This season feels like it started in 2016. I can’t even believe that Clare was the bachelorette for the first four episodes. Anyway, we’re down to the Final 3.
Let’s see what happens tonight.
CHRIS TALKS TO THE GUYS
- Before this, JoJo returned to have “one last girl chat” with Tayshia. At first I gave it its own heading, but then there was nothing to really comment on.
- Chris, with his sleeves rolled up so you know he means business, informs Ivan, Brendan, and Zac that it is fantasy suite week.
- It looks like the guys are finally starting to feel awkward about dating the same girl.
- Chris drops off the first date card and exits stage left.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Ivan)
- Ivan is wearing shorts today, which is what I was begging anyone to do last week when they were all sweating their faces off.
- Without hesitation, Tayshia immediately says he looks sweaty, but she has a way for him to cool off.
- Does it include running cold water on his wrist? Learned that trick in Grade 4.
- They’re hopping in an ice bath and will try to break the record for World’s Longest Coldest Kiss. The current record is 5 minutes, 16 seconds. Chris Harrison is there to officiate.
- I’ve always wanted to try an ice bath. I don’t know why.
- Do you guys think they break the record? I think they break the record.
- Into the tub they go! They haven’t even sat down yet and it’s already a struggle. This is the quality television I crave!
- And down they go. Time to hold the kiss for at least 5 minutes, 17 seconds.
- Didn’t they have a “longest kiss” thing on a previous season? I’m just imagining an intern scanning the Guinness Book of World Records for any relationship-related records.
- Tayshia says they got into “synchronized breathing”, which made it easier.
- Chris: “Is it just me or are these cold tubs becoming a hot tub.” Of course he’d say that.
- They’ve broken the record, but are still going.
- They clock in at 6 minutes, 35 seconds. Impressive.
- Tayshia says that Ivan was the first person she was able to break a wall down with.
- In previous seasons, people just jumped over walls.
- Ivan says he started falling in love with her a couple of weeks ago and can see this working out.
- If she doesn’t pick him in the end after setting that record earlier in the day, it’s going to be weird.
- Tayshia says she’s been falling for him too, which is pretty much the most the bachelorette can say without blowing up the show,
like Clare did.
- Tayshia pulls out the fantasy suite invitation from Chris Harrison. In the envelope is an old-school key that probably opens a door at Hogwarts.
- Ivan accepts the invitation. The “fantasy suite” is an RV. Yes, you heard me.
- Hey, it’s better than when the fantasy suite was a tent a few seasons ago.
- The vibe between them is that they’re made for each other and would have a great life.
THE NEXT MORNING
- Ivan says they stayed up all night talking, so they’re both dead tired. He says he has no problem proposing to her.
- Ivan returns to tell the guys that everything went great. They stare daggers through him, while smiling.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Zac)
- I’m wondering if this date is the very next day, or if they gave Tayshia a day to recover.
- Either way, here comes Zac, as Ivan is back at the house thinking about Tayshia having the same day with someone else that she just had with him.
- Today they are going to explore themselves.
- They will do that by painting themselves and then a canvas.
- It’s basically adult finger painting…nope, Tayshia is covering him in paint and telling him to roll over.
- And now it’s her turn.
- This has spiralled into a paint fight, naturally.
- They’re both purple, like that girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
- Time for a shower in the middle of a sidewalk? Oh no, right by the plants. NOT THE PLANTS.
- Tayshia says that when she was talking to Zac’s mom, she said that Zac didn’t want kids. Meanwhile, Tayshia told him she wanted five kids and he was on board. He must explain.
- He says he was lying to himself for so long that he just wanted to be single and didn’t want kids, but now he wants to be a husband and a dad.
- Zac tells Tayshia she loves the human being that she is and Tayshia says she loves him too!
- WHAT ABOUT IVAN??
- Gone are the days when the lead person has to play coy about how they feel about everyone until the very end, I guess.
- Zac’s fantasy suite is an actual house! This is unfair.
- They wake up the next day and jump on the bed. If Ivan and Tayshia did that in the RV, they’d have concussions.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Brendan)
- Tayshia tells us that Brendan has had her heart since Day 1.
- Basically, she’s in love with three guys and some hearts are going to break fairly soon.
- Tayshia tells Brendan she has a friend that she wants him to meet. Is it an animal?
- Tayshia tells us that after their first one-on-one she said to herself, “Brendan is it.” She loves everything about him.
- The “friend” is Neil Lane, the “diamond guy” aka the guy who supplies the rings on this show.
- So, is she already hinting that she wants a proposal from him?
- Neil Lane is pulling out engagement rings for them to peruse and the look on Brendan’s face says, “Wait, what’s going on here?”
- Brendan is now trying on engagement bands. This is the image you’ll find when you look up “acquiesce” in the dictionary.
- The edit is showing frequent shots of Brendan’s face to tell us that he’s terrified.
- Tayshia is picking up on some sort of disconnect between them and hopes nothing is wrong.
- YOU AMBUSHED HIM WITH A RING SHOPPING DATE. OF COURSE SOMETHING IS WRONG.
- Kind of twisted to give this date to the guy who has been married before and is probably scared to go through the whole thing again.
- Tayshia says she can see herself marrying him, but doesn’t know where he’s at.
- Brendan says the past couple of days and weeks have been challenging for him.
- He says he wants a wife and kids more than anything, but there’s a big part of him that’s still broken and needs time to grow.
- He wants to give her his whole heart, but as of today, his heart isn’t whole.
- Is he about to leave?
- Tayshia says she would love to be with him at the end of this, but if he’s not ready, she’s not going to push him.
- WHAT ABOUT IVAN AND ZAC?
- I’m going to need Tayshia to release weekly power rankings, retroactive to her first week on the show.
- Brendan is leaving!
- “I really thought I was gonna end up with Brendan.” – Tayshia
- I’m a bit perplexed by everything in this episode because until now, I didn’t get the impression that Tayshia had a favourite, except for maybe Ivan.
- She says Brendan’s the one that made her put her walls down.
- If you scroll up, she said the same thing about Ivan.
- Je suis confus.
- Tayshia cries, as Brendan is driven away.
THE NEXT DAY
- Former Bachelorette, Rachel, has arrived out of nowhere to talk with Tayshia.
- DID SHE QUARANTINE?
- Rachel is here to “be the big sister she never wanted”.
- Rachel mentions that when you get down to the final two, you start thinking about people you left behind, which causes Tayshia to ramble on about Ben.
- Don’t tell me Ben is going to pop out from behind a bush tomorrow night and say, “can we talk?”
- Forget tomorrow night, Ben is back right now! In broad daylight!
- He goes to visit Chris Harrison, who acts surprised to see him.
- “Ben? In the flesh? What could you be doing here? I can’t believe it! Wow! DID YA QUARANTINE?” – He said none of this, but his face said it all
- This is a weekly thing, that I’m starting to enjoy. Of course Chris knew Ben was there. He probably never left.
- Ben says he’s in love with Tayshia and needs to tell her.
BEN GOES TO SEE TAYSHIA
- She looks caught off guard.
- “I KNOW I’M CATCHING YOU OFF GUARD.” – Ben
- Gotta love when there’s a quote to back up what I’m saying. It’s like I’m writing a school essay all over again.
- “I’m in love with you.” – Ben
- Tayshia looks perplexed.
- She’d probably be more receptive if Bennett didn’t do the exact same thing a few episodes ago.
- To recap: Tayshia had four guys fall in love with her and she didn’t show up until Week 5.
- Tayshia walks into another room, all confused, and says, “There’s a Rose Ceremony, what do I do with that (gestures in Ben’s direction).”
That’s it for tonight. I’ll be back tomorrow for the finale!
Who do you think Tayshia picks? Ivan, Zac, or Ben?