After weeks of tears, useless drama, and plane rides, we are down to the Final 3, where we are sure to see even more tears, useless drama, and plane rides. Peter Pilot, the country boy klutz from LA, has narrowed the field of women down to Hannah Ann, Madison, and Victoria.
Who will he pick? Who will he send home? Why do we care? These questions will eventually have answers. For now, though, enjoy my recap.
~ We start with Madison pulling Peter aside after the last Rose Ceremony to tell him that if he sleeps with someone else next week, it would be really hard for her to move forward with this.
~ She’s trying not to present this as an ultimatum but, rather, something she wants him to know. He seems confused.
~ Side note: Peter’s Harry Potter scar is coming in nicely. He’ll be going wand shopping any day now.
~ He puts his head against hers and says he’s crazy about her. She looks like she’s somewhere else.
~ Peter tells us this is a tough situation for him because he’s in a relationship with two other people.
GOLD COAST, AUSTRALIA
~ There’s a kangaroo! Good establishing shot.
~ “It’s a beautiful day, down UNDA.” – Peter
~ Peter says he couldn’t think of a more romantic place to fall in love. Oh, you don’t say?
~ Peter looks so sad in his blue flamingo shirt.
~ Madison arrives to her private suite. She also looks sad.
~ But wait! Hannah Ann is also staying in this suite!
~ And so is Victoria.
~ They normally keep the contestants separated at this point because it is fantasy suite week, BUT NOT THIS SEASON because they want to exploit Madison and show how uncomfortable she is for the sake of TV.
~ This show has a way of being, “What, who, us? We had NO IDEA what we were doing. It’s just the way it unfolded. NOW WATCH THESE PEOPLE GET TORMENTED.”
~ Madison asks how their hometown dates went and they both nod their heads.
~ In walks Peter with his Australian accent again. “G’day sheilas.”
~ WHO’S SHEILA?
~ Google says “Sheila” means “Women” in Australia.
~ And here I am thinking they spoke English in Australia. Nope.
~ Hannah Ann is getting the first date. I’ll bet you anything, they give Madison the final overnight date.
HANNAH ANN’S DATE
~ Peter tells her they have to speak in Australian accents for the rest of the day. Oh, joy.
~ They are hopping on some jet skis to explore the Gold Coast.
~ Hannah Ann abandons her jet ski and hops on his. Last week, she abandoned her umbrella on a sidewalk. Does she eventually leave Peter and this is foreshadowing?
~ “Whatever happens this week, I will still be here.” – Hannah Ann
~ Okay, but not if he sends you home.
~ Has she never listened to “Closing Time” by Semisonic?
~ They have been kissing on the beach for what seems like three hours because they started before the sun went down and now it’s nearly set.
~ Peter says he’s falling in love with her and says her dad didn’t want him to say that to her unless he was 100% sure.
~ Tears are starting to form in her eyes because Peter favours the girls who cry.
~ She’s not crying though. Her eyes are just wet. Is she allergic to the plants on the table?
~ Peter pulls out the fantasy suite card, written by Chris Harrison.
~ “So, what do you think?” – Peter
~ “Clearly, I’m in love with you.” – Hannah Ann
~ When did that happen? On the plane ride over to Australia? They don’t seem any different from last week.
~ Now she’s talking about wanting a future with him.
~ They are in the fantasy suite now, behaving as if a camera crew isn’t five feet away from them.
~ Hannah Ann returns from her date and the girls ask how it went.
~ “It went really well, you know.” – Hannah Ann
~ THEY DON’T KNOW, HANNAH ANN. THEY DON’T KNOW.
~ Silence fills the room like oxygen.
~ Victoria goes to get ready for her date.
~ Madison is slowly dying inside.
~ I don’t know if it’s editing, or a reflection of the world today, but no one on this show can have a conversation longer than a minute, with proper sentence structure.
~ They meet up in front of a fountain and Peter says he trusts her and they have a clean slate now, after last week ended in them almost breaking up.
~ Oh look, they’re going for a helicopter ride.
~ Dates on this show rarely happen on land anymore.
~ They’ve landed in the Gondwana Rainforest, far away from civilization. Good, we don’t want random people interrupting their deep conversations.
~ Peter says he’s not someone who gives up easily. Victoria says that describes her too.
~ Cut to the footage of her walking away from him, multiple times, this season.
~ Oh, we don’t have that footage on stand-by? What do you mean this is a blog post?
~ They kiss until the cows come home. Nope, wrong phrase. They kiss until the sun goes down.
BACK AT THE SUITE
~ Madison tells Hannah Ann that she doesn’t know if she can move forward if Peter sleeps with the other girls.
~ Hannah Ann tells the camera that this is madness and Madison knew what she signed up for.
~ Great, so Hannah Ann thinks Madison is nuts for sticking to her morals.
~ This show has a way of making the person who has morals, standards, and common sense, seem like the crazy person.
~ Peter is talking too fast for me type what he’s saying.
~ He’s asking Victoria questions and she gives a non-answer and asks if it makes sense before saying she doesn’t know what he wants.
~ HE WANTS A CONVERSATION.
~ Victoria says she hasn’t felt this way about someone in a long time and knows he’s good for her, and she wants to be good for him.
~ They agree that this “talk” is exactly what they both needed.
~ I’m assuming they edited out the parts where they were on the same page.
~ Off to the fantasy suite they go.
~ I like how the fantasy suite card still says, “Should you choose to forego your individual rooms…” as if Victoria isn’t staying with the other two girls.
~ Victoria tells the camera: “I love him so much. I put him through so much.”
BACK AT THE SUITE
~ Madison is pacing back and forth on the balcony. She is sad, discouraged, and uncomfortable by the situation she’s in.
THE NEXT DAY
~ Peter says he’s in love with three women and doesn’t know how he’s going to do this.
~ May I propose saying, “You are the weakest link, goodbye!” in a British accent, to one of them?
~ I hope you all got that reference.
~ Victoria gets back and tells the girls what they did and says their date was “productive” when Madison asks if she got any clarity.
~ SILENCE FILLS THE ROOM AGAIN.
~ Madison exits because this is awkward.
~ Madison is pacing the corner of the other room now.
~ Madison and Peter meet on the beach. Did they film this in Virginia Beach? Do I need to match up footage like I did last week?
~ Never mind, they’re going to the top of the tallest building in Gold Coast to get a better view. The elevator in this building only goes so far, so they’ll have to climb the rest.
~ Nothing says “I love you” like climbing stairs until you can’t feel your quads.
~ Could they not take a helicopter to the top of the building?
~ Woah, there’s a live stream on the ceiling of the elevator that shows the elevator shaft. This is like a horror film from the year 2035.
~ They’ve gone as far as the elevator will go.
~ OH, they’re hopping out the window to take an outdoor staircase to the top. This is bananas.
~ They’re tethered and won’t plunge to their death, but if they’re eating a strawberry and it slips from their fingers, it’ll probably kill someone on the ground.
~ Peter said they were going here to get a better view, but all they’re doing is kissing. Liar.
BACK AT THE SUITE
~ Hannah Ann tells Victoria that Madison’s conversation with Peter after the Rose Ceremony was about her expectations this week for him.
~ “What?” – Victoria
~ Is this a Stone Cold Steve Austin promo and I wasn’t aware?
~ I suppose so.
~ This new information does not sit well with Victoria. She doesn’t think it’s fair to put that expectation on a guy who is trying to find his wife.
~ Oh, are we still hanging on to the “he’s trying to find his wife” trope? They do know the success rate of The Bachelor, right?
~ Peter is dressed like a substitute teacher who couldn’t decide what to wear, so he wore everything. Could’ve stopped at the collared shirt. Nope. Added the sweater. Could’ve stopped there. Nope. Added the jacket.
~ I’d be sweating like a furnace.
~ Madison tells him she made a commitment to herself that she wanted to save herself for marriage.
~ Peter respects her for making that commitment. He says, “That’s not me; we’re different in that regard.”
~ She says she wouldn’t be able to accept an engagement if he has slept with the other women. She doesn’t want to be judgmental about it.
~ Madison can’t wrap her head around accepting an engagement in one week, if Peter was sleeping with other women this week.
~ Peter doesn’t seem to understand.
~ Madison sees through the ridiculousness of this show.
~ I don’t think anyone grows up wanting to get engaged to someone who was just with someone else seven days prior. But then people go on this show and that whole concept feels perfectly normal, which is weird.
~ It’s just, we’ve been going along with this since the early 2000s, so when Madison points out how uncomfortable the whole thing is, the show makes her look like the weird one.
~ Like, “How dare you not want to marry the guy who admits to being in love with two other people?”
~ Peter: “I have been intimate and I can’t lie to you about that.”
~ Peter says he can see them together at the end, but he could see that with other people too.
~ Madison excuses herself from the table.
~ She feels really hurt and let down. This is why they made her go on her date last.
~ “I’m so frustrated with him. I’m so mad at him.”
~ Peter gets up to go talk to her.
~ He opens the door and it squeaks so loudly. Not now, door! Bad door! Bad! Impeccable comedic timing, though.
~ Madison is crying in his arms tonight.
~ The microphones are picking up all the sniffles, heavy breaths, and everything other than what Peter is saying to her.
~ Madison says she felt hurt and can’t change who she is and what she believes.
~ “I don’t want to feel bad for being that.” – Madison
~ Peter is telling her not to walk away from this. She’s unresponsive.
~ After some hugging, she walks away. That doesn’t mean she’s going home, though.
~ Next week, we’re having the Rose Ceremony, where it appears that Madison doesn’t show up, or is just fashionably late because her limo driver was instructed to drive around the block for an hour.
~ After the Rose Ceremony is the Women Tell All episode. I’m not making notes on that. I might just show up to give the results of the Rose Ceremony and end the post there.
As always, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think of the alleged “love connections” on the show, and who you think is going home next week.