I find myself in a Canadian conundrum. Do I wish you a “Happy Canada Day!” because I’m writing this on July 1st, or do I not wish you anything because it won’t be posted until July 2nd? Well, since two Canadians are writing this post, I’m just going to go ahead and say it.
YABBA DABBA DOO!
Ohh sorry, wrong holiday. Wrong blog post. Don’t ask. Let’s try that again…
Happy Canada Day!…or as our American readers call it, the First of July! I hope your syrup was sweet, but not too much – don’t want your pet beaver getting a cavity.
I’m going to shut up now and throw this over to my fellow Canadian, Cass, so we can get this moose on the road. Her comments will appear in BOLD.
Last week before hometowns, last week hanging out in Europe. Let’s do this, Paul.
~ We are in the Netherlands and Hannah is walking through a field of roses. She sounds like her nose is plugged and her voice is going…going…almost gone.
~ Is it just me or does Hannah sound sick?
~ “Are you okay, you sound like you’re a little sick?”
~ We knew it! Dr. Paul and Dr. Cass on the case.
~ There are seven guys left. Only four will remain by the end of the night.
~ Jed is getting the first date. They go buy some chocolates, skip down the sidewalk, and then end up on a boat because this show loves boats.
~ Knowing what we know, Jed sucks.
~ Now we get our annual, “We’re just sitting down at a table, getting advice from a local couple who have been married for decades” staged bit.
~ The fact they are talking to this little old couple is cute, but not, ’cause I hate you, Jed.
~ Back at the hotel, Tyler finds out he’s going on the second date.
~ Jed and Hannah are at
dinner tiny table time. Dinner would give the impression that they actually ate the food in front of them.
~ Hannah has really been rocking the suit sets this season.
~ SHE JUST TOLD JED SHE’S FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM. WHAT? THERE ARE SEVEN GUYS LEFT! YOU CAN’T DO THAT.
~ “I feel the same way and I’m…yeah, falling in love with you.” – Jed,
~ I need to fast-forward, I can’t listen to this.
~ Hannah just broke about 37 unwritten rules of this show.
~ Can we redo this scene? I’m not convinced they know more than four things about each other.
~ SOMEONE WAKE CHRIS HARRISON UP FROM HIS NAP TO INTERRUPT THIS.
~ Time for her date with Tyler and they’re going horseback riding on the sidewalk.
~ Oh, hi Tyler.
~ Hannah’s horse isn’t stopping for waffles on the street, but Tyler’s horse stops so he can get ice cream.
~ These horses right now are making this date.
~ They’ve parked the horses, so they can sit on a bench and talk.
~ It’s tiny table time again and they talk about how communication is important.
~ Tyler is really holding back from telling her how much he hates Luke.
~ Tyler gets a rose. Oh, I guess Jed got a rose on his date, too. I was distracted.
~ Tyler says he’s falling in love with her. She says nothing back.
~ Mike is getting the next one-on-one date.
~ Connor is mad he’s going on another group date. His one-on-one date earlier in the season was when Hannah was sick and he brought her soup.
~ Connor is now going to Hannah’s hotel room to talk to her. Nothing good will come of this.
~ What is with these boys just showing up to Hannah’s hotel room unannounced? I would be pissed if that was happening to me.
~ I wonder if she looked through the peephole and was like, “Ughhh now I have to pretend to be happy to see him.”
~ She tells him he’s faded on group dates.
~ This is like a really bad performance review.
~ Hannah says he should’ve done this weeks ago when she was like, “Where’s Connor on these dates?”
~ So she’s kept him around all this time for what reason?
~ Now she’s giving the, “There are other relationships that I have stronger feelings with” speech.
~ So I guess Connor is going home…
~ Connor is going home.
~ I wonder how much the producers influenced Connor to go talk to her, knowing she’d send him home. Four people on the group date later would’ve been too much.
~ Time for Mike’s date. They are going to roam around on bikes. “Bike with Mike”, she says.
~ Next week, they go “Tan-nah with Hannah”.
~ They’ve ended up at an art studio and are going to draw each other. Hannah draws Mike, but it looks like a clown.
~ I would be awful at this. They say people who can’t dance have two left feet. Well I have two left hands because I can’t draw.
~ I should do a blog series where you request me to draw something and I do it, and post the picture. Paulo Picasso Presents….
~ A professional is now drawing a portrait of them.
~ Wait what? All of a sudden they’re talking on a bridge. Do we not get to see the final art product?
~ AHHH, Mike is literally the sweetest.
~ Mike keeps talking to the camera about potentially proposing to her.
~ This is a very disjointed episode, they’re trying to cram so much in.
~ Hannah is now staring at art on a wall and bawling her eyes out because maybe the artwork reflects her current situation? I don’t know. I don’t get paid to analyze art.
~ So, she’s all ready for dinner & she’s standing there crying, this can’t be good. TURN AROUND, MIKE.
~ Mike joins her for tiny table time. She is still crying.
~ Hannah says there was a painting that encompasses everything she’s going through. Wow. Maybe I should get paid to analyze art!
~ Sponsors, can you hear me?
~ Hannah is crying even harder now as she informs Mike that she is not going to be the fourth lady in his life.
~ Note: Mike has three important women in his life and was looking for a fourth.
~ Hannah sending Mike home is literally breaking my heart.
~ He was clearly the only one who was here for the right reasons.
~ I need a cry break – give me 5.
~ Did Hannah just realize over the course of this date that her and Mike weren’t meant to be? What about the last seven weeks?
~ Where is Chris Harrison to ask the tough questions?
~ Back at the hotel: “We got a 5 foot 8 villain” – Tyler talking about Luke.
~ While they argue, Mike’s suitcase gets removed from the hotel room. The guys blame Luke for Mike’s departure.
~ Jed & Tyler giving a little pre-group date pep talk is what I need before work tomorrow.
~ Garrett, Peter Pilot, and Luke are going on the group date. Garrett says, “the bad guy is going home.” Oh, so that means Luke is staying. Thank you, editing.
~ They sit in front of a table of fruit and deli meats. Luke steals Hannah away, leaving the other two with the food!!!!
~ “Do you want to steal the two roses & run?” – at least Pete & Garrett are trying to make light of this.
~ Luke immediately starts talking about what the other guys have been saying to him.
~ Luke throwing the guys under the bus less than two seconds into his “talk”.
~ Hannah doesn’t know why people won’t be nice to Luke.
~ This show has been on TV since 1835 and every season, there is one person who the group doesn’t like, but the lead person does. And the lead is always like, “What do they see that I don’t?” EVERYTHING. THEY SEE EVERYTHING.
~ The same storylines pop up every season, it’s just a different cast.
~ Hannah is now confronting Garrett about his comments toward Luke.
~ Garrett now confronts Luke about I DON’T EVEN CARE ANYMORE.
~ So, this little argument between Garrett & Luke is pretty freaking ridiculous.
~ These people go on this show to “fall in love” with someone they have limited time with and then they spend their time talking about HER OTHER BOYFRIENDS.
~ I’m sure they talk about other stuff, but the show never lets us see it. It would be refreshing if we had a season where we got to know everyone rather than watching them talk about each other.
~ I’m taking this way too seriously.
~ Luke is now standing over Garrett and yelling in his face.
~ Luke just dropped a pile of bologna on Garrett. Oh, he done did it now.
~ Phony bologna?
~ That bologna deserved a better life.
~ Next week, the Deli Meat of America sends in its heavy artillery for revenge in an episode called: Revenge of the Mortadella.
~ That’s the best I could do. I’ve lost all my energy to be funny.
~ Oh wait, now Luke & Pete are arguing.
~ Peter Pilot is talking to Hannah now and overuses the word, “like”.
~ Hannah gives the first rose to Peter Pilot.
~ OMG Tyler jumping on Pete when he gets back to the hotel. #priceless
~ The night portion is a 2-on-1 with Garrett and Luke. Yeah, they definitely encouraged Connor to go talk to Hannah so she could send him home. I can’t picture this being a 3-on-1 right now.
~ Luke talks to Hannah about his faith. Some would call this a last ditch Hail Mary to score some points.
~ Garrett tells Hannah he loves her.
~ It’s time for Hannah to decide which voice in her head she will keep alive.
~ Luke is getting the rose ahahahahahahaha, I told you this would happen about half an hour ago.
~ HOLY SHIT, LUKE P. OVER GARRETT.
~ I AM JUST SO DONE WITH THIS DAMN SHOW.
~ I honestly shouldn’t be as shocked as I am, but like I’m shook.
~ Garrett might be the only person in this show’s history to wear a seatbelt in the car as he’s sent home.
~ The guys at the hotel are mad.
~ Peter Pilot, Jed, Tyler, and Luke will bring Hannah home to meet their families next week.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go mourn the loss of Connor, Mike, & Garrett (3 of my top 5 for this season)…..
And I need to go feed my pet beaver, or something.
What are your thoughts on last night’s episode? Let us know below.