You are looking live at Episode 5 of The Bachelor. No food was eaten in the making of this episode and the dates still don’t matter. Enjoy my notes!
~ We pick up with the girls angry at Peter and Alayah because Peter brought her back.
~ “Peter’s actions right now, are like, very questionable.” – Sydney
~ Peter pulls Alayah aside and sends her home for the second time. He walks her out, but to do so, they have to pass in front of all the girls, while holding hands. Uh-oh.
~ The first rule of The Bachelor is to never bring back someone you already sent home. It sends the wrong message to everyone.
~ Now Peter pulls Natasha aside and what do they talk about? Alayah. At least, that’s all we’re shown from their chat.
~ Tammy tells Peter she hasn’t talked to him since their group date. “I do see you” is his reply. Well, yeah, technically.
~ The Peter Redemption Tour continues, as he apologizes to Victoria P.
~ We are getting small snippets of Peter with each woman, that make it look like he’s sorry for neglecting them. They seem to be having a good time, for once.
~ Oh, the magic of editing. Two minutes ago, the women looked like they were going to walk out.
~ Madison gets the first rose because she stays out of drama and he actually likes her.
~ Sydney gets a rose.
~ Natasha, Lexi, Hannah Ann, Shiann, Mykenna from Canada, Victoria P., and Kelley get roses.
~ The final rose goes to…Tammy.
~ He’s sending Deandra home? I was one minute away from saying she was one of my new favourites. This is ridiculous.
~ Deandra goes up to him and says, “I am so confused.” He says, “This wasn’t easy for me.”
~ I feel bad for her.
~ Going home are: Deandra, Kiarra, and Savannah.
~ Peter announces they are going to Costa Rica and the girls have never been so excited. They’re more interested in travelling than they are in Peter at this point.
~ And wouldn’t you know it, Costa Rica is a straight line south of Cleveland. I told you last week they went to Cleveland to get closer to their next location!
~ “This is the perfect place to fall in love.”
~ The women arrive and freak out over their accommodations. I typed this before they even entered the resort.
~ There’s a volcano off in the distance, but the only eruptions that happen will take place in their house.
~ We are down to the Final 12, if you’re keeping track.
~ Kelley says she’d love to spend time with Peter, but he’s busy, so she’s going to have fun.
~ Peter is arriving in a helicopter and the women are going nuts. Will they ever see him in a plane and not freak out? Stay tuned.
~ Peter has a bandage on his forehead, covering stitches. It’s story time.
~ He tells them he was attacked by a puma and they believe it.
~ What actually happened was he bumped his head on a golf cart. He was also holding a glass in his hand and the glass shattered.
~ Peter has 22 stitches and we get to see him with a bandage on his forehead for the rest of the season.
~ THEY HAVE ACTUAL SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE OF HIM HITTING HIS HEAD. That was fun.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Sydney)
~ They hop in the helicopter and off they go.
~ Peter and Sydney are exploring the jungle from the sky. They really like waterfalls.
~ At the house, Kelsey and Hannah Ann, who had a feud over a champagne bottle, are having a civil conversation about how Kelsey doesn’t like seeing Peter go on a date with others.
~ Wait, are they friends now? This show made us believe they hated each other.
~ Peter and Sydney land in the middle of a field, where there are pillows. It’s time for a picnic.
~ Peter calls her the most mysterious person in the house. Honestly, I find them all mysterious because we still know very little about them.
~ Sydney rests her head right on Peter’s injury. Was that a pre-meditated targeting of the head, with intent to injure, or an accident?
~ We’ll let the Department of Bachelor Safety take a look at it.
~ At dinner, Sydney reveals that her parents got divorced when she was young and she was also bullied in school.
~ Peter wants to be her rock and gives her a rose.
~ And now they go get intimate under the waterfall.
~ Back at the house, Kelsey is spiralling down.
~ Tammy tells us, “She’s been crying for weeks!”
~ Kelsey needs a distraction, but this is a reality tv show, so they have nothing but spare time.
GROUP DATE (Shiann, Kelsey, Victoria F., Madison, Natasha, Victoria P., Lexi, Hannah Ann, Tammy, and Mykenna)
~ None of them are happy about being on a group date. This is the point of the show where if you haven’t gotten a one-on-one yet, you’re not being picked in the end.
~ “Welcome to the jungles of Costa Rica. I have such a fun day planned for you all.” – Peter
~ Peter Pilot missed an opportunity to say, “Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games.”
~ They’re going to be participating in a photoshoot for Cosmopolitan.
~ All of sudden, they all seem happy to be there.
~ There will be a “winner” who will be featured on the cover with Peter.
~ Kelsey doesn’t like competing with other girls for attention. WHY ARE YOU ON THIS SHOW?
~ Peter is posing in photos with three of his “girlfriends”, while kissing one of them. That’s normal.
~ Victoria F. wins the cover girl contest. Probably because she picked out a red swimsuit, which matches Peter’s. Savvy move.
NIGHT PORTION OF DATE
~ Victoria F. reminds Peter that her birthday was two days ago. He says, “I was actually going to wish you a Happy Birthday tonight, but you beat me to the punch.”
~ Hannah Ann is on her fifth group date. She got the first impression rose and still hasn’t received a one-on-one.
~ Kelsey tells Peter that she’s falling in love with him. It’s Episode 5.
~ I’m always skeptical of the people who say that so early on. It gives the impression they’re trying to solidify their spot because they’re worried others are getting more attention.
~ If she doesn’t get the group date rose now, there will be chaos.
~ Meanwhile, Tammy and the girls are talking about how fake Kelsey is.
~ And now Tammy is off to tell Peter! He must know! He must!
~ “Last night, Kelsey was having a mental breakdown because Sydney went off with you in a helicopter.” – Tammy
~ “She’s been drinking excessively.” – Tammy
~ Peter is probably putting the pieces together in his head right now.
~ Peter: “I have not seen what Tammy was alluding to.” C’MON MAN.
~ He pulls Kelsey aside to see if she is a red flag.
~ Peter: “I heard you had a mental breakdown yesterday.”
~ Kelsey: “I was emotional, but it wasn’t a breakdown.”
~ Ohhh fists are going to fly tonight. She’s going to be livid when she returns to the rest of the girls.
~ The problem with Peter is he believes both sides of every story.
~ Kelsey to the girls: “Who said I was emotionally unstable?”
~ Don’t do it, Tammy. Don’t speak up.
~ Kelsey: “I’m not ashamed of crying in front of people.”
~ Kelsey asks, “Why is that wrong?” to an allegation that she cries four hours a day.
~ Tammy says Kelsey was upset about a bottle of champagne for four days. YES, TAMMY, SAY IT LOUD.
~ The room goes silent. Is #ChampagneGate still a touchy subject?
~ Basically, the girls are fed up that Kelsey cries all the time and they’re worried she drinks too much.
~ The group date rose goes to…Hannah Ann.
~ No one is happy, which is normal at this point.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE (Kelley)
~ Kelley tells us that Peter checks off a lot of the boxes but is she into it?
~ Regardless, she’s going to go along with the process and have fun doing fun things.
~ Reading between the lines, she’s over this whole thing but it’s a free vacation.
~ Dare I say she’s actually smart enough to understand what this show is? Good for her.
~ Peter tells us that their relationship has plateaued a bit.
~ Well for the first four episodes, their entire bond was based on, “Oh my God, we met a month ago and now we’re default boyfriend and girlfriend! How crazy!”
~ They come across a shaman and shamaness (I hope Google is giving me the proper word), who will help them explore if they have a deeper connection.
~ Immediately, Peter tells the story of how they met.
~ They light some candles to see what the energy says about them.
~ I’ll bet you $100 it says they aren’t meant for each other.
~ Kelley asks if her and Peter are in the same stage of life. The pendulum says no.
~ The male candle is melting toward the female candle, but the female candle is pushing back. Kelley says it’s accurate.
~ Yesterday I found out that J. Lo is the one who sang “Jenny From The Block”. Today I found out there are male and female candles. This is all too much.
~ Peter Pilot tells the camera that she’s not trying hard enough.
~ Peter channels his inner Chauncey Gardiner and says, “There needs to be growth here.”
BACK AT THE HOUSE
~ Tammy to Kelsey: “I did talk to Peter about you, but it wasn’t about you, it was about me.”
BACK TO THE DATE – NIGHT PORTION
~ Kelley: “What was he? A shaman? I didn’t know what that was.”
~ Peter looks at her like he JUST REALIZED HE MADE A MISTAKE SENDING SARAH HOME TWO EPISODES AGO. I thought I was over this. Guess not.
~ But actually, he looks at her like that was the last straw. He asks her if her heart is in this.
~ Kelley says she hasn’t had the opportunity to advance their relationship.
~ Peter asks her why the shaman said they’re on two different levels.
~ Kelley says she was irked by the fact that Peter was rewarding the people who caused the drama. It made her question if he’s ready for marriage.
~ Confirmed: Kelley is too mature for this show.
~ Kelley: “If our relationship is strong enough, at the end of it, I could for sure be, like, engaged. The reason I say ‘like engaged’ is because right now I clearly know, like, our relationship isn’t in the place where, like, I would be comfortable with that right now, but I don’t necessarily know how, like, the process goes from here.”
~ I didn’t know “like engaged” meant that. I just thought “like” was a word everyone uses when speaking in long sentences on this show.
~ Peter gives her a rose and tells her to trust the process.
~ Kelley: “Peter and I are just starting our relationship now.”
~ At least she’s realistic. Her storyline probably ends with the, “Can’t quite get there; not enough time.”
KELSEY VISITS PETER
~ While the girls gossip about Kelsey, she leaves and goes to visit Peter.
~ I don’t really know the purpose of this visit even though she just told him.
~ I’m fast-forwarding.
~ Hold on, Peter is giving her a rose right now. He’s not waiting for the Rose Ceremony! Oh, this is some shady business.
~ My interpretation: The producers are having Peter do this so the girls at the house will know Kelsey went to see him and it’ll be more gas on the fire.
~ It’s so maniacally brilliant.
~ Kelsey joins the group with her rose. They all stare holes through her face. The plan worked to perfection.
~ The girls are talking about how important tonight is to get time with Peter. That can only mean ONE thing…
~ IT MEANS WE’RE MOMENTS AWAY FROM CHRIS HARRISON SAYING PETER DOESN’T NEED THE COCKTAIL PARTY BECAUSE HIS MIND IS ALREADY MADE UP.
~ This will make the girls hate Kelsey even more.
~ IN WALKS CHRIS HARRISON TO SAY EXACTLY WHAT I JUST SAID.
~ “Earlier today, he got the clarity he needs.” – Chris H., throwing Kelsey further under the bus.
~ Just make me a producer. I know every trick in their book.
~ Now Tammy and Mykenna from Canada express their anger towards Kelsey. What did I tell ya?
~ These producers are puppet masters.
~ Kelsey has so much heat right now.
~ It always amazes me how hard the contestants on this show fight to stay there, when their relationship with the lead person is non-existent.
~ At some point you have to be honest with yourself. There are six episodes left and they don’t know anything about you. THIS IS NOT THE PERSON YOU’RE GOING TO MARRY.
~ Tammy stops Peter before he hands out the first rose. They go talk.
~ Mykenna from Canada is now going to crash their conversation.
~ “Can I steal you for a second.”
~ SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM THIS.
~ Lexi: “I’m glad you guys got your mini cocktail party.” She’s fuming.
THE ACTUAL ROSE CEREMONY
~ Victoria F. gets the first rose.
~ Queen Madison gets the next rose.
~ Natasha, Victoria P., and Mykenna from Canada get roses.
~ The final rose goes to…Tammy.
~ Lexi and Shiann are going home.
~ Before she leaves, Shiann whispers to Peter: “Some of the girls over here — sometimes what you’re seeing is not really who they are.”
~ I always like when someone gets evicted from a show and drops a piece of information before they leave.
For some reason, the next episode is this Wednesday. So, that’ll be fun.
Thanks for reading!