Previously on The Bachelorette: Bennett couldn’t spell the word, “Limousine”, Ed carried around a fake baby, and Tayshia shaved off Noah’s moustache.
What could possibly happen tonight?
TENSION IN THE AIR
- The guys are sitting in the backyard and most of them are still frustrated that Noah crashed the group date last week.
- In walks Chris Harrison, who immediately mentions the group date and Noah. Always a pot to stir.
- Chris announces that Bennett, Ivan, Blake, Riley, Demar, Kenny, and Zac are going to compete for the chance to have a date with Tayshia.
- They must write a love song in one hour and then perform it in front of everyone. Tayshia will pick the winner.
- Boy Band Manager, Kenny, says this is the most terrifying thing he’s ever had to do.
- Zac is up first and his instrument is a wooden box that he intermittently hits.
- Kenny: “You put the T in my heart, you put the A in let’s start something baby.”
- Blake has an accordion. Steve Urkel he is not.
- Riley goes the spoken-word poem route?
- Bennett starts rapping, of course.
- Ivan invites Tayshia to join him on stage. He recites some rhymes.
- Demar’s song is called, Mocha Latte. It makes Tayshia laugh.
- Tayshia declares Ivan the winner.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Ivan)
- Tayshia and Ivan are having a night in on the couch, with room service, and some games.
- The phone to order room service is in her room, but the FLOOR IS LAVA. OH NO.
- This is fun and I approve, but what if they had ordered the food first, and then pretended the floor was lava, while their food was cooking?
- They get to the phone, but forgot the menu!
- Ivan is on the phone and Tayshia hits him with a pillow. Feathers go everywhere.
- Now they’re playing Twister.
- And now they’re outside playing Bocce.
- This is the most normal date this sh…..OH MY GOD THEY ARE EATING FOOD ON CAMERA.
- I spy chicken fingers and fries, a cheese pizza, a veggie platter, Nachos, and a giant – and I mean GIANT – bowl of ice cream. It could feed Shrek.
- If this show learns anything from this pandemic season, I hope it’s that they don’t always need to send people off in a helicopter.
- Ivan and Tayshia go outside and talk about their families and world issues. What a refreshing thing to see on this show. We need more of it.
- I think we can move Ivan to the top of the Power Rankings after tonight.
- Ivan gets a rose.
- They’ve gone back inside to watch a slideshow of Tayshia’s baby photos.
GROUP DATE (Zac, Kenny, Demar, Bennett, Riley, and Blake)
- Tayshia has brought Becca (former Bachelorette) and Sydney (former contestant) on this date to help her out.
- DID THEY QUARANTINE? I must yell this once a week.
- The guys will be playing, “Tayshia’s Truth or Dare”. That title reminded me of the show, “Win Ben Stein’s Money” for some reason.
- They will be in teams of two: Bennett and Demar, Kenny and Blake, and Zac and Riley. They must roam around the property and complete the dares that have been set up.
- Zac and Riley arrive at a Not-So-Smoothie stand. They must pick one and chug it.
- Riley picks “Forbidden Love”. It contains: Tomato, Apple, Banana, Spinach, Cow Intestines, and Water Scorpion. GOOD LUCK.
- He drinks all of it and will be sick later.
- Demar and Bennett must find Chris Harrison and have him autograph their derriere. Yes, you read that correctly.
- They interrupt his Crab Legs and Champagne lunch. He signs their thigh.
- Blake and Kenny must pick up the hotel phone and uhhh, let’s keep this PG and say “scream” for one minute. Everyone at the resort can hear it. The guys back at the house are confused.
- The teams are cycling through the other dares now.
- I am bored.
- The final dare is to eat a full habanero pepper and then propose their feelings to Tayshia.
- This is a very frat boy date.
- Bennett “proposes” to Tayshia, but that whole process has made him feel feelings.
- Bennett tells Tayshia he was engaged before but he called it off.
- He says the “proposal” earlier excited him. He goes back to the group and is giddy.
- Tayshia goes on to have some good conversations with each guy. There’s no way this will last. The show is setting us up for something, I can feel it.
- The group date rose goes to Zac.
BEN IS WORRIED…AND SO IS ED?
- On a group date last week, Ben planned to steal Tayshia away after everyone else had their time. Unfortunately, the date ended before he could do that. He’s still hung up on it because he’s had nothing else to do but think about it.
- Thinking that Tayshia hates his guts, he is now going to sneak over to her room at night, “secret mission style, in the cover of darkness…hopefully, she likes it.”
- MEANWHILE, Ed is also planning to walk over to Tayshia’s house tonight.
- Can we give a raise to the producers who probably put both of them up to this, without telling them about the other?
- This is going to be a disaster.
- Ed arrives first…BUT CHRIS HARRISON ANSWERS THE DOOR. OH NO.
- Chris says it’s 2:30 in the morning…is it, though? His hair is still perfectly coifed. Does he sleep standing up?
- “I just wanted to get a quick chat with Tayshia, if she’s around.” – Ed
- DOES HE THINK THAT CHRIS HARRISON IS TAYSHIA’S DAD AND SHE LIVES WITH HIM?
- “Tayshia’s not here. She’s on the other side of the entire resort.” – Chris
- Chris invites Ed in for a drink, which means it’s definitely not 2:30AM.
- Ben has arrived at Tayshia’s house.
- Ben apologizes for disappointing her at the last group date.
- Over at Chateau Harrison, Ed is have wine with Chris. It looks awkward.
- Back at Tayshia’s, Ben says he didn’t know what he was doing, which “is a common flaw for his species.” I can confirm this to be true.
- Meanwhile, Chris sends Ed on his way.
- Ben and Tayshia are mid-kiss and ED KNOCKS ON HER D….NOPE IT’S NOT HIM. It’s room service, bringing champagne.
- Again, whichever producers formulated this entire sub-story, need a raise.
- Who will knock at the door next? I don’t know, but I want to find out!
- Ed never found Tayshia’s house.
COCKTAIL PARTY BEFORE THE ROSE CEREMONY
- No one likes Noah after he crashed the group date last week. He’s tired of their passive-aggressive jabs at him.
- Hey, if Ed didn’t back out of his fight with Chasen, Noah would’ve never had to step in to fight. This is all Ed’s fault.
- Tayshia walks in and Ben steals her away, as he promised last night.
- The guys are commending him for this because they don’t know that Ben snuck away last night.
- It’s Riley’s turn to talk to Tayshia and he has a clipboard with a Relationship Contract on it.
- READ THE FINE PRINT, TAYSHIA. READ THE FINE PRINT.
- Noah tells Tayshia that some guys are saying she gave him a rose just to shake things up and get the guys going, and that he doesn’t really deserve it.
- Noah is pushing the fact that some guys are questioning her integrity.
- Tayshia asks him who is saying these things. He tells her to ask the guys what their intentions are and she’ll find out that way?
- OR YOU COULD TELL HER.
- Tayshia is calling a house meeting. Here we go.
- “If you guys think I’m trying to start drama in the house for no reason, y’all need to grow up.” – Tayshia
- The guys look like they’ve been scolded by their teacher, who just read a negative note from the supply teacher who was there the day prior.
- Tayshia leaves and the guys are confused. They want to know who was the last guy to talk to her. Noah quietly says, “Me”.
- “I talked to her and said some of the guys think you gave me the rose just for show.” – Noah
- The guys are mad that Noah didn’t talk to them about this at all in the last three days.
- Bennett says there is a 0% chance that Noah ends up with Tayshia and that this is like arguing with a 14-year-old.
- The guys are mad. Ed says if he doesn’t get a rose tonight, it’s a result of “Noah being Noah”.
- Orrrrrr it could be because you have a terrible sense of direction and ended up having wine with Chris Harrison last night.
- Tayshia stands at the front of the room and instead of giving her usual speech, just stands there in silence, before grabbing the first rose.
- Ben gets the first rose.
- Eazy, Riley, Brendan, Bennett, Blake, Demar, and Spencer get roses.
- The final rose goes to Ed.
- Going home are: Chasen, Kenny, Jordan, and Joe.
- Next week, we’re getting a two-on-one date with Bennett and Noah. Tayshia will send one home, or maybe she’ll send both of them home. Who knows?
Thanks for reading! See you next week.