Let me make one thing clear: this is not a party, it is a gala. There is a difference. If I call this a “party”, someone will inevitably make a noise complaint and shut us down. Whereas, if I call it a “gala”, we’ll be regarded as a group of individuals, just laughing and eating hors d’oeuvres served on a toothpick because “I can’t make small talk, I’m busy chewing” is the message we wish to send to most people.
Cheese cube, anyone?
Get it now? Gala – good. Party – not good. Pass it on.
Oh, and wear a mask, but not in a Masquerade Party way because as I said, this isn’t a party, it’s a gala. Also, masquerade parties never end well in TV shows, so let’s avoid that.
We’re in the middle of a pandemic that never ends, it just goes on and on, my friends. So, wear a mask and keep your distance from each other in the comments section.
If you must talk to each other, or me, do so from six feet away, or else.
Maybe we’ll get out some cups and strings and communicate with each other that way. This is a gala, after all.
Alright, is everyone clear on the arbitrary rules I just made up for this fictitious Blog Distancing Gala, celebrating 6000 followers on The Captain’s Speech? Good.
You all know how much you mean to me, I just said it last week in my post commemorating seven years on WordPress. Your support is very much appreciated and it’s because of you that I feel comfortable enough to write blog posts like this, where I know you’re all going to go along with my hokey premise of a gala and not question it.
Welcome to Guilt-Tripping 101.
Seriously though, 6000 is an intimidating number. And I know it’s misleading because 6000 people aren’t reading my blog posts. Not even half. Not even half of half. Not even half of half of half. We’re at 750 for those of you who don’t do math. And not even half of 750 read my blog.
Some blogs that follow me seem “questionable”, and others have been abandoned over the years.
It’s hard to see some bloggers leave their site to the tumbleweeds. At the same time, it’s an opportunity for me to discover new bloggers.
So, 6000 followers may not be representative of my audience today, but I think it represents most of the people who have come through this blog’s turnstile over the last seven years.
Why do any of you follow me? I’d love to know. Five pages, double-spaced. Do tomorrow. (Not a typo).
This blogging milestone is more about you, than it is me. I didn’t follow myself 6000 times. I can’t rig the numbers. All I’m doing is writing. You’re the ones who made the decision to follow me. Blame yourselves for this. My hands are clean.
Basically, This is your Blog Distancing Gala.
And no, I am not just saying that to excuse myself from any responsibility, should someone come shut us down and ask who’s in charge.
Nope, not my plan at all.
What I want this gala to be is, a version of my “Share Your Blog” post that I do at the beginning of each year where I ask you to introduce yourself in the comments and provide a link to your blog.
Do that here, if you may.
Whether you’ve been here for years, or this is your first time, leave a link to your blog. Talk about yourself, make a joke, go on a tangent about something, or vent about the world. Literally, write anything.
This is a gala, after all, not a party.
If you want to be formal and go with the traditional, “Hi, my name is ___ and I blog at ____ where I write about this, that, and the other. Check me out!” Fine.
If you want to be a daredevil and come across as if you’re yelling into a Pringle can because the pandemic is driving you nuts, please be my guest.
Say anything you want, just leave a link.
I want this to be a gathering of bloggers who are looking to discover new bloggers. My audience is your audience.
And if your audience would like to be a member of my audience, invite them over to this Blog Distancing Gala. There is plenty of space.
Is everyone on-board? In that case, let’s all “Ahoy Matey” and get this boat out to sea.
That was an unintentional nautical pun, which will surely confuse newcomers into thinking “The Captain’s Speech” is about a Captain of a boat. You’d be surprised at how many people have thought that over the years.
Be sure to wear your mask, only interact with others in the comments section if you’re a safe distance apart, and let me know what hors d’ouevre your eating with a toothpick.
Again, thank you for your support and dedication to reading the words I write. You make this place a lot of fun for me.
Before we run out of food, let’s get this thing officially started.
Welcome to the first, and definitely last, Blog Distancing Gala!
Go forth and gala-vant.