50 Thoughts XXXVIII

1. Get yourself out of the, “What is Wordle?” phase as fast as you can because you are missing out on a fun word game.

2. Cookie Monster’s real name is Sid. I’m sure his classmates got a kick out of that whenever a supply teacher took attendance.

3. People who can do standing backflips will do them absolutely anywhere and for no reason, whatsoever.

4. Do yourself a favour and look up, “The Story of the Chinese Farmer”.

5. Tim Hortons came out with Tim Biebs, or as I like to call them, Just Bits.

6. I can’t prove it to you, but I’ve correctly predicted the winner of all 10 NFL playoff games.

7. I’m not a fan of the colour balance that FOX uses for sporting events, especially baseball. The game looks like it’s happening in a tent and there’s one flashlight.

8. You just know there’s a TV executive somewhere thinking, “We should reboot Fear Factor again and have John Cena host it”.

9. The first NFL team to incorporate elements of rugby into their playbook will have an advantage. I’m talking, specifically, about the kickoff and laterals.

10. Speck Prosciutto is the best prosciutto.

11. Shouldn’t it be called a “photo clump” instead of a “photo dump”?

12. The biggest fallacy in Survivor is the idea that if you split up two people by voting one of them out, then the other will have no choice but to join your alliance.

13. Whenever someone says, “that’s a no-no”, in my head I think, “yes, that is an Italian grandfather”.

14. I don’t know if you’ve ever played FIFA and both teams accidentally wore yellow uniforms, but it is as terrible as you’d imagine.

15. The ’56 Burger is back at A&W for a limited time. It is delicious.

16. The problem with having a one-syllable name is many sounds can sound like “Paul” if I’m not paying attention. I can feel a bunch of you looking at me weird. You don’t understand. You haven’t lived it.

16.5 Example: Was that a dog barking, or was someone calling my name?

17. He’s not on the ballot anymore, but Carlos Delgado deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. I am incredibly biased, though.

18. LeBron James created a “#WashedKing” narrative around himself, even though no one was calling him washed. And then his team went out and put together the oldest roster in the NBA, just so LeBron could prove a point that didn’t need proving.

19. We need more bakeries.

20. The best gifts are the ones you keep for yourself.

21. A selling point for phones in the future will be, “If you take a mirror selfie, your phone will disappear in the photo”.

22. Someone should come out with a Fall album called, “I Rake Leaves, Not Tragedies”.

23. Long Johns are to winter what the Queen of Spades is to Crazy Eights.

24. Abbott Elementary is a great TV show.

25. Every ad-break during NFL broadcasts are either about insurance or tax. It’s a bit much.

26. Curly fries never disappoint.

27. I’m excited for the Scotties to start this Friday. I think Team Walker has been building to a win like this. I’m also interested in seeing how Team Zacharias fare at their second Scotties. They are “the next big thing” in women’s curling. It’s such a deep field, though.

28. What do you call someone who writes about subs? A sub scribe.

29. The next pandemic phase will be the return of those social media challenge videos that end with, “I nominate you, you, and you. You have 24 hours.” I can feel it.

30. Do the artists and bands who haven’t put out any new music since the pandemic began feel like they’ve been left behind, while also being crushed beneath the weight of their fans sending them messages like, “So, what have you been up to?”

31. Am I speaking Parseltongue, or sounding out potential words in Wordle?

32. I imagine snow plow drivers in a group text, complaining about cars parked on the side of the road.

33. I’ve never slept with a comforter, except at hotels when they kind of force you to.

34. It must be fun taking a Communications Technology class in high school these days. The assignments are probably like, “Start a podcast and record a 10-minute episode”.

35. It has been about 3-4 years since I last had Mac & Cheese. I could probably go another 10 without it.

36. My new record for number of songs listened to while shovelling the driveway is 54. It replaces the old record of, “way less than 54”.

37. Have you ever just watched a squirrel for a few minutes? They are very smart, calculated, and confusing.

38. What do you call it when someone smells the wrong thing? A smelling mistake.

39. The first time I saw the Treadmill Dance, I don’t think I understood that it was a music video. It felt like four guys were trying to finish a dance routine before being caught and told to leave.

40. Short Track Speed Skating is my favourite Winter Olympic sport. It is electric.

41. Maybe it’s just me, but trying to colonize Mars seems like a massive waste of time, money, resources, and knowledge.

42. If WWE really wanted to blow the forbidden door wide open and “play ball” with AEW in terms of storylines, MJF would be in the Royal Rumble on Saturday.

43. In my mind, Rocky Road, Rocky Steps, and Rocky Mountains are the new, “there, their, and they’re”.

44. As Rugby Canada begins the rebuilding process of both the men’s and women’s programs, I’m reminded that Magali Harvey was one of the best athletes I’ve ever seen, both live and on TV. Player of the Year in 2014; Player of the Decade in 2020. Look up her highlights. I don’t know who comes off the 2016 Olympic team, but she deserved to be on it. I don’t think she participated in 7s again after that – focussing on 15s instead – which is a shame. She was a superstar.

45. The best emails are the, “Your order has shipped” emails.

46. Remember when the Canadian version of Staples was called Business Depot? They had the sturdiest shopping carts ever – the big, grey plastic ones. They still might. I haven’t needed a pencil sharpener the size of my pinky in a long time, so I don’t know.

47. A flying car is going to take flight in Slovakia. I’m serious. It is called the AirCar. A pilot’s license is required to fly it. The company that created it hopes to have them commercially available in 12 months. So, yay.

48. Completely unrelated to #47: stop making things we don’t need. Looking at you, robot that tries to have emotions.

49. Few words match their definition better than, “comeuppance”.

50. Time tries to make strangers of us all. Sometimes, it succeeds. But as long as there’s time, we can always meet again.

Thanks for reading. Go make someone’s day today.