2021 Year-End Blog Montage

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been a sucker for a good video montage. Well, this is a blog montage. It’s like a video montage, but instead of a collection of clips, it is a collection of words meant to encapsulate the year that was, here on The Captain’s Speech. To put it together, I scoured through all of my posts this year, absorbed their essence, and repurposed them for the sake of – what I hope is – entertainment.

The general idea for this has been festering in my mind since probably the end of 2018, and I’m so proud to have finally figured out a way to do it.

So, as I sign off for the final time this year, I leave you with my 2021 Year-End Blog Montage. Thank you for reading and I’ll see you in 2022.

In many ways, I think getting older is just about constantly finding a new place to belong. That’s how I feel. Whether it’s a physical place, a group of people, an online community, or just the knowledge that there are others out there who like the same things as you.

It’s as they say, ’tis better to be a horse than to have never been a horse at all. You know the quote.

At some point in my life, I convinced myself that I can’t sit through three-hour movies. It’s just not something I ever wanted to do. So, naturally, I started watching Titanic at midnight.

Are you good at trivia? Welcome to The Captain’s Quiz! Don’t bother studying, don’t bother sleeping, don’t bother at all. There are no right answers. There are only answers. Who wants the crown? Come and get it.

Wait, where was Celine Dion? You mean to tell me they used an instrumental version of her song? My heart can’t go on. How can it go on? Instrumental? What is this, an elementary school band? Quick, somebody find a teacher with a guitar. We’ll settle for a recorder. Unbelievable.

I can’t draw. All of my four-legged animal drawings look the same. I am Vincent Van Oh-No. How do you know how long your lines should be?

Time out. The romantic storyline that unfolded in The Notebook started when a poor boy named Noah climbed a ferris wheel and threatened to jump if Allie didn’t go out with him? Somebody cast this kid for Joe Millionaire.

You’re not flying, Rose. You’re on a boat. Wrong method of transportation.

T is the inaugural Captain’s Quiz champion!

Life is like a box chocolates, just as long as you don’t read the label that tells you exactly what’s inside the box. Go home, Forrest, you don’t have to run anymore. You’re sending your future self a time capsule of aches and pains.

We call it a bird’s nest, but do birds call it a treehouse?

If you’re a bird, I’m a bird. And I live in a treehouse.

How do you draw an orange without just drawing a circle?

There is too much stuff. And every stoff (singular of stuff, obviously) has a dozen different companies making the same thing. When will enough be enoff. I’m just here creating words, don’t mind me, except YOU SHOULD. Tell me to stop. We don’t need more stuff and here I am creating it!

MESSES!

Getting older should be optional. Like, “press your belly button if you agree to these terms and conditions”.

Jeans are uncomfortable. This is the mountain of clothes I will overstay my welcome on, though I’m pretty sure I’ll be comfortable because I won’t be wearing jeans.

AND STILL Captain’s Quiz champion, T!

If you’re a duck, I’m a duck.

Just put liquid in the cup. I can tell when a television character is handling an empty cup of coffee. Put liquid in it! It doesn’t have to be coffee! We just need some weight in there to add some thrill to the scene.

JUICE SPILL!

Turn the boats around! There are people on the ship. There are people in the water. There is a band that won’t stop playing what sounds like a Christmas song, but isn’t. We must save them. Turn around! Why aren’t you turning around?

How in the world do you draw a bowl?

THE MOTHER HID THE LETTERS FROM ALLIE!

This is Chef Paulo and we’re going from A to Z with food, so I hope you know your A-B-Seas because we are diving right in!

Bill has escaped the Captain’s Quiz victorious! The boyhood dream has come true.

You need a Quarterback. Draft a Quarterback until you have a Quarterback because you need a Quarterback and your current Quarterback is not going to be your Quarterback two years from now no matter how hard you convince yourselves that you can turn him into a franchise Quarterback.

J is for Jimmies. They’re not mine, they’re not yours, they’re Jimmy’s.

So, over the course of a year, Allie never saw the mailman arrive once? Never checked the mailbox on her own volition? She was hoodwinked, hard.

If you’re appalled, I’m a Paul.

This isn’t about 1967. This is about 2021! As a Leafs fan, I am ready to get hurt again.

The not-so-teenage witch, Sabrina, has won the Halloween edition of The Captain’s Quiz!

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE POST-IT NOTES ON THE MIRROR!

O is for Once Baked Potato. You put it in the oven. You bake it. You take it out. You eat it.

On Wednesdays, we wear pink. On Fridays, we go to house parties where we are always the last ones to arrive and can’t just find one place to stand for more than a minute. On Monday, Danny DeVito is a guest speaker at school.

You need a Quarterback, not a Nickelback, so burn it to the ground, look at this photograph, and draft a Quarterback.

Well, kumba-ya failed with the optimistic approach, Paul.

When a movie plays three different songs within the first three minutes, that’s how you know it’s a big budget production.

CLEAN UP! CLEAN UP! EVERYBODY, CLEAN UP!

Welcome to The Blogger Games! The most difficult multiple choice exam of your life because the questions are about me and I gave about 18 options for each question. Good luck!

T is for Twice Baked Potato. You put it in the oven. You bake it. You take it out. You do the okie dokie and turn yourself around. You put it back in the oven. You take it out. All done! So undercooked, you baked it twice!

Tokyo 2020 took place in 2021 but they still called it Tokyo 2020. There were no fans, only empty seats. It was sad, but also fun, but sad because it couldn’t be more fun, which made it sad.

I was disappointed the Raptors moved up in the draft lottery because it meant they probably weren’t going to pick Scottie Barnes. Well, what do I know? They picked him anyway! Eat dirt, mock drafts and general consensuseseseses! You better have pronounced all of those -es add-ons.

FIIIVE GOLDEN RINGS!

Taking slow, deep breaths throws me off my rhythm. It feels like I’m getting an internal service error, so I go back on auto-breathe and act like I didn’t try and do it manually. The body is smart, take a step back, and let it do its thing. It doesn’t need you.

I am how old? It is what year? 2010 was how long ago? Our bodies don’t keep statistics that we can print out at any time? Big Macs have gotten smaller over the years? Wording statements as questions to avoid the harsh reality that they present? I would never?

We don’t want your pee pee hands contaminating shared surfaces. Somebody had to say it.

T gets her third Captain’s Quiz crown!

Does anyone actually trust hotels that don’t have carpeted hallways? Let’s get a Netflix documentary on that!

Four something somethings. Three blind mice. Two turtle doves. And a cartridge in a printer. That’s how I “sing” that portion of the song. I should look up the real words one of these days. Yes, I know it’s a partridge in a pear tree. It’s the fourth day that I’m totally lost.

Was I a fan of Forky? Does a family of three bears hate porridge? Oh, sorry, I’m supposed to be done the whole rhetorical questions bit. Forky could’ve been an actual character.

FOUR CALLING BIRDS? WHAT?

What comes after? Does all of this end when Tiger King stops making additional seasons? How far out are we from another video of celebrities singing? We are so far removed from the days of puzzles and banana bread.

I’m just picturing a four-way call with birds:

“If you’re a bird, and you’re a bird, and you’re a bird, then I’m a bird.”

“Yeah, okay. So, the McDonald’s parking lot again tonight for dinner?”

“Cheap, cheap.”

Welcome to our first Quizmas together, while very far apart. The in-house band, The Pauls, are here to kick things off before we find out which of you reindeer will lead the sleigh tonight.

The humans were so oblivious to all the toys. At some point, they have to get a clue, like that 2002 Disney film.

It’s the biggest race ever. Winner take all. My stomach is in my throat.

You did it Monty! You won the Captain’s Quiz!

WE HAD THE HORSES! AND THEY WERE READY TO GALLOP!

For me, most blog posts are about a single idea. I don’t know how I get from start to finish. It’s like climbing a set of stairs – you don’t really think about lifting your legs, you just do it. That’s me and writing.

I stop typing when I run out of stuff to say.

– Paul, The Captain’s Speech 2021

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17 Responses to 2021 Year-End Blog Montage

  1. This must have taken you so much time, oh my goodness! But it was worth it and amazing!! Happy New Years Paul!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is the ultimate marketing for your blog. If people don’t follow you after this, their loss. Happy new year!

    Like

  3. Becky says:

    This was quite a ride but very on-brand for The Captain’s Speech. I’d expect nothing less from you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. rebbit7 says:

    What a wild year of blogging it has been, Paul! I’ve especially enjoyed “The Captain’s Quiz” and “The Blogger Games” that you put out this year, as I had a lot of fun partaking in them: what a great way to engage the blogging community! To be honest, you’re one of the few bloggers that I actively keep up with anymore (at least on this blog of mine: I mostly focus on my travel blog now), and I also look forward to what you have in store for us for 2022! Happy New Year, Paul, and stay safe!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Thank you, it really means a lot that you keep coming back for whatever new blog antics I throw out there. Have a happy and safe New Year!

      Side note: I hope it’s alright that I keep mentioning you as rebbit7 is my various posts in which I tag you. If you ever want me to use your name, just let me know! I just don’t because I don’t think you use it on this blog and I want to respect that.

      Liked by 1 person

      • rebbit7 says:

        That’s perfectly fine. I would prefer that you continue to use “rebbit7” when referencing this blog. Thank you!

        Like

  5. montyvern says:

    Great year Paul. Loved reading the recap (and don’t mind the Quizmas results either). Happy new year!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sarah Warsi says:

    What a fun read! And such a great concept with the ‘blog montage’. =) I absolutely agree that growing up is all about finding your ‘happy place’ and where you feel that you belong. It’s constantly evolving as we ‘grow’ through life. All the best to you and yours in 2022 and I look forward to continuing to enjoy your blog this year. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. markbialczak says:

    May good things visit in 2022, Paul.

    Liked by 1 person

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