Clare and Dale got engaged on last week’s episode, which means Clare is no longer the bachelorette. And since this season can’t end after only four episodes, Tayshia Adams is coming in to take over bachelorette duties.
Essentially, we have a Santa Clause situation on our hands. Sorta. No one fell off a roof.
TAYSHIA IS HERE
~ It is Opening Night once again and optimism is in the air, as Tayshia walks in the room to introduce herself as the new bachelorette.
~ “Hi, I’m Tayshia.”
~ The guys don’t really know what to do. Do they hug her? Do they bolt their shoes to the floor? There is an awkward pause before Tayshia initiates sixteen hugs.
~ I’m a bit disappointed the show didn’t have the guys exit the limo again.
~ Tayshia raises her glass for a toast, but I think it was supposed to be one of those, “We’ll all raise our glass but not clink” toasts, but two guys go clink her glass.
~ These guys are shy and awkward. It’s just hitting me.
~ Tayshia has her first sit-down chat with a guy, whose name I don’t know.
~ Tayshia is from Orange County. The OC! I hope there are no fights on the beach.
~ The tone of the show has taken a sharp left turn from the first four episodes. We’re actually seeing the guys excited and optimistic about finding love.
~ Blake from Canada sits down with Tayshia and says he felt like he went through the wringer for the first “eight, nine day.”
~ IT’S ONLY BEEN NINE DAYS?
~ So, Dale and Clare got engaged after a week?
~ Jason says he still has feelings for Clare, but Tayshia excites him.
~ Either these guys need to start wearing name tags, or the show needs to insert their names above their heads in post-production. I have no clue who anyone is.
~ One guy is in a black turtleneck and says he’s already been called Steve Jobs tonight.
~ Chris Harrison interrupts Tayshia’s chat with Mr. Turtleneck! That’s a first. Heck, this whole season is a first.
~ Chris tells Tayshia that more guys are about to arrive IN A LIMO. THEY HEARD ME.
~ The guys are watching from the window, as if they’re waiting for a food delivery.
~ First out of the limo is Spencer. He is sweating profusely.
~ To offset his body heat, he receives a bunch of cold shoulders when he enters the house. These guys really don’t know how to welcome people.
~ “So, which one of you guys scared away Clare?” – Spencer
~ Spencer came to stir the pot. The ingredients were starting to stick to the bottom.
~ Out next is Montel. He’s from Boston and owns a gym. He is wearing a salmon jacket.
~ Here comes Peter, a Real Estate Agent. He has a salmon tie.
~ Out comes Noah, who has Tayshia listen to his heart via a stethoscope. The salmon streak ends at two.
~ Now wait just one minute. Back in the first episode, we had a guy named Joe whip out a stethoscope and I called him Joey Stethoscopey.
~ There is No-ah way I can give Noah a nickname that is as good as that.
~ The vibe in the house right now is very much like when the WWE bought WCW and the WCW roster starting showing up on WWE programming.
~ Fortunately, Survivor Series is only a few weeks away so we can have Clare’s Guys vs. Tayshia’s Guys in a match.
~ Oh, that’s it? Only four new guys? Did they only rent one limo?
TIME TO MEET TAYSHIA
~ Spencer immediately steals Tayshia away and the guys aren’t happy because they’ve been waiting patiently. They still haven’t learned how to take initiative.
~ Chris Harrison drops off the first impression rose. Ivan really wants it.
~ Zac C. sits down with Tayshia on the edge of a fountain. They’re both throwing a quarter in and making a wish.
~ Another guy plays cornhole with Tayshia in the driveway. She did that on Night 1 of her season, too.
~ Noah has a twin brother and 11 brothers and sisters. I’m now hoping he gets a hometown date just so we see how everyone fits in one house, with an entire camera crew.
~ Oh right, COVID is a thing, so there probably won’t be hometown dates. Fiddlesticks.
~ This is the most drama-free 32-minute stretch I’ve ever seen in this show’s history.
~ Tayshia is giving Spencer the first impression rose.
~ If Sidney Crosby were a Financial Analyst, he would look like Spencer.
~ Chris Harrison breaks up the gang, as the Rose Ceremony is upon us.
~ Not so fast! Tayshia is cancelling the Rose Ceremony. Chris has the night off.
AFTER CLARE’S FINAL ROSE
~ Chris Harrison interrupts tonight’s episode for a sit-down interview with Clare and Dale.
~ He states that they got engaged after two weeks of dating and viewers want answers.
~ Clare comes out and says this has “been a dream come true”. She says it was love at first sight with Dale.
~ Out comes Dale. He shakes hands with Chris. Oh yeah, I guess that’s what people do when they greet each other. I forgot.
~ Clare says Dale shows up for her.
~ Chris Harrison says Bachelor Nation has so many questions. Do we, though? Clare went through his social media before the show. They didn’t communicate. They got engaged after two weeks.
~ WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO KNOW? LET THEM LIVE.
~ Chris says there are viewers who don’t believe this is possible. Yeah, and there are people who think an election was stolen. Move on.
~ Clare is very adamant that they never spoke before the show.
~ Even if they did, does it matter?
~ Kelley went on Peter’s season after meeting him in a hotel lobby and the show was sure to remind us of it at every turn. Peter picked someone else in the end, but is now in a relationship with Kelley.
~ There are no “rules” to this show. Just storylines.
~ Anyway, Clare and Dale want to get married and have kids.
BACK TO TAYSHIA
~ Tayshia is writing in her journal and tells us she’s a little afraid that some of these guys are still hung up on Clare.
~ Outside of Jason, I don’t think any of them are.
~ Christopher T. Harrison drops off the first date card at the house.
FIRST GROUP DATE (Blake, Riley, Zac C., Jordan, Noah, Peter, Kenny, Jay, Eazy, and Spencer)
~ Tayshia gets out of the pool and says, “Welcome to Palm Springs!”
~ No No No No No No No No NO. No.
~ Thou shalt not welcome others to a place in which you are also visiting. I say this every season. Besides, these guys were there long before Tayshia was….unless she was there all along in quarantine…?
~ Based on the reflection of the sun, my estimate is that it is around 9:45AM.
~ The pool party lasts for a few minutes before the hardest working man in show business, Christopher Q. Harrison sounds a blow horn.
~ What could he possibly want now?
~ He is breaking them up into two teams. They’re playing basketball in the pool. The losing team goes home.
~ The “team uniform” is a small speedo.
~ This is basically the Dodgeball date all over again.
~ “Tayshia’s Splashball Spectacular” is about to begin.
TAYSHIA’S SPLASHBALL SPECTACULAR
~ The Blue Team is out to an early lead, but Kenny gets the Green Team on the board.
~ Is anyone going to call any fouls, or is this about to spiral into Malace at the Palace 2.0?
~ Spencer has been elbowed in the face. He’s bleeding.
~ The score is 2-2 and Chris says there is one minute left.
~ Spencer gets a basket for the Blue Team with 10 seconds left.
~ Game over. Blue Team wins a BBQ and time with Tayshia.
~ The Green Team gets to walk home in their speedos, but they’ll be back tonight for the night portion of the date.
~ Did they only have a limited number of burgers and hotdogs? Is that why only half the guys can attend?
AT THE HOUSE
~ Jason is telling Joe that it’s not fair to Tayshia that he’s still thinking about Clare.
~ The date card arrives and it’s a one-on-one date for Brendan.
NIGHT PORTION OF THE DATE
~ Woah woah woah, we skipped right over the BBQ! The one time they eat food on this show and they don’t show it! I feel robbed.
~ I figured Twitter would be just as angry about this as I am, but they aren’t. They’re more upset that this show classified “burgers and hotdogs” as a BBQ, rather than a cookout.
~ NO GUYS, YOU’RE MAD ABOUT THE WRONG THING. BE MAD ABOUT THE THING I’M MAD ABOUT.
~ Tayshia sits down with Eazy. She says he has an infectious personality.
~ Tayshia asks Zac C. why he is still single at the age of 36. He says he hasn’t found it yet. He then asks her the same question. She says there aren’t really men around where she lives, just boys chasing things.
~ Ah, the ol’, “You’re this age, why aren’t you married yet?” question. We should probably eliminate that question from society, or launch it into the sun.
~ Tayshia says Zac C. is a pleasant surprise and feels like a man.
~ Kenny seems to be very against doing up the buttons on any shirt he wears.
~ “I have a lot on my plate.” – Tayshia
~ I’m taking that quote as a direct shot at all of us (me) who were hoping for footage from the BBQ.
~ The guys are sitting around and calling out Spencer for the way he’s been behaving since he arrived. Do we have a new villain on our hands?
~ Tayshia asks Spencer if there is beef between him and Riley. Riley gave him a bloody mouth during Splashball.
~ THERE IS NO BEEF BECAUSE YOU SKIPPED THE BBQ.
~ But yeah, there is beef.
~ Tayshia is giving the group date rose to Eazy.
BACK AT THE HOUSE
~ Jason tells the guys he thinks he fell in love with Clare and doesn’t think he can put his whole heart into Tayshia. It sounds like he’s going to leave.
~ This is where not having access to technology, or any sort of distractions, is a real hinderance. Jason has no distractions.
~ Jason swings by Tayshia’s house to let her know what he’s thinking.
~ “I’m sorry to barge in here…it’s late on a Sunday.” – Jason
~ That might be the greatest line in this show’s history.
~ Jason tells her what he told the guys. She tries to change his mind, but can’t.
~ He reassures her that the other 19 guys are there for her and aren’t thinking about Clare. That doesn’t seem to quell Tayshia’s anxieties.
~ Anyone in Tayshia’s position would come into this fearful of feeling like a second choice, or a “consolation prize”. The hope would be to see proof to the contrary, preferably early on. Jason leaving does the exact opposite.
~ Tayshia might not know that Clare essentially ignored everyone not named Dale, so as a viewer we’re like, “You have nothing to worry about!”, but does she know that?
~ That’s my in-depth analysis for the night. Back to complaining about the BBQ.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Brendan)
~ Tayshia rides in on a horse. Ed wishes he could switch places with Brendan.
~ Brendan hops on his own horse and they slowly trot around the resort. This is normal.
~ At the end of their trot is Señor Harrison, who offers them a couple of margaritas.
~ Chris then hops on a scooter to sneakily race ahead of them, so he can offer them ice cream.
~ Is Chris lonely, or did he turn into a helicopter parent overnight?
~ Chris does it again and now has coconuts for them.
~ Tayshia and Brendan end up in a pool. She says she’s ready to go home with him, but wants to find out why he’s still single.
~ This again.
~ Join me in a moment of silence for the food that will not be eaten.
~ Brendan tells her he got married in his early twenties to his high school sweetheart. They fell out of love and didn’t know who they were without the other.
~ Tayshia says she got married at a young age, too.
~ This is a bonding moment for them.
~ Brendan gets a rose. He says he is on Cloud 9.
~ Where is Cloud 10 and why is it so elusive?
~ Tayshia has a surprise for him. Don’t tell me, there’s a band that no one has ever heard of, waiting for them around the corner.
~ I was wrong!? It’s…fireworks.
~ Tayshia tells us she feels like she could marry Brendan.
~ Someone check on Chris Harrison before he has a heart attack. If they have to bring in a third bachelorette to finish this season…
That’s it for this week.
Thanks for reading!
What did you think of the episode? How do you feel about Tayshia and the new guys?