The Childchewer

I never thought this would happen. After a few years of asking, one of my good friends in real life has finally agreed to guest post on my blog. 

Her name is Raman. Her nickname is Noodles. Her name backwards is Namar. We met in 2014 and haven’t seen each other since then because we’d both rather stay home. We talk often about pretty much anything, but also go through stretches of two to three weeks with no contact because the other person left too long of a reply and it’s too much of a hassle to respond to all of it.

Did I mention we’re really good friends, though?

Now then, please put your hands together, and then apart, and then together again – you know, the clapping thing – and give a warm WordPress welcome to Raman! 

Greetings people of WordPress! I’m a special guest on Paul’s blog today. I’ve never written a blog post before! My area of specialization is academic research and education, so please be easy and forgive me if this ends up being a bit dry.

How do you start a blog post off? Do I need to introduce myself? I suppose that’ll help ease any creepy vibes.

So…Hi there! My name is Raman…

…I actually can’t tell you much else because I’m a teacher and we like to be extra secretive online so our kids don’t find out we’re actual people. That really is all you need to know, though!

Now, when Paul asked me to write for his blog, naturally I had no idea what to do. How the hay do I entertain people? What should I write about? Will I be able to measure up to Paul’s level of sarcasm?!

And then an idea came to me.

Reading Paul’s blog, you get a feeling of how Paul sees the world, and you may have formed a view of him based on these blog posts. I know that many of you also do not live in Toronto so you’ve never met Paul in person.

That got me thinking. Have you ever wondered how someone whose actually met Paul in REAL LIFE actually sees Paul?

PRESENTING: The story of how Paul and I became friends

(The title is a work in progress. Could be catchier. Will take suggestions.)

Flashback to 2014

January 2014, I had just gotten out of a relationship and in an attempt to change my life around, I decided to join the dancing club at my university. Now keep in mind that I had (and still have) two left feet, so this was huge for me. A fellow member and I bonded over our lack of coordination, and she later told me she was recruiting people for the camp she worked at. I had nothing to do that summer, so I thought, “why not?”

July 2014 comes around and I’m having so much fun at camp. I had the 3 – 5 year-olds and they were so cute! They were still waddling and followed me around like little ducklings…

What was this post about again? Oh right, Paul.

My kids were too young to go swimming, so I would stay back with them while the older kids went swimming. There were a few older kids that couldn’t go swimming for various reasons, and so their counsellors would drop them off to me before they went swimming, so I could watch them.

On one of these swim days, I see this counsellor I had barely spoken to before, approach me with some of his kids. I remember thinking he was:

  • 6’7 (I had to look up when speaking to him)
  • Intimidating (mostly because he was twice my size)
  • Super athletic (mostly because he was in the sports camp group)
  • Scary

It looked like he ATE children, not worked with them at a camp. He was then crowned, “The Childchewer” (in my head of course).

At the end of camp, I coordinated a staff breakfast for all the employees, and Paul and I ended up talking about pancakes. Later he messaged me over Facebook (this was in 2014, folks) and sent me a picture of him making pancakes at university. He can probably fill you in on what that was about because in all honesty I don’t really remember the exact story behind this.

We began talking every day and slowly but surely I realized that…we have almost NOTHING IN COMMON.

Paul doesn’t like sushi or burritos??? He doesn’t like hot chocolate, chocolate milk or tea?

THIS is the guy you’ve been following for years now???

I could go on about all the things that make Paul well…Paul, but I guess the most important thing I realized is that despite not having very much in common, we’re super great friends…oh and he’s not actually a child chewer.

So that’s the story about how Paul and I met, and became friends. I guess the lesson here is to not judge a book by its cover, or something like that???

Well, there you have it. I’m sure this piece was a little different and I almost went the whole post without mentioning pizza and buffets, but I hope you enjoyed it!

Thanks, Raman! I think I might have to write a post in response to all this, just to tell my side of the story. We’ll see what the public outcry is like.

Feel free to leave your thoughts in a comment below! I know Raman is looking forward to reading them.

Also, if you want more guest posts from her that divulge more information about our friendship and how I’m a harmless, friendly, and welcoming individual, let us know!

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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47 Responses to The Childchewer

  1. micqu says:

    Hi Paul, hi Raman. Thank you for this entertaining post. I am quite glad that the 6’7 scary childchewing giant turned out to be harmless and friendly pizza- and pancake eater. Have a nice day.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. MicheleMariePoetry says:

    Cute! And as far as teachers being real people, I once told a teacher, “I envy you, because I see
    on Facebook that you and your teacher friends meet on Friday nights for your book club. ” She smiled at me, cat-like, and said, “Michele, ‘book club’ is code for our meeting at the bars!!!” Duh. I was so naive.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. 6’7, a childchewer AND you don’t like chocolate milk?! It’s like I never even knew you, Paul! The bubble has been broken! Im so disillusioned right now!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. J♡ says:

    Great first post Raman! Childchewer 😂. The fact that Paul doesn’t like burritos or hot chocolate, still makes him a bit sketchy in my book lol. Have a great day, you two! ☺

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Lol well I can’t say I’ve ever had a burrito so…. Also, I’m scarred from burning my tongue with hot chocolate when I was 5. It also tasted bad. Hope I can earn back your trust!

      Liked by 2 people

      • J♡ says:

        I think I need glasses ’cause I thought I read, you’ve never had a burrito?! The hot chocolate thing makes sense though; that sucks, I’m sorry. It probably tasted bad because you burned those tastebuds. Trust…do you at least drink coffee? This is a big factor…😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        I do not drink coffee…
        I don’t drink any hot drinks…….

        Please don’t unfollow me.

        Liked by 2 people

      • J♡ says:

        Oh dear *sigh*
        Since I base my friend choices and blogs I follow solely on their food/beverage choices….😜

        Nah, you’re cool and I like your sense of humor. I think I’ll stick around if that’s alright?!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Bryan Fagan says:

    A 6’7 Canadian??? WTF???? You hate chocolate milk but you still buy milk in a bag? My mind is blown.

    On the flip side this kind person who took over your blog admitted that a friendship was born by way of kindness and nothing more. That is the kind of world I like.

    This made my day. Thank you Paul for allowing your friend to share her world for just a little bit.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Ha! This is hilarious Raman, so nice to meet you. Got a small reminder of who Paul is and learned some new things! Love it 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Authoress51 says:

    Awesome introduction to you and Paul. You never know about these WordPress people, until you read the inside scoop. The ChildChewer. Now, that would make a great book title.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. peckapalooza says:

    This is priceless! Childchewer… I wish I had a nickname that was nearly that epic. Mostly I just get inappropriate uses of my last name. I’ll leave it at that.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Manessah B. says:

    Oh this is so awesome! You two have so much personality and this energy really shows in this post! It just lifts my spirits. It’s so awesome to have a friendship like you guys have. They are rare and truly one of the best gifts in the world. Glad you were not a Childchewer! Lol

    Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Little Rants says:

    The childchewer bit was hilarious. 😆 I thought I was the only one that kept thinking you were seven feet tall.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. rebbit7 says:

    So nice to read Raman’s post! It’s a refreshing take on guest blogging as you’re bringing someone you know IRL to do so. Cute to see how you two met. It’d be nice to read more similar posts soon!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Pingback: Chew On This | The Captain's Speech

  13. lindasschaub says:

    Hmmm – You never mixed Quik or Bosco into your white milk either Paul? Maybe white milk makes you tall as I drank more of it than chocolate milk and I’m 5′ 9″ tall (and I’m a Canuck, not that that makes a difference as to height – I don’t believe they grow people taller in my homeland). No wonder you intimidated this sweet young petite girl back in the day Thank you for introducing us to Raman and I always love a backstory of how good friends met.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Nope, was never a mixer of items in my milk. Didn’t even like when I dunked cookies and crumbs would break off in the milk. Not sure if milk made us tall, but I’ve never broken a bone before so I guess it’s held me together just fine over the years! Glad you enjoyed this post!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Breakthrough Veil says:

    Lol! I felt as if Paul was my friend with nothing in common, that I couldn’t quit!!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Dutch Lion says:

    Hey Childchewer, how tall are you?

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Ely says:

    Hi Namar!! I mean Raman!! I’m going to have to see some ID because I’m not sure I believe who’s telling the truth about your name here ok?! Lol! This was so awesome, especially since I always tell Paul he seems like he’d be 76 feet tall in person and I need to climb 4 ladders to reach the cereal in my not so high cabinets.. speaking of which, he eats children but not FROSTED FREAKIN FLAKES! He’s basically a really talented and down to Earth alien, am I right?! No BURRITOS?! Red flags everywhere, just tell us who sent you Paul- which planet. Lol ok I’ll stop being a burrito bully.
    I think it’s hysterical how all my teacher friends say the same thing like they’re not allowed to be humans with lives because it’s against the teacher society social codes LOL. I’d be fired on my first day. There’s nothing secretive or discreet or quiet about me.
    Anyways, you’re writing was in no way boring or dull- it was alive and bright! I’m a really strong believer that we ALL have writers within us and we should never be afraid to let that out and express ourselves. At the end of it all, writing is just the little voice inside. It’s effortless, really. It was a pleasure reading your guest post!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Raman/Namar loved this comment. She’ll be messaging me “I AM ALIVE AND BRIGHT” for weeks thanks to you. She’s already been saying “I’M A GIFT” ever since someone said that in her comment. A monster has been created, save me Ely!

      I eat Forn Clakes….uh Corn Flakes…..does that count as something close to Frosted Flakes? Why do they have to be frosted??

      And yes, I am an alien from Pluto. When I came to Earth they rearranged the letter to form Potul but the way they wrote the “ot” was weird and it looked like an “a” so therefore my name is PAUL. WOOOO

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Ely says:

    :::taps the mic:::: is this thing on Paul?! Did my 4 paragraph comment come through? Ok cool lol

    Liked by 1 person

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