50 Thoughts XXIX

1. Technology is getting too complicated and unnecessary. I don’t want a new update every two weeks – I want it to be perfect the first time, and I want it to last for 20 years like my Nintendo 64.

2. I’m surprised people don’t make a big deal about the fact that our ears never stop growing.

3. When I wake up in the morning, I feel like there’s a half-hour window for me to eat or drink something, or else a headache is going to manifest itself and show up later in the day.

4. This little piggy went to market, whereas this little piggy went to Marquette. Just wanted an education, OKAY?

5. The song, “Welcome to the Jungle” is about 75 seconds too long. All the momentum in the beginning is lost halfway through and I just don’t care about it anymore by the end.

6. I’ve seen way too many people speeding through a school zone, lately. Are they having diarrhea in their pants, or are they just really stupid?

7. I try not to judge the people who order at the touch screen kiosk at McDonald’s because that might be easier for them. On the other hand, germs and stuff. Literally.

8. I’ve been saying the word, “shambles” for over half my life, but only now have I seen other people using it. I’d like a royalty every time it’s uttered.

9. I’m tired of tweets that end with, “That’s it. That’s the tweet.” Do something else.

10. Shiitake mushrooms feel like elephant ears.

11. If you ever wondered why chefs have prep cooks, it’s because peeling a clove of garlic is a nuisance.

12. Peeling a clove of garlic is like peeling a sunburn. Try it at home!

13. I don’t like being told to download an app.

14. It takes me a long time to find the emoji I want to use.

15. When people say, “Save your breath”, what they really mean is, “Don’t talk” because what are you saving your breath for? A 50 pack of balloons?

16. I do this thing where I lose two pounds and gain two pounds and lose two pounds.

17. I like when talk show hosts ask their guest if they’ll stick around after the break, as if the show hasn’t been carefully planned out for a week.

18. I find “stoop and scoop” signs funny.

19. NFL referees have too much of an ego to overturn pass interference calls, whereas CFL referees seem to have no problem doing it.

20. There’s so much outrage in sports about referees missing calls. Well, yeah. Standing on the field/playing surface isn’t the best vantage point.

20.5 I should do a blog post about this.

21. I like roast beef more than turkey.

21.5 There will be a blog post about this.

22. The internet is just a place where you learn stuff from people who Googled something before you did.

23. I thought El Camino was a nice follow up to the end of Breaking Bad, but about an hour in I was asking myself if  I was watching a movie, or just a really long episode.

24. I’d find it more suspicious if the chicken didn’t cross the road, honestly.

25. What if the internet stopped working and never came back? How would internet friends continue their friendship?

25.5 I feel like I just unleashed an existential crisis on all of us.

26. I will not eat pancakes at a restaurant.

27. Construction never really goes away. It just expands.

28. At some point, they have to create original movies again, right?

29. Do Americans know what Nanaimo Bars are?

30. Whenever someone calls me, “Sir”, I feel like I need to tip an imaginary top hat at them.

31. Sunglasses are the unsung hero of life.

32. We should not be afraid of robots rebelling against us. We can stop making them at any time. They can’t reproduce on their own. And, we can throw water at them. Stop worrying.

33. All Elite Wrestling is up and running with weekly Wednesday shows and it’s such a breath of fresh air.

34. Sometimes, answers appear when you stop asking the question.

35. “Running Up That Hill” is one of those songs that I’ll look up as many renditions to it as I can find because all of them are good in their own way.

36. The last season of Fear The Walking Dead was almost unwatchable. They’ve turned all the characters into soft, delicate flowers, when the situation calls for…NOT THAT.

36.5 This may also be a blog post.

37. As someone who was voted, “Most Likely To Be Prime Minister of Canada” in Grade 8, I think it’s time I released my official, unofficial campaign hashtag: #PrimeTime4Paul.

37.5 Now hiring a campaign manager for the next election cycle because the current one shall not be talked about.

38. I did a left brain/right brain quiz and it said I am Left Brain Inclined (63%) which means I prefer order and aren’t really creative. TELL THAT TO MY BLOG, QUIZ THINGY.

38.25 I feel like I’m an equal mix of left brain and right brain qualities, though, and lean toward the right brain more. Could just be my posture.

38.5 My university’s slogan was, “For Both Sides of The Brain” so I guess it worked in developing both of mine.

39. Life has spiralled into this never-ending game where we ask people younger than us if they know what something is (normally an item from our childhood), and then we laugh at them if they don’t, which only emphasizes how old we’ve gotten.

40. I’ve never had a lollipop.

41. At the end of every decade, I feel like we should get the option to go back and have a do-over.

41.5 It’ll be very Harry Potter-esque, where we’ll run into a wall at train station and board a train that says, “Next Stop: 2010”.

42. I’ve been holding a petty grudge against Domino’s Pizza since 2011, but a recent commercial on TV advertising a large two-topping pizza for $5.99 has slowly been chipping away at me for the last few days.

43. Some people walk through forests and think of it as a nice nature walk, whereas I can’t wait to get the hell out of there. Always feels like something bad is going to happen, like I’ll stumble over a dead body or be attacked by a family of squirrels.

44. There was a two-week stretch this summer where I was addicted to granola, and then I didn’t like it anymore.

45. Aliens probably don’t call themselves aliens. They probably think we’re the aliens.

46. Almost every week this season, there’s been a player on my fantasy football team who has provided me with 0 points because they’ve gotten injured.

46.5 I am a hazard to their well-being is the takeaway here.

47. My mom says I am Jimmy Kimmel.

48. Am I the only one worried that there will come a day when a sports team has retired too many numbers and there won’t be enough available for each player on the current roster, so they’ll have to use three digits or decimals?

49. I’ve been out of school for six years and still wake up thinking I forgot to hand in an assignment.

50. Good people deserve more recognition.

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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28 Responses to 50 Thoughts XXIX

  1. I feel so many emotions about a lot of these points but by the time I got down here I have forgotten about what I wanted to say!!! 😂😂 trust they were good points and not “just woke up and haven’t finished my coffee yet” points.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. micqu says:

    I nodded so much, it looked as if I was headbanging to the first 75 seconds of Welcome to the Jungle.
    And 35… Yes yes yes.

    💜❤💜❤💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Miriam says:

    You’ve never had a lollipop??? 🤣 And yes, you definitely turned your thoughts into a post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bex says:

    How have you never had a lollipop!?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. peckapalooza says:

    2. I bring this up with the kids I work with all the time! Noses, too!
    6. This must be a problem everywhere. Locally, I’ve noticed it’s so bad that I wish I was in charge somewhere or had connections to the local police. If they wanted to sustain their annual budget in a short amount of time, just have cruisers waiting in school zones to pull people over. They’d make so much money on ticketing fines.
    7. I will risk the dirty screen if it means I can avoid meaningful human interaction.
    14. There really are too many. And I’m not sure I want to figure out how the Memojis work.
    17. I wish more talk show guests would stick around. Back in Johnny Carson’s day, that’s what happened, and then you’d get two random celebrities interacting with each other. Maybe I want to see how Robert Downey, Jr. and Robert Irwin’s wild animals would react to one another!
    29. I can’t speak for all of us, but I don’t.
    43. “Attacked by a family of squirrels” seems oddly specific. Has this happened? You can tell us. This is a safe space.
    47. Next time she says this, you should be like, “No, I’m Paul.” Then repeat your name real slow so she definitely understands. I have to do that with my mom sometimes. Except I don’t say I’m Paul.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      2. I appreciate your grassroots effort.
      6. They would make so much money in fines. A couple weeks ago I saw a car go straight through a red light in a school zone. And it wasn’t even one of those “the light is yellow, I’m gonna try and make it” situations. It was red before the car even entered the intersection.
      7. Fair enough
      17. I agree, it would be nice to see celebrities from different circles interact. That’s one of the good things about James Corden’s show – the guests come out at the same time and stay the whole show.
      43. Squirrels are always lurking and I always hear a branch snap. They’re setting a trap, I tell ya.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. rebbit7 says:

    The question is: have you felt an elephant ear before? I find touching shiitake mushrooms to resemble rubbery feathers. Garlic peeling and chopping are a huge pain, not to forget the smell lingers on your fingers for days! Very curious as to why you hold a grudge against Domino’s?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I haven’t felt an elephant ear haha but the mushrooms always remind me of them. The garlic smell stays on my finger tips for hours. It’s not fun. As for Domino’s, when I was in living in residence at school, me and my friends ordered late one night and we each got separate pizzas. They arrive and mine wasn’t cut into slices! Every other pizza was. So I had to sit there and cut it with a butter knife because that’s all I had. That’s my petty grudge haha. Their pizza is good and I’ve had it one time since then (not really by choice, though). It might be time to drop the grudge.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Well Paul, I’d have a rebuttal to all of these, but since I know it would take me all day to write them I’m going to give you the following six, ahem….here I go…

    11. Garlic isn’t THAT hard to peel.

    12. I have/do like every other day, and it’s not THAT hard PAUL! Lol

    29. Yes, we do it’s the Canadian version of “Refrigerator Cake” but y’all call it Nanaimo Bars, lol.

    37. I think you should, I’d so move up there just to vote for you!

    41. Agreed, do-over would be great!

    43. There are ghosts in the forests, so get out and get out fast!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Laura says:

    * I thought I was the only one exhausted by “Welcome to the Jungle”. How reassuring.
    * I’ve avoided “That’s it. That’s the tweet.” mostly because I was sure I’d do it wrong and get laughed off twitter.
    * #PrimeTime4Paul is BRILLIANT. Trademark that, man.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      So are we starting an “Unwelcome to the Jungle” club now? I think it’s only fitting. And thank you, I shall get it trademarked and put on buttons, stickers, and everything else people don’t need! #PrimeTime4Paul

      Like

  9. Becky Turner says:

    25. YES. DON’T SAY THAT.
    29. No.
    37 & 37.5. Great so now we’re running two campaigns? One for you and one for Gabe Kapler for commissioner? I wouldn’t be a good campaign manager but I can help run your digital and social stuff.
    40. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
    46. Sounds like me with fantasy baseball.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. WHY WON’T YOU EAT PANCAKES AT A RESTUARANT??

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dutch Lion says:

    Great stuff Paul!

    I could comment about everything but let’s just start and stop with #1. As usual, you wrote what I’ve been saying to my family a bunch lately. In fact, I just said it earlier today prior to reading your list. Technology is great and all but it’s getting to be too much. I know I’m old, but there are just too many instances where common sense has been lost with this stuff. I’m sick of restarting stuff every two days because of another “update”. NO! I don’t want to update. I don’t want to upgrade. I don’t want this so-called “fantastic new technology” to stop working in two days. Enough!

    PS Drivers are weird (#6). My neighborhood has a bunch of Formula 1 drivers speeding up and down our streets while our kids and pets and cars and stuff almost gets lost to time because of how stupid they are. The other day a woman drove her mom van down the street so fast I actually waved my arms for her to slow down. She waved back! haha. She thought I was waving at her to say hi? Oh brother. How about “Hi you idiot! Slow down!!!” My basketball almost rolled into the street where it would have become a squished grape due to her highly accelerated mom van.

    Sorry & toodles,
    Reid

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Yes! I don’t want upgrades either! I like what I have, let me keep it for as long as I want and don’t force me to buy something new because what I have is “no longer supported”. It’s all a trap to force us to spend money and I don’t like it at all.

      Haha she waved back! That’s too good. People don’t even know when they’re acting reckless/dumb – that’s the scary thing.

      Liked by 1 person

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