We made it. Welcome to Part 1 of the season finale of The Bachelorette.
Joining me once again is Cass – her thoughts will appear in BOLD. Let’s get this show on the road.
We’re back! Only two more of these before you’re done with us till The Bachelor.
~ Chris Harrison greets us in front of a lively studio audience and asks a bunch of rhetorical questions that subtly tell us Hannah won’t have a happy ending.
~ I now expect Avril Lavigne to perform, “My Happy Ending” at the After The Final Rose episode, just as Air Supply did last season.
~ We go back to the Rose Ceremony in Greece, where Luke was banished, and Hannah still has two roses to give out.
~ Starting off with Hannah freaking out & Chris nonchalantly moving the rose table back.
~ This Rose Ceremony has already carried on for too long, let’s get on with it please.
~ Really upset the salmon jacket didn’t make it this far, clearly it belonged to one of the guys who was sent home.
~ The first rose goes to Jed.
~ The second rose goes to Tyler.
~ Tyler always says her whole name & it’s the freaking cutest thing in the world.
~ Peter Pilot will be flying home.
~ Later Peter.
~ I reallllly hate the back of that dress.
~ She tells Peter Pilot he is her Ken doll and did nothing wrong. We go back to the studio and Peter Pilot has landed in the seat across from Chris Harrison.
~ We’re back in the studio, time to fast-forward.
~ I am going to fly through this episode if it means I can fast-forward these studio segments.
~ Back to Greece we go and Hannah’s family is there to meet the final two. First up, Tyler.
~ OMG, time for Tyler to meet the parents.
~ Tyler arrives with flowers and a golf shirt that says, “I just came from a country club.”
~ Tyler reveals that he took a bunch of dance classes in college because he got kicked out of his English class and got a D in Economics, so he had to take summer classes and dance was one of them.
~ Hannah’s mom is very impressed by Tyler: “He was pretty amazing all the way around.”
~ Hannah’s dad is also impressed by Tyler.
~ OMG I’M JUST MELTING OVER HERE.
~ This just in: Cass is also impressed by Tyler.
~ That went so damn well!
~ GO TYLER.
~ Oh Jed’s time, let’s see how this goes.
~ While Hannah is outside greeting Jed, Hannah’s mom tells the rest of the family that she’ll give Jed a fair shot, but Tyler set the bar high.
~ It’s been five seconds and Jed is already talking about being a musician.
~ The family doesn’t look impressed.
~ Hannah’s dad pulls him aside and asks about his plan for the future and how he’ll support Hannah.
~ Jed tells him he’s signed a deal with a dog food company. He wrote a jingle for them.
~ LOL, Jed going on about how he signed a contract with a dog food company to write their jingle…
~ Remember when Jed admitted to coming on the show to further his music career, but that changed when he realized how great Hannah is?
~ Jed says Hannah’s parents seem concerned about the financial aspect of their relationship.
~ “They don’t think I’m adequate or something.” – I’M DEAD
~ Do her parents not know that most contestants who make it this far end up being social media influencers and get paid to sell products no one needs?
~ “How do you think about Jed and I together?” “He has qualities….”
~ OH MAN.
~ Hannah’s parents prefer Tyler because he’d be able to support her.
~ All signs from her parents are literally pointing towards Tyler.
~ You can tell Hannah came into this wanting to pick Jed, but her family likes Tyler, so now she’s confused.
~ Hannah tells her dad that she can provide for herself and her family as well, and doesn’t need to rely on a man.
~ I’m just so glad that date didn’t go well at all.
~ Time for the final date between Hannah and Tyler.
~ They are going horseback riding….again. The horses cooperate this time.
~ Tyler and Hannah sit down on a blanket with wine and Tyler tells her he wants to be with her.
~ Guys should be watching Tyler & actually taking notes.
~ The night portion of the date is more of the same.
~ “I could see being in his arms forever.” – Foreshadowing?
~ It’s time for the last date between Hannah and Jed.
~ They’re on a boat. This is the 74th date this season that’s taken place on a boat.
~ Of course, they do the Titanic pose. I’ve never seen Titanic.
~ “I don’t know if I like all these rocky waters.” – Hannah
~ Hannah feels sicks.
~ Hannah getting sea sick while on her date with Jed is a serious sign.
~ Jed’s conversations with her are less about how they’ll spend their life together, and more about worrying what will happen in the next few days and what her family thought of him.
~ Jed, you aren’t here for the right reasons, so shut your mouth.
~ Safe to say, he knows her family preferred Tyler.
~ It’s time for the night portion and Jed admits that he’s feeling anxious. Hannah is, too.
~ Jed reiterates that he wants to be with her.
~ Hannah is confused about who she wants to be with.
~ She slept with Tyler tonight & didn’t with Jed – that’s another sign guys!
~ Back to the studio we go, to wrap up the episode.
~ Chris Harrison: “Will Hannah get the happy ending she deserves or will it be the most shocking finale in Bachelor history that might leave all of Bachelor nation in tears?”
~ Probably the latter, Chris, by the way you worded that. Geeze.
~ Hannah is now telling us that since the last day in Greece, the last few months have been really tough and emotional and Hannah doesn’t know what will happen tomorrow, but has a lot of questions she needs answers to.
~ Another PSA from Hannah, it’s been one of those seasons.
~ They’re buttering our pans so hard right now.
~ Chris Harrison wants us to get our rest because tomorrow night is like nothing we’ve seen before.
~ Alright, Chris. Goodnight.
Thanks Paul for letting me be a part of this tonight, & since you can’t get rid of me that easy I’ll see you all tomorrow….
One more episode to go. See you all back here tomorrow for the conclusion of this season.
Do you think she’ll pick Tyler, or Jed? Will Chris Harrison yell at someone? Will Hannah have a happy ending? Will Avril Lavigne show up? We’re dying to know your thoughts! Literally, we’re dying here. It’s been a long season.