NFL Snapshots: Week 13 (2022)

If I were a football player, I would absolutely hate having my teammates and coaches smack my helmet every time I made got back to the sidelines after a good play. I feel for the players every time I see it. Oh, and the head butts! Can you not do that?

Do you bang on a fish tank/head but it? No. Don’t rattle my cage.

When I played softball as a kid, there was one instance where the catcher threw the ball back to the pitcher, but he threw it while still crouched down and he tried to throw it over me. Well, he hit me right in the side of my batting helmet.

I shook my head around like a cartoon character would – half because it felt like an earthquake happened inside my helmet, and half because I wanted to make people laugh. Sure enough, parents laughed, as did the catcher and umpire.

I was friends with the catcher, since we had played on the same team a previous year, so we all laughed it off.

But still! It was rattling, if only for a few seconds. I think of that every time I see players get their helmet smacked as a sign of affection. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure it’s just normal football culture and whatnot, but I wouldn’t like it happening to me.

Arizona Cardinals (4-8)
I know the Patriots defence is tough, but I’m expecting a big performance from the Cardinals on Monday Night Football, after coming off their Bye week.

Atlanta Falcons (5-8)
Desmond Ridder, come on down, you are the next starting quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons.

Buffalo Bills (9-3)
The loss of Von Miller for the season will be felt in the playoffs but, for now, the Bills have won three in a row and sit atop the AFC.

Baltimore Ravens (8-4)
Tyler Huntley takes over as starting quarterback in place of the injured, Lamar Jackson. As far as backups go, Huntley is one of the better options in the NFL.

Carolina Panthers (4-8)
Is it too early to predict that the Panthers will select a quarterback in the first round of the draft?

Chicago Bears (3-10)
The Bears don’t play this week, but I still expect Justin Fields to get a rushing touchdown. He’ll find a way.

Cincinatti Bengals (8-4)
The Bengals are 3-0 against Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs in the last 12 months. You just know these two teams will meet in the playoffs. Early prediction: the game comes down to a missed field goal because of a swirling wind.

Cleveland Browns (5-7)
The Browns get the Bengals this week, who they have defeated in each of their last three games.

Dallas Cowboys (9-3)
The Cowboys scored 54 points against the Colts – 33 of which came in the 4th quarter. This team is scary and I’m attributing a lot of the credit to whoever decided to get Tony Pollard more involved in the offence this year. The fantasy football community has only been asking for it for three years.

Detroit Lions (5-7)
Remember when they started the season 1-6? I really like the Lions. They know who they are and play to their strengths. They host the 10-2 Vikings this week and are favourites to win. I love it.

Denver Broncos (3-9)
On paper, the addition of Russell Wilson should’ve been a resounding success. It wasn’t. Wilson has six more (expensive) years on his contract. But at this point, I don’t know how the team goes back on the field next September with him under centre. Unfortunate, all around.

Green Bay Packers (5-8)
I’m making the following executive decision: if we’re going to root for a five-win team to make a run and sneak into the playoffs, it’s the Lions, not the Packers. Okay? Okay.

Houston Texans (1-10-1)
Still don’t know why they didn’t trade Brandin Cooks at the deadline.

Indianapolis Colts (4-8-1)
They trailed by 2 points against the Cowboys, heading into the 4th quarter, but lost by 35. It felt like one of those games on Madden, where the computer player is going to beat you no matter what you do, so you just sit there and take it.

Jacksonville Jaguars (4-8)
I wrote a whole paragraph about how the Jaguars need to go out this off-season and find another top wide receiver. And then I remembered, they traded for Calvin Ridley a month ago.

Kansas City Chiefs (9-3)
I don’t worry about the Chiefs because I know when the playoffs roll around, no one wants to face them. I don’t care how confident the Bengals are against them, I think that may end up backfiring. Ego is the enemy.

Las Vegas Raiders (5-7)
They’ve finally given Derek Carr a true number one receiver – Davante Adams. And Josh Jacobs has been phenomenal this year. But the Raiders aren’t going anywhere until the defence improves.

Los Angeles Chargers (6-6)
It has come to my attention that there is a corner of the internet that questions whether or not Justin Herbert is actually good. Personally, I don’t understand that line of thinking. There are only about six QBs in the league that I’d want on my team and Herbert is one of them.

Los Angeles Rams (3-9)
I am glad they claimed Baker Mayfield off waivers. Let’s see what he can do, working alongside Sean McVay.

Miami Dolphins (8-4)
Well, they started the game against the 49ers with a 75-yard touchdown on the first play. They were outscored 33-10 from that point on. Tua made more than a few high throws. The running game didn’t turn on the car, let alone get into first gear (most of the credit goes to the 49ers for that). Is this who the Dolphins are against tougher competition, or was it just an off-game?

Minnesota Vikings (10-2)
Only the Eagles have more wins than the Vikings and yet, I have absolutely zero faith in the Vikings. I don’t want to call them frauds, but I don’t trust them at all.

New England Patriots (6-6)
I’ve been saying that I want the Patriots to make the playoffs, just because they’ll scare somebody once they get there. But I don’t think they’re going to make it. The offence isn’t good enough and the defence can’t stop good teams.

New Orleans Saints (4-9)
They blew a 16-3 lead, with eight minutes remaining, to Tom Brady. They even made it easy for him.

New York Giants (7-4-1)
Since the Giants tied the Commanders this week, I thought I would yield my time to our resident Giants fan, Becky, for an official statement on the matter: “As a life-long sports fan, I know the highs of winning championships and the lows of losing close games. I was on the edge of my seat, hands sweating, and heart in my throat watching the final seconds of the Giants/Commanders game as the field goal came up just short. And then I spent a solid amount of time curled up in the fetal position on my living room floor.”

New York Jets (7-5)
It feels like the Jets are holding on for dear life. They were at 5-2 at one point, but it’s been slipping away.

Philadelphia Eagles (11-1)
The Eagles can beat you in multiple ways, which is an attribute you find in championship teams across all sports. As Toronto Raptors head coach, Nick Nurse, would say: “There are 1000 ways to win a basketball game, we just have to find one of them.”

Pittsburgh Steelers (5-7)
If the Steelers win this week, the talk of Mike Tomlin never having a losing season in his 15 years as head coach, will only intensify.

San Francisco 49ers (8-4)
Jimmy Garoppolo is out with a broken foot that was supposed to sideline him for the rest of the season. However, word came out in the last few days that he may be back at some point in the playoffs. In theory (and maybe in practice) that would be great for the 49ers. I’m going to be cautious and not get too excited about a player potentially parachuting themselves off the injury report and into a lineup for an important game. I’ve seen it enough times across various sports to know that a heroic movie-like ending isn’t always what happens. I’ll get into this further at another time. For now, Brock Purdy is the QB. He was the last pick in this year’s draft. And you know what? He didn’t look bad. I don’t know if this is the modern day Tom Brady story (late round pick no one expects anything from, but takes over for the injured veteran QB), but he faces Brady on Sunday in his first start. So, the first episode of Purdy’s documentary series coming out in 2045, is already written.

Seattle Seahawks (7-5)
If you’re reading this, the Seahawks may need you to play the running back position on Sunday. Everyone else is hurt.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-6)
The Buccaneers are the college student who doesn’t start their 10-page essay until the night before its due, and then they turn in a masterpiece. If the Bucs could play the entire game in a 2-minute offence, they’d score 50 points.

Tennessee Titans (7-5)
I’m afraid the Titans have been exposed, and it was the Eagles and their old friend, A.J. Brown, who exposed them. If you go up by two scores against them, then they’re forced to abort their preferred game plan of running the ball, draining the clock, and limiting the other team’s possessions. Also, their secondary isn’t stopping anyone right now.

Washington Commanders (7-5-1)
I wish we had a resident Commanders fan on standby, who could comment on their tie against the Giants, but we don’t. They get a Bye week to think about how to score one more point than the Giants in the rematch in Week 15.

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