Aaron’s Surprise Birthday Party

SURPRISE!

We, here at The Captain’s Speech, like to make dreams come true. On January 10, Aaron from The Confusing Middle posted a list of 100 random facts about himself. Here are two facts that stood out to me.

Fact #1: I was born on March 6, 1980.

Fact #66: More than anything, I would love to have someone throw me a surprise birthday party at some point, but I don’t think it’s ever going to happen.

Upon reading that, I knew what I had to do, and instantly starting writing this post.

Aaron and I have been friends on WordPress for several years, running speed walking in the same blog circle. We’ve seen bloggers come and go, and then come back, only to leave again. Hey, maybe we’re the problem? Wow, this got depressing.

As bloggers, we take care of our own. So, Aaron, welcome to your WordPress surprise birthday party! I think we’re making history here.

We have confetti cannons, a piñata, and everyone’s favourite party game – Pin The Compliment on the Canadian. For those of you who don’t know how to play, it’s very simple. You grab a Canadian and give them a compliment.

The game ends when a Canadian has thanked you four times for your compliment.

Anyway, would you like a tour of the party set-up? Sure you do!

We’re in a giant room. Some say it’s a square, some say it’s a rectangle, and some say a square is a rectangle, but we have those people removed. I have no time for quadrilateral truthers on a day like today.

The floor is a nice soft carpet that absorbs spills. A certain section of it can transform into a trampoline at the push of a button. That’s right, it’s a carpoline!

Carpoline may or may not mean “car pool lane” in Italian, but in English it’s just an arranged marriage between the words, “carpet” and “trampoline”.

If the trampoline isn’t enough, we have bouncy castles standing by. All you have to do is give the signal and we’ll stop everything we’re doing to put air in them.

There’s also supposed to be a trap door somewhere in here, but I haven’t found it yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

*Shouting from the bottom of a hole* – FOUND IT!

Hanging from the ceiling is a flat screen TV that will be showing Back To The Future on loop.

Is there food? You bet there is! I understand that you’re currently in the middle of Whole30, so we do have foods that are in compliance with that.

However, we also have pizza and cake because it’s not a birthday party without pizza and cake. Actually, we have two cakes…kinda. We have two cakes that form a Venn diagram.

The overlapping part of the Venn Diagram – where the cakes meet in the middle – has a bunch of question marks on it. To coincide with the name of your blog, your cake is also, The Confusing Middle.

Bam! Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

Oh, look what it is! It’s the official mascot of your birthday! And by “mascot”, I mean it’s a person named Humphrey Benjamin Davis, wearing a suit, and no mask because apparently that freaks people out. You can call him, HBD.

Rumour has it, if you rub his stomach, cupcakes fall from the ceiling. Don’t worry, they fall with grace, as each one is attached to a mini parachute. That’s just a rumour though, since the Cupcake Ceiling Drop (that’s what we called it) malfunctioned during dress rehearsal.

The frosting got caught in the ceiling fans and it was not a pretty sight. That’s how we found out the carpet was absorbent, actually.

What else? Oh, right!

If, at any point, all these people are too much for you to be around – we’ve set up a small, soundproof box that you can hop in and avoid us for a little bit.

We call it the Sorta-Porta because it’s sorta like a porta-potty, but minus the…well, you know.

There is a lot more I can tell you about your party, but I think I’ll let you discovery the rest on your own.

Just know, your blog friends are here, which means every interaction will end in a “like” or a temptation to “follow” closely behind them. We call that a Conga Line.

Anyway, I hope you have the best birthday and this surprise party is everything you never imagined, and more.

Happy Birthday, Aaron!

At this time, I’ll like to invite everyone to wish Aaron a Happy Birthday and yell “Surprise” in the comments section, so he gets the full experience and can pretend to be surprised multiple times over.