I like potato chips. They have always been a satisfying snack. However, it is a bit disappointing to reach the bottom of the bag and be met with crumbs.
If only I had gotten there sooner, maybe the chips would’ve still been intact. I don’t know. I try not to blame myself.
Maybe it’s a potato thing.
I find that french fries also break. In an order from McDonald’s, the long fries are at the top of the carton and as you make your way to the bottom, you find all the broken fries.
When do they break? Maybe when they’re placed in a bag and frozen? Do potato chips break when they’re being shipped? Is it from all those boxes on delivery trucks getting tossed around?
Can we do a behind-the-scenes exposé on how french fries and potato chips break? How come most fries and chips come out unscathed? Is it an inside job?
Will we have to do a Netflix documentary and alter the voices of fries and chips, in order to hide their identity?
Why are the fries at Wendy’s, for the most part, the same length? Why don’t they break?
I want answers!
These are the things I think about and then half-jokingly write about, just to see what other people think.
I don’t mind broken chips, but once they get too small at the bottom of the bag, I call it quits. I’m not the person to lick my fingers, or tilt the bag and pour the remains into my mouth. I’m not knocking the people who do do that – it’s just not me.
So, what do I think about Pringles? They have a can that keeps their chips in as close to perfect condition as you can get.
Personally, I’m not a Pringles guy. They taste good, but I don’t go looking for them. To me, they are the ultimate, “Ask someone if you can have one” snack. Why? Because you know that whoever grabs the chip is probably only going touch that one chip and won’t contaminate the rest.
This is where I insert a flashback to the time I went to the movies with friends (we were kids) and we shared a couple of bags of popcorn. One kid also had red licorice and the smell lingered on their hands.
Eventually, the smell of red licorice was all over the popcorn in the bag and I couldn’t handle it anymore. It was too disgusting for me. I stopped eating the popcorn.
To this day, I’ve never had red licorice. Not because of that incident, though. It just doesn’t look appetizing to me. Okay, and the smell of it in that popcorn bag is forever engrained in my nose brain.
Moral of the story: kids have messy hands and your nose brain never forgets.
Anyway, back to Pringles.
In a way, they are the rich kid of potato chips. They have tennis lessons on the tennis court on their property, and they own two cars before they even have their license.
I’m not mad at it. Good for them.
I prefer Lay’s. Yes, it has an apostrophe in it. I just checked.
You can never go wrong with a bag of Classic Lay’s. I call them, Plain Lay’s. All right, this apostrophe is bothering me now.
I also like Barbecue and Salt & Vinegar.
Sour Cream and Onion is also good, but they’re always off the proverbial Lay’s podium for me.
I like pickles, but have no interest in Dill Pickle chips.
This is where I insert another flashback concerning popcorn. Again, I was a kid. I was at the mall, and the popcorn place had samples on the counter in little cups. I picked one up thinking it was just regular popcorn. NOPE. It was Pickle Popcorn.
WHO IN THE WORLD WANTS A PICKLE POPCORN FLAVOUR?
I spit it out at the first garbage can I saw.
Moral of the story: stop creating pickle flavoured things.
In Canada, we have Lay’s Ketchup chips, which a lot of people love. I think I had them once and wasn’t a fan. I love ketchup, but only with fries*. I won’t even put ketchup on a burger or hotdog. It just tastes out of place to me.
*Don’t start with the “but chips and fries are both potatoes” nonsense.
I also like Ruffles chips. Plain, BBQ, and All Dressed.
All Dressed chips is another Canadian thing. It took me almost my whole life to realize that “All Dressed” means it’s every flavour mixed into one chip. That explains a lot, mainly the taste.
If you’re ever in Canada, All Dressed chips are a must-try. Forget the poutine, eat the chips.
I never really got into Miss Vickie’s chips. I can’t really critique them, all I know is I’m not big on kettle chips.
Insert story from my university days. In one cafeteria, they would make the best ciabatta sandwiches (before putting them on a panini press) and then add Plain Lay’s chips as the side dish.
Well, the following year, they replaced the Lay’s chips with kettle chips that they made themselves. I didn’t like them at all.
Double insert story alert: In that same cafeteria, I once ordered a burger and fries but they had run out, so they offered me sweet potato fries instead. I said yes. When they turned around with my plate, I wondered why there were carrots on it.
They weren’t carrots. They were sweet potato fries. I had never had them before, so I had no clue what to expect.
Didn’t like them.
Hey, don’t get mad at me.
Moral of the story: I prefer the original product – plain chips and french fries.
I think I like potatoes in almost all of their forms. Mashed potatoes are great, obviously. Baked Potatoes are good, but a hassle.
Oh, scalloped potatoes are the absolute pits. Just horrible. Even typing “scalloped potatoes” has me muttering under my breath like Harry in Home Alone.
The only two foods that I can remember making me gag are cantaloupe and scalloped potatoes.
I’d like to apologize to the cantaloupe community for unnecessarily dragging them into this blog post.
We’ve all seen someone try a new food and they’re sniffing it out and making faces before putting it in their mouth. And then they gag and spit it right out.
When I tried scalloped potatoes for the first time, I didn’t have any reservations about it. All of a sudden I’m gagging. It was like my stomach was closed for construction and it yelled all the way up to my mouth that the food had to take a last-second detour.
That’s what causes us to gag, by the way. Unscheduled closures due to construction.
Well, I think I’ve said everything I wanted to say.
I really hope you don’t know the song, “There’s No Business Like Show Business”, so you’re not singing, “There’s No Tato Like Potato” in your head for the rest of the day. Or, if you’re like me, it’ll be stuck in your head for a week.
Have fun with that!
What are your favourite chip flavours? What foods make you gag? What else do you want to talk about?