Where’s The (Roast) Beef?

Last Monday was Thanksgiving here in Canada, which means a lot of people ate turkey until they turned into one. Not me. I’m always a turkey. No idea why I said that or what it means, but let’s keep going.

I don’t really like turkey, so my family gets roast beef instead.

Turkey is dry like a desert and drowning it in gravy will only be a mirage that will disappear as soon as it enters my mouth. I shouldn’t have to trick myself into thinking turkey is not dry. If gravy made everything better, then I’d put it on cantaloupe and eat that every day.

Cantaloupe makes me gag. Don’t know why, it just always has. It’s my kryptonite. 

Whenever Thanksgiving rolls around and people post on their Instagram stories a nice big turkey that they can’t wait to eat, I am unable to relate. Is their turkey not dry? Is there a secret I’m not aware of?

What are they tasting that I’m not? Is this like how dogs can hear things humans can’t? I want answers!

In different presentations, I do enjoy turkey. Sometimes my mom puts it in a broth and that is always delicious.

(Insert rant about how soup is just seasoned water. Not hating. Just saying.)

I also enjoy the turkey you can get at the deli and put in sandwiches – I eat that on a bagel with lettuce, tomato, onions, and sometimes cheese, multiple times a week. It’s delicious. Shoutout: Cuddy Montreal Smoked Turkey.

I like that turkey because it’s a wetter turkey. It’s a turkey that says, “I’ll play out in the rain without a jacket and wave my hair like I just dare care.” Plus I think it’s healthier than other deli meats. Don’t quote me on that, I’m just a Paul.

So, yeah. Roast beef is my preferred holiday meat.

When I was a kid, I always said my favourite food was pizza. And then in Grade 8, my Grade 3 teacher came into my class to drop off our time capsule that we put together five years prior.

Her first question for me was, “Is pizza still your favourite food, Paul?”

What? Is that my brand? Is that how I’m identified? How did she remember?

Apparently, in Grade 3, I had written on a sheet of paper that pizza was my favourite food and put it in the time capsule.

This is shocking to none of you, I’m sure. But in Grade 8, I felt attacked by this question. Just the way it was asked. As if I should’ve graduated to a more grown-up food to claim as my favourite, by then.

So for a few years I told myself that roast beef was my favourite food. How grown up of me! And it was. It is. I love it. The roast beef at Mandarin (maybe 6 of you know what this is) is my favourite.

But then I realized that pizza is my true love and I’ll name it as my favourite food even when I’m 100 years old, so it regained its position at the top of my food podium.

The roast beef we had last week was the best we’ve/I’ve ever tasted. It was just yummy in my tummy and I never wanted it to end.

I’d say it was restaurant-quality, but it was better than that. I’m going to start drooling any second.

If people enjoy turkey, they can enjoy turkey. I just can’t ignore how dry it is, even if it’s covered in gravy. It does nothing for me. I struggle to find purpose with it. Don’t worry, this post isn’t about to go down a philosophical road.

OR IS IT? This post has layers, okay. Pay attention.

Should I mention that I also don’t like ham, or would that be too many revelations? Oh well, we’re here now. I haven’t had ham in a long time, so I’m unsure of what I dislike about it, specifically, but I’m pretty sure I find it dry and salty.

Just like turkey, I like the ham from the deli, just not the big holiday ham that you cook in the oven and show off in photos, while it sits there, getting cold.

While I’m digging this trench for myself – bacon is good, but crispy bacon is disgusting. FIGHT ME. If I wanted to eat a shingle, I’d take a fork up to my roof.

I love lamb, though, if that wins any of you back to #TeamPaul.

To recap: I don’t like turkey, but I eat its cousin (turkey from the deli) multiple times a week. They’re cousins, right? Roast beef is simply the best, better than all the rest, better than anyone…I’ve gotten carried away here. Ham is just…ham. Bacon is good, but crispy bacon is ridiculous. Lamb, c’est bien.

Thanks for digesting this with me!

Let’s beef.

What do you eat on Thanksgiving, or other holidays where feasts are had? Do you also think turkey is dry? Should we form an alliance?

Bonus Question: What was your favourite food when you were a kid and is it still your favourite food?

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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22 Responses to Where’s The (Roast) Beef?

  1. I TOTALLY agree with you on this one, Paul. I don’t like turkey!!! Like samesies with you, in a sandwich is good but only as deli meat, not like just chopped up turkey in a sandwich. But I tolerate it twice a year – Thanksgiving and Christmas. My family knows I don’t like it but I’m outvoted on the “traditions!!” argument from all of them. So I just make sure that I pick up the pies for dinner so at least I know I’m getting one of the three types of pie that I like. But we do lots of different things like we’ve tried cornish hens and small chickens and ducks. For Christmas, we’ve had ham instead. But my family keeps going back to the turkey. Now that’s just the 4 of us usually (sometimes we bump it up to 5 if one of my parent’s friends join us), we just have a big chicken or something. That way we still get the stuffing and gravy and yumminess. This year, my mom decided to go crazy and bought a turkey LOG. It was like one of those chocolate dessert rolls you’d get as a kid but the chocolate cake was turkey and the white frosting was stuffing. It wasn’t too bad! I didn’t get as much stuffing as I would have normally hoarded to myself but the turkey wasn’t dry and nasty. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Yes, we agree! I feel like turkey is made for Christmas because it’s “tradition”. I don’t know why we can’t change traditions. My cousin shares the same thoughts on turkey as I do, but we fight a losing battle.

      Haha a turkey LOG? Where do you get one of those, a forest? At least it wasn’t dry and you liked it! I’m starting to learn that avoiding a dry turkey comes down to how it’s cooked, though I’m still not sold that I’d like it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dark meat is much better than white. White meat is always so dry. So when we have a full sized turkey I just go for the dark meat while everyone else loves the white so it works out perfectly.

        The log was actually ok. I just wanted more stuffing! Lol and you can’t make gravy so they bought gravy in a can. Which was pretty good as well!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Bill Fonda says:

    1. Turkey is great.
    2. A properly done ham is juicy and tasty, but deli ham does nothing for me at all.
    3. Bacon is massively overrated in all its forms.
    4. Pizza is the second-best food …
    5. … behind spaghetti.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. mydangblog says:

    I’m with you on the pizza, but I have to say I’ve never made a dry turkey, and I’ve been cooking them for Thanksgiving for years–those Butterballs are pretty tasty. But as I always say, it’s being with family that makes the day so special, not the food:-)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 1. Love turkey, it’s not always dry, it’s how you bake it that’s makes it dry. I don’t eat it with gravy.
    2. Ham is okay, in sandwiches (especially in grilled cheeses with tomato…ahem season tomato water). Baked ham is delish, also how you bake it. I don’t take pictures of my food, that’s just ridiculous.
    3. BACON IS THE BOMB, and if it’s not crispy it’s just a soggy piece of…….ham 🤨. So, I’ll wait for you on the roof with my fork……..future President Paul, lol.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      1. I guess I’ve never had a turkey baked by someone who knew how to preserve it’s moistness. Is moistness a word?

      2. Random question: Have you ever had grilled cheese with ketchup and if so, why? I know some people who do this and it baffles me.

      3. See you on the roof! And it’s Mr. Prime Minister Paul, but we can work on that lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • 2. Answer – I’ve never had a grilled cheese with ketchup, and it would baffle me too. But I suppose eating one with tomato soup baffles some people too, lol.

        3. You got, battle by fork future PM Paul! Loser has to eat a giant crispy bacon BLT! Lol 🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓

        Liked by 1 person

  5. ghostmmnc says:

    I’m with you on not liking turkey, because it is dry and tasteless. Deli turkey is not good either, it’s slimy. Ham in any form is good, and bacon, for me, must be crispy!
    We try not to do traditional foods for holidays. We’ve had a family chili cook-off, we’ve had just finger foods/snacks, we’ve had cook-out BBQs, and Mexican food feasts. All good. Oh, roast beef is a favorite, too. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Authoress51 says:

    You don’t want me to respond because I am a Vegetarian. But, I love your Posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bex says:

    I’m not a ham fan. When it comes to turkey, I find that I fork it on with something else to actually enjoy it like mashed potatoes or stuffing. By itself it’s does nothing for me. But Thanksgiving dinner is all about the sides anyway, so who cares! As far as bacon goes, I could take it or leave it, but if it’s too chewy then it’s just a piece of ham, if it’s too crispy I’m afraid I’m going to chip my tooth… again. For sure some PTSD associated with that particular piece of breakfast meat.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. peckapalooza says:

    I love turkey. I’m even okay with it if it’s dry… as long as I have a tall glass of water. I have known of a turkey that was cooked upside down, which allowed the white meat portions to be the parts that rested in the juices, making it more moist than usual. A deep fried turkey stays pretty moist throughout. I’m gonna stop using the word moist now. It’s making me uncomfortable.

    I’m always a fan of turkey and all the things that go with it on those big family holidays. But there have been a few years when my grandmother decides to do breakfast for our Christmas dinner. I’m pretty sure I prefer that. Breakfast foods are fantastic at all times. Especially if she’s making sausage gravy. Great, now I’m slobbering on myself.

    My favorite food was and still is pizza. Unless breakfast at Mamaw’s is involved.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      So the secret to a MOIST turkey is to cook it upside down. This is good to know. I guess no one in my family (relatives, included) know this. I guess it doesn’t help that people in my family like their meat to be well done (ugh) so maybe they take that same mindset when cooking a turkey.

      What….is sausage gravy? I’ve never heard of this before haha

      Liked by 1 person

      • peckapalooza says:

        Sausage gravy is a creamy, mostly milk and flour gravy that’s made in a pan where sausage was just cooked. Throw in chunks of that cooked sausage then serve it with warm biscuits and you might just have my favorite breakfast food of them all. Though, really, no one should ever expect me to pick just one favorite.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Dude, I’m with you on the cantaloupe. I’ve never liked it. This year, I’m having Friendsgiving in Manchester, UK and I’m so stoked. It’s my favorite holiday and I refuse to miss it.

    Liked by 1 person

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