First Time Watching: Jurassic Park

I have this memory from when I was really young – maybe four-years-old. It was nighttime and I was sitting at the kitchen table with construction paper, scissors, and a glue stick. Before I knew it, I had created a dinosaur. The body was green and the head was blue, if I remember correctly.

I credit that as my first piece of art, ever. It was also my best.

We kept it for a long time; it might still be around somewhere. I don’t know what inspired me to make a dinosaur. Come to think of it, maybe I was trying to make Dudley The Dragon. Nah, it was a dinosaur.

Anyway, what I am getting at is this: the first dinosaur shown in Jurassic Park was a brachiosaurus, which looked exactly like my first piece of art, but without the green body and blue head.

So, that was trippy.

If you look up a picture of a brachiosaurus and compare it to Dudley The Dragon, they are quite similar, except Dudley has better posture.

As a fan of the Toronto Raptors, I’ve heard their origin story a million times, and how the name of the team came about because of the popularity of Jurassic Park.

“It was all the rage”, as they said in the nineties. So, based on that, I knew at a young age that Jurassic Park was a cultural phenomenon.

Jurassic Park had been on my radar for this series, and then Becky randomly mentioned it to me, so I decided I’d watched it next. A few days ago, I did just that.

This is how it went.

Imagine you bring in a box of a dozen donuts to work and keep them on your desk, for people to pass by and take what they want. You know which donuts are there at the start and you know who takes what. You witness that box go from full to empty.

Some movies start like that.

Now imagine you receive a text from your co-worker that says, “Donuts at my desk.” You get up and walk over to grab one. When you get there, there are five and a half donuts left. Who leaves half a donut behind? You don’t know. You weren’t there. You have to put the pieces together yourself and maybe look around the office for clues.

That is how Jurassic Park started.

The movie dropped me into the lives of people I could only assume were main characters and forced me to figure out who they were, where they were from, what they did, and how my line of internal questioning turned into a Backstreet Boys song.

There was too much backstory, for my liking. I felt like I was in the dark a lot. Not to be disrespectful, but if they had cut out the first 20-30 minutes, I wouldn’t have missed it.

It could’ve been a movie that brought in the donuts – explains everything from the start – but no, they wanted us to figure out who left half a donut behind, before getting to the meat and potatoes.

So much food.

Okay, was Newman (from Seinfeld) obligated to be in everything in the nineties? Good for him. Wayne Knight plays the role of cunning nemesis very well.

Jeff Goldblum was also in the movie. I thought his character looked familiar, but I didn’t realize it was him until I read Wikipedia.

Apparently, Samuel L. Jackson was in the movie? T pointed this out to me. I had no clue the character with the cigarette in his mouth was him. I liked that guy. He said, “Hold onto your butts” a few times, which reminded me I once used that phrase on my blog.

Between that and my dinosaur craft, I basically created this movie without knowing it.

I had a hard time following along with character names. I felt like I was an hour into it and only knew three names: Dr. Grant, Dr. Malcolm, and Timmy. Don’t ask me what Dr. Grant’s first name is – I thought it was three different names at one point.

Wait, it’s Alan? Since when? Wasn’t it Jeff? Or Grant? No…that’s his last name.

See my problem?

Dr. Hammond reminded me of Dale and Herschel from The Walking Dead, so that’s who I saw whenever he was on the screen.

During the Dino DNA cartoon portion, when they explained how they were making dinosaurs, I Googled: “Are dinosaurs making a comeback?”

And wouldn’t you know, there was an article that said they want to REVERSE EVOLUTION and turn chickens into dinosaurs. The article was from 2018 and said this could happen in five years.

So, if a pandemic, robots, and global warming aren’t your cup of apocalyptic tea, don’t worry, the dinosaurs will be here in 2023. Please form an orderly queue at Home Depot, and start building your underground bunkers now.

HAVE WE GONE MAD?

People need to stop. Go home. Stay home. Be home. Home. HOME.

Quote me on that. It fits any and all contexts. 

The only thing you need to reverse evolution on are Oreos. Take it apart and eat half at a time. BAM, science. Leave the chickens alone.

Long may they cluck.

More than a handful of times, I found myself opening new tabs and quickly looking at other websites, while the movie played on the left side of the screen. It didn’t hold my attention, or make me think I was missing anything.

I’m sure I missed a lot, but it didn’t feel that way.

I did enjoy the technological tropes of the power being out, and the phone being dead, and discussions of “unplugging it and plugging it back in”. That was fun.

And leave it to a kid, at a computer, to be the hero of the moment and get the security systems back online. I laughed when the camera zoomed in on her clicking the mouse. Oh, 1993, you were so funny.

Overall, though, I found the movie to be boring.

I walked away from it thinking, “People were so excited about that? That is what inspired the Toronto Raptors?”

As I sit here typing this, I don’t understand what was so great about it. I am sorry to say that. I’m sure this says more about me, than it does the movie.

I expected more destruction. I was lead to believe that dinosaurs took over a theme park and wrecked havoc. They did, sorta, but…meh.

Little Timmy should’ve died at least four times, probably five. Don’t tell me kids are resilient. He didn’t fail a math test. He was attacked by a dinosaur, and an electric fence!

And the whole, “If you don’t move, they can’t see you” thing felt like it was only convenient in sparing the lives of the main characters. That guy who was sitting on the toilet wasn’t moving, and he was chewed to bits.

Also, did only two people die in this movie? Really? That’s it? That was my unofficial body count. Someone, correct me if I’m wrong.

By the time we reached the final sequence, I was pretty convinced the main characters were going to get out unscathed. There was no suspense in it for me.

What I would’ve liked to see, was this: 

Start the movie inside Jurassic Park. Maybe have a cheerful ticket-taker at the front gate, telling people where they can find the gift shop. Build it up as this happy-go-lucky place that has been fully operational for six months and hasn’t had any issues.

Then, one day, a group of teenagers (or a kid) harasses and taunts a dinosaur by throwing things at it – sticks, bottles, food wrappers, dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, etc.

There would be some symbolism (maybe imagery?) with the dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. The keen viewer would be like, “Look! They want us to connect the dots of evolution from dinosaur to chicken vis-a-vis, those nuggets!”

It would be a talking point in the movie theatre lobby, for sure.

And then the dinosaur just snaps. The other dinosaurs join her because “Dinos Dine Together”. It’s their take on, “Ducks Fly Together”. Animals like mottos.

This happens on a sunny day because the juxtaposition of a dinosaur rampage with great weather, would be a great literary device for teachers to use in classrooms.

If there is a Tiny Tom Donuts stand in the theme park – it gets toppled. Maybe the dinosaur picks up a minivan (the passengers have gotten out) and hurls it into the side of a mountain. Stray bags of Lays chips are trampled.

“Bet you can’t eat just one, now!” is the message the dinosaurs will be sending.

This takeover goes on for 34 days, or however long they want the movie to be, and it becomes a stand-off between dinosaurs and humans. On Day 6, they eat a helicopter.

You get the point. I wanted carnage and psychological warfare.

I didn’t want a bunch of dinosaurs playing hide-n-seek in the dark, only attacking the characters we didn’t care about. Where was the fun in that?

I wanted to like Jurassic Park – the concept seemed cool, but I just couldn’t get into it.

I’m sorry.

The logo was really good. Did I mention the logo? I love the logo. In my version of the movie, that logo would be pressed on every hamburger bun, frisbee, button, hat, pencil, bumper sticker, Q-Tip – you name it.

If there is open real estate, the logo is going there.

I think what we’ve learned here today is that I should write my own movie, or open my own theme park. Maybe both.

Look at that, I got through this whole post without even mentioning the fact that I fell asleep halfway through the movie and had to continue the next day. It was the very rare, night-day doubleheader.

How do you feel about the things I just said? What are your thoughts on Jurassic Park

What should I watch next?

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
This entry was posted in TV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to First Time Watching: Jurassic Park

  1. Ooooo I got a mention in a Paul post! SCORE!

    Have you tried the second movie? I’m not sure I’ve seen it but they continued to make movies after the first one. I’m a huge wimp so the suspense was enough for me, even at 33 watching with Hubert, knowing what was going to happen!

    And I think the death count is 4? Newman, Lawyer on the toilet, Samuel L Jackson, and Crocodile Dundee wannabe?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I haven’t tried the second movie, maybe somewhere down the line I will just to compare it to this one. Poor Hubert was probably up all night haha

      Samuel L Jackson died in this movie???? When was that? Where was I?? Alright, 4 deaths is a bit more reasonable.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. peckapalooza says:

    If my calculations are correct, T left one death out of her count. We mustn’t forget the nameless construction worker who was eaten by a raptor in the opening sequence.

    The Lost World does have a much higher kill count and a T-Rex gets loose in San Diego, but it also has a little girl performing a gymnastics routine in order to beat up a raptor… so it kind of evens out. Plus, you get more Jeff Goldblum as Jeff Goldblum.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bex says:

    The first time I watched this movie was when I was little (5ish) because my brother wanted to see it. It. Scared. Me. Shitless. I hated every second of it. I’ve since watched it now that I have my wits about me (most of the time) and I’m not a fan.

    I also recently found out that my husband remembers going to the theater to see this movie as a kid and he too hated it; he said it made him cry. Just one more thing we have in common I suppose…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Now that’s a marriage, right there!

      One of the problems with me watching a movie like this, 27 years after it came out, is I miss out on how it was supposed to feel in the era it was released. By 2020 standards, this just feels like another movie.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is perfect timing! My sister was visiting last week and she watched the Jurassic Park movies while I was working so they were my background noise.

    I don’t remember watching the movies growing up but my husband loves them so I have now seen them all. My sister also really loves the movies which is super random for her. I understand why you didn’t enjoy it though. Maybe try the newer ones?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Excellent timing!

      Yeah, I feel like the fact that I watched it 27 years after it came out, worked against me in that the movie didn’t really fit the cultural era we’re currently in. It just felt like a movie with dinosaurs rather than something that would take over the world with popularity. The newer ones might be better suited for me, we’ll see.

      Like

      • Yup, I totally get that! I still enjoy the movies for the most part but I agree that it is outdated if you are seeing it for the first time in 2020. I bet it was a super cool movie when it first came out though!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Becky says:

    YOU FELL ASLEEP DURING IT? And you make fun of me all the time for falling asleep when I’m watching Netflix 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. So I didn’t read that wrong! I had a “did I read that right?” Moment when I saw the notification that you posted this morning. PAUL! How?!! How have you not seen this till now?! Even people without a tv have seen this one! They play it at all the electronic stores! Grab a seat next time at a Best Buy 😂 I can’t wait to read about all the other movies you’ve somehow avoided watching 🤣😋

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Hahaha this blog series should really be called, “Paul Disappoints Jenna Again”. I had never seen it and had no opportunities to see it! Then again, I never really had interest in watching it soooo. I like the Best Buy idea. Just show up with a fold up chair and a bag of popcorn lol. Be prepared to be shocked every time I watch a new movie! At least I’m finally seeing them??

      Liked by 1 person

  7. bola says:

    yikes, Jurassic Park is a classic. Weird that you prefer movies that tell you everything from the get go. I will always watch Jurassic Park whenever I stumble upon it playing on TV. Such a classic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I mean, I don’t mind movies that jump right into the story and force me to fill in the blanks, but I just felt like there was too much backstory in this.

      Like

  8. Squid says:

    My one attachment to this movie is that when my dad saw it in theaters, the film ripped and the movie stopped — right when the T-rex was about to attack them…. they had to sit there in suspense for like half an hour as the theater staff fixed it. So, when my dad showed the movie to me a couple years back, he paused it right there for like 10 minutes so I could get the Full Experience 😁😁

    That’s it. No commentary on the movie. It was OK. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha that was so cool of him to do! Gave you the full (abbreviated version) experience! Thank you for saying the movie was OK, makes me feel better about not really liking it.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Authoress51 says:

    Have you seen The Shining, Or Carrie or Airplane..the original. I suggest one of those, if you haven’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dutch Lion says:

    Agreed. Jurassic Park wasn’t that good. Love your “chicken nuggets” bit. Hilarious! Anyway, the new “Jurassic World” was really good. Check that one out for a better experience, closer to the one you would have made.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.