Welcome back to your favourite Tuesday tradition. I am Paul, she is Cass, and this is Viewing Notes. Roll the opening, hit the theme song, take one last sip of water.
Sorry, I’m just picturing this in my head as a video production. We should get a theme song though.
Cass’ thoughts will be less off-topic than mine and will appear in BOLD.
I’m not ready for this, you’re not ready for this. Let’s get this started.
~ Hometown numba one is Peter the Pilot.
~ I’ll bet you anything this date involves aviation.
~ I’m assuming they go flying on this date.
~ He picks her up in his Mercedes, which looks like a product placement.
~ Oh look, he’s taken her to an airport. They must be going snowshoeing.
~ Yeup, we’re flying.
~ Ohhhhhh right. Planes. Of course. Righteo.
~ He takes her up in a little, tiny private plane and they fly by the Bachelor mansion.
~ “Look, Hannah! It’s the house! The Bachelor house! That’s where I lived! I lived in that house! Yay!” – No one said this, I’m just bored
~ Peter’s parents are in the street, waving at the plane, as it flies over. Oh.
~ The only thing missing from this plane ride is a really big message written in a field for Hannah to read. Didn’t think of that one, did ya, Mr. Pilot?
~ Actually, that’s probably how he’ll propose one day.
~ Time to meet the family – Hannah’s meeting his parents and little brother, Jack.
~ They’ve got a banana yellow colour scheme going on in the house and I want banana pudding now.
~ Hannah’s nose is red again.
~ RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
~ Only took us nine episodes to make that a thing.
~ Peter looks like he’s 12.
~ “Are you ready for some Cuban food?” – Peter’s mom
~ Are they actually going to eat? I need the cameraman to pan down so I can see the food.
~ Brother Jack pulls Hannah aside to talk, while Peter Pilot talks to his mom in the backyard. This leaves his dad alone with the food!
~ Peter’s mom might be the best parent to ever be roped into appearing on this show.
~ “I’m really in need of a daughter.” – Peter’s mom, to Hannah
~ Peter and his dad are crying together in the backyard and the pillows on their chairs are yellow.
We interrupt these Viewing Notes for a song. Sing along if you know it.
~ Yo listen up, here’s the story, about a little family that lives in a yellow world, and all day and all night and everything they see is just yellow, like them, inside and outside, yellow their house with a yellow little window, and a yellow seat cushion, and everything is yellow for them, and their walls and everybody around, ’cause they ain’t got nobody to listen…to listen…to listen. They’re yellow and seem really mellow, the son is a nice fellow, they’re yellow and seem really mellow. – “Yellow” (2019)
~ This is what happens when Cass fast forwards.
~ It’s over. Hannah is off to hang out with her other boyfriends.
~ Peter’s street is really wide. Would be perfect for road hockey.
~ Hometown numba two, it’s Tyler time.
~ Basically the only date I actually want to watch tonight.
~ Hannah is in Jupiter, Florida to meet Tyler’s family. Tyler is dressed like he spends seven days a week at an expensive resort.
~ Lots of pastels on his person right now.
~ He’s taking her for a boat ride because…say it with me now….this. show. loves. boats.
~ But first, the application of sunscreen.
~ Can I volunteer for sunscreen time with Tyler? (I’m not even sorry for that one Paul).
~ I’m not even fazed anymore.
~ That’s one freaking nice boat.
~ Tyler points out the house he grew up in, which is right on the water.
~ Hahaha and here I am pretending to be Peter Pilot, pointing out the house he lived in. Gotta love when jokes come to life.
~ Time to meet the family and Tyler sees his dad for the first time since he got sick and almost died.
~ OMG TYLER & HIS DAD RIGHT NOW.
~ Tyler’s dad reminds me of Seth Hazlitt from Murder, She Wrote. Wonderful character. Not sure anyone will get this reference.
~ Hannah asks Tyler’s brothers if he’s ready to get engaged.
~ I don’t think Hannah takes Tyler seriously, or sees him as someone who could be the final one. Though he’s only 25, he’s probably the most mature guy there.
~ Tyler’s dad says he saw a look on Tyler’s face that told him he might be in love.
~ Hannah keeps asking his family members if Tyler’s ready.
~ Tyler’s dad and Peter’s mom will be inducted into the Bachelorette Parents Hall of Fame.
~ TYLER I’M HERE MARRY ME.
~ Tyler follows Hannah into her getaway car for more time.
~ How awkward must it be being the driver of these cars.
~ Word on the street (GET IT?) has it that the rear-view mirror covered its eyes.
~ It’s time for Luke’s hometown aka fast forward.
~ Hannah is with Luke in Gainesville, Georgia. I feel like they go to this town every season.
~ Is it just me or does Luke just look like he could turn into a werewolf at any moment?
~ CASS. BE NICE.
~ Luke brings her to a church group and proceeds to give a speech.
~ How many times are we gonna hear about this shower realization…
~ Hannah is now going around the room to hear people say nice things about Luke because she’s never heard anyone say anything nice about him.
~ Time to meet the family. Dad is named, Mike. Brother is named, Mike. Sister-in-law is named, Hannah. Luke is named, Luke.
~ Luke and Hannah tell them about how Luke has been causing trouble all season. Taylor Swift would write a song about it.
~ OMG, Luke’s family asking, “Why is he here” is literally all of us.
~ Luke’s brother tells Hannah all the good things about Luke.
~ Luke’s dad says Luke is the kind of guy who steps in when two guys are fighting. Oh, the juxtaposition.
~ Hannah seems happier with Luke, than she did with Tyler.
~ I had to skip the rest, I couldn’t.
~ Time to go on a date with Jed in Knoxville, Tennessee. Is everyone in Tennessee from Knoxville?
~ Hometown four starts with Jed picking Hannah up.
~ Jed admitted early on to coming on this show to further his music career, so of course he takes her to a music studio.
~ Another day, another guitar.
~ To be completely honest, going on this show will do nothing for your music career. No one watching is going to look up your songs.
~ It’s like saying, “Link in bio” and expecting people to click on it.
~ They sing a song together. No, it was not the duet: When You Say Nothing At All.
~ Time to meet the family. Based on the sunlight, it appears to be about 7:13PM.
~ I’m really good at looking outside and knowing what time of day it is. Just tooting my own horn here.
~ Jed’s dad pulls Jed away from dinner at the picnic table to try and understand what this whole process means.
~ “He lived his life before The Bachelorette.” – Jed’s mom
~ Jed’s mom tells Hannah that Jed has a different path for his life right now (music), which is to say he’s not ready to be engaged.
~ WOW, the talk Hannah & Jed’s mom had was a little interesting.
~ This whole family visit is about how Jed cares about his music.
~ Jed’s mom doesn’t think this is realistic. She’s going to get some votes for the Bachelorette Parents Hall of Fame.
~ So this whole hometown is literally all red freaking flags.
~ The hometown visit did not go like Hannah thought it would.
~ “Music”. Drink!
~ It is time for the Rose Ceremony, back at the Bachelor Mansion, where Chris Harrison looks refreshed after not having to do much in recent episodes.
~ Hannah is nervous, but on the surface she also looks nervous so the Eminem lyric doesn’t work here.
~ I really don’t like this green dress this week.
~ The music for this Rose Ceremony is too dramatic.
~ Peter Pilot gets the first rose.
~ Tyler gets the second rose.
~ Hannah leaves the room to think about her decision, as the guys huddle up.
~ I like how Peter, Jed & Tyler just cluster, leaving Luke out.
~ Chris Harrison tracks Hannah down to get the inside scoop.
~ “I don’t know what to do. I have four great men.” – Hannah
~ Hannah, you do not have four great men…you literally have one & his name is Tyler.
~ Hannah doesn’t feel like she’s had enough time to dive into the relationships and know.
~ Back to the boys chilling & talking shit.
~ Back to the ceremony!
~ She says she can’t give out a final rose, so Chris Harrison brings in two roses, which he HIDES BEHIND HIS BACK.
~ Chris is earning that paycheque this week.
~ Luke gets a rose.
~ Jed gets a rose.
~ I’M ACTUALLY SO MAD RIGHT NOW.
~ I literally have nothing to say.
~ Jed doesn’t feel good that she had a hard time deciding between him and a “scumbag” like Luke.
Thanks Paul for not letting me go through this alone & thanks for having me back. See you all in Greece next week.
Yes, see you all in Greece as we will be LIVE on location, following the cast around while hiding in folding chairs and behind stop signs and…oh what, that’s not what you meant? TOO LATE, I’m running with it.
Viewing Notes: Road Trip – next week on the blog. It’s gonna get Greece-y.
I am so tired.