I Think My Favourite Colour Is Red

While doing “research” for this blog post, I uncovered some startling truths. But first, I must write a coherent introduction so I don’t just come out and scream, “THEY DISCONTINUED LAURENTIEN PENCIL CRAYONS?” and you all look at your screen as if I’m crazy.

Now that that’s out of the way….

THEY DISCONTINUED LAURENTIEN PENCIL CRAYONS?

That was the first startling truth. How do you discontinue pencil crayons? What will the children colour their pictures with now? OTHER crayons? Well, I guess. Okay, fine.

The second startling truth was that my non-Canadian readers might not have any clue what Laurentien pencil crayons are because they were (apparently) a Canadian brand.

I need to sit down.

Paul, you are sitting.

Well then I need to sit down harder. Whatever that means.

The next startling truth was a second-hand “startling truth” in that I saw it and knew others would be startled by it, so I felt startled.

And with that, I am hereby retiring the word “startled” from this blog post. May it rest in peace and NOT BE STARTLED ANYMORE.

Americans call them, “Coloured Pencils” while Canadians refer to them as “Pencil Crayons”. I’m pretty sure I knew this, but did my readers? DID YOU?

If you’re neither American, nor Canadian, what do you call them.

Anyway, Laurentien pencil crayons were a staple for elementary school kids across Canada. I think. I hope? Hey, they were popular at my school, so I’m just extrapolating across the country here.

I was never good at art, but those pencil crayons gave me superpowers.

They didn’t, I’m just being dramatic.

Let’s move on.

What’s your favourite colour? Surely, you’ve been asked that question before. It’s a question as old as colours themselves. And if you’re wondering how old colours are, look no further than when the first colour television came out in 1953.

By my lightning-quick math, colours are 66-years-old. They now get senior discounts at their favourite restaurants. Looking at you, Red Lobster.

(If the first colour television wasn’t in 1953, blame the internet for feeding me lies. LIES.)

All my life, I’ve claimed that blue is my favourite colour. Lately, I’m not so sure it actually is.

I think my favourite colour is red.

I grew up in a blue bedroom. Bedsheets are blue. Most of the local sports teams have blue as their primary colour. My birthday cakes would have blue frosting. I’m blue da ba dee da ba die, basically.

Now, I haven’t turned my back on the colour. I still like it. I just don’t know if it’s my favourite. Sometimes I look at it and find it a bit boring. Don’t tell it I said that. It’ll get blue if you do.

This is a very Paul dilemma, though.

It’s hard for me to pick a favourite when it comes to certain things. For instance, what’s my favourite sport? I don’t even know. I like all most of them. My answer is always, “It depends what time of year it is.” Even then, there are multiple sports going on at all times.

Favourite Food – Pizza.

Favourite Movie – Pretty much anything I saw before the age of 10.

Favourite TV Show – Can I list about 23 different shows?

Favourite Number – No idea.

By the way, I find it weird when people say they have a lucky number and then it just turns out to be their birthday. What’s that about?

Favourite Smell – I was a dog in a former life, so by default, I have more than one favourite smell.

It’s just hard for me to settle on one favourite thing. I’m an equal opportunity favouriter.

When it comes to colours, I’ve come to some realizations lately.

For starters, I always wondered why I didn’t like the Toronto Maple Leafs’ blue jerseys as much as other people. I’ve always preferred the white ones.

Is it because my first Leaf jersey, in Grade 2, was white? And di that set the trend for my second and third jersey? Or was it because, at the time, the white jersey was what they wore for home games, so that was the one to own?

Excuse me while I psychoanalyze my 10-year-old self.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, LITTLE PAUL?

I’ve always had a blue blanket on my bed, but when it gets cold, there’s a smaller red blanket (with squares that have other colours, too) that goes on top of it. So was that my way of telling myself that red was superior?

But then it gets tricky because when it gets colder than cold (Ice Cold), another blue blanket goes on top of the red blanket.

So what does that mean?

Answer: I’m losing my mind.

Kudos to the people who sleep with a comforter. I’ve never done it and don’t understand the concept.

Red Grapes.

Up until about four years ago, I was a green grape truther. Then, at camp, some of my campers would hand back their lunch containers with some food still in them, so I’d “chow down”.

Chicken burger day was the best. Pasta day was a close second, as long as they didn’t touch half of it. I would really have to supervise their eating habits that day, to ensure I wasn’t going to be eating pasta they spit back out, or touched with their fork for more than 6 seconds.

That was also when I learned to eat pasta with my fingers. 

But actually, they were good at eating their lunches and/or turning their food into a tornado that I wouldn’t want to touch, so it was rare I ever got anything worth eating other than a handful of grapes.

Red grapes were apart of most lunches. I had never really had red grapes before. I always thought they had seeds in them. I was wrong! These red grapes didn’t have seeds. They had love.

Okay, maybe that was the wrong word, but there’s no going back now.

And since then, I’ve been eating red grapes. Green grapes have been ghosted.

In other “red” news, I recently bought some Adidas pants. There’s a blue pair, but there’s also a black pair with red stripes…and a red pair with white stripes.

I’ve never felt spiffier than when I wear those red and white pants. They just turn me into a new person.

I am no longer just Paul. I am Paul, but with hand gestures when you say my name.

Try it now.

You all look ridiculous. Keep doing it.

The colour red just feels so much more vibrant and lively than the colour blue.

Red was the main colour of the university I went to. And what was the main colour of the university that was my second choice? Blue.

That’s some David Blaine level hijinx right there.

For intramurals, we wore red for two years. Then, we got shirts with our names on them and they were blue. Looking back on it, it was as if red was the colour we liked, but blue was the one we married.

Didn’t expect that kind of deep, intellectual thought when you first started this post, huh?

Last year, before the NFL season started, I was trying to find a new favourite team to cheer for. I was abandoning the New England Patriots, who wear blue, and was trying to find a team that spoke to me.

Eventually, I settled on the Kansas City Chiefs. They wear red.

Oh man.

Bought a new phone earlier this year. It’s red.

If you’ve ever seen the David Blaine Street Magic parody video on YouTube, I find myself making that face every time I type out one of these “I have a red ____” sentences.

So many red clues and not enough blues clues, if you know what I’m saying.

I could probably think of other instances where the colour red has infiltrated my life, but why creep you out further?

To sum it up: I like the colour blue, but I think I might like the colour red a bit more, but I’m not entirely sure, though I kinda am and don’t want to fully admit it even though I just did.

So I guess red is my favourite colour now. Wait, my Canadian guilt is kicking in.

Double WAIT. Red and blue make purple. I have many fond memories where the colour purple was present.

What the heck is going on here? I feel like I’m hosting my own palm reading. Tune in next time when I accidentally stumble upon my life expectancy, I guess?

I need to sit down harder. Again, not sure what that means but regular sitting is not working.

Is everything in the world just connected…like a colour wheel? Mind blown.

I’ve said enough.

What’s your favourite colour? Where is it present in your life?