There’s No Tato Like Potato

I like potato chips. They have always been a satisfying snack. However, it is a bit disappointing to reach the bottom of the bag and be met with crumbs.

If only I had gotten there sooner, maybe the chips would’ve still been intact. I don’t know. I try not to blame myself.

Maybe it’s a potato thing.

I find that french fries also break. In an order from McDonald’s, the long fries are at the top of the carton and as you make your way to the bottom, you find all the broken fries.

When do they break? Maybe when they’re placed in a bag and frozen? Do potato chips break when they’re being shipped? Is it from all those boxes on delivery trucks getting tossed around?

Can we do a behind-the-scenes exposé on how french fries and potato chips break? How come most fries and chips come out unscathed? Is it an inside job?

Will we have to do a Netflix documentary and alter the voices of fries and chips, in order to hide their identity?

Why are the fries at Wendy’s, for the most part, the same length? Why don’t they break?

I want answers!

These are the things I think about and then half-jokingly write about, just to see what other people think.

I don’t mind broken chips, but once they get too small at the bottom of the bag, I call it quits. I’m not the person to lick my fingers, or tilt the bag and pour the remains into my mouth. I’m not knocking the people who do do that – it’s just not me.

So, what do I think about Pringles? They have a can that keeps their chips in as close to perfect condition as you can get.

Personally, I’m not a Pringles guy. They taste good, but I don’t go looking for them. To me, they are the ultimate, “Ask someone if you can have one” snack. Why? Because you know that whoever grabs the chip is probably only going touch that one chip and won’t contaminate the rest.

This is where I insert a flashback to the time I went to the movies with friends (we were kids) and we shared a couple of bags of popcorn. One kid also had red licorice and the smell lingered on their hands.

Eventually, the smell of red licorice was all over the popcorn in the bag and I couldn’t handle it anymore. It was too disgusting for me. I stopped eating the popcorn.

To this day, I’ve never had red licorice. Not because of that incident, though. It just doesn’t look appetizing to me. Okay, and the smell of it in that popcorn bag is forever engrained in my nose brain.

Moral of the story: kids have messy hands and your nose brain never forgets.

Anyway, back to Pringles.

In a way, they are the rich kid of potato chips. They have tennis lessons on the tennis court on their property, and they own two cars before they even have their license.

I’m not mad at it. Good for them.

I prefer Lay’s. Yes, it has an apostrophe in it. I just checked.

You can never go wrong with a bag of Classic Lay’s. I call them, Plain Lay’s. All right, this apostrophe is bothering me now.

I also like Barbecue and Salt & Vinegar.

Sour Cream and Onion is also good, but they’re always off the proverbial Lay’s podium for me.

I like pickles, but have no interest in Dill Pickle chips.

This is where I insert another flashback concerning popcorn. Again, I was a kid. I was at the mall, and the popcorn place had samples on the counter in little cups. I picked one up thinking it was just regular popcorn. NOPE. It was Pickle Popcorn.

WHO IN THE WORLD WANTS A PICKLE POPCORN FLAVOUR?

I spit it out at the first garbage can I saw.

Moral of the story: stop creating pickle flavoured things.

In Canada, we have Lay’s Ketchup chips, which a lot of people love. I think I had them once and wasn’t a fan. I love ketchup, but only with fries*. I won’t even put ketchup on a burger or hotdog. It just tastes out of place to me.

*Don’t start with the “but chips and fries are both potatoes” nonsense.

I also like Ruffles chips. Plain, BBQ, and All Dressed.

All Dressed chips is another Canadian thing. It took me almost my whole life to realize that “All Dressed” means it’s every flavour mixed into one chip. That explains a lot, mainly the taste.

If you’re ever in Canada, All Dressed chips are a must-try. Forget the poutine, eat the chips.

I never really got into Miss Vickie’s chips. I can’t really critique them, all I know is I’m not big on kettle chips.

Insert story from my university days. In one cafeteria, they would make the best ciabatta sandwiches (before putting them on a panini press) and then add Plain Lay’s chips as the side dish.

Well, the following year, they replaced the Lay’s chips with kettle chips that they made themselves. I didn’t like them at all.

Double insert story alert: In that same cafeteria, I once ordered a burger and fries but they had run out, so they offered me sweet potato fries instead. I said yes. When they turned around with my plate, I wondered why there were carrots on it.

They weren’t carrots. They were sweet potato fries. I had never had them before, so I had no clue what to expect.

Didn’t like them.

Hey, don’t get mad at me.

Moral of the story: I prefer the original product – plain chips and french fries.

I think I like potatoes in almost all of their forms. Mashed potatoes are great, obviously. Baked Potatoes are good, but a hassle.

Oh, scalloped potatoes are the absolute pits. Just horrible. Even typing “scalloped potatoes” has me muttering under my breath like Harry in Home Alone.

The only two foods that I can remember making me gag are cantaloupe and scalloped potatoes.

I’d like to apologize to the cantaloupe community for unnecessarily dragging them into this blog post.

We’ve all seen someone try a new food and they’re sniffing it out and making faces before putting it in their mouth. And then they gag and spit it right out.

When I tried scalloped potatoes for the first time, I didn’t have any reservations about it. All of a sudden I’m gagging. It was like my stomach was closed for construction and it yelled all the way up to my mouth that the food had to take a last-second detour.

That’s what causes us to gag, by the way. Unscheduled closures due to construction.

Well, I think I’ve said everything I wanted to say.

I really hope you don’t know the song, “There’s No Business Like Show Business”, so you’re not singing, “There’s No Tato Like Potato” in your head for the rest of the day. Or, if you’re like me, it’ll be stuck in your head for a week.

Have fun with that!

What are your favourite chip flavours? What foods make you gag? What else do you want to talk about?

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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38 Responses to There’s No Tato Like Potato

  1. Anonymous says:

    You are hilarious Paul!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sabrina B says:

    Top 4 potato chips: Classic Lays, Ruffles Sour Cream and Onion, Old Dutch Sour Cream and Onion, Miss Vickies Plain. Also good flavours: all brands original/plain, most sour cream and onion, sour cream and cheddar, sea salt, all dressed. Absolutely appalling: Dill Pickle, Barbecue, Ketchup, Pizza. Kettle chips are delicious.

    Your description of trying scalloped potatoes is deeply hilarious. I’ve never tried because they just look appalling and I have disliked enough foods to know they are not for me. Pretty much all other potatoes are good (any issues I would have with them in any form would have to do with toppings) and sweet potato fries are good in small quantities but generally are too sweet. Hence the name I suppose.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Barbecue is appalling???

      I don’t know if I’ve ever had Old Dutch chips. I’m sure I have, maybe at a party with a communal chip bowl, but I can’t remember. As someone who likes Pizza, I have no interest in ever trying Pizza flavoured chips. Not everything has to be redone in chip form.

      I applaud you for staying away from scalloped potatoes. Normally I’m pretty good at looking at a food and knowing if I’ll like it. I think that’s why i felt so betrayed by it. I assumed I’d like it at least a little bit.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sabrina B says:

        I don’t even like barbecue sauce so…yes.

        I’ve tried them and it’s just….terrible. truly terrible. I did not know anything related to pizza could be that bad. BUT THEY ARE.

        I just look at them and think that is a texture I want nowhere near me. Sometimes it’s all about the texture!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. sopantooth says:

    Hitch Hedberg joke – “I think Pringles’ original intention was to make tennis balls… But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said “cut ’em up!”

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Haha that is a logical explanation for the can. It also explains why it’s difficult to reach the bottom with large hands. The can was meant for tennis balls.

      Like

  4. ~M says:

    My favorite chips are Lay’s dill pickle chips. Sorry… but they are.

    Beef stroganoff makes me gag, as does the frozen onion, green bean, broccoli mixture that can be found in the freezer section of most stores.

    And I want to talk about sauerkraut. There are some varieties of it that I can stand, but mostly it’s just awful. I think it must be the brine that they put in the bag with it. There is something in there that resembles formaldehyde. That’s the only way I can really explain it. What do you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I used to dislike kraut as well, until I sauted it with apples. It helped eliminate that weird flavor until I was used to it and now I love kraut, even raw.

      Like

    • Paul says:

      Nooo really? Well, I guess we all like different things.

      That frozen onion, green bean, broccoli mix doesn’t sound like it’s meant to be enjoyed.

      I like sauerkraut! I normally cook it with sausage. I rinse out the sauerkraut with water before cooking it and that seems to mitigate the strong taste of it. My only complaint is there is so much of it in a jar and if no one else is eating it, I’ll have leftovers for three days. And do I really want leftover sauerkraut for that long?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pringles legally cannot be considered a chip (at least in the US, I haven’t checked elsewhere) because there is so little potato in it after all the processing they go through. After I learned that, I decided to stick with Lay’s original chip.
    As for popcorn in the movie theatre: My cousin gets nacho cheese and dips her popcorn in it. I love watching her make the order because the person is always: “You mean a soft pretzel and cheese?” and she has to explain that she just wants the cheese so she can dip the popcorn in it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. peckapalooza says:

    When it comes to snack items like chips, I’m not sure I’m a big fan. I mean, I like chips… I just don’t eat them too often. I always feel like I should have a bag (Wavy Lay’s is my preference) in the house just in case. But then I only pull out a handful to go with a burger or sandwich and basically forget about them. Then I feel bad because eventually they get stale and I feel like I’ve wasted 9/10 of a bag of chips. When I was a kid, I really liked Pringles. As an adult, I think my hands are too big to reach into the can once you hit a certain point. Well played, Mustache Man. Lay’s came out with Poppables a few years back and I think I enjoy those more than traditional chips. But when it comes to flavors, I prefer the traditional plain flavor. Any time they try to infuse flavors into chips, they just taste artificial to me. I will say that I like kettle chips… but only certain brands. Their names escape me at the moment, but I’d recognize the bags if I saw them. I like the crunchiness of the kettle chips. Again, I never buy them, though. I always just feel like they’ll go to waste.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Mmm wavy Lay’s are good. I like how the ridges are further apart compared to Plain Ruffles. That’s how I always told them apart as a kid.

      I just had to Google what poppables are. They lost interesting, almost like popcorn chicken.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Paul….dude there is a LOT going on in this post…

    My favourite flavour of chips are all dressed, pringles are pizza, miss vicky’s sweet chili and sour cream, doritos bold bbq hahahaha

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      This was initially just supposed to be a short sarcastic post about chip crumbs and then one thing kept leading to another!

      Ah doritos. I never really experimented their flavours. If I had them it was always the same coloured bag – red, I think? Maybe orange. I can’t remember it’s been a long time haha

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Belladonna says:

    LOL! I have to admit that I’m the friend with red licorice. Hands down, my favorite candy. But I must say that I agree with you about hands in my popcorn bucket. I’m not good and sharing when it comes to hands.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Rebecca says:

    I have to agree with you on BBQ Lay’s (but not original Lay’s) and Ruffles. Ultimate guilty pleasures. Unpopular opinion, but Fritos are my jam, too. I personally like my potatoes fried as well, and chili cheese fries (heck, poutine) are what I crave. It amazes me just how versatile potatoes are, and how we’ve evolved to do so much with the simple spud!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Humans are very creative when it comes to food, it seems. Just looking at a potato, it looks so uninspiring. Then it transforms.

      Ohh fritos! I always loved BBQ Fritos. I never got them enough.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Barb Knowles says:

    I think you should do a scientific study where you test out each category of item above ( Pringles, cantaloupe….okay not cantaloupe lol, and see which product has the fewest broken pieces. Get all your friends to do the hard work (except me) and you can compile the data. And publish your findings. Dope

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Can I also eat my findings?

      I’ve already thought about how I’d “do the science” or whatever the correct term is. I’d take a bag of each chip, toss it over a balcony, open the bags, and see how many survived.

      Like

  11. Bex says:

    Unfortunately my favorite chip flavor doesn’t exist on our continent. The Prawn Cocktail chips by Walkers (I’m pretty sure they’re the same company Lay’s based on their logo…) are delicious!! They’re sold in England. My English husband introduced me to them and I kind of hate him for it since they aren’t easy to get. Last year for Christmas he got me a Costco size box of them; they were gone in a week…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I had to Google Prawn Cocktail chips because they sounded so different. My immediate reaction was what you said – it looks like they’re affiliated with Lay’s. Next Christmas, he better get you 2+ Costco size boxes lol

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Pingback: The week gone by — March 21 – A Silly Place

  13. Sarah Warsi says:

    I have such a weakness for chips, but I have to say that dill pickle is actually one of my favourites! lol and Salt and Vinegar is up there too. Yum! Darn, you’re making me want to eat some now! haha 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. ALL DRESSED CHIPS FTW

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Dutch Lion says:

    As you’d imagine, I’m a huge fan of chips and taters of all types. My favorites are…..Lay’s, Jay’s, Vitner’s, Utz, Pringles, Old Dutch (of course!), and most kettle cooked. Ruffles are ok but too salty in my opinion.

    A bag of plain Lay’s is the best. I love the big yellow bag. I like their red bag of ridged Wavy Lay’s too.

    Plain fries are the best too. I hate those carrot fries, what are they called? Sweet potato fries? No thank you.

    Reid “Dutch”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      There’s something hypnotizing about the big yellow bag of plain Lay’s. And then to pour them out in a bowl is just so satisfying.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dutch Lion says:

        I love it so much! I can’t get enough of them. Jay’s chips slogan is “Can’t Stop Eatin’ ‘Em”. I feel that way about most chips, especially Lay’s, and Jay’s of course.

        Like

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