50 Thoughts XXVIII

1. Desk chairs must hate sitting at a desk all day. Some probably wish they were patio furniture, while the free spirit desk chairs want to be folding chairs that travel the world on concert tours.

2. What do you call an old pair of underwear? Calvin De-Klein. Sorry.

3. We’re all powerless against water running down our arm to our elbow.

4. The miniature table on pizza reminds me of the tiny table they have on one-on-one dates on The Bachelor.

5. There needs to be a third variation of the word, bare/bear. “Bare with me” means naked. “Bear with me” still means naked. Bears don’t wear clothes.

5.5 I suggest, “Baer”. Same letters, different order.

6. I always find it awkward when a newscaster reads a tweet on TV and lists off all the hashtags at the end of the tweet. Someone needs to tell them that’s not necessary.

7. Why do Americans love cornhole so much?

7.5 I already regret asking this.

8. Raptors fans were sleeping over at the parade, yet can’t get back to their seat for the start of the third quarter.

8.5 I realize it’s the rich people who aren’t back in their seats and they probably weren’t the ones sleeping outside. Just let me make the point, okay.

9. Shaving two days in a row is the worst.

10. Suit jackets with fake pockets are stupid.

10.5 And don’t start with me about how you have to break the seal yourself.

11. I’m way too excited about the Leafs signing Jason Spezza. Was always a closet fan of his when he was on Ottawa.

12. Carpet is a compound word.

13. My least favourite part of The Price is Right is when the contestants spin the wheel and the host asks if they want to say hi to anyone, so they shoutout their family and friends instead of watching the wheel go around. It drives me nuts.

13.5 I’m mad just writing about it.

14. Every time I watch The Amazing Race I try to think of who my partner would be if I ever went on the show.

15. Trampolines need more of a presence in every day life.

16. To calculate your unofficial age, follow this formula: Your Age – 4 = ?

16.5 The 4 represents the first 4 years of your life, which you hardly remember.

17. I changed my profile picture, so if you see a different photo show up in your notifications, don’t be alarmed, it’s just my face.

18. Vladimir Guerrero Jr. is only 20-years-old.

19. I read the other day that millennials don’t use a top sheet on their bed anymore. I must’ve been sleeping under a rock TOP SHEET because I never knew this was up for debate.

20. In thirty years, people won’t sleep on beds anymore. They’ll say the elevation brings them too close to the ceiling, and ceilings never get cleaned, so “ew”, or something.

21. Male politicians who make public appearances, with their sleeves rolled up, are trying to send the message that they’re, “Here to get to work!” but we see it and are like, “Oh, they’re just trying to look like they’re here to get to work.”

21.5. That doesn’t fly anymore. We know the tactics.

22. I really enjoyed Season 3 of Designated Survivor.

23. Don’t tell me “what”. Tell me “why”.

24. There’s way too much outrage/sadness over The Office and Friends eventually leaving Netflix.

25. Montez Ford has a chance to be the most entertaining person in wrestling within the next five years. Remember the name.

26. I’m always bothered when athletes complain about the weather in Toronto in the winter. As if it’s any different from New York, Chicago, Boston, Colorado, Philadelphia, etc.

26.5 I swear they think Canada is the North Pole.

27. I’m currently addicted to granola. I just want to eat it. All the time.

28. I went to a wedding as a kid and there were three forks set up at my spot. I still think about how unnecessary that was.

29. The NBA champion isn’t coming from LA next season.

30. If you watch a horse race on TV and mute the commentary, you realize there isn’t much movement for most of the race.

31. The fourth best player on an NBA team will make more money than the best player on an NHL team.

32. Big Brother needs to cast people who will actually play the game and not just form an alliance with half the house in the first week.

33. Based on pre-show interviews, Kemi was my favourite. I only half regret it because her gameplay is awful, but her attitude in the Diary Room is great.

34. Nicole is now my favourite because she “gets it”, but needs to work fast to organize her side of the house so they can go after the eight-person alliance.

35. Ain’t no sunshine when the blinds are drawn.

36. If you can’t knock their socks off, they’re already barefoot.

37. I have too many blog post ideas and not enough motivation to write them.

38. Do you think someone saw the success of Eminem and was like, “I should call myself Smar Tee or Mint Arrow”?

39. I don’t remember any of the promoted tweets I’ve scrolled past on Twitter.

40. Do animals know they’re in a zoo, or do they think it’s animal prison?

41. When an artist draws something, are they imagining the image in their head, or on the paper in front of them?

42. Social media is not here for the right reasons. It’s a thought-provoking trap. Don’t fall for it.

43. WordPress should have a feature where it lists bloggers who have the same writing style as you.

44. I turn my phone off during the night.

45. I wonder if the first two strangers who became internet friends know they were the first.

46. I’ve been running into a lot of coincidences lately. Like the other day I said “7:13 pm” in a blog post and then on TV I see a digital clock that says “7:13”.

46.5 This happens to me a lot. My mind is from the future.

47. Imagine sports were like movies: “Let’s remake the 1995 MLB season, but with a bigger budget and different actors.”

48. Twenty years from now, the year 2000 will still feel recent.

49. Once you make the switch to red grapes, there’s no going back to green grapes.

50. Someday is always so far away.