The Childchewer

I never thought this would happen. After a few years of asking, one of my good friends in real life has finally agreed to guest post on my blog. 

Her name is Raman. Her nickname is Noodles. Her name backwards is Namar. We met in 2014 and haven’t seen each other since then because we’d both rather stay home. We talk often about pretty much anything, but also go through stretches of two to three weeks with no contact because the other person left too long of a reply and it’s too much of a hassle to respond to all of it.

Did I mention we’re really good friends, though?

Now then, please put your hands together, and then apart, and then together again – you know, the clapping thing – and give a warm WordPress welcome to Raman! 

Greetings people of WordPress! I’m a special guest on Paul’s blog today. I’ve never written a blog post before! My area of specialization is academic research and education, so please be easy and forgive me if this ends up being a bit dry.

How do you start a blog post off? Do I need to introduce myself? I suppose that’ll help ease any creepy vibes.

So…Hi there! My name is Raman…

…I actually can’t tell you much else because I’m a teacher and we like to be extra secretive online so our kids don’t find out we’re actual people. That really is all you need to know, though!

Now, when Paul asked me to write for his blog, naturally I had no idea what to do. How the hay do I entertain people? What should I write about? Will I be able to measure up to Paul’s level of sarcasm?!

And then an idea came to me.

Reading Paul’s blog, you get a feeling of how Paul sees the world, and you may have formed a view of him based on these blog posts. I know that many of you also do not live in Toronto so you’ve never met Paul in person.

That got me thinking. Have you ever wondered how someone whose actually met Paul in REAL LIFE actually sees Paul?

PRESENTING: The story of how Paul and I became friends

(The title is a work in progress. Could be catchier. Will take suggestions.)

Flashback to 2014

January 2014, I had just gotten out of a relationship and in an attempt to change my life around, I decided to join the dancing club at my university. Now keep in mind that I had (and still have) two left feet, so this was huge for me. A fellow member and I bonded over our lack of coordination, and she later told me she was recruiting people for the camp she worked at. I had nothing to do that summer, so I thought, “why not?”

July 2014 comes around and I’m having so much fun at camp. I had the 3 – 5 year-olds and they were so cute! They were still waddling and followed me around like little ducklings…

What was this post about again? Oh right, Paul.

My kids were too young to go swimming, so I would stay back with them while the older kids went swimming. There were a few older kids that couldn’t go swimming for various reasons, and so their counsellors would drop them off to me before they went swimming, so I could watch them.

On one of these swim days, I see this counsellor I had barely spoken to before, approach me with some of his kids. I remember thinking he was:

• 6’7 (I had to look up when speaking to him)
• Intimidating (mostly because he was twice my size)
• Super athletic (mostly because he was in the sports camp group)
• Scary

It looked like he ATE children, not worked with them at a camp. He was then crowned, “The Childchewer” (in my head of course).

At the end of camp, I coordinated a staff breakfast for all the employees, and Paul and I ended up talking about pancakes. Later he messaged me over Facebook (this was in 2014, folks) and sent me a picture of him making pancakes at university. He can probably fill you in on what that was about because in all honesty I don’t really remember the exact story behind this.

We began talking every day and slowly but surely I realized that…we have almost NOTHING IN COMMON.

Paul doesn’t like sushi or burritos??? He doesn’t like hot chocolate, chocolate milk or tea?

THIS is the guy you’ve been following for years now???

I could go on about all the things that make Paul well…Paul, but I guess the most important thing I realized is that despite not having very much in common, we’re super great friends…oh and he’s not actually a child chewer.

So that’s the story about how Paul and I met, and became friends. I guess the lesson here is to not judge a book by its cover, or something like that???

Well, there you have it. I’m sure this piece was a little different and I almost went the whole post without mentioning pizza and buffets, but I hope you enjoyed it!

Thanks, Raman! I think I might have to write a post in response to all this, just to tell my side of the story. We’ll see what the public outcry is like.

Feel free to leave your thoughts in a comment below! I know Raman is looking forward to reading them.

Also, if you want more guest posts from her that divulge more information about our friendship and how I’m a harmless, friendly, and welcoming individual, let us know!