victoria’s eyes widen.

~ “I’m, like, just disgusted right now.” – V for Vendetta

~ Victoria doesn’t want to do this. Peter wants the truth and she said it doesn’t matter.

~ “You’re supposed to meet my family tonight and you decided that what Merissa told you is more important.”

~ FIGHT. THEY’RE HAVING A FIGHT.

~ Peter says he feels like she doesn’t fight for their relationship. She doesn’t agree. He’s basically laying out how difficult she’s been this whole season.

~ “I am so done with this conversation right now.” – Victoria

~ Victoria walks down the street, crying. The cameraman slowly trails behind.

~ I hope her family is watching from the window. Ohhh maybe the neighbours are!

~ Victoria comes back and says she was going to tell him she’s falling in love with him, but how’s she supposed to do that now?

~ She doesn’t understand that Peter had an obligation to address this.

~ She’s mad that he brought this up before meeting her family.

~ They hug and Peter leaves before ever going inside. Did they break up?

~ DINNER IS RUINED.

~ Her family finally comes outside to see what the commotion was about.

NEXT DAY

~ Peter has woken up feeling horrible and confused because – say it with me now – he is perpetually confused.

~ He gets a knock at the door and it’s the pizza delivery man! Nah, just kidding. It’s Victoria.

~ Time for a chat on the couch. This better not be like the Arie and Becca chat.

~ I really can’t handle another breakup on this show happening in front of throw pillows.

~ Peter feels like she doesn’t want him to love her the way he wants to love her.

~ “We have no communication skill.” – Peter

~ DING DING DING.

~ Peter says its frustrating for him to invest in her when she could just walk away.

~ Victoria says she’s trying really hard – she’s never tried like this – and can’t walk away from him.

~ “But you kinda do (walk away from me).” – Peter

~ Victoria says the decision is up to him but she can’t let him leave without knowing that she’s falling in love with him.

~ He’s not making a decision right now.

PRE-ROSE CEREMONY

~ Peter tells us he sees the potential with Victoria even though he didn’t meet her parents.

~ Chris Harrison is at an airplane hangar to greet the women.

~ Madison arrives first. She’s punctual.

~ Hannah Ann is next and she feels anxious.

~ Kelsey is there.

~ Victoria arrived and tells Chris she doesn’t know what’s going to happen tonight.

ROSE CEREMONY

~ Peter gives a speech about how it was great to meet their families. Victoria looks perturbed.

~ Hannah Ann gets the first rose.

~ Madison gets the second rose. Yes!

~ VICTORIA IS GETTING THE FINAL ROSE.

~ Just wait until Kelsey realizes he didn’t even meet her family.

~ Kelsey and Victoria both wore green dresses. Fitting that only one of them could stay, I guess?

~ Peter walks Kelsey out. She didn’t see this coming at all. She’s in shock.

~ He says it meant the world to him when she said she loved him, but “he wasn’t there.”

~ Time for her to go in a limo.

~ She’s shocked and confused.

BACK IN THE HANGAR

~ Peter informs the women that they’re off to Gold Coast, Australia. They must be exhausted from all this travel.

~ Next week will feature three overnight dates and Madison is really struggling with this because she refuses to compromise her values.

~ Peter doesn’t really know that yet, so as he’s walking out, she goes after him to “talk for a second.”

Next week’s episode is going to break the internet, so bring tape. See you then!

As always, let me know your thoughts on the show down below. I don’t even know what discussion topics to ask because the whole show is one big question mark at this point.

Posted in TV | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments