50 Thoughts XXXVI

1. There are a lot of holidays that encourage large gatherings and they’re all close together. That’s what I’ve learned in the last twelve months.

2. I feel like we’re all way too nonchalant about the fact that parrots can speak English.

3. What do you call a going away party for someone who likes art? A Vincent Van Gogh’ing away party.

4. The Tokyo Dome looks like a fun time.

5. My new hobby is seeing how long it takes my neighbour to retrieve the food delivery from their doorstep. They recently set a new record: 17 MINUTES.

6. We call it a bird’s nest, but do birds call it a tree fort?

7. I still have no idea what any of the Super Bowl commercials were this year.

8. I get so many static shocks on a daily basis. Touching a light switch has never been so dangerous.

9. I hear “falling temperatures” and picture numbers falling from the sky.

10. That Space Cadet 3D Pinball game on Windows XP computers was basically an entry-level procrastination activity for children.

11. Jen Psaki is really good at her job.

12. I don’t know all the words to “Twelve Days of Christmas”, but when I get to three, I always say, “three blind mice”.

13. I feel like the word “nepotism” is matched up with the wrong definition.

14. What do you call it when two pigs are next to each other? Parallel pork.

15. Parsley makes everything look better.

16. In ten years, kids will be talking about how their parents messed up their gender reveal party.

17. When football players run out of bounds and knock someone over, it would be nice to see them check to make sure that person is okay.

18. I threw some walnut scraps outside for a family of squirrels and they avoided them for days. DAYS.

19. There is too much stuff.

20. None of these teen drama shows know what to do when the characters graduate high school because they exhausted all of their college storylines on kids who are supposed to be 15.

20.5 The market is wide open for anyone to write a TV show that begins on Day 1 of college. Someone, dare me to do it.

21. Six weeks from now, Kyle Lowry may not be a Toronto Raptor.

22. Eventually, IKEA is going to come out with a marketing campaign called, “Furniture…Simplified!” and they’ll poke fun at themselves for ever having furniture that took a whole afternoon to build.

23. Instagram should let you decide how long you want a story to stay up. One hour, five hours, the rest of the day, etc. Sometimes, 24 hours is too long and deleting it sooner feels defeating.

24. Kaitlan Collins is really good at her job.

25. I had no idea that former bachelorette, Rachel Lindsay, co-hosted a show on MTV called, Ghosted.

26. The Toronto Raptors have a “type” when it comes to front court players and Andre Drummond is the antithesis of it, so unless the Raptors are hastily changing their philosophy, I don’t trust the trade rumours.

27. The problem with watching The Bachelor and having favourites is you want to see them go far, but at the same time, you want what’s best for them, which is being eliminated as soon as possible.

28. The Phoenix Suns’ logo is what you create when it’s your first time using Photoshop and you’re just playing around.

29. I’m not the type of person who will say “quarter-to” or “quarter-after” or “ten-after” when people ask me what time it is. You’ll get real numbers from me.

30. The Cecil Hotel has a 2.5/5 rating on Yelp, which is higher than I would’ve guessed.

31. Buns and bagels that have sesame seeds are better than ones that don’t.

32. It’s amazing how a smell, or song, can bring you right back to a specific moment in your life.

33. My favourite late-night shovelling game is, “Is that shadowy figure down the street a person, or a garbage bin…and why does it appear to be getting closer?”

34. I don’t think the “casual wrestling fan” exists anymore.

35. Imagine being responsible for creating the order of the alphabet. Bragging rights, forever.

36. Getting older should be optional.

37. It’s so weird watching old clips of people on TV shows. They sat so close to each other. It’s very claustrophobic.

38. I don’t trust hotels that don’t have carpeted hallways.

39. If you look up, “Will a skunk chase you?” on Google, you’ll find out that skunks are shy. Beware the quiet ones.

40. Six times out of ten, when I see a snow plow, I’m singing the Mr. Plow song from The Simpsons, in my head.

41. There are so many sounds that sound like someone is calling my name. Can anyone else relate, or is this just a side effect of having a one-syllable name?

42. Been convinced for a long time that I have extrasensory perception (ESP). The telepathy, as well as the ability to anticipate something happening, only seem to work between me and certain people, though.

43. “Publish” – the official language used at bars and pubs.

44. Someone, somewhere, better be creating “Smart Railings/Handles” that disinfect themselves. I already didn’t touch railings in public, but now there’s a less than 0% chance I ever will.

45. The year is 2285, post-it notes are still going strong.

46. Guitar Hero was big when I was in high school and I knew the first time I played that it wasn’t for me. I didn’t have the finger coordination for it. My pinky put up a fight whenever I needed it.

47. I seem to accidentally stumble my way into great things, which is terrible, if you think about it.

48. I’m excited for the start of the Scotties Tournament of Hearts this Friday. It’s been too long without some curling in my life.

49. I’m predicting the word “conniptions” will break through into every day use – the way “shambles” has – at some point in the next three years.

50. Name that tune: “I wanted to see the world, then I flew over the ocean and I changed my mind.”