Welcome to Episode 2 of your favourite show to read. Before getting started, I’d just like to make a brief statement.
We, here at The Captain’s Speech, are still disappointed that Saneh was sent home last week. However, she did like our tweet on Twitter, in which we said that she deserved to stay. So, that was cool.
End of statement.
Note: When I said “we” and “our”, I’m definitely only talking about me.
Let’s get started.
- We start out with Matt going for a run, as the sun begins to rise. He follows this up with some time on an exercise bike, before taking a shower right in front of a camera crew.
- That’s a full day right there.
CHRIS MEETS WITH THE WOMEN
- The women are walking the grounds of the Nemacolin Resort in Farmington, Pennsylvania. As I said last week, this place is nice.
- Chris walks in and unintentionally imitates Dr. Nick Riviera by saying, “Hi, everybody!”
- There will be one group date and two one-on-one dates. Some women will not get a date.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Bri)
- Matt and Bri are going to drive ATVs across the resort. The rest of the girls swoon over Matt putting a helmet on her.
- The date just started and Queen Victoria is already “lashing out” back at the house. She wants to spend time with Matt; she’s not there to be part of a sorority.
- I mean, it’s never a bad thing to make new friends…
- Meanwhile, Matt and Bri are getting all muddy on their ATVs.
- Bri hops on the back of Matt’s and he does donuts…until it tips over.
- Matt issues an apology to Bri’s mom. Well, that’s thoughtful.
- And since they’re in the middle of nowhere, it’s time to hop in a wooden hot tub! I feel like they had this date a few seasons ago. It’s probably the same hot tub.
- They start kissing and the camera slowly starts to pull away until it’s behind some tree cover.
- Back at the “house”, everyone is still talking about Queen Victoria. This footage is definitely setting us up for the group date later.
- Bri tells Matt that she was raised by a single mom, but her dad wasn’t around that much.
- She says she somehow always gravitated towards friends with big families because that’s what she wants for herself. She’s wants to meet that one person where she feels like, “this is my family”.
- I just want to point out that the camera has yet to pan down to the table, so I have no clue what they’re not eating.
- Matt really enjoyed the date and is giving Bri a rose.
- After dinner, they go watch fireworks. Actually, the fireworks watch them.
- I like these two together.
- Speaking of fireworks, the line, “Oh my God, I’m so over it” has been uttered back at the house for the first time this season.
GROUP DATE (Chelsea, Serena P, Abigail, Sydney, Illeana, Kristin, Lauren, Jessenia, Serena C., Kit, Kylie, Katie, MJ, Mari, Piper, Rachael, and Queen Victoria)
- Is this a group date, or a field trip to the science centre?
- It’s a damp, foggy day and Matt is wearing a suit. All the girls have see-through umbrellas, which is a brilliant decision by production.
- It’s time to take wedding day photos because of course it is! Franco the photographer is there.
- They have the same dates every season, it’s hilarious.
- The skies have cleared up, as the girls line up to take wedding photos with Matt.
- This had a chance to be a really intimate photoshoot, but now it’s like they’re waiting to get a photo with Santa at the mall.
- Queen Victoria forces her way to the front of the line and causes a scene.
- It’s Chris Harrison! He’s here! Where did he come from?
What does he want for Christmas?
- Chris says Matt is looking for someone who will fight for Matt’s heart. Matt looks like he had no clue that’s what he was looking for.
- Chris has brought them out to the forest where they will be divided into two teams and play “Capture The Heart”. This is basically capture the flag.
- There are purses, bouquets, and wedding cakes that they can dip in paint, and tag people on the other team.
- This is basically an excuse for them all to make a mess.
- The winning team will spend the night with Matt. The losing team will go home and dream about one day being able to talk to their “boyfriend”.
CAPTURE THE HEART
- It’s the Gold Team vs. Red Team. This could be fun. Let’s see who’s competitive.
- And they’re off!
- Everyone has a plan until they get paint splattered on their white dress.
- Some are using slingshots to fire bouquets of paint, others have drenched purses in paint and are just swinging them with no regard for human life.
- OH headshot! MJ took a purse to the face! Hey now, that’s no way to treat someone who brought pizza on Night One!
- Rachael has retrieved the red heart but gets stopped in her tracks.
- While there’s a six bride pile up, MJ grabs the gold heart and brings it home for the red team. Yeah! Pizza prevails.
- The Most Valuable Bride award goes to Mari. She will join the winning team tonight.
- Lauren sits down with Matt for the first time. She didn’t get to talk to him on the first night.
- Lauren is looking for a man of faith and someone who is loyal, forgiving, and kind.
- Matt says he grew up in the church but has never lead a relationship by telling people he’s Christian because it gives off a preconceived notion.
- Jessenia says she is looking for her rock; the type of unity her parents have.
- A lot of good people on the show this season.
- Queen Victoria shares with Matt that she comes across confident, but still has her insecurities. She tells us she hasn’t been this deep with a guy in a long time.
- Matt pulls Lauren aside and offers her the group date rose. She accepts it.
- Queen Victoria thought she was the one who was going to get the rose. No one else says anything.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Sarah)
- And we have our first plane date of the season! They really hit the jackpot with this location.
- The plane is quite small and looks extremely dangerous. Sarah says it looks like the first plane ever made and I agree.
- It’s a four-seater and there is no roof over them.
- This is bringing back memories of me almost falling off a bumble bee ride when I was a kid.
- The plane has landed and Matt and Sarah head to a camp fire in the forest.
- Why so many forest dates, you ask? Well, they’re cheap. The backdrop pays for itself.
- Matt says he’s looking for someone who is like an emergency contact. That’s a good way of putting it.
- Sarah talks about how close she is with her parents, but it’s clear she’s holding something back.
- Will they eat something? Will we see the food? Ahhh I don’t know! Stay tuned!
- After some false starts, Sarah shares that when she was in college, her dad was diagnosed with ALS.
- She says she quit her job as a reporter and anchor to move back home to help her dad.
- Matt says he will be praying for Sarah’s dad and her family.
- Matt is honoured that she’s out there with him. Sarah says it says a lot that she’s able to talk about this with him.
- Sarah receives a rose.
- Sarah is mature beyond her years.
- They end the night in a pool.
THE COCKTAIL PARTY
- For as large as that group date was, a bunch of women still didn’t get a date this week. They’ll be looking to talk to Matt tonight.
- The women are sitting around the couches and Matt offers a toast. None of them stood up to clink his glass and he had to go to them to do it. That looked awkward.
- It’s like when you shake someone’s hand, but they don’t stand up.
- Putting on my thinking hat: the women don’t know what their cues are yet. The men didn’t know what to do on Clare’s season either.
- Do they stand? Do they walk away? Which camera is following them? They’ll be pros by Episode 4.
- Everyone’s favourite, Abigail, finally gets time with Matt.
- Abigail creates a signal they can use to show they’re thinking of each other. It’s the very subtle “pulling ear/fixing earring” signal.
- We now have a quick montage of Matt having good chats with a bunch of the women.
- This can only mean we’re heading to a commercial soon and chaos will follow. I know this show like the front of my hand. Trust me.
- Marylynn didn’t get a date this week and tells Matt it’s been hard for her. She wonders if he even wants her there.
- Well, Rico Suave has a trick up his sleeve and it’s hiding behind the couch. He remembered her favourite flower is an orchid, so he got her an orchid.
- Queen Victoria sees Marylynn with the flowers and tells us that Marylynn is toxic and she’s going to tell Matt!
- And here comes the chaos.
- “Marylynn was my roommate and cries to manipulate situations.” – Queen V with a Vendetta
- Victoria says she had to sleep on the couch one night.
- “She’s just so toxic.”
- The word “toxic” is toxic.
- Matt comes to the conclusion that Marylynn has been bullying Victoria. Oh boy. He’s been hoodwinked.
- Matt pulls Marylynn aside.
- The girls in the other room doubt that Marylynn would say anything mean to anyone.
- Marylynn is trying to defend herself to Matt and says she’s not the type to involve herself in drama.
- Just once, I want the bachelor/bachelorette to take a walk out to the production truck and be like, “SHOW ME THE FOOTAGE”.
- Maybe someone can throw a challenge flag and force the bachelor to review the play.
- Marylynn: “Victoria, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
- Victoria cuts her off and says she accepts her apology, but they remember things differently.
- Marylynn is just a patsy in this situation. I don’t even know what she did.
- The girls are mad that Victoria started this drama, which cut into their time with Matt.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
- The first rose goes to Piper.
- Kit, Madi, Rachael, Abigail, Chelsea, Jessenia, Katie, and Serena C. get roses.
- Oh no! Sarah is about to faint. She walks away from the group with help from one of the girls.
- “I’m seeing stars.”
- Here comes the medic.
- And that’s the end of the show. Hopefully Sarah is all right!
Let me know what you thought of tonight’s episode!