1. Technology is getting too complicated and unnecessary. I don’t want a new update every two weeks – I want it to be perfect the first time, and I want it to last for 20 years like my Nintendo 64.
2. I’m surprised people don’t make a big deal about the fact that our ears never stop growing.
3. When I wake up in the morning, I feel like there’s a half-hour window for me to eat or drink something, or else a headache is going to manifest itself and show up later in the day.
4. This little piggy went to market, whereas this little piggy went to Marquette. Just wanted an education, OKAY?
5. The song, “Welcome to the Jungle” is about 75 seconds too long. All the momentum in the beginning is lost halfway through and I just don’t care about it anymore by the end.
6. I’ve seen way too many people speeding through a school zone, lately. Are they having diarrhea in their pants, or are they just really stupid?
7. I try not to judge the people who order at the touch screen kiosk at McDonald’s because that might be easier for them. On the other hand, germs and stuff. Literally.
8. I’ve been saying the word, “shambles” for over half my life, but only now have I seen other people using it. I’d like a royalty every time it’s uttered.
9. I’m tired of tweets that end with, “That’s it. That’s the tweet.” Do something else.
10. Shiitake mushrooms feel like elephant ears.
11. If you ever wondered why chefs have prep cooks, it’s because peeling a clove of garlic is a nuisance.
12. Peeling a clove of garlic is like peeling a sunburn. Try it at home!
13. I don’t like being told to download an app.
14. It takes me a long time to find the emoji I want to use.
15. When people say, “Save your breath”, what they really mean is, “Don’t talk” because what are you saving your breath for? A 50 pack of balloons?
16. I do this thing where I lose two pounds and gain two pounds and lose two pounds.
17. I like when talk show hosts ask their guest if they’ll stick around after the break, as if the show hasn’t been carefully planned out for a week.
18. I find “stoop and scoop” signs funny.
19. NFL referees have too much of an ego to overturn pass interference calls, whereas CFL referees seem to have no problem doing it.
20. There’s so much outrage in sports about referees missing calls. Well, yeah. Standing on the field/playing surface isn’t the best vantage point.
20.5 I should do a blog post about this.
21. I like roast beef more than turkey.
21.5 There will be a blog post about this.
22. The internet is just a place where you learn stuff from people who Googled something before you did.
23. I thought El Camino was a nice follow up to the end of Breaking Bad, but about an hour in I was asking myself if I was watching a movie, or just a really long episode.
24. I’d find it more suspicious if the chicken didn’t cross the road, honestly.
25. What if the internet stopped working and never came back? How would internet friends continue their friendship?
25.5 I feel like I just unleashed an existential crisis on all of us.
26. I will not eat pancakes at a restaurant.
27. Construction never really goes away. It just expands.
28. At some point, they have to create original movies again, right?
29. Do Americans know what Nanaimo Bars are?
30. Whenever someone calls me, “Sir”, I feel like I need to tip an imaginary top hat at them.
31. Sunglasses are the unsung hero of life.
32. We should not be afraid of robots rebelling against us. We can stop making them at any time. They can’t reproduce on their own. And, we can throw water at them. Stop worrying.
33. All Elite Wrestling is up and running with weekly Wednesday shows and it’s such a breath of fresh air.
34. Sometimes, answers appear when you stop asking the question.
35. “Running Up That Hill” is one of those songs that I’ll look up as many renditions to it as I can find because all of them are good in their own way.
36. The last season of Fear The Walking Dead was almost unwatchable. They’ve turned all the characters into soft, delicate flowers, when the situation calls for…NOT THAT.
36.5 This may also be a blog post.
37. As someone who was voted, “Most Likely To Be Prime Minister of Canada” in Grade 8, I think it’s time I released my official, unofficial campaign hashtag: #PrimeTime4Paul.
37.5 Now hiring a campaign manager for the next election cycle because the current one shall not be talked about.
38. I did a left brain/right brain quiz and it said I am Left Brain Inclined (63%) which means I prefer order and aren’t really creative. TELL THAT TO MY BLOG, QUIZ THINGY.
38.25 I feel like I’m an equal mix of left brain and right brain qualities, though, and lean toward the right brain more. Could just be my posture.
38.5 My university’s slogan was, “For Both Sides of The Brain” so I guess it worked in developing both of mine.
39. Life has spiralled into this never-ending game where we ask people younger than us if they know what something is (normally an item from our childhood), and then we laugh at them if they don’t, which only emphasizes how old we’ve gotten.
40. I’ve never had a lollipop.
41. At the end of every decade, I feel like we should get the option to go back and have a do-over.
41.5 It’ll be very Harry Potter-esque, where we’ll run into a wall at train station and board a train that says, “Next Stop: 2010”.
42. I’ve been holding a petty grudge against Domino’s Pizza since 2011, but a recent commercial on TV advertising a large two-topping pizza for $5.99 has slowly been chipping away at me for the last few days.
43. Some people walk through forests and think of it as a nice nature walk, whereas I can’t wait to get the hell out of there. Always feels like something bad is going to happen,
like I’ll stumble over a dead body or be attacked by a family of squirrels.
44. There was a two-week stretch this summer where I was addicted to granola, and then I didn’t like it anymore.
45. Aliens probably don’t call themselves aliens. They probably think we’re the aliens.
46. Almost every week this season, there’s been a player on my fantasy football team who has provided me with 0 points because they’ve gotten injured.
46.5 I am a hazard to their well-being is the takeaway here.
47. My mom says I am Jimmy Kimmel.
48. Am I the only one worried that there will come a day when a sports team has retired too many numbers and there won’t be enough available for each player on the current roster, so they’ll have to use three digits or decimals?
49. I’ve been out of school for six years and still wake up thinking I forgot to hand in an assignment.
50. Good people deserve more recognition.