50 Thoughts XXXVII

1. For some reason, I thought the Friends reunion was going to be a new slate of episodes, featuring all of the celebrities they had announced.

2. What’s a food that sounds good and looks good, but doesn’t live up to expectations when you eat it? For me, it’s the piece of fudge cake I had last week.

3. I imagine that the birds sitting on a fence are the same as Dads sitting on a bench at the mall.

4. The way Naomi Osaka – the #2 ranked tennis player in the world – was treated for deciding to put her mental health first, and refusing to speak to the media at the French Open, was absolutely disgusting.

5. Wikipedia describes Outer Banks as an, “American action-adventure mystery teen drama”, so I guess this means television genres are like pizza toppings now.

6. I almost knocked over the hand sanitizer dispenser at the vaccination clinic; it was teetering.

7. Going forward, every Business teacher will have a slide in their PowerPoint that says, “Is the business pandemic-proof?” The next slide will use the word “pivot”. And then the next slide will be a case study of how businesses navigated the Covid-19 Pandemic.

8. “We hit it off.” – Every TV show ever made

9. Genuinely fascinated by the steeplechase as a track and field event.

9.5 THERE IS A GIANT PUDDLE. AFTER A HURDLE.

10. If you’re over the age of 10, I don’t know what crocs are doing on your feet.

11. Apparently my Italian accent comes out whenever I’m on the phone with my Nonno.

12. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to start watching The Challenge, but I’ve watched five seasons over the last few months and I’m hooked.

13. If you’re going to waste your time coming up with wild conspiracy theories, at least make them fun like, “Are push-ups a real exercise?”

13.5 Stay tuned for Thought #49 for another fun one.

14. It feels like we go from Friday to Monday a lot faster than we do Monday to Thursday.

15. A few years ago I listened to a CBC podcast called, “Missing & Murdered: Who Killed Alberta Williams?” She was an Indigenous woman living in BC, who was killed and left on the side of “The Highway of Tears”. Sadly, she is one of many who have been found there. Thousands of Indigenous women and girls are still missing.

That’s one of the many things I thought of when I heard that the remains of 215 Indigenous children were found at a former residential school in BC last week.

16. New York Fries should license their french fries to fast-food restaurants that have sub-par french fries.

17. Christmas ornaments are pomegranates in the off-season. You think I’m kidding.

18. Every few years a new hit song called “Dynamite” comes out.

19. Watching television shows On-Demand is a nice concept, until you realize you can’t fast forward or rewind.

20. I love the aerial shots of Formula 1 race tracks.

21. Don’t be surprised if the Edmonton Oilers go after Frederik Andersen in free agency.

22. Remember when someone created a Facebook event called “Friday” and it was for Rebecca Black’s song? What a time.

23. Adults can’t help but tell you they had some errands to run.

24. How many neigh-ture walks do you think horses have been on in the last year? Sorry.

25. As a society, we need to do a better job of talking about how great nectarines are.

26. Horses probably wonder why they can’t have normal names, unless they think humans are the ones with weird names.

27. A bowl of Corn Flakes never disappoints.

28. The first magician who pulled a rabbit out of their hat probably had a lot of explaining to do afterwards. I’m picturing a media circus befitting of the 1800s.

29. Every street has at least one person who is always using power tools in their garage.

30. I find it comical that most restaurants will send you all the components to a salad, so you can put it together yourself. 1) That’s not how this transaction is supposed to work. 2) The rest of the meal is left wondering, “Where’s Paul?”, while I put the salad together.

30.5 OH and when you shake the salad container to mix in the dressing, the lettuce doesn’t even move because it’s so tightly packed.

30.75 Then you have to transfer it to a bowl and remix it. It’s a shambolic process, really.

31. I like how the go-to move for people who scoff at social media is to put the word, “The” in front of the name of each platform. “The TikTok”, “The Facebook”, “The Twitter”.

32. My overwhelming memory of Blockbuster is how nice and air conditioned it always was in the summer.

33. Bagels don’t taste like they did 20 years ago.

34. Not enough things in life are free.

35. Nabisco World and Candystand had so many good online games back in the day.

36. Every closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

37. 16-year-old Goaltender Taya Currie was drafted by the Sarnia Sting, making her the first female player ever chosen in the Ontario Hockey League draft. I think that’s incredible and wish her all the success.

38. I am on pace to have 24 headaches this year, which is down from last year’s tally of 36.

39. If I were a sports league like: MLS, NLL, CFL, WNBA, etc., I’d be contacting Netflix, or any streaming company, every day trying to get them to commission a documentary series about the teams and players in my league.

39.5 Heck, even MLB should do it. They won’t, but they should.

40. A new season of The Bachelorette begins tonight, which means 87% of the guys will have the same haircut.

41. The Monaco Grand Prix answers the question: What would it be like to race cars in a drive-thru lane for 90 minutes?

42. Some commercials on the radio have been using the same jingle for over 20 years and they’re starting to bug me.

43. Hear me out: An arena/stadium with movie theatre seats, and everyone gets their own arm rests. Also, leg space.

44. I feel like the phrase, “You schmooze, you lose” will go viral some day.

45. Always amazed at how fast synchronized diving analysts know if a dive was good or not.

46. “Chagrin” is an anagram for “A Grinch”, which means we may or may not have a Tom Riddle/Lord Voldemort situation on our hands.

47. The “there are too many people to thank, so I won’t thank anyone” part of an acceptance speech is such a cop-out.

48. I think “Long Division” is long overdue for a rebrand.

49. What if swing sets at the park are actually a tool to subconsciously teach children about supply and demand? Why else would there be so few swings?

50. Things won’t be fully back to normal until you have aisle seats at a baseball game and the person behind you stretches their bare foot all the way into your peripheral vision.

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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26 Responses to 50 Thoughts XXXVII

  1. peckapalooza says:

    4. I concur. It’s like the media is constantly contradicting themselves… “Mental health is important and it’s time to destigmatize…” “How dare someone in the spotlight step away from the media in order to focus on their own mental health!”
    6. Unrelated, but my mom once referred to hand sanitizer as “waterless soap.” It took me half an hour to figure out what she was talking about.
    19. I’ve been having issues with certain streaming apps… I’ll be 45 minutes into a show and then suddenly lose the connection, then the app forgets that I was watching that episode, so it starts over. And there’s no way to fast forward… And now I’m just a bitter old man yelling at the neighborhood kids to stay off my lawn.
    23. That’s all we have. Don’t take that away from us.
    26. I’m picturing two horses in a stable named Creamsicle and Buttercup. Creamsicle introduces her rider, Heather and Buttercup just says, “What kind of stupid name is that?”
    48. It may already have been… have you heard of Common Core math? I know that’s how they’re teaching math to kids here. It’s ridiculously stupid.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      4. So brutal. And they fined her $15,000…which I get because it’s a contractual thing, but it’s also completely callous.
      6. Brilliant!
      19. Oh no! That’s terrible. Do the people who create these services not actually use them? Otherwise they’d know all the inconveniences.
      26. Hahahah perfect
      48. A quick Google search says we might have something called Discovery Math? All I know is I tried to re-teach myself long division yesterday and I was so lost.

      Liked by 1 person

      • peckapalooza says:

        Have you ever heard anything from Nate Bergatze? He’s a comedian and he has a pretty decent bit about Common Core math because he’s got a daughter in 3rd grade who’s in the thick of learning it. He compares it to someone knocking at your front door, then you going and opening the door and instead of letting them in, you demand that they go around the side of the house, climb the fence, then come in the back door, then walk through the house to meet right back at the front door. You get to the same place, but you take a super long way to get there. Regular math is just answering the front door and letting the guest in.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        The name is familiar but I haven’t seen that bit. I will definitely need to look that up, it sounds like a bang on comparison.

        I remember teachers saying stuff like, “When you’re out buying groceries, you won’t have a calculator with you to know if you’re spending more money than you have.”

        On one hand, they had a point. But now it just seems so outdated to think about that.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I was legitimately scared I was gonna end up in this one 😂 but I wont say why so I don’t give you any ideas for the next one LOL but I’ll be watching!!!!

    I didn’t watch the friends reunion but its sad there were no new episodes. Wasn’t there a trailer for it a WHILE BACK where Rachel and Ross were getting divorced *again* or something? Idk. I’m not down with the hipness or what’s cool any more daddy-oh.

    Was your statistical data correct for the bachelor? You should give a +/- percentage for your predictions lol if you don’t, is it even scientific?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I didn’t watch the reunion either but I’ve seen commercials of it where they’re sitting at a table re-reading old scripts, so maybe that’s what you saw?

      My calculations are very scientific! That being said, the episode hasn’t aired yet, so it’s just a hypothesis at this point

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love these posts. So fun to get a glimpse of the inner workings of your brain. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bill says:

    Regarding No. 50, life is already back to normal because I went to the gym twice last week and have already encountered not being able to use a machine because a guy was sitting on it while watching videos on his phone, a woman who kept me from using a machine because she camped out there while texting and a woman who was shuttling back and forth between several machines without cleaning them, like the whole gym belonged to her. When one of the machines was unexpectedly unavailable (also known as my wife using it and then cleaning it when she was done), she lurked nearby until the airspace was clear.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Wow that is some very normal activity indeed! Sorry to hear that the pandemic hasn’t taught that one person to keep things clean for the sake of other people. Good luck in your future gym adventures!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Bill says:

        Oh, I forgot to mention … she was wearing a mask. So she was responsible that way, while still being irresponsible with the machines because she thought she owned them.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Well at least that’s something! Perhaps she just needs to reacquaint herself with social etiquette after being at home for a year. (Probably not)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bill says:

        Yeah, probably not. I wonder if we’ll see the guy who I once heard calling dibs on a machine, earning him the name “Mr. Dibs,” any time soon.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Bex says:

    I wear crocs to walk the dogs and garden and sometimes when I’m going to get fast food and I know I won’t have to leave my car, but never in public… so do I really wear crocs…?

    When I was young I rode a pony named Pony and I thought it was infuriating because I couldn’t help but make the correlation of it being like a person named Human and that’s just not okay.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Hmm I wasn’t expecting this croc conundrum. My official ruling is….No, you do not really wear crocs haha. You’re exempt.

      Oh that’s awful! The pony probably felt worthless. “They can’t even give me a dumb name? Just Pony?”

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Sabrina B says:

    I could have told you that about the Friends reunion! I remember reading the articles about what they had planned last year. I’m still disappointed there wasn’t a message from either Paul Rudd OR Cole Sprouse. I know they’re both very busy, but still.

    Really appalled about Naomi Osaka. I don’t watch tennis but I saw the story everywhere and I feel for her. It really should not be a punishable offence in any way.

    I miss swings AND movie theatres AND arenas AND also Nabisco World which I did not remember existed until this very post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      There were articles about it from last year?? I guess that makes sense. I felt like the whole thing was sprung upon us lol

      I did see that the app, Calm, stepped up and said they would pay her $15,000 as well as do other charitable things. So that’s nice, but it shouldn’t have come to that. There is such a lack of understanding in sports when it comes to athletes and how they feel.

      For background, one of Osaka’s first big wins was in 2018 against Serena Williams at the US Open but fans booed her during the trophy presentation because they were mad at the referee for penalizing Serena for some things. Serena even yelled at him. So then Osaka just felt like no one was happy for her and that she almost had to apologize for winning. So she’s already been through a lot and now this happens.

      Nabisco World and MSN were so distracting when homework had to be done haha

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sabrina B says:

        Yes!! I follow entertainment news and casting announcements and things so I often see such articles haha.

        Good for them! It’s a shame that things in this area haven’t evolved more in sports. It seems like a real oversight in such a high pressure environment. Ugh that sucks for Osaka, she should be able to enjoy her wins. I hope that this will make some people step up and try to inspire changes but sometimes this stuff takes forever.

        Oh god MSN! In all ways! Making icons for MSN, looking up quotes and fonts for the display name, chatting with friends, the next day when one of my friends would print out a conversation they had with someone so they could show it to us. Good times.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Ohhhh so that’s how people had different fonts in their display name. They looked them up. How logical! I feel like we had vastly different MSN experiences because I had no idea you could print out conversations, let alone that people actually did??

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sabrina B says:

        Yes you look them up!! And thats how people got weird symbols and everything. It was a real skill! You could indeed print out conversations and I remember having friends do so with like people they fought with or guys they liked and then we would all read them and analyze. It was a weird time.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. sopantooth says:

    Man, it’s a ways off but I’m getting super hyped for 50 things #50, I’m getting my hopes up I am!

    #2 – I’m gonna put my thing down flip it and reverse it, mince pie sounds and looks like mung but is delightful

    #13 – My favorite still working non-cancelled comedian Kyle Kinane has a bit about how he wants to be into conspiracies but they won’t let him in because his conspiracies are too low rent

    #23 – What else do they have to talk about. Of my many disappointments about growing up chief among them is how boring most adults are. All they can talk about is work and their kids.

    #28 – I read a book about the history of magic semi-recently, it was less interesting than I thought

    #49 – I feel like all I ever see are empty swings, the problem is one of logistics apparently – swings on demand

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Toni Gray says:

    I genuinely missed reading these posts of yours, Paul! I found myself catching up on your posts during my work day and can never help but laugh!! Hope you’re having a great week. Also, long division is absolutely overdue for rebranding. I found myself attempting division on paper a week or so ago (for fun)…. FAIL! haha

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Toni! So good to hear from you. Glad I could provide you with some laughs! Oh man, I looked up how to do long division the other day (just to remind myself…for some reason) and it was like learning a new language. Don’t know how I understood how to do it as a kid lol

      Like

  9. Pingback: The week gone by — June 13 – A Silly Place

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